The train chugged along merrily if somewhat slowed by its massive amount of cargo. It was not often this train was called on and it was even less often when the route it was on was used. It was packed to the brim with members of the Sun Guard: Princess Celestia’s guardians over herself and the city of Canterlot.
Every seat was stuffed with guards and armor was stashed all about, packed tidily away above and below the seats. Excitement was thick in the air as the Sun Guard was headed to an event that most only got to witness once in their elongated lives. This car held specifically pegasus squads as the guard was still partially segregated and exclusive only to pegasus and unicorns.
Waller stared out the window as his superiors swapped stories. The noise was all in the background for him as the sun’s warm rays came in through window, falling across his charcoal colored coat and wings.
“I’ve been named champion before and became tournament champion on top of that!” proclaimed the squad’s oldest officer ‘Chief’ Iron Shod. The old pegasus was from Scoltland and his accent had not changed in his hundred plus years of service in Canterlot.
Chief was an ‘old hoof’ amongst the Sun Guard and his wisdom and stories were always welcome even by the higher ups. His graying coat and ridiculous moustache were always a point of pride with the Chief, as he would spend hours on end combing and grooming his moustache alone, which had reached astounding length and extravagance. He was twirling it as he waited for his companion’s rebuttal.
“Yeah, yeah keep spouting that same story, old bones. It happened so long ago you’re the only one who remembers, so how do I know you didn’t make it up?” asked Lieutenant Twitch. The lieutenant was rather young for his rank but he was considered something of a special circumstance and his memory was selectively dodgy when it came to his personal history. All Waller had ever learned from the other pegasus was that he was originally from some little mountain town near Galloping Gorge and that was it. There wasn’t even any information on why his name was Twitch or why his coat seemed to have stopped midway in changing color from black to white along the length of his body.
“It happened lad, and don’t you forget it!” Chief wagged a hoof at Twitch narrowing his eye.
“Sure it happened, and the rookie here managed to take down a manticore on his own,” Twitch said pointing at Trench Hopper, the squads newest member.
Trench Hopper had been a farm pony when he was young before he left home to join the Guard, an odd occupation for a pegasus family. He had already acquired his cutie mark by then but it was forgotten long ago. There were no cutie marks in the Guard. One gave up their individuality once they were inducted into training.
Trench seemed offended by Twitch’s comment.
“I swear by Celestia I killed that thing!” he exclaimed loudly. “Ask my brothers, they saw the whole thing.”
Twitch laughed at the rookie, “The day I believe that, green hooves, is the day that Chief cuts his moustache.”
Chief started to chuckle at the lieutenant's comment. “Calm down boy, the lieutenant is just pushing your buttons," the old stallion said.
For all of his knowledge and strength Trench Hopper was still quite young to be a member of the Sun Guard. But he had earned it as they all had through the several months of training, adding plenty of bright pink scars on his pristine, cream colored coat.
Trench quieted back down beginning to fall into a sulk. Twitch often teased the greenhorn about how he had no tolerance for alcohol, and had a tendency to tell stories. The two had spent far too much time drinking and every time it fell to Waller and Chief to babysit the two to make sure that a black armored disciplinary officer didn't find them, send them off to Section, and either be whipped half to death or kicked out of Canterlot with their uniforms stripped and their names besmirched.
Twitch turned to Waller.
“What do you think Wall? Could green hooves here have beaten a manticore on his own bare-hooved?” Twitch asked, shuffling his wings as he shifted his body to sit more comfortably on the bench.
Waller sat up some and turned to face Chief and Twitch who were sitting across from him and the rookie.
“Well,” Waller began sizing up Trench, “it’s possible if the manticore was already dying, horribly disfigured, or he dropped a huge boulder on it.” Waller smiled at the rookie. “In summary, no, Trench here couldn’t beat his way out of a wet paper sack.”
Trench sneered at Waller while Twitch and Chief laughed aloud.
“Don’t look so down boy. We are, after all, headed to the Trial,” Chief raised his eyebrows excitedly as he twirled his massive moustache.
“What is this trial thing?” Trench asked perking up his ears. His curiosity was piqued. Twitch and Waller smiled. The rookie had just made a grievous mistake. Chief grinned sadistically and rubbed his hooves together like a tyrant who had just raised taxes on his citizens.
“Well since you asked so kindly I guess I’ll tell you,” Chief scooted forward on his cushion, cleared his throat and shook out his forelegs as if preparing to have a hoof wrestling match.
“Some few thousand years ago,” the old stallion began. “The two princesses took the land from Discord in a quite wondrous battle if the depictions on the walls of the palace are to be believed. Now the land was at peace finally and our sovereigns were quite the patient and complacent ponies. They took residence in the Everfree Forest. I’ve seen the ruins myself and the building would have been quite fantastic, if it was to be restored, but most ponies try and avoid those dark woods as much as possible,” while giving his narration Chief was switching his gaze between his squad mates each rather enthralled even though Waller and Twitch had each heard this story several times before.
“Now the two ruled over the land for a thousand years until Princess Luna, bless her, became jealous,” Chief looked at the greenhorn. “Now I trust you’re familiar with the tale of Nightmare Moon then?” Trench nodded without speaking still hooked on Chief's words.
“Good,” Chief nodded and went on. “Now the sisters battled it out for some time in a frightening display of power and destruction, but our beloved Celestia won out in the end and she ended up having to banish her own kin to the moon to sit and think on what she had done.
“Now Nightmare Moon isn’t exactly one to ask forgiveness, so she sat and waited for a thousand years. Now while her sister sat there doing nothing Celestia formed the beginnings of our wonderful little group.” Chief reached under the seat and pulled his helmet and showed Trench the Sun Guard insignia.
“The first of the Sun Guard were Alicorns just like the princesses but the species has sadly died out over the years. But still they were founded on our one defining principle,” all three of the older pegasus ponies stood up as one and began to recite.
“I pledge my living being to defend Equestria from all enemies, be they foreign or domestic, be they my own kin or tyrant. I pledge my life to my princess. May she spend it well and may my comrades sing me to the afterlife when my duty ends and my soul leaves my flesh.”
Trench was shocked at how the whole car had stood and recited the pledge as one and he had not. The rookie was embarrassed and deserved to be as he had missed the opportunity to be with his fellows. They all sat back down and Chief cleared his throat once again.
“To defend our princess and above all defend Equestria even if it’s from the princess, which I pray will never come. Now Celestia also formed another regiment of guard known as the Moon Guard. You may question what they did or what purpose they served. I do as well, as the only records we have was of them having been formed and not what they were for.
“Now the Moon Guard have been around just as long as we have and we came to know of their presence soon enough but they aren’t ponies like we are.”
Trench raised an eyebrow. “What kind of pony are they then?” the rookie asked leaning forward on the edge of his seat in anticipation.
“They’re thestrals boy,” Chief said with a smile knowing what question was coming next.
“What are those?” the greenhorn asked.
“They’re pegasi like all of us here, but instead of feathers they got bat wings all leathery and whatnot,” Chief answered. Trench remained silent but his eyes went wide with amazement.
“See thestrals are night creatures and are quite sensitive to the moon. The princess used them to help try and predict if or when Nightmare Moon would return and if she did the land was going to be covered in night eternal.
“After a few hundred years we began to mingle and an idea was struck. We, being stallions, all enjoy competing amongst each other so our forefathers, with the permission from the princess, began the first of what we call the Trial of the Champion. The Trial was to take place in a neutral location away from the city and an arena was built on that spot. They took five champions from us and five from the moonies and put them into a magical arena with full kit and let them go after each other, no holds barred.
“Now ten guards trained for combat fully kitted out with weapons and armor are going to tear each other apart and the princess knew this, so she cast a magical barrier spell over the whole arena that prevents a soul from leaving the flesh no matter how damaged the owner. It’s a very powerful spell that only she and her sister can cast and maintain. We’ve had a much weaker version placed over us that can be permanently maintained. It doesn’t prevent death but it does make our flesh incredibly resilient to attacks and keeps us going for quite a while longer than average ponies.” Trench nodded indicating understanding. The talk of the resilience spell made Waller think of the changeling invasion. He had been considered a greenhorn then and had even earned some respect and a medal for a heroic action during the fighting.
“Now at the end the only pony standing was one of our own by the name of Lucem Defensoris. Quite the odd name I know, but it was a few hundred years ago. Now Lucem was named the first champion of the tournament and therefore the Sun Guard, to help add some meat to the Trial, introduced another event into the tournament. It didn’t hold any standing on the outcome of the actual Trial but it was fun. So the tradition was born that the previous year’s champion would introduce a new event to the tournament until the tournament evolved into a week-long event that we know now.
“Now not too long ago Nightmare Moon returned and all of the thestrals felt her through their weird moon connection. Neither of you were inducted yet,” Chief pointed at Trench and Waller. “But both the lieutenant and I were in the city when Canterlot was attacked by the moonies while Nightmare Moon was being dealt with by the Elements of Harmony. The attack was rather brutal and a lot of good stallions died that day on both sides. Celestia was there and she was a sight to behold. Magic flew about her like a vortex of light and death, thestrals fell to her like wheat before a scythe. It was indeed a terrible and beautiful thing to behold.
“We had to battle on through the night which lasted the length of a whole day, and what a bloody night it was,” Chief’s eyes glazed over as he remembered the fighting in the city. Twitch had a far away gaze as well. Waller had heard of the ‘thousand yard stare’ before and Twitch and Chief both had it.
“But after so long the sun came back to us and Celestia had disappeared in a flash of light, to where we didn’t know, but the thestrals had laid down their arms suddenly and without question. We immediately took the remainder forces into custody without any more bloodshed. The fight seemed to just have drained from them. I later found out that it was the instant Nightmare Moon had been returned to Princess Luna.” Chief turned his gaze out the window. “I only wish it had come sooner.”
“Damn moonies,” Twitch growled. Chief shot him a glance.
“It was never directly their fault, Twitch,” the old stallion said.
“Doesn’t matter, they still were responsible for the attack, just because of the damned moon,” Twitch shook his head. “It’s inexcusable Chief.” Chief sighed out of his nose. He’d heard this from the lieutenant a hundred times, always whenever the Moon Guard was mentioned.
“Just remember that they are still our brothers-in-arms no matter what,” Chief stated twirling his moustache.
“Well said Chief,” said Celestia coming up behind him. As one all of the guards up and down the car leapt to their feet and saluted the princess. Celestia chuckled. Inside Waller was cursing her ability to sneak up on ponies like some specter.
“At ease,” she said aloud. All of the guards relaxed visibly, still looking straight ahead as their training took over. Waller was still cursing the princess inside his mind. “Chief I need to speak with you on my recommendations for this year,” Celestia told the old stallion.
“Aye, your grace,” Chief answered. Waller had never heard the princess call any of the guards by their nicknames except Chief or Twitch. She had always addressed him as Waller and never by 'Wall', like his squad mates used jokingly when talking to him.
Celestia began walking from the car and Chief moved ahead of her on instinct: old habits die hard.
The princess left the car and the tension unwound almost audibly. Waller sat down heavily and chuckled dryly. Twitch joined in while Trench just sat there looking confused.
“Why are you laughing?” Trench asked. Twitch sat forward as the laughter began to spread to the rest of the car.
“Celestia strikes again!” Twitch cackled out. Trench was still confused.
“What do you mean?” the poor rookie asked. Waller couldn’t help but laugh at Trench now. Twitch was almost in tears.
“She’s been pulling that crap for years she’ll get you one way or another,” the lieutenant inhaled deeply holding his ribs. It was obviously the first that the greenhorn had experienced with Celestia’s uncanny ability to catch anyone off guard or make them look foolish at anytime, anywhere. Waller had yet to experience it on a one-to-one level but Twitch was a favorite target of the princess.
“Don’t worry, green hooves, she’ll get you when you’re on your own someday. And when that day comes you come tell me, and I’ll tell you all the times she’s gotten me over a mug,” said Twitch wiping tear away from his eye but still laughing.
The laughter was beginning to die down and the general excitement of the tournament was growing. Trench continued to sit there and was generally confused as to what happened and why it was funny. Twitch, seeing the look of confusion on the rookie’s face smiled widely at him.
“Don’t worry green hooves, she’ll get you some day and then it’ll all make sense,” Twitch told him. Trench looked lost but remained quiet. From up the car Chief entered with a small smile on his face. The old stallion plunked himself down on his seat smiling still.
“What are smiling about, old bones?” the lieutenant pestered. Chief chuckled merrily.
“Oh just the princess’ recommendation is all,” Chief commented looking out the window.
“Well,” Twitch began. “Spill it, we’re waiting. Everypony knows that whoever Celestia recommends gets chosen,” again Chief just chuckled.
“You’re not going to believe this,” he told his comrades. By now the whole train car was quiet so they could hear Chief speak. “She wants Wall.”
There was a pause then the car exploded with cheers and cries of dismay. Comrades reached over their seats to pat Waller on the back while others stood to yell their congratulations down the whole length of the car and some stood up to decry Waller and speak about how the princess had chosen unfairly.
A few cars up Celestia sat sipping tea with the other three princesses. Twilight perked up an ear as she heard an uproar coming from a few cars back.
"What was that?" Twilight looked to Celestia.
"Oh just the guards," Celestia smiled into her tea. Every one hundred years she looked forward to the one true display of emotion from her guardians even if it was one wild outburst of fraternal exchange.
Back in the guard's car Waller sat back bewildered. He had been recommended by Celestia to be champion this year, but why?
Twitch furrowed his brow.
“Why would she choose Wall here? He’s barely just lost his rookie status.” Twitch pointed to his squad mate.
“The changeling invasion,” Chief explained. “Remember at the barricade? That’s why she wants him.” Twitch nodded his understanding.
“That was quite the day,” the lieutenant said as the memory flashed in his mind. “Quite the day.”
The mental images that were scarred onto Waller’s mind came to fore of his thoughts. Broken bones and blood on both sides as he held the line as best he could with a broken wing and half of his face smashed in. He had only truly defended the line for upwards of a minute against a few enemies but he had still been alone and it had felt like an eternity struggling against what seemed like an eternal see of black chitinous fiends. Waller had to strike hard and fast against the oncoming enemies. His spear had broken hours ago and he had been using his bare hooves and whatever he could pick up from the ground to use as a weapon be it bone or steel.
Then Chief had shown up with Twitch and two others in tow. The fight had been short and brutal with the changelings taking down the two unknown members of the pegasus squad with them in a show of tenacity and resilience that bordered on zealotry. They died all the same though, screaming out in those bone chilling squeals as they fell to pegasus’s steel.
“What happened?” Trench questioned leaning forward in his seat. He had heard of the fight which was counted amongst the guards most courageous actions that day but had been overshadowed by the royalty’s efforts, but the guards still remembered the triumphs of their own and, so it seemed, did Celestia.
“If you wish to know then ask him,” Chief pointed to Waller. “Otherwise we don’t speak of it, it’s a sensitive subject.” Twitch nodded in agreement with Chief's statement staring at Waller.
“So Wall, you’re going to be champion this year then eh? You excited?” Twitch smirked at his companion. Waller shook his head.
“Not in the slightest.” Waller replied to his squad mate. Chief laughed.
“Don’t worry lad, I’ll help you out. Did you know I was champion before?” Chief asked a devilish smile upon his face as he twirled his moustache. Twitch groaned loudly.
“Can it, geezer!” he commanded the old stallion. Chief laughed again and looked to Twitch.
“Whenever I hear words such as yours lieutenant, it warms my heart. Now my first go was quite exhilarating and frightening,” Chief began his story as he always had. Twitch groaned again and hit his head on the window as mumbled something inaudible through his teeth.
“Wait,” Trench spoke up cutting Chief off mid-story. The rest of the squad stared at him waiting for something like holy doctrine to spit from his mouth for interrupting the old stallion when he was on about his glory days. “Celestia said recommendations, who’s the other one?” the rookie asked. Twitch pulled his head from the window and looked at Chief.
“The kid is right, who is it?” Twitch moved his face uncomfortably close to Chief’s.
“Who do you think it is?” Chief asked back. The lieutenant rolled his eyes in exasperation.
“Brutus,” Twitch said putting a hoof under his chin and glaring out the window. “Always fucking Brutus.”
“Watch your mouth!” Chief scolded. “But you’re right, it is Brutus.” Up and down the car sighs of exasperation and even more anger could be heard at the announcement. Waller himself was none too pleased but once again the greenhorn showed his ignorance by speaking.
“Who?” Trench looked across at the officer curiously. Twitch moved his dagger-like gaze to the rookie like he had just suggested they commit treason.
“Brutus,” Twitch stated through clenched teeth. “He is quite possibly the biggest dickhead to have ever enlisted and that’s saying something compared to Rotten Tooth some two hundred years ago.
“Who?” Trench asked again. Twitch sighed out of his nose and looked at Chief as if asking him something. Chief nodded his consent. Twitch leaned in closer to the rookie. Trench leaned in as if the lieutenant was going to say something important. Instead he was awarded with a backhoof across his face.
“You need to stay quiet,” Twitch scolded so angrily steam could almost be seen coming out of his ears. “You don’t know who Brutus is because he’s a unicorn. Normally they’re good ponies but he is the spawn of Discord himself without all the funny parts thrown in, and you should know who Rotten Tooth is considering he’s the only idiot to ever join the regiment to ever try and commit treason. His name wasn’t even really Rotten Tooth, bur his breath smelled like shit all of the time so they called him that. Celestia found him out, of all ponies, and had him publicly executed in a rather excruciating manner.” Twitch folded his legs across his chest and settled back into his seat.
“I knew you weren’t the brightest Trench but come on,” Twitch looked at the rookie disapprovingly as Trench rubbed the growing bruise on his cheek.
“Sorry,” Trench mumbled.
“Don’t be sorry just don’t do it again.” Twitch growled.
Trench was about to speak his confusion again but Waller stopped him.
“Don’t speak, just stop, and Twitch might not hit you again,” he informed Trench. The greenhorn sat back and began to sulk again still rubbing his face.
The four of them sat in silence while the other guards in the train car continued to discuss the two recommendations for the year. It was looking to be quite the odd combination.
Waller thought about the tournament. He had heard a lot of stories from old stallions about the last tournament and he knew what it entailed but actually being in the tournament was something different. Anypony was allowed to compete in the events leading up to the trial but those were events that had no bearing on the final outcome. Some of the events had sounded fun especially some of the ones that allowed the competitors to beat each other to a pulp which helps sort out some of the bad blood that hung between the two old groups.
This year was different though.
“Chief,” Waller began.
“Aye lad?” Chief raised an eyebrow.
“Aren’t there supposed to be those two new groups this year?” Waller asked. Chief nodded but Twitch spoke before Chief could.
“We’ll be joined by the L.O.P. and the Bitch Brigade this year,” Twitch chuckled. “And before the rookie asks, L.O.P. is short for Legion of Pussies,” Twitch laughed again and Chief gave the lieutenant a sidelong glance. “And the Bitch Brigade is really the Witch Brigade. Princess Cadence’s Legion of the Heart was made when her and the old captain moved to the Crystal Empire. It's just a stupid name, whoever came up with L.O.P. was a genius," Twitch cackled again. "The Witch Brigade is Princess Twilight’s new forces that she put together not too long after her coronation.
“Unlike us who only takes in pegasus and unicorns the Legion takes earth ponies too and crystal ponies. The Witch Brigade however, only takes female unicorns, crystal or otherwise.”
All three of his squad mates stared at Twitch in amazement.
“What?” he asked getting defensive. He pointed a hoof at Chief. “Chief isn’t the only one around here who knows things about the guard!”
Waller raised an eyebrow at Twitch.
“Don’t give me that look Wall.” Twitch pointed his hoof at Waller.
“Calm down boy, we were all just a tad surprised is all.” The old stallion assuaged the lieutenant. Twitch didn’t answer. He just crossed his forelegs and began to sulk. Chief knew how to cheer up the lieutenant though.
“You did forget one of the nicknames for the Witches,” Chief smiled mischievously. A small smile crept across Twitch’s face.
“Y.M.B.s,” Twitch said quietly.
“Aye lad, Y.M.B.s,” Chief laughed. Waller looked to Chief with a questioning look upon his face.
“Young Magic Bitches,” Twitch said with a laugh. “And how young they are,” Twitch unfolded his forelegs and sat forward. “Have you seen them around the palace rookie?” Twitch looked at Trench who had remained quiet throughout the exchange. The greenhorn nodded with a dumb smile plastered across his face.
“Yeah I’ve seen ‘em,” Trench said still smiling.
“Ha!” Twitch said. “There’s this one, she’s one of the older girls ya know, still young though. But she has this plot, ooh!” Twitch said shaking his hooves in excitement. “What I wouldn’t do to give that thing a slap.” Twitch had a faraway look on his face as he, no doubt, imagined the female unicorn performing unseemly acts upon him for the sake of him being such a great guard and exhibiting all the characteristics of a good, strong stallion any self-respecting mare would throw themselves at legs splayed and begging for it like she was in heat.
Waller himself had eyed a particular mare from the Witch Brigade. Her name was Spectacle Shadow and she was indeed quite the spectacle to look at. Waller had spoken with her on a few occasions and she came across as quite competent if somewhat polite. Her physical features were nothing to blink an eye at either considering she was one of the most physically attractive mares Waller had ever laid his eyes on and he would be lying if he hadn’t imagined her in a less than professional manner.
Like the mind reader he was Twitch smiled at Waller.
“And don’t thing I haven’t noticed you looking at that one girl,” Twitch put a hoof to his chin. “What was her name again?” he asked aloud. Twitch turned to Chief. “What was her name Chief? I know you know, come on.”
Chief chuckled at Twitch. “Spectacle.” Chief grinned widely at Waller. “Sorry Wall, but I couldn’t resist.”
“Har, har,” Waller sneered at the old stallion. Twitch was just beginning though.
“Now if only you could convince this Spectacle just to come back to the barracks and you might just become a real stallion,” Twitch leered at Waller. “And maybe she could show us all a good time then!” Twitch laughed aloud. Waller lunged at Twitch across the small gap and swung. Chief moved faster than any of them could see and blocked the strike from landing moments before Twitch was sent into a deep sleep.
“Calm down Wall, geeze,” Twitch commented pushing himself up the seat trying to get away from the angry guard. Waller felt forelegs come up from behind him holding him back from putting a hoof into Twitch's forehead.
“He was just joking with you lad, you should know better than to let the lieutenant to get to you.” Chief said pushing Waller back into his seat. “Rookie, could you lend a hoof before we’re down a lieutenant.”
Trench reached up and pulled Waller back down and between the three stallions they managed to push Waller back to his chair. Twitch slid back into his seat.
“Hey Wall,” Twitch held up his hooves defensively. “Sorry if I pissed you off brother, I was just making a joke, you know.”
“Wrong joke,” Waller growled as he was released from his comrade's grips.
“I see that,” Twitch answered. Waller didn’t respond just went back to looking out the window.
Chief turned his gaze out the window as well and smiled.
“Uniform lads, we’re here,” the old stallion commanded as he pulled his cuirass and helmet out from under the seat.
Throughout the car the sounds of clinking armor sounded as the guards began to don their armor. Waller pulled his helmet on and felt the comfortable familiarity of the weight settle on his head.
“Good thing we’re finally here,” Twitch harrumphed. “I was getting bored.”
The doors along the train car slammed open and orders began to be issued.
“Come on lads, let’s form up,” Chief commanded.
The pegasus squad filed out alongside their comrades out onto the platform where a black armored disciplinary officer stood with a clipboard held before him with his magic. The officer looked up.
“Go to the right Chief,” he ordered.
“Aye,” Chief answered with a quick salute and led his squad off of the platform. The four of them walked down the short cement steps.
“There it is lads,” Chief said looking out over the city.
“Welcome to the Pit,” the old stallion cackled.
Alright, I like where this is going. Small errors sprinkled throughout. Sorry, not an editor or I'd have a list for you. Please, continue.
I REALLY want Twilight to win but I am so much more of a Celestia guard! GAH!
Fine, I want Celestia's guard to win.
It would be awesome to see the Princesses spar. haha.
I like where this is going!
You had my curiosity...
But now you have my attention.
id ease up on the duragatory comments in your story other then that im really excited to see where this goes
Seems good.
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I put it out before a fine toothed comb could be used, later today my editor and I are going through it all the way to grab the last of the errors.
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I only got about halfway through it before I fell asleep and he put this up before I finished my rundown.
The first half should be solid.
<3 DarqFox
HINT HINT
Wow, the character development in this story is perfectly done! Congratulations!
First thing I thought of was World of Warcraft
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The Brawlers Guild?
2475863 Trial of the Champion was a raid dungeon back in the Wrath of the Lich King expansion. Just the first thing that came to mind is all.
heh. the way these guys are talking, I smell a win for the mares AND the earth ponies coming. it's practically a trope.
Will there be any weaponized weather?
attack of the apostrophe's
hnggck
The Sun guard have forgotten one thing about the Crystal guard. They have the experience from 1000 years ago when time was ruff and they had Sombra as there lord to wipe them into shape. There in for a nasty surprise.
You have my attention my good sir/madam whatever you are....
Yay, someone who can spell C8dence's n8me
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Django reference...
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Yeah, what these two said.
~ Super-Brony12
reading this makes me think of blood bowl
hd-wallpaper.org/wallpapers/50/Blood_Bowl.jpg
bloodbowl-game.com/img/medias/screenshots-chaos/BB-Chaos_06.jpg
Its nice to see Stannis Baratheon and Adeptus Sororitas getting in on the action.
The Rivalry - Running Wild
I want Twilight's group to destroy the Royal Guards. Absolutely DESTROY THEM! *Dark Laughter with lightning in the background*
There are a couple of errors throughout but nothing that detracts from the story though. There was one point that was confusing and I'll mention it below. It's an interesting premise and you had my interest, but now you have my attention. I will be following this one a bit closely. And I think I'd really like Cadance and Twilight's guard to mop the floor with Celestia's and Luna's guard. I think Cadance and Twi's guard have something to prove, they're just as dangerous and can tear the old guard apart if they're not careful. Especially Twi's female unicorns. I fear they'll have to fight through the old stigma about women... which is that a women has to fight twice as hard to get half as much respect. At least that's the sense that I got from how the guards were talking about them.
Now, the part that was a little confusing was when the moonies, as they're called, turned on Celestia... when Celestia formed them. I think there should be a bit more of an explanation and you should touch on just why they did what they did a bit more. I think you needed more of a moment there because in my mind I was thinking, " I thought Celestia' created these guys after Luna had already left? How does she have a hold over them?" You did explain this a little, but since betrayal is never a small thing I think it needs just a bit more of an explanation. At least those are my thoughts. Looking forward to seeing more though!
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I never thought I'd meet someone else who played that.
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We only worship the seven like good ponies!
2477607 yeah right now I'm playing chaos with a minotaur with a broken hip. which team do you like?
It was all going great until you had to use vulgar insults and get dirty. It's really distracting in an MLP fanfic to hear stuff like that. I'm no Mormon or anything, but hearing those things from ponies just takes you out of the story (not to mention it paints Twitch as a sexist and a douchebag). Other than that, I like where this is going. Good stuff.
2475860 Same here, haha. Good times T_T
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When I read this (when it was rough as sandpaper) I saw the vulgarity and dirtiness. I thought it was perfect. It fits perfectly, because no matter where you go, where there is an organized military force, there are dirty/perverted/vulgar jokes. It adds an element of reality into the story, which I find very...
Delicious.
<3 DarqFox
By the way, Laars, I don't think I've given you your moustaches for such a great story.
And one more as a 'congrats on featured' gift.
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I can't fully decide and it's been years since I've played
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You... You mentioned me?!
You is best ferret friend a ferret could ask for!
<3 DarqFox
All grammar errors are now destroyed. If I missed any, point them out, and I shall prove you otherwise. Have a great day.
2477865 Yes, some younger men in the military (the stupider ones) do curse a lot and talk about women as if they're objects, and yes, it does make the story more realistic. But that's the issue.
Stories aren't supposed to be realistic, they're supposed to be fantastical, but also believable. If people wanted realism, they'd go outside. People read fiction to get away from reality, so the purpose of an author writing a story is to create an amazing situation that is larger than life but still believable. Putting things in your story that are "realistic" just have the opposite effect of what you want in the end because it brings the readers back to reality, which is what they set out trying to get away from.
2478157
The Great Gatsby was a story designed to be realistic, and is nowhere near "fantastic" in the sense you're using, yet it's one of the greatest stories known to the English language. All Quiet on the Western Front, To Kill a Mockingbird, and many others from the Realist Movement were excellent reads because they were realistic.
Fiction isn't meant solely for the fantasy genre. Take a look at historical fiction, or the books above.
All I'm going to really care about is that in my humble opinion, I like the realistic flavor to this story. It's like hearing an oboe solo in the middle of a slow, relaxing chorale...
<3 DarqFox
the tag combination seems interesting for a seemingly OC centered tournament story, gonna be real interesting to see how you progress with the story; what's most exciting is the fact that i got interested immediately upon seeing it, which is kinda special for me since i absolutely hate OC centered stories
you know what would be VERY interesting: to see the princesses spar with each other, maybe celestia vs. luna and twi vs. cadence; doesn't even have to be any real-ish combat.
great first chapter!
Well, that's an interesting start.
Besides the occasional spelling error and sometime strange phrasing I dare say I'm liking it a lot.
Only thing that intrigued me is Twilight's guard, the whole only girls thing seems a little out of character.
Even if the gimmick is interesting it feels wrong if you don't provide a good reason for it.
Especially when we're talking about an elite force of specialized fighters, I just don't think you can afford to refuse applicants on their sex alone.
Also PLEASE no Trixie, PLEASE.
This looks amazing so far, really hoping to see it continue on.
I'm gonna root for Twilight's forces. Would be sweet to see the rough and tumble guards all get shown up by the girls.
2478519
I hate Trixie...
2478327
I'm glad I can entertain you with OC then
2478519 I agree with this. I hope we learn why Twi want her guards to be female only, it doesn't seem fair to any unicorn males that want to join this new group. Anyway this is a good story so far so I will keep reading.
Witch Brigade.
Oh fuck the hell yes!
I'll definitely read this once there is more content up.
Also, I'm curious how the sex tag will tie into this setting, so I guess I'll read the first chapter soon without actually waiting on more chapters even though that's what I want to do.
2479268
At least it's exciting!
2479278 Well, that it is. Now I can't wait for the WB to beat up the Solar Guard for their dickishness.
Not an original premise per-se, but unique in its own way. I'll be interested to see the legions start to distinguish themselves as fighting forces.
2478327
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF ANCESTORYYYYYY
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
VERSES
CAAANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNCE
BEGERN
Mfw I see the title of the Story and I immediately think of WoW
2480037
ERHMAGERD THAT WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD.
If that happens, they'll be using the Royal Canterlot Voice, and that would level buildings.
2478519
It could play into two different things. The first being that the stallions will underestimate the mares. With most of the Bitch - err, Witch Brigade being relatively new, they can use that as an excuse instead of sexism.
The second is how the stallions might be hard-wired to not hit a girl. Or how hitting a girl will make them feel bad, giving the rest of the Witches a chance to pulverise him.
Besides, I highly doubt Twilight would just have her girls rely solely on magic. That'd be stupid.
Also, I'm interested about The Legion of the Heart. What advantages do Crystal Ponies have over the average pony? Are they literally as hard as diamond? (Giggity)
Hmm, shouldn't be THAT much bad blood between the groups, but other than that, it's good.
2480369
Well, Luna's return was pretty recent, so it's still fresh in everypony's mind. The thestrals must have racked up an impressive kill count for that attitude, though.
2480367
I don't know, you make valid points, but that still seems kinda light a reason for such a harsh limitation (And I'm not sure Brutus will mind hitting a girl).
And I actually think her troops will rely only on magic, just different forms of it (summoned weaponry, magic shields, rituals, binding spells, gravity spells, magic wings...) there's enough diversity to do some interesting things.
Very cool story ya got here thus far and very cool premise! I'm particularly enthralled with the subject you've chosen to deal with; I too especially hope to focus a lot of attention later in my current fic I'm working on ("Batmare Begins") on Princess Luna's guards, history behind the different guards, etc., so I'm very interested to see where you go with this. Might even end up calling Luna's guards thestrals as well, if you don't mind, instead of bat ponies, just because it sounds a lot more... legitimate than bat ponies. Great start so far, and can't wait to read more from you soon Laarsgaard.
2480353 the rap epicness would reach a climax and a sonic boom would appear, causing major atmospherical turmoil.
I gotta say the back story is well thought out and explained. Need more info about the L.O.P you were alittle light on that.
Somehow I see the Witch Brigade as tougher than they seem. If any of those guards try any innaproprate behavior... well their fave body parts might get lost (magically). And I think somehow they know that, but it does present itself for plenty of jokes