When a smuggler ready to die, is the given the choice of becoming a member of the Lunar Guard, he has no idea what he has gotten himself into. Will war come to the peaceful Equestria? Will Gallant Quill reunite with his family? Above all, why did he try to end his life?
A big thanks to Vidi Kitty for proof-reading and editing this!
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Love it. Faved and liked.
Sounds like it's missing an OC tag
2109985
Fixed.
I approve of this........continue
Kick his ass, rookie. Rip out his trachea and put it in upside-down, so the next time he talks, he'll sound like a mare!
2117731
Not really Gallant's style, that seems so inefficient. I mean why would you put the trachea back in? That just makes them slightly more dead than they were when you took it out in the first place.
2120570 DO IT SURGICALLY!
it's not a bad tale, but are you going a bit fast? We just breezed through training and a 3-week sword forging in a couple chapters.
2122187
Actually I had some concerns about that as well. Though the main reason that was done is not to try and skip a lot of time, but because not a whole lot actually happened in either of those time frames. Though I've never been to basic training myself, my best friend is in the Army and the thing that he remembers most is not from basic at all, but from AIT which typically comes after basic. During the sword making, I promise you, I could've written 500 words and it literally would;ve been "Woke up, worked on sword, ate, worked on sword, went to bathroom, worked on sword, slept... insomnia, worked on sword."
TL;DR It's about to get a lot more interesting.
Time to consult my sources on whether or not I shall read this...
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/072/e/3/madame_pinkie_reveals_all_by_thedracojayproduct-d4sp3v0.jpg
Crystal ball says yes!
I'll get back to you with my thoughts.
So I read the prologue, and I like your story so far.
"She looked towards to find him, to find him staring at her."
That's the only bit that bugged me. Personally I would ditch the comma and just say 'simply starting at her'.
Like I said, other than that, looking good so far and I'm gonna keep reading this. Want me to keep pointing weirdness or errors out for you as I go?
2201238
Yes please, I suck at grammar and I often write these chapters at like 4 in the morning. Thanks for reading though!
Reading through the first chapter.
"However, because there were very few Lunar Guard recruits, Gallant was going to be doing his initial training with the Royal Guard, before moving to being trained by actual Lunar Guards in what protecting the night meant."
Had to read that sentence over a few times to understand it completely. End it after Royal Guard, and change the rest to something like " From there he would move on to training with the Lunar Guard and learn what protecting the night entailed." You also missed the s on recruits in the paragraph after.
"It seemed that Gallant’s reputation as a smuggler and someone who could get things, was known even here."
Would more sense after Thunder introduces himself and comments on Gallant's past talents. Its too preemptive as is.
"The burning anger that had lit Gallant’s eyes during the initial attack."
Sounds like you missed the word faded at the end of that.
That's all that really stood out to me. Gonna dig into the next chapter sometime tonight.
First off, Discord's my favorite villain and I think what you did with him is amazing. Not only does he bend the laws of physics to his will and is a god-like being, but he plays mind games (which I love) with everypony. He doesn't have to use his powers, he just says the right thing to get inside your head and makes you helpless; What you did with Discord is utterly brilliant.
2209662
Hey thanks! That's pretty much what I was going for! Discord's greatest strength, I think, was that he knew how to bend someone with only a few words. Also Celestia does this, though the consequences are much less apparent.
Ohoho! This is good.
I love that ending
It's too bad this story isn't being continued. It's really good.