(A/N This has been revised and rewritten, do enjoy and inform of persisting mistakes.)
November 14, 1942
Savo Island, Pacific
TF 64, USS South Dakota
Captain Halford Norman
//////////
The firing subsided as the last ship slipped off radar. “Captain! Enemy is fleeing!” An officer informed of the obvious. The black figure of Savo Island of only a shadow in the dark morning. The four Japanese ships that had been struck earlier in the fighting were slowly burning in the distance, no longer moving.
Suddenly, a bright light illuminated the USS South Dakota from starboard side. In the following seconds, several shells came in from the four IJN ships that had flanked. “Kill those damn lights!” Captain Norman ordered.
“Aye sir!” The four twin five inch cannons on starboard side simultaneously turned, and began hailing on the source of the lights. The three turrets containing the three each nine inch cannons turned as well, railing out their freight car loads on the hostile ships. Another ship showed up off the stern of the South Dakota, and turret three was brought onto them.
The large turret fired, raking over the ship’s own aircraft and shredding them apart. The target was struck, and began billowing smoke as it stopped firing. Turret three was brought back on the starboard targets while the USS Washington and the two’s support destroyers, The USS Preston, Walke, Benham, and Gwin, joined their fire.
Fighting between the two, the Preston moved along to a better vantage point, crossing between the South Dakota and attacking ships. The Preston was struck, taking a heavy caliber round for the South Dakota, and she began to sink. The South Dakota’s crew watched helplessly as the Preston disappeared into the black depths of the Pacific.
The South Dakota continued firing until, after a few grueling hours, the four offending IJN ships sank. The U.S. Forces lost the Preston, and the Walke. The South Dakota sat there, and the bridge crew sighed a breath of relief as they had survived another hard fight with the IJN. Just then, the lights on the bridge went out.
Captain Norman looked around at the black bridge. “God damnit! Someone get down to the switchboard and find out why we’re dark!”
“Aye sir!” An officer ran out of the bridge.
“Helmsman, head for the predestinated point for rendezvous with the Washington. We’re no help in a fight if tracking is offline.”
“Aye sir. Heading out.” The massive ship lurched forward as it began off the side of Savo Island. A sudden shell railed the stern of the ship, causing everyone in the bridge to stumble.
“What the hell was that?” Norman demanded. He ran to the viewing balcony, and took up field glasses. He could make out the outline of an IJN Destroyer. Another shell was fired, and connected with the plating on turret three. Norman rushed back in, ordering. “Full ahead helmsman! And get three firing on that son of a bitch!”
“Aye sir!” Came multiple confirmations. The South Dakota lurched again as full speed was reached, and it trembled while turret three returned fire on their IJN pursuer. In the confusion and darkness, they failed to notice a massive whirlpool forming. A loud thundering sound echoed out as the IJN destroyer’s main five inch gun on the front was struck and destroyed.
The ship lurched again, but this time violently as the bridge crew was thrown to one side, the bow of the South Dakota finding its way into the whirlpool. The ship began sliding in, bow down and stern rising, crew being thrown forward now. “Brace yourselves!” Was all that Captain Norman could yell as the thundering roar of water engulfed them.
The IJN ship followed the South Dakota, not having time to veer off and avoid the whirlpool. It soon met a similar fate.
* * * * *
Present Day
Canterlot, Equestria
Canterlot Castle
Princess Celestia
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Princess Celestia slouched in her throne. Another bright, happy, sunny day. Another day of boredom for the sun goddess. She sighed, looking at the massive, empty room. The door was flung open as a guard approached her. His trot, and his facial expression could only mean one thing. Excitement. “Your highness. A strange whirlpool has begun to form in the South Seas.”
“A whirlpool? That can’t be all.” Celestia sat up.
“It's not all. The whirlpool seems to be bringing two very large boats with it.”
“Boats? Are there any settlements in that area?”
“No Your Highness. Only woodlands.”
“Alright. Go and gather the Elements of Harmony, then take them with a guard escort out there. I will go ahead and see for myself what we’re dealing with.”
“Your highness?”
“I said go. I will expect them there within the hour.” Celestia stood, stretching her wings slightly as she began out of the throne room, the guard now in tow.
“Yes Your Highness.” He hurried off, and Celestia made her way to the gardens. Standing in the open air, she spread her wings and took flight for the southern woodlands. She was craving this little excitement, but she did not realize how much excitement this would bring.
* * * * *
Southern Equestrian Seas
USS South Dakota
Captain Halford Norman
//////////
Norman slowly stood. He had to shield his eyes against the bright sunlight pouring in the bridge viewports. Wait, sunlight? How long had he been out? He noticed the rest of his crew getting to their feet as well, grabbing paneling for support. “Is everyone alright?” He called. His crew confirmed in several pained voices.
Norman stumbled out to the viewing balcony, and was blinded by the full on sun. Shielding his eyes once more, they adjusted to the light, and a large landmass became visible to him. All he saw on the land was a short beach, then nothing but trees up to some very large mountains. Beyond that, he could not make anything out, but this was not right.
Radar Officer Kans Jose approached form behind. “Captain? What happened? Where the hell are we?”
Norman turned to face the officer and close friend. “We swam down a whirlpool Jose. As for where we are, you tell me. Recognize anything?”
“No sir. I’ve never seen any land like this. East coast, west coast, or any of the Pacific Islands. This looks like we found new land.” Kans stepped up to the railing. The two began leaning on it. “Any idea on what to do sir?”
“No. We need to assess damage first.” They grew very quiet as a semi-familiar sight began to drift in front of the bow. There, perpendicular to them, sat the IJN destroyer that had been chasing them. The two ran in and Norman bellowed, “Are the guns up?”
“No idea sir!”
“How about the boilers?” He turned red in the face.
“They’re firing sir!”
“Helmsman! All ahead!”
“All ahead, aye sir!”
* * * * *
Southern Equestria
Thick woodlands
Princess Twilight Sparkle
//////////
“Are we there yet?” A distressed Rarity whined out.
“Almost. Just a bit more.” Twilight answered. Their group of Elements and their six guard escort walked through the forest while Twilight read the map.
“Thank heavens… This humidity is terrible for my hair…” Rarity continued to whine.
“Oh, stuff it you prune.” Applejack huffed.
“Alright, settle down you two. We’re here.” Twilight informed them as they pushed their way onto a beach. They stopped cold in their tracks as they were confronted with the sight of a massive metal ship, and a slightly smaller one sitting in front of it. “What in the name of Celestia are those?”
On que, Celestia landed next to them, earning a bow from her subjects. “The large one is called a ‘Battleship’, and the smaller one is a ‘Destroyer’.”
“Why do they have those names though? They sound like things that would fight.” Twilight asked. Her question received its unintentional answer as the large ‘Battleship’ began forward, heading right at the ‘Destroyer’. “Wait, what is it doing?”
The ‘Battleship’ rammed hard into the side of the ‘Destroyer’, tearing the smaller ship into pieces. The smaller ship started into fires on the water, billowing smoke into the air. “Oh my!” Came the collected cry of shock. A small boat emerged from the wreckage of the ‘Destroyer’, and made its way to the beach. It landed about six hundred yards down the beach.
The ‘Battleship’ stopped moving, and one of the three large machines on top of it began to turn towards the small boat. The boats occupants scrambled around to get out of the boat, as a loud crack sounded, the huge puff of smoke popping from the machine. The very soon bang sounded as the boat exploded violently, annihilating its occupants.
The group stood in shock and terror. The ‘Battleship’ had just destroyed two things that, with no doubt, were carrying living creatures. The smoke billowed out from the former ‘Destroyer’ and the puffs drifted from the boat and machine. The machine slowly turned back to face forward.
* * * * *
USS South Dakota
Captain Halford Norman
////////////
“Captain. Jap PT boat successfully destroyed”
“Good. Now send one of the Marine squads ashore to search for any survivors, and to see if they can figure out where we are.” Norman smiled. His quick acting had surely just saved wherever they were from the hated Japanese. “And drop anchor. We’ll hold down here for now.”
“Aye sir!” The sound of rattling chains sounded for a brief moment, before they landed and the USS South Dakota was prepared to lock down the area and keep an eye out for any other Japanese.
* * * * *
Higgins Boat #26
Sergeant Jensen Malantraze
//////////
“Sarge? What’s our orders?” Asked one of Jensen’s squad.
“Alright, Cappin’s ordering our asses out to that beach to check for any nip survivors from that PT boat. Secondary orders are to try to locate the local population and figure out where in the fuck we are.” Jensen informed them. He clutched his Tommy gun, while most of his squad carried M1s. One man had a BAR.
The boat hit the shore, and opened its ramp. “Alright, Move! Move! Move! Get your asses to that boat and search it!”
* * * * *
Southern Equestrian Woodlands
Princess Twilight Sparkle
//////////
Twilight and the others had retreated into the forest once they had seen the second boat come off the ‘Battleship’. They saw several creatures run out of it once it made it to shore, all of them dressed in some olive green attire. Each one clutched a wood and steel thing in their claws, and they ran around on two legs. This was both intriguing, and frightening.
They ran to the burning boat, looking around it. They drug a struggling creature from the boat and down the beach. This creature was blackened with burns, and was yelling in another language, thrashing around as the six olive creatures drug it. They threw it down, and began yelling at it, but in a language that was understandable to them.
“You fucking Nip! Think ya can come at us like that! Look at your fucking pathetic piece of shit ship now!” The one who was yelling kicked the struggling one. He then brought his wood and steel contraption up and pointed it at the one lying on the ground. A burst of fire spurted from the tip of the contraption, and the creature lying on the beach stopped moving, a red mist briefly rising from his torso.
“Oh my stars… What did they do?” Whispered a terrified element. Their voice was incoherent, but the question was clear. And so was the answer as the creature’s blood pooled up around the body. The group stood in shock, but soon realized that they were no longer unnoticed. The olive creatures were staring right at them. Wood and steel contraptions now pointed at them.
* * * * *
Southern Equestrian Beach
Sergeant Jensen Malantraze
//////////
After Malantraze had shot and killed the Japanese soldier, he heard a whisper. Obviously his squad had as well, beings as they were looking around. That was when he noticed it. Not it, them. The horses. Multi colored horses. With wings and horns. Two with both. Instinctively, Malantraze pointed this out, and the others brought their rifles to bear.
Not sure what to expect from multi colored horses, Malantraze did the only thing he knew to do with animals. He whistled at them, and moved his hand in a motion to shoo them away. “Hey! Scat! Shoo! Get outtalk here you dumb horses!”
It was true that he didn’t know what to expect. And he sure wasn’t expecting a response. “Hey, we’re not dumb!” Malantraze blinked, and looked at the purple one, who he was more than sure he just heard talk. He took notice of a, crown? The large white one had a crown as well.
Malantraze motioned for the lowering of his squad’s weapons. He then stepped forward towards the horses hiding in the brush. “What the fuck? Did you just…”
The group of horses stepped from the brush, making Malantraze back up. Most of them wore necklaces, the two had crowns, and several others were dressed in suits of armor. "Um. Hello there. I am Princess Celestia." The white one spoke.
Malantraze motioned for the field radio, and then began into it, “Captain, this is Sergeant Malantraze from the beach. Sir, I think we found the local population. And you ain't gonna believe what they are..."
OBLITERATE THE TINY PONIES
If you're doing Battleships in Equestria, don't send one. Send every one you can think of in the same fleet!
You mave have inspired me to do a IJN (led by Ozawa) invade Equestria after refusing to surrender after Nagasaki/Hiroshima and being nuked.
I'll see if I have time. Otherwise, just use lines between paragraphs online, indents don't really work as well.
This is incredibly rushed, the battleship crew does not read like military men, they act more like random battlefield characters. You even have the ship work like it's from battlefield.
Slow it down, have some actual characterization, and think about what the military is actually like. There are plenty of websites and stories that do military matter fairly well to draw inspiration from.
This reminds me of the movie Final Countdown But I agree it does seem a bit rushed, if th proper tme and effort went into it I think it could be very good. My interest is peaked so here have a
2364650 I once wrote about an Iowa-class in Equestria
A couple of notes:
Like others have said, you're going really fast. Slow down. Describe some details.
It's Applejack, one word.
I'll give the story a follow and see where it goes.
2364801 Grammar Nazi: Your interest is piqued
2364905
O sory dosthe wittle gramer notsi has a probles with me comment?
Instead of whabam you should describe the impact and the noise it made, I made the same narrative choice in my fic, it's a lazy and poor one it really is. :/ I like thees premise though, have zees thumbs up!
I dont mind the pace actually, it reads like a 1940s newspaper war comic. Which is kinda neat, I just picture everything in old comic format like 60s spiderman and it fits. A little more detail would be nice though.
99% of people will hate this kind of pacing though, just fyi.
2364905
Hi totally! What's up man?
2364905
I read that, damn good.
This will be the battle scarred IJN who want revenge on the Yanks though, don't expect them to get on at all with the ponies like the Yanks in yours did. I could make it a sort of sequel to yours, if you want. Expose the ponies to what the Americans were fighting.
The IJN fleet as it stands at time of transportation, all historically accurate- Commanded by Ozawa (third ugliest admiral in the navy, well liked by the men.)
1 Naganato Battleship
1 Kongo Battlecrusier
2 (planeless) carriers Hosho, Junyo
12 Destroyers, various classes.
4 light cruisers, variuous classes
See how the ponies react to that
2365004 Not much. Battleshipping, y'know?
2365037
Hm, I do indeed. I'm trying to work up to writing a little tonight.
I must admit, this is a good idea you have going here, with plenty of potential, and I encourage you to continue, but its execution so far, to be honest, is rather average.
There's plenty of room for improvement, and pretty much all of the major flaws have been pointed out by the other people who commented, so my recommendation is to take what they say to heart and work on those issues. Once you manage to iron out those drawbacks, I'm positive this story will turn out to be one worth reading in the long run.
why not the Yamato? or a Nimitz aircraft carrier? both are unbelievably awesome.
This is really awesome.
Hope this fic continues!
2364756
Sorry if it seems to not be military like. I am actually a soldier in training, private training course, and I know lingo from Army and Air Force. Navy hits off my specialty. I ran into writing problems, such as limited writing time, and fatuige while writing. Plus I'm trying to keep historically acurate facts on the USS South Dakota, and my brain has trouble keeping with such thought processes. I will revise this when I get the chance, and I am working on chapter two.
2365004
You explain another reason I am looking for an editor/proofreader. While my writing has been better in the past, training has intensified, and finding time for these things is just getting harder. Not to mention, I am three weeks behind on my U. S. Government work...
Note to all who read
This fic was inspired by the fact that whenever I read a "Human was sent to Equestria" Fic, it's always one person, or a group of up to fifteen. I thought in my bright mind, 'Hey, what could I pull outta my rear end when I throw a random battleship with a random crew of close to three thousand into Equestria?' This is a work in progress, though all the while, staying mainly historically acurate on any facts about the battleship.
SLOW! DOWN! I don't know if you meant for the pacing to be the same speed as a Formula 1 car, but that's what it is. The pacing is far to fast, and none of the environments are described in any way. This makes imagining it very hard.
Secondly, if a few rocks floated towards a ship, you don't fire at it. If you were to delve deeper down that they mistake it for a Japanese ship or the like, then I'd be able to buy it. You've got a great start, but there are many things that need fixing.
SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.
WHERE ARE THE BRAKES?!
This is good and has potential, but I feel like someone just strapped me and this story to a friggin rocket ship!
2367228
*sigh* Alright. Y'all convinced me. I've got a break coming up, and I will sit down and take serious time to rewrite this...
Note to readers.
I thank you all for pointing out flaws, as said, this was a simple idea I wanted to get out. Seeing the popularity it has now, I am considering raising anchor and setting sail with this idea. Revisions will be done, now that I have enough information of flaws, and I will work on new chapters.
Interesting... Have never read a HIE that had a battleship in it. Pretty good. Keep up the good work
The South Dakota dominates all!!!
I would understand celestia knowing what the big shop was considering they probably use the same language. But how would she know the other was a destroyer? The words on the boat would be a different language.