Surprise

by TheDerpyOutcast

A Past

Surprise examined the cloak. Rarity had done a beautiful job fixing it. Three embroidered purple balloons formed the cutie mark on it. Her name was in Glow-in-the-dark thread. Yellow binding was sewn around the edges.
.......................................................

Twilight guessed that Surprise's friend was Pinkie, based on the personalities, cutie marks, and mane style of the two mares. She walked to Sugar Cube Corner and was pleased to see Pinkie.

"Pinkie, I need to talk to you. Can we go to your room?"

"Okie dokie lokie! But why?"

"I met a mare earlier and she said something about a party." Twilight didn't like to lie, by she felt it was the only way to get her to talk about Surprise. The two went to Pinkie Pie's room.

"You arnt here to talk about a party, are you Twilight."

"Tell me about Surprise."

Pinkie went to her closet and pulled out a pink cape. Her cutie mark was embroidered on it and her name was glow-in-the-dark.

"It started when a new filly joined our class. Her hair was straight, but her cutie mark was 3 purple balloons. She didn't smile till Lyra Heartstrings was dared by Time Turnner to blow up an apple. Lyra was struggling so I told her to blow up some chocolate milk. I put up my portable bomb shelter and asked if they were coming. They shook their heads but Surprise went in the shelter. Soon Lyra activated the milk. Surprise's hair curled and we were best friends since. We formed The Pyro-Pony Club and got her older sister to join. Soon we would blow stuff up for fun. We had licensees and areas where we could use explosives. We had been that way for 5 years when one day I sat waiting for Surprise at the clubhouse. She came eventually but her mane had straightened saying she was moving to Cloudsdale. I yelled at her for not telling me sooner. She said the decision was finalized today and she didn't know till that day. I asked if we could have a final pyro fest before she left. When she said that they were moving the next day, I freaked out. I was screaming that she had betrayed me and I had lost my closest friend. My mane and tail went straight, and my eyes narrowed, like the time no pony came to Gummy's after birthday party. Surprise started crying and ran off. I screamed I never want to see her again. The next day I watched the moving van drive away, and regreted everything. We avoided each other as since." Pinkie Pie was crying softly when she finished. Twilight realized that the regrets of years came pooring out. Reuniting the mares back into friendship would be a challenge, but it was one she was willing to undertake.
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Surprise held a basket in her mouth. She was looking for some French bread. When she saw nopony sold it but Sugar Cube Corner, she decided to go there. With dread but cautious optimism she walked in to here Pinkie and Twilight talking.

"Hello?" She asked, wondering why no pony was up front. Suddenly Twilight and Pinkie Pie came downstairs. Pinkie's mane and tail had straightened, and Surprise could sense the anger towards her.

"Hi Pinkie Pie, Twilight."

Pinkie just grunted, and Twilight shook her head.

"I'm sorry Pinkie. I didn't know till that day. Honest!"

"Yeah right. Why did you even come to Ponyville in the first place?" Pinkie said sourly.

"To talk to you. My parents made a decision that changed my life without giveing me any say. Plus........ they got divorced and my dad won custody over me and Firecracker, but my mom got our house so we bought a house in Cloudsdale. How do you think I felt!? I was separated from almost everything I knew!" Surprise yelled.

"Well why did you not say anything then!?"

"I was going through mixed emotions! I wouldn't have left if I didn't have to!"

Twilight realized then that getting these two to be friends would be harder than she thought.

Author's Note:

Yay. I really want feedback. Some people say my chapters need to be longer, while others say the length I usually do is fine. I value your opinions greatly so tell me what you think.

Comments

[Frankie2]

I like short stories. I can get through them quicker and updates usually happen more often. However, the pacing of this story is too fast. You might want to spend more time explaining situations or have longer conversations, I don't know. Still, I like the premise, which is why I will be keeping an eye on this.

[TheDerpyOutcast]

2219924 thank you for your opinion. Some one told me on Connected that my chapters need to be longer. These stories are my thoughts typed up as I think them

[Timstro59]

2220250
I write in a very similar fashion.

Try making a beginning and a plot point you want to reach, and just flesh out the middle with detail.
It worked for me, sorta.

[Ulti Shadow Lord]

Hey Surprise 109, how do you do this:

>>person ?

[TheDerpyOutcast]

2267946. Click on a reply, it's the two speech balloons in the corner when you hover over a comment. Didn't you read the FAQ?