Just a little gore fic I started writing because I was feeling malicious at the time.
Right then, so in Manehattan a greater demon is summoned to inhabit the body of a recently deceased mare. The demon (that I have dubbed Cherub) wants nothing more than to see the world bathed in blood, but thanks to the "rules of punishment" clause in the "demonic code of conduct handbook" he can only horribly murder the ponies that are
already headed for Tartarus. And as such the crime rate in Manehattan drops severely, the Elements of Harmony will be used again, Vinyl scratch might make a new friend.
And maybe a being born from hate that knows only pain will learn to care. My guess is probably not.
Oh yes, and the CMC are in there somewhere
Chapters (3)
Wow... not even up for ten minutes and there's already a downvote.
To whoever downvoted without even reading, you make me sad
2070065 Ehh... no i don't think its death note. its more along the lines of sentient necromorph. Also, don't let the cover pic mislead you, Cherub is neither a unicorn, black, and red, or any variable definition of a living creature. Another thing, while Cherub is certainly overpowered, it has no way of harming either princess, or the elements. Those three things being the only ones that can send it back to Tartarus
This is already a terrible start, not that it isn't a good hook, but it's not. It's just a bad way to start the story. Setting up the setting is a very typical thing to do. Many readers will refuse to read a story if it has beginnings like this.
This could have been a better introduction to her name.
Alright, feel lucky I haven't read something like this before. However it has a certain... Elfen Lied to it. It really reminds me of that anime. The main character is overpowered, but I mean it is a satanic monster from hell. My question is, where do her morals lie? I understand the whole I'm a killer with a conscious, but it's been a little overdone. However, this is intersting enough to read, maybe you could add another chapter to really set it off. I feel like I'm being teased by this prologue. Then I will give you a real review.
Final Verdict: My raging hard on begs for more plot, otherwise you are a tease sir.
2070442 Thanks for the tip on the start, I'll try to improve on that with the next chapter.
The reason I introduced her name like that is because I thought of it in the middle of writing that sequence and didn't feel like changing the rest of the story. As for her morals... she has none, the only reason she isn't brutally murdering every living thing she encounters is because she is contractually bound under pain of eternal torture the likes of Beelzebub himself fears. I'll get more into that later.
Cunt vagina waffle dicks
2070721 Interesting. Do go on
2070676 I can't wait.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/33683209.jpg
Hehe...cool, now I feel pressured to get it done on time>>2070769
2070786 I write too, so take your time, no rush. Make it quality over quickness.
2070802 I quite agree with this sentiment. There are few things I find more annoying than a story that came out badly because the writer didn't feel like going over their work more than once.
Also, quick note to those who comment on this page. I will delete any and all comments that criticize my work without reason... Unless I find it amusing
I love these kinds of things. I hate to see stories downvited instantly (it happened to me) I am one who liked this story and will (im)patiently wait for an update
2070823 I love all the hate, it's the fucking prologue. Maybe you should have waited until you wrote the first chapter before posting it. Sorry, but they do raise a valid point. There are so many people who write O.C's to be overpowered, and the O.C is overpowered, but it isn't a self insert O.C with the same name as the author. On top of that there is so much to this story that hasn't been revealed.
2070844>>2070802 I forgot to post this earlier. So thank you both for at least reading before you judged. It makes me cry a little from the happyness
Also, like I said on my page, I expect to have the next chapter up around Thursday, so it might actually be earlier than that
Please excuse me for ignoring any posts for the next couple hours, I'm going to be working on the next chapter. Also, if you have any ideas for what I could do with the story, feel free to say
2070886 Real reviews only happen from reading them, so if someone says your story sucks without giving a reason, you can usually ignore them. When it's a bash, and they tell you it's a bash, take the story down immediately. Don't be stubborn like this guy. Trust me, we had a field day on him.
Cherub's are a choir of angel, not demons.
2070996 I know. part of the reason I named her that was in the hopes that someone would catch it, the other part is that I find the irony amusing.
2070944 That made me laugh... Alot. The best part is that the story's still there.
Curse you for keeping me here when I should be writing.
Fluttershy!? Oh no