You'll get to know the unicorn Vigilant who just woke up to one of the most satisfying feelings and a black carapace instead of his normal hide. With the help of misunderstandings, prejudices and fear he craves for a way to heal his family.
Oh and I really suggest to you to read The Metamorphosis by Kafka because it's weird and tragic...though I only really like the first point...
This story was edited and advised by the glorious Warrior Kitten!
Oh! And I made the Cover Image myself. Guess which eye it is. Left or right?
Chapters (3)
Well, there are a few grammar mistakes here and there, like " The strains o for where increasing a little bit.", and a few stylistic choices that left me surprised, like the use of exclamation marks, to my eyes a bit too generous, and the dialogues, sounding somehow mechanical from time to time.
If you are new to the English language, I'd suggest you to find a few handbooks on it (the evergreen The Elements of Style, for example), and read them; also, if you are not sure about a line, try to google it, you should be able to find any mistakes in a moment.
More importantly, stay proud and remember that those three thumbs down are not reviews nor comments; I believe that your idea to make a parody (and of such a famous and beautiful short story, at that) is brave, and with bravery should be carried on.
Believe in your stories and writing, and they will believe in you.
2074067 Thanks for the advice! I will correct the mistake and take your counsels to heart.
PS: Neat icon. Is this Don Quijote? *focus on windmills*
I've read that, and found it decently amusing. Especially when you realize he accepts becoming a cockroach so fast. This can be interesting if you do it right. I've thought about making a pony version of Metamorphosis, just I never really did. I still may do a pony crossover of a few stories from my World Literature class. It's the only class I found humorous due to logical fallacies in theme and setting of stories. Of course it helps since I just recently began reading a lot more books.
2074253 Yes, in the beginning I had to smile several times. Though it's getting sadder the further the story progresses. Well, at least these are my sentiments..
I had this idea about a month ago, guess I should've written it then!
Well, anyway, looks like the beginnings of a good story. I liked the original version, so let's see where this goes.
I have yet to read Kafka's original story, but I have been told that it was a metaphor for a crippled man's drain on his family's financial and emotional resources (the reason he's depicted as becoming a parasitic bug), and his slow decent into isolation. Thank God for modern medicine, wheel chairs, and prosthetic limbs.
So, yeah, depressing as Tartarus. No wonder Squaresoft named the Big Bad of FF6 after that author.
Of seems like a paragraph section is duplicated, the part where the father boasts the door down. ;)f
It was interesting, after a fashion. Much was left to the imagination, but the point gets across.
3909753 Thanks! That was the goal!
Also, critique:
It's a good story idea, but the actual story is a bit rushed, try to slow the story down a bit, get more emotions from the family and others that are involved and overall, show, don't tell.