Lost Angel
Celestia - diarch of Equestria and beloved leader of almost three hundred million ponies - stared silently at the sheet-covered sodden mass at her hooves as it leaked pink water onto the grey concrete floor. Some small part of her mind wished she had a blanket to ease the ache of chill seeking into her pelt from the cold slab beneath her dock. Such normal, common thoughts.
She listlessly reached a golden-shod hoof out to prod at the wet remains. Outside, the damp morning was giving way to a slightly less-damp noontime as this alien world spun in its unchangeable path around the massive sun. Despite not having a connection to the star above - indeed, the entire sky felt vaguely wrong to her - Celestia could feel the moments sliding away from her. For a time, there was no sounds save the alien cries of birds from outside and her own forcibly calm breathing. The air smelled salty. Then, from the still-opened doorway, one of her Royal Guard cleared his throat.
"Your highness." A simple phrase said without emotion as all Royal Guards are trained. But he was afraid. Celestia could smell his fear. She understood it as instinctively as her own anger. Without missing a beat, the Guard continued, "the creatures have been contained inside the larger of the two buildings."
"Have they been harmed?" A pause. Though she was not looking at him, Celestia could imagine his confusion. She brought her hoof up, watching as the pinkish water slid down the polished surface. There was much of both things this day - confusion and blood.
"No, your highness."
"See that they remain that way. I will be along shortly."
"Your will." The clop of his hooves on the path outside signaled his departure and Celestia was left with the remains of her most faithful student and friend as well as her own thoughts - alone on an alien world.
"There was a reason Star Swirl never completed that spell." The sound of her voice from inside the building caused both mens' heads to snap up. As large a creature as Celestia was, she knew how to move silently. It was surprising to many how quiet she could be when she tried. One of the men eyed her warily, his hardened face a shocking simularity to her own Guards. The other barely acknowledged her presence, wrapped in a guilt that was deeper than words could express. What right did he have to feel guilt? Celestia fought her anger down, stuffed it into a nice purple box studded with gems and empty of all that could be worthwhile. She took a shuddering, calming breath before continuing. "We never knew what exactly he would find on the other side, you see. There was a great deal of fear about the possibilities."
The larger of the two men - an 'Adams' as he introduced himself - hid his emotion well. It might have worked on a lesser mare but his fear was as plain as the shivering of the smaller man. Celestia found it darkly comical how close these creatures were to ponies. Their faces may have been flatter, their ears less expressive. But their eyes. Their eyes told tales. Such emotions. Her own were speaking volumes, she knew.
"And now we come to the crux of all ... this." With as much a regal demeanor as could be salvaged from her shaking hooves, Celestia blinked past the sudden blur and stared the larger of the monsters in his eyes. "Why did you take my little Twilly from me?"
She felt the tears as they fell but ignored the salty smell. She wanted - needed to see their eyes. She needed them to see her pain and she needed to see their truth, their ways. She needed to confront the monsters that stole her student - her friend from her. She wanted to see hate. She wanted to see anger. She wanted a reason to lash out at them. Her breath caught in a choked sob. Their faces were filled with confusion above all.
The larger man's face softened for a moment. It was subtle and a pony would need decades of experience to see it but Celestia had treated with harder creatures than this before. He reached a fleshy and calloused claw out, beckoning her towards a small stack of books. Books aligned in such a way that Celestia knew exactly who had last perused them.
"Let me show you something, Pale Horse."
This planet's moon was so strange. Instead of Equestria's pale orb of pure silvery white, Earth's moon was pocked with craters and large splotches of dark color - 'mare' as the humans called them. It was so odd, to see the heavenly bodies rise above the horizon without intent. Without some intelligence behind them. It was so odd to watch the sun set without a will. And such a star-scape. Twilight would have loved to watch the stars here. To see patterns that no Princess had set, to find order in the chaos of chance. Celestia wiggled herself against the rough grit of the simply shingled roof, a coarse blanket warding the chill winter air from her pelt. It felt wrong to have such comforts.
"So peaceful. Such beauty in random chance." The words left her muzzle without force - barely a whisper against the sounds of crashing waves from the nearby shore. Yet they were heard as she knew they would be.
"Your highness." One of her newly recruited guards stepped forward hesitantly. The crunch of his iron shoe was unmistakable. Despite all the training, despite all the enforced discipline, they knew when a pony was in pain. She flicked an ear at his approach but did not turn her gaze from the marvels slowly turning above her. Or if the humans were to be believed, as she spun about below them.
"Is the - is my ... friend at rest?" She smelled the smoke as it gave its answer. The guard's nervous pawing at the roof gave the answer. The slight ruffle of his feathers against the undoubtedly cold steel of his armor gave the answer. In her mind she knew the answer. Yet she needed to hear it all the same.
"Yes, your highness." A piece of her heart felt as if it had shattered and Celestia finally knew - in her heart - that she was less one more friend. And she finally allowed herself to weep.
"I was wrong." The large human's - Adams' voice cut through the air in that quietly commanding way of his. It was a statement of fact and brooked no argument. Celestia glanced slightly at him before turning back to regard the clouds lazily drifting overhead. The sun was warm and bright and seabirds called to one another in the distance. A chill wind sent the trees a waving in the air and Celestia was reminded of the sounds of waves on a distant shore. And stars. She closed her eyes and fought back the images of a purple smile and bright, curious eyes. A filly's eyes.
"Do you feel guilty, Mr. Adams?" Her throat felt like sandpaper and it was a chore to hold back the lump that threatened to burst, spilling her torment into the air and the ground and the water. That threatened to scorch all to ash except her. That threatened to banish all light except her. That froze and burned and tore all the glamor from life.
"Yes." His voice brought her back, gave her a rock upon which to land before all sense and reason was whipped away by the hurricane. With a slow and deep breath, she turned and regarded him. Though he struggled to remain unchanged, his shoulders bowed just enough. Just enough. His eyes were tired and the blood of his friend's death stained his hands. The body of an innocent was burnt, the body of another found drained of life by his own hand. And yet this man endured. "Do you hate me? Us?"
Celestia paused before responding. While her tired eyes searched his, her mind stroked that gem encrusted purple box deep within her self. It felt colder, empty. Empty.
"No, Mr. Adams. I am angry. I - I hurt. But I do not hate you."
"Why?"
"Because I ... understand why you felt as if you had to do what you did. Because as much a monster as I wanted to create out of you, you are no monster." She turned from him, her eyes tracking a bird - so like an Equestrian animal - as it banked on an updraft of warmer air. The sun momentarily hid itself behind a random cloud and she shivered unconsciously. The silence stretched, words unspoken stringing themselves along the shore like so many small pink waves.
"I forgive you." Her words surprised them both. The cloud moved on and warm light once more filtered down into the yard. Celestia opened her eyes, her vision unblurred. "I forgive you."
"God has tested me and I have failed." The rock crumbled. She could hear the pain in his voice, the desperate pain of the forgiven. He lashed at her with it. He lashed at them both with the pain. Celestia heard in his voice Twilight's cry of surprise and pain, the struggling sob as confusion and hurt - so much hurt - battered at her. She heard the wet thunk of the iron tool driving sense away, leaving only instinct and pain. She heard the sound of well-manicured hooves striking cold concrete, the sucking sound as knife entered again and again. Driven by fear, driven by history, driven by animal instinct to be.
She smiled and bore her lashes well. Gently, she nuzzled the crumbling statue of flesh beside her as she once nuzzled a scarred purple filly who had just had her book fort crumble around her. She opened herself and poured her love onto his cracks.
"In failing, we learn. There is nothing that can be done that cannot be forgiven." The winter air felt suddenly very cold to her. Celestia whistled her Guards to her side again and left the stone man's side, turning to face him with a gentle smile. "I think I will hide Star Swirl's work for a time. A long time. I do not think either of our peoples are quite ready for ... another mistake."
"I'm sorry." The water, turned to ice in the cold winter air, forced apart the pieces of rock and left the man behind. His voice was quiet and his strength spent. He was nude before her despite his heavy winter clothing and she bowed her head to his shame.
"I know, Mr. Adams. As am I. Good day, Mr. Adams."
In Light, she was gone.
John Cook Adams
Coast Guard, Writer, Husband, Father
Aug. 6 1971 - Oct. 12 2058
In the first rays of the Sun on the eve of Her Ascension, I killed an Angel of the Sun in fear. And though the Sun gave to me forgiveness, I could not forgive myself. Glory be unto God and may eternal rest forever be Hers. Amen.
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An exquisite conclusion to a story that didn't need one. That's not to say that this was superfluous. The story may not have needed it, but I did, in order to forgive the protagonists of Biblical Monsters. I had consigned them to oblivion, but now? Now I weep with them and with Celestia. Excellently done.
I would have liked her to flip her shit and nuke everything
but we all know she wouldn't have done that we hope
Wow... Such a powerful alternate ending to the original tale. One question though, you may want to fix your story status as its currently at "Incomplete". I think that was a mistake.
Beautiful.
GAIZ
I HAVEN'T PUBLISHED THIS YET!
GAIZ
STAHP!
It's essentially done though ... I was going to tighten up some of the phrasing in the final part and fix a few errors I caught this morning but, eh. Good enough.
Edit: Published, I am not awake enough to go through and find my mistakes with any amount of mental strength.
This is the ending the story needed.
A hasty action taken in fear is a common trope, but without following through to show the results of that action, it's just a senseless death.
I feel there is nothing to say about these feels.
Mainly, because I can't find the words to describe them…
excellent work!
Before I read this, I shall hope many things. Though, by the end, I may hate you, Minny. ONWARDS!
Well Minalkra, that was a read. Biblical Monsters needed a closing chapter, and you gave it one. Thank you.
The original was probably the best darkfics I've ever read, and this was just icing on the cake.
Great work, dude :)
Wow, I did not see someone picking this up, and here you are. You represent Celestia very well. A being eons old, but still venerable to loss after all this time.
Ya, guilt is a real killer among humans.
2240920
I hope not. But maybe.
2241366
Actually, it was an awesome ending to one hell of a cliffhanger. You managed to tie together the one major loose thread with an emotionally charged, thought provoking foray between Celestia and Adams. Well done, man. It's still incredibly dark, and it almost hurts more knowing that Adam and the Narrator know realize they fucked up and have to live with that for the rest of their lives, as well as completing destroying any chance for Human/Pony relations, but it was a great read.
2241485
Actually, 'Narrator' couldn't take it and killed himself.
And here I thought i was done sheding tears over this fic
Followed the link from Horse Voice's blog. This is very well done. Favorited and upvoted.
I was hoping for genocide
2242243
The way I see Celestia precludes the option of genocide and that's one of the things I wanted to illustrate. In fact, she didn't even kill these two murderers because they aren't monsters - just scared and confused. Perhaps it's an almost Messianic way of seeing her but I would think that she'd be a very forgiving creature. Remember: she's lived a very long time. She's seen murder, rape, atrocities and other nasty things but she has maintained her compassion and gentle demeanor through it all. That speaks to me of an extremely strong will and an extremely closely held moral code. Maybe not a very ethical code - she is the ruler of a country and that means breaking some rules and doing some bad things - but a moral code.
Why would she punish the innocent over the frightened actions of two men? Why would she react in haste and anger and fear - just like these two men did? I would hope that such a long-lived creature would learn to take a longer view of the world. Sure, as one who was affected by the original story (and quite a bit) it would be satisfying in some visceral way to see humanity punished. Hell, to see someone punished for this horrid act of violence. But is that really what Celestia, Diarch of the Sun and over a thousand years old, would do? A pony that has lost friends, family and sacrificed ever her own blood for the benefit of peace and harmony?
What is one life - even a life as precious as Twilight - when weighed against the lives of millions or billions of innocents? Would she start a war to enact revenge? What would that accomplish? And these humans, they live in chaos and thrive. Who knows what they can do? Is the risk of genocide - pony genocide - worth it? Is the risk of such a hideous weight as the destruction of an entire species worth revenge? It may give her short-term satisfaction but she would have to live with the blood of an entire species on her hooves for something as close-sighted and pathetic as base revenge.
And then she would have to live with such a guilt for a very, very long time.
2242327 Naw genocide, have discord do it
That was excruciatingly wonderful.
that was an amazing end. thank you for the closure of what could have been.
I feel a little better. Thanks for writing this.
at first, I wanted blood, but this is better.
Fucking idiot moron religious SHEEP HUMANS!
Yeah, judging by the comments, I'd say this is bloody brilliant. From now on, I'm going to show this to people who didn't like the original ending... if that's okay with you.
2243269
2241495 it all makes sense now
"the blood of his friend's death stained his hands"
I read this line in a more literal way, thinking that it was Celestia's punishment for Adam that he should kill Narrator. Your way makes way more sense.
Also thanks for the ending. Although I think the original story would have been just as good without it, you still wrote a beautiful closing chapter.
-B
2243269 wow
2243418
Sure, go ahead. I am not shy at all about trying to drum up views. It's the only pleasure I get out of life - that and video games, alcohol, marital bliss, TV, movies, some games of chance, the actual act of writing, reading things sometimes, and a joke that's gone on too long, you had to copy this to read it didn't you ...
2243435
Crap. Yeah, I can see the thought there. But Celestia doesn't punish anyone here - she knows they will punish themselves far better than she. So, perhaps, she does get some small revenge, eh?
2243472
Ah! Yes, you got me with that tiny text. (Why do browsers even have them?)
2243472 hohoho actually i could zoom in with my iPhone, so I didnt need to copy anything :)
I see what you were going for here, but I just can't buy it.
Not Celestia's reaction, the two humans. Remember, in the original work they thought they had to kill Space Alien Christopher Columbus (Twilight) to save their kind. Then Space Alien Hernando Cortez (Celestia) shows up and imprisons them, and they're suddenly wailing in contrition and remorse?
I can't square their justifications and behavior in the original with their portrayal here.
2245898
Actually, they were shivering in fear prior to Celestia opening her mouth and when she asked why they took her 'Twily' it really hit them that this was someone's daughter they killed (hers for all they knew). I skipped the part where Adams goes over the reasons they did what they did and their reactions to her broken hearted sobbing on the roof.
But that's because I was focused more on Celestia than the two humans.
I left feeling disappointed. I suppose I should, as that's part of grief. But somehow I wanted the story to end less predictably--and with more complexity--than it did. Anyway, is it too much to ask for a nice happy Twilight ship fic to crest the featured box now? I think I need it after this.
Honestly? I found this to be much more powerful and moving than the story it was based on. Bravo.
2246170
Fair enough, and as far as Celestia's reactions go it's good stuff. But by skipping the conversation it feels (in my opinion, anyway) like Adams and Nameless Narrator are being slotted into the position the ending requires them to be in instead of realizing just what it is they have done.
Caveat:
This is coming from someone who felt the original Biblical Monsters suffered terribly from characters doing things because "The power of Author compels you!" without laying the necessary groundwork. As if Othello had murdered Desdemona in Act One of the play, leaving Iago and the audience to stare at one another in bafflement that things escalated that fast.
2248623 it was much too fast. I tried to figure out just why this story was bothering me so much, when I've read other stories where Twilight has died, and even died pointlessly, and even died because of her own mistakes. You hit the nail on the head. There was no build up, little payoff and it didn't seem like a Twilight thing to do or say at all for the third chapter.
This ending offered a nice closure. The light house keepers confronted with Celestia. I feel her pain and can picture Twilight's peaceful figure wrapped up in reddened blankets. *sigh* now I need to find something else to read. Something a little... happier.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mav9dcu3UE1qjxft8.gif
Why the heck did you refer to Celestia as God!?
2259208
....
Huh?
meh lost interest when twili died
Like someone else said, great end to a story that didn't necessarily need it. Changes the tone but not the characterization, stays believable to the story that Horse Voice had originally made. Great job!
2243418 Really, that's what people are complaining about? I thought it was brilliant in using a religious radical and a not so radical. And you didn't make them the annoying stereotypical Christians to! It was an amazing story, and this ending was the only thing I felt that was missing. I don't even think this is an alternate ending, just a extended ending. But what do I know
2406289
Thank you, very much. But that was the problem: Some of the people who expected straw men, didn't like having their expectations subverted.
The more I come back to this extension, the more I tend to agree with you. This is why I'm grateful to Minalkra for this. I couldn't give people the closure they wanted, and this is better than what I could have come up with, if forced to.
The original story was... pointless, so I can't really say this does anything for me. Sure, it's the logical follow-up, but I feel like nothing of value has been gained. Twilight is still dead for no good reason. I'm glad that Celestia recognized that vengeance wasn't going to change anything, but... I don't think mercy did either.
2406888
I was hoping they'd not turn out to be straw men, but in my mind that's exactly what they became. I mean, they were two guys who commit pre-meditated murder in cold blood, with hardly more than a token attempt at understanding or reasoning. If your goal was to paint them as sympathetic... in my case, you most definitely did not succeed.
2451663
Then I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do to help.
heavy
Just wanted to let you know that the audiobook version of Lost Angel is now up on YouTube.
Love the story, a perfect ending to Biblical Monsters. That said, is it just me or has Twilight turned into Jesus here?