A Deal With The Devil

by Legacy55

Epilogue

A light rain fell on Twilight as she pushed open the old, rusty gate. Continuing down the small dirt path, she glanced around at the various withered tombstones. The majority of them were adorned with names and short phrases, but some had grown unreadable after years upon years of erosion. As she passed a smaller one on her left, she spotted a bouquet of brilliant red flowers, no doubt left by a loved one or family member.

After a minute of walking, Twilight arrived at the much newer section of the cemetery. The tombstones were much cleaner and readable now, some even being made of a beautiful marble that would have normally captured the sun’s rays to give it a brilliant shine. However she paid little attention to these expensive memorials, and finally came to stop in front of a small, simple tombstone. Engraved upon it were the words, Here lies Orion; he gave his life for not only Equestria, but his lover Twilight.

Looking at it she couldn’t help but shed a few tears, and as her lip quivered she placed down the bouquet of roses she had kept locked in her mouth. Taking a step back she admired the simple stone, knowing for certain that Orion would have been fine with it.

It was a Sunday like every other, where Twilight would visit his grave to pay her respects. It had been a month since he had died, and Discord’s chaos had all but disappeared. It was now in most ponies’ minds just a bad memory, a nightmare that had passed with the night.

Twilight sniffed before raising her head. Though she still missed Orion just as much as she did that day, she knew now it was the only option. It was the only way Equestria and herself could have been saved. And deep down, she knew what the stallion had said was true. She would find love one day.

Maybe, maybe tomorrow’s the day where I should finally start looking for a stallion again… It’s what Orion would want, for me to move on… Twilight thought to herself as she continued to stare at the grave. I have been getting a lot more attention now, what with me partially saving Equestria and all.

She giggled to herself quietly as she was reminded of an event that had transpired just two days ago. She was in town and she was just heading to pick up lunch when a stallion had smirked at her. She had returned his smile, blushing a deep red the whole time. Of course there was still the lingering thought of Orion in her mind, and she felt some sort of obligation to keep faithful to him.

But know as she continued to stare at his simple headstone she began to think differently. It was about time to start looking for love, and with time she would get over Orion. This of course didn’t mean she would forget him, she was absolutely certain the dark blue stallion would stay in her memory forever. And she would still visit his grave every Sunday, no matter how bad the weather was.

Wiping away the tears that had ran down her face, she stared at the grave for a few more moments. Finally thinking she had stayed long enough, she turned away and paced out of the cemetery. As she went the image of the stallion still stayed in her mind. His jet black mane, his handsome chiseled face, and his intense blue eyes that still felt like they were staring at her. She was so lost in thought that she bumped into a stallion just outside of the cemetery.

“Oh, I’m so sorry miss!” He quickly apologized, scrambling to get up before hurrying over to her. He extended a hoof and helped her up, instantly becoming lost in her gorgeous face.

“N-no, it was my fault… Sorry…” Twilight quickly replied, once again blushing a dark red as she avoided his adorable brown eyes.

The two ponies stared at each other for some time, lost in thought and bliss as they were unable to speak. Finally after a few minutes Twilight was able to speak up. “M-my name’s Twilight. Twilight Sparkle.”

His eyes instantly sparkled as he recognized her. “Twilight Sparkle? You’re the mare who saved Equestria from Discord!”

Twilight blushed again as she smiled at him. She was somewhat glad that she was once again recognized as a hero, even though Orion did far more than her. Most ponies had forgotten what she and the other Element bearers had done two years ago. “Yes, yes I did…”

“Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you!” He said with a great enthusiasm. “Listen uh…” He stated awkwardly as he placed a hoof behind his head. “Would you, I don’t know… Want to have lunch with me?”

Twilight once again gave him a warm hearted smile. “I’d love too.”

So as the rain finally stopped its relentless downpour and the sun shone through the clouds, Twilight and the new stallion paced into town, hoof in hoof.

Comments

[The Fiery Joker]

Well, it seems Twilight was able to move on. Bittersweet.

[Cloudhammer]

A very melancholy ending, though it ended on a little bit of a sweet note. Have enjoyed the ride from beginning to end.

[Kasena]

Hoof in hoof? Wouldn't they have trouble walking? BTW, that was an awesome story. I very much enjoyed it.

[Orrkon]

167453so true so true....

[Ralfil]

Nice ending.

[AllPonyProductions]

I can imagine a sequel to this

[tailsopony]

Interesting. Orion is a traditional Mary Sue (MS) character.

1.Main character immediately falls in love with MS.

2.Other characters don't like MS due to affection towards main character/major character flaw in MS.

3.MS has to save main character from horrible evil.

4.MS gets main characters friends to finally accept them.

5.MS performs self sacrifice to save main character/world.

It's like you read what a Mary Sue was, and built this story around it. I'm not saying it's bad, it's just interesting to me to read that. Most OC's don't cross the line into self sacrifice to fit the bill, but this one did. How strange. I also really enjoyed Discord's collar on Twilight, and was honestly hoping he was going to win. But I've got all kinds of weird fetishes.

[Legacy55]

953426

While yes, Orion does have some certain Mary sue qualities, I think if you view him from a certain light he can be exemplified. The main reason most OC's are mary sue, is that they have certain characteristics and qualities that are just unrealistic and unbelievable. You have to remember Orion was created specifically to be Twilight's lover. He wasn't a real pony who was born, he was an artificial being who was fabricated by Discord.

It wasn't like he was some self insert who Twilight just immediately fell in love with, he was created to do just that. Discord gave him unreal qualities because he could, and had I put in any other character it wouldn't have worked.

Also Mary sues tend to never had weakness, but Orion had quite a few. He was overprotective and brash, to the point where he acted before he thought. Not only that he had a great fear of heights, which at several points shows him as a helpless character.

[Muleicous]

deviantart.com/download/272691019/sad_little_lyra_by_infernaldalek-d4icpqj.png

Those feels...

[Lithl]

953426
Mary Sue characters (or Gary Stu, in this case) don't usually have character flaws. Nor do they usually sacrifice themselves. Mary Sue is essentially defined as being "too perfect", which is why they're terrible characters. And they're usually the author's pet character or a self-insert, so the whole self-sacrifice thing rarely happens.

Love the story, Legacy. Though I gotta say for the epilogue, a relationship based on hero-worship won't go well. Of course, they could hit it off and find attraction other than "omg you saved Equestria canibangyounao?" but there's no sense of that extra attraction here. I think another route you could have taken would have been for the unnamed stallion to be visiting the cemetery to pay his respects to somepony else that died during Discord's takeover; both he and Twilight would be alone and in need of comfort after a trauma, and it wouldn't feel like he's trying to get with her just because she's famous. When she later reveals that she was one of the ones responsible for Discord's defeat, it wouldn't be so much idolism as it would be gratitude that strengthens their bond. Her new coltfriend would also be even more understanding of her weekly trip to the cemetery to pay her respects, and would probably join her.

[tailsopony]

953827

953489

I was talking about a traditional Mary Sue, like from Star Trek:

"The name "Mary Sue" comes from the 1974 Star Trek fanfic "A Trekkie's Tale". Originally written as a parody of the standard Self-Insert Fic of the time (as opposed to any particular traits), the name was quickly adopted by the Star Trek fanfiction community. Its original meaning mostly held that it was an Always Female Author Avatar, regardless of character role or perceived quality. Often, the characters would get in a relationship with either Kirk or Spock, turn out to have a familial bond with a crew member, be a Half-Human Hybrid masquerading as a human, and die in a graceful, beautiful way to reinforce that the character was Too Good For This Sinful Earth. (Or space, as the case may be.)" - excerpt from TV-tropes about Mary Sue's

I wasn't digging at your story at all. I enjoyed it. I actually thought you were doing an homage to the original setup for a Mary Sue: Orion has a sweet name. He's made from magic. He loves Twilight, and Twilight loves him. His major character flaw that isn't his fault (Over protectiveness) causes friction with other characters but is ultimately overcome and they accept him. His death saves his lover (Twilight) and the whole world. Twilight rightfully mourns his passing, but accepts it and tries to move on.

It's a no joke, honest to goodness Mary Sue and I don't mean it in a bad way. It's not necessarily a self insert, and not necessarily a bad thing. I enjoyed your story plenty, I was commenting on what I thought you were trying to do. Although, if you did this on accident... Naa. I still enjoyed it.

I'd still rather have Discord win though...

[SpeedyAstro]

953615 I need to look at more vectors.

[The Libertarian Brony]

[Impoxdragon]

It had that "The way it should've ended." feel to it. Well done...

[WinterSpeed]

for some reason, I thought of vocaloid.

[Legacy55]

965994

Now that mistake was actually intentional, if you look at the rest of the letter its got some similar mistakes. I added those to show that Twilight was distressed and she could hardly write.

[MLP BRONY 27]

it pissed me off when orion died. HE WAS AWESOME!!!!!!! and as for the last chapter, i was, and still am pissed off at the others of the mane 6 even if they tried to comfort her, i mean WHERE WERE THEY WHEN SHE WAS SO LONELY SHE WAS GOING TO KILL HERSELF!!!!!!

[DashyJ]

What was the pony in the cemetary doing when he bumbe into Twilight?

[Thorax]

Man, I cri, evrtim.

[Extinction]

Extinction says this was a great fic.

[Kayla_Seen]

This was amazing, good job. All them feels...

[KittyGoesInsane]

I got a question for you...
While I read this story, a Idea of a story based on this came to my mind...
It would start off very similar but im a huge DiscoLight shipper so it would turn into that..
I ask you , would you give me the permission to write it??
I would credit you and stuff
pretty please
Hope for a soon answer,
Kitty

[LosZetas]

2756707whats discordlight shipper?

[KittyGoesInsane]

3543802
lol I ship Discord and Twilight :D
If you don´t know what shipping is uhh wait I copy a definition here :

Shipping, derived from the word relationship, is the belief that two characters, fictional or non-fictional, would be interesting or believable (or are, or will be, or should be) in a romantic relationship. It is considered a general term for fans' emotional involvement with the ongoing development of romance in a work of fiction. Though technically applicable to any such involvement, it refers chiefly to various related social dynamics observable on the Internet, and is seldom used outside of that context.

xD I already forgot that I wrote this comment

[LosZetas]

3545258 thanks for clarification.

[Will Atkinson]

is there going to be a sequel

[Brony9216]

This story had the potential to be good. I ended up reading half of this out of obligation.