Ship-writing, music-making Canadian Singaporean. Ex-military personnel, future teacher.
Dashy has to complete her WFAC (Wonderbolts Flying Accademy Course) in order to graduate. Despite boasting as the best, she encounters a rival who sets her on a test she can't pass. Will she have the strength to go through it?
Edit: Anyone want an alternate ending? I've got one I'm thinking of :3
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Do I need to say anything? We know these characters, and the use of pronouns is not frowned upon.
What rule? Explain.
We know this already!
My goodness.
Shame on you.
Find a smaller word, please. Sorta breaks your flow.
<period> They nodded.
Who wrote this?
Pro bono ad opus:
Clearly, you are an advanced writer. Well practiced and certainly understanding of thematic elements.
In short, there is a slight hiccup with this prose. You've certainly proved your point, that you enjoy fair play and the episode that teaches it.
You've retouched said point on cheating being wrong, but ironically in the wrong way. The abuse of "cheater" feels artificial. A broad vocabulary is the reason why Stephen King gets money for turning in his grocery lists.
The italics seem as if you're making this a flashback, but keep in mind that intense scenes are best left standard. Don't rely on the stream of conciousness, however. It is not a memory.
In any case, these changes will make it easier to read. Keep it up, and you may get a watcher.
Oh and for the sake of being a troll...
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Mate. 3/4 of the bloody story is in italics.
2303710 OH OOPS... o.o lemme rectify it... must have been my sleepy brain last night
2303710 lol i missed a [./i] somewhere... silly me XD
2304476 I've done that before, too.
2303329
Awh shucks. Advanced writer? I've only just started :D
Thanks man xD fixed up a lot of stuff, and fixed that damned italicised problem... stupid [./i]
Also, as for the 'cheater' point, I tried to make it seem like the only thing she lost was her own dignity, but that didn't turn out too well... D: maybe I should have made her win the race instead... HMM.. ALTERNATE ENDING!
You seem to have some of your colors mixed up a bit my friend. I feel like you meant to say something about a blue flight suit instead.
That was a pretty nice little story right there. I am going to look forward to reading more stories by you in the future. Keep up the great writing!
What weird changeling replaced Twilight? She speaks absolutely nothing like she did in this story, and even the letter was out of character.
2693445 I've yet to look back at this fic. My first few are horrible and I want it all burnt to the ground :X Hmm, now that I looked at it... yea... I sorta made her more like a Rarity than anything. Thanks for pointing that out! Will change it.
2692867 dude, if you liked this crap, my later ones will blow ur mind lol
2693818
I tend to be a bit biased towards stories involving Rainbow Dash and really any other athletic Pegasi. I'll definitely read your OctaScratch story though, I'be been growing more and more fond of that shipping.