A Little Smarty Problem
By
Sparknanator
______________________________________________________________________________
“BIG MAC! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL ASK, GIVE ME SMARTY PANTS BACK!” Twilight shouted from outside the house of the apple family. It had been almost a year since Twilight had cast her ‘Want it,Need it’ spell, and it had been almost a year of failed attempts by Twilight to get Smarty Pants back from Big Macintosh.
The stallion in question poked his head out the window, shouting “Eenope!” every time Twilight came over to get Smarty Pants back. She would ask Big Mac to give her her beloved fillyhood doll back, and every time Big Mac would not return it. Even Applejack had tried taking it and sneaking it back to Twilight, but Big Mac always caught her in the process. Even when Granny Smith chewed him out, he would not return it. Not even three cute faces from the crusaders could get him to give it up.
“Big Mac this is the LAST time I will ask!” Twilight warned for the umpteenth time, “If you do NOT give me Smarty Pants back I WILL take matters into my own hooves!”
Big Mac grinned, “Sorry Twilight but ahm’ keepin’ her. It was yer’ own fault that’ ah’ fell in love with tha’ thing.”
Twilight glared at the red stallion. “That’s it Big Mac!” Twilight shouted, “I warned you! and now I am going to get Smarty Pants back whether you like it or not!” Twilight stormed off, angrily leaving Sweet Apple Acres.
“Mac! just give her tha’ doll back!” Applejack said, walking up to her older brother, “It was hers ta begin with! and tha’ least ya could do is give it back ta her!” Applejack scolded her older brother. It was clear that Applejack was annoyed with her brother, “Yer actin’ like a little foal! Now what will it take ta’ get you to give Twilight tha’ doll back!?”
“Nothin’ at all. I ain’t given’ it back ta’ her! So ya can tell her ta stop with all her belly achin’!” Big Mac said, “It was her own fault! so I ain’t givin’ it back! so stop buggin’ me bout’ it!”
“Mac, ya know I love ya right?” Applejack asked, Big Mac nodded, “And ya know what its like fer’ somepony ta’ take somethin’ that belongs ta’ ya’ right?” Big Mac nodded again, “Then just give Twilight her doll back.”
“Eenope!” was all Big Mac responded with.
By this point Applejack’s face was red with anger, “Mac! I swear yer’ one of tha’ most hard headed ponies ah know! Even more hard headed than Rainbow!” Applejack just glared at her brother, “And whatever Twi does ta’ ya’ is yer’ own doin’ so don’t come cryin’ ta’ me!”
Big Mac just rolled his eyes, “Applejack she has made tha’ same threat ta’ me over and over again but she ain’t done anythin’!” Big Mac huffed, putting Smarty Pants on his bed, “And whatever she is gonna do can’t be that bad.”
Applejack facehoofed “Her special talent is magic and she is tha’ element of magic fer Celestia sake!”
****
Twilight walked into the library, huffing as she slammed the door shut behind her. She knew just what she was going to do. If Big Mac wanted to keep Smarty Pants so badly he could have her; but Twilight was going to cast a little spell to make sure that Smarty Pants was even more lifelike and lovable.
“SPIKE!” Twilight shouted, “Come here I need your help!” Twilight waited for her draconic assistant. After a good few minutes she was growing impatient, “Spike Nathaniel Sparkle you come here right now!”
The young dragon came running down stairs, the only time Twilight would use his full name is when he was either in trouble or when she had been calling his name for too long and he had yet to answer, “Yeah Twilight, what do you need?” Spike asked, “I was reading comics.” he said under his breath to answer Twilight’s question before she asked it.
“Spike, I need you to help me find a book!” Twilight said.
“Uhh Twilight you're going to have be more specific than that.” Spike waves his hand around the room, “We live in a library.”
Twilight sighed “I need you to find a spell book with a spell to make an inanimate object come to life, or at least make it look like it is alive to one pony.”
Spike nodded with a salute as he started his search with Twilight. He was halfway through the library’s bookshelves, “Twilight?”
“Yes Spike?”
“This isn’t going to turn out like the time you panicked over being tardy is it?” Spike asked
“No Spike.” Twilight sighed again “Big Mac won’t give Smarty Pants back to me, so I want to make it to where he thinks she is actually alive.”
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Spike asked and Twilight nodded, “What if Applejack and the rest of them put Big Mac in the nut house?”
Twilight giggled a little. “Don’t worry Spike I am not going to take it THAT far. I’m only going to use this spell until I can get him to give Smarty Pants back to me and that shouldn’t take too long with this spell.” Twilight said as she looked through yet another book, “Come on there has to be a spell for this somewhere!”
The pair had been searching all day looking around. It was almost night and almost all of the books in the library were on the ground. Twilight would skim through the books, trying to find the right spell, before throwing them over her shoulder, “Twilight! I think I found something!” Spike exclaimed from the other side of the room.
Twilight dashed over to her number one assistant, “Let me see.” Twilight said, levitating the book out of Spike’s grip and reading the spell, “Hmm its called ‘inanimate to animate.’” Twilight read the details of the spell, “This seems like it might work.” she closed the book and set it aside, “Alright Spike I need you to give me room.” Twilight’s horn began to glow a magenta color before her horn started glowing a hot white color, Spike backed away and hid behind a pile of books.
****
It was morning, and the birds were chirping happily as Celestia’s sun was rising the sky to help everypony wake up so that Luna’s moon could go to sleep. It was still the crack of dawn and everypony knew at Sweet Apple Acres that this was the time the Apples would wake up, no matter who they were. Even old Granny Smith would wake up and help with the chores.
The only pony who was allowed to sleep in was Applebloom, seeing as she was still a filly and had school. Applejack and Granny Smith were already awake, Big Mac on the other hoof was still fast asleep, snoring loudly. But something was off. He felt a tiny hoof poke him. Big Mac swatted the hoof away, “Not now Applebloom ah am tryin’ ta’ sleep right now!” Big Mac said trying to drift off again.
“Daddy wake up!”
Insta fave.
That is all.
keeping an eye on this...it has Potential ill give you that.
This seems promising, first story that I think of this way, you have my curiosity
I could see great things about this story until then have a Fluttershy
This is such a cute idea. I really love, love, love the concept.
But the text of the story could use some hefty editing.
For instance, look at this passage. Read it out loud, if you want.
That bolded part is in serious need of punctuation.
I know you may be writing this for fun, but it would be nice if the story had better grammar.
You know, clauses, commas, sentences... Variations of descriptive nouns....
Like, seriously, Smarty Pants coming to life is adorable. Stinking Adorable. The concept deserves care.
2414110 who do you think said daddy?
This is cute.
I like cute things.
I like this cute story.
Why does it feel I've read a similar story before? Oh wait, in that one, Big Mac wondered why there was a mare in his bed.Lol
I'm gonna un fav then fav again so I can mark email update it would be easier if I had a goddamn computer!
Ah fuck it.
and she find out the plan back fire so mech that twi will never give it back to her and big mac love his new duhter
I'm having flashbacks to Child's Play.
But I like it.
Now that's a face that screams: "OHHHHH FUCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!" If I've ever seen one.
This looks hilarious to read, proceed good sir!
I have the feeling this will go the way I don't want it to go which is good for young readers hahahaha
watching VERY intently i will be, quite an interesting concept, im more or less expecting Smartypants to think of Twilight as her mother
Awesome as always.
This is going to be good.
Keep the awesome work coming, and always remember that your awesome!
nice story here is another good one to read this one:
it's called slave to awesomeness.
it by : TheXboxBrony.
if you get tired of waiting then wast more time on reading this and others to :)
Nice full name for Spike^^
And now, I have a very Cute Picture in my head. Like the Cover from your Story... And I love it
I Shall Keep An Eye On This.
Seems Promising.
'Till Next Chapter
-Thewatcher509
Calvin and Hobbes anyone?^^
Oh thank Heavenly God Christ somebody finally wrote this!
Well....this can only end with sunshine and rainbows.
I was writing something like this and forgot about it, I don't think I can work on it... I am happy someone is writing it though so I can see it coming to a reality
Interesting...the cover art is what got me, but the story seems to be of good quality. *Opens can of Pepsi* Do continue.
I want more...
I would love this story so much more if there weren't so many grammatical errors.
Get a proof reader to point them out to you.
2416058 I have an editor and a proof reader so I doubt there are any grammar errors
2416064 Really? You should fire them then. Let me point out a few:
Twilight had cast her ‘Want it, Need it’ - needs a space after the comma
“Mac! Just give her tha’ doll back!
“It was hers ta bagin with! And
back! So stop buggin’
“Mac ya know I love ya, right?”
“Uhh... Twilight you're going to -OR- “Uhh, Twilight you're going to
Twilight sighed, “I need
He was halfway through the library’s bookshelves, “Twilight?”
Twilight sighed again, “Big Mac won’t
Twilight giggled a little, “Don’t worry
“Let me see,” Twilight said
it might work.” She closed
Now, don't get me wrong, I also make mistakes. A lot, as a matter of fact, but it's always nice to be told when I do so I can avoid making them in the future.
Okay fine. It's cute. I'll be interested to see if the doll is actually alive now or Twilight has just made Big Mac perceive it to be alive.
Oh HELL Big Mac, ya dun goofed~!
Take my Upthumb, Fave, Track. Hell, take it all.
Spike Nathaniel Sparkle?
So Spike is Twilight's son in this one too?
This is SO going to backfire on Twilight. Either the doll goes crazy, or Big Mac comes to enjoy the idea of being a "father".
Though it is nice to see a fresh look on the "Big mac and Smartypants" concept.
2415610
I would give this so much yes, but there is no childplay in this so far. And Big Mac isn't a child either.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Smarty's gonna call Twilight "Mom".
God dang man! This whole thing is one HUGE sentence without any punctuation!
Other than a few more grammatical hiccups, you have my tracking radars on full alert.
2416272 If the author is really clever and apt we won't be able to tell which is which until the very end.
What a great concept, I will admit that. And certainly original. I'd love to read this. However, I feel that there are a lot of grammar issues that will turn people away, such as me. Look at this one paragraph:
That whole first sentence hurt to read. Here, along with many other places, were run-on sentences.
All over the story contained numerous fragments, punctuation errors, and even some capitalization errors. As much as I love how the idea sounds, the execution, in terms of mechanics, is too poor for me to want any more. I'm sure your editing is doing whatever they can--editing is hard; I should know--but it's not really enough. Two editors can certainly never hurt.
EDIT: I apologize for basically replying what several people have said. I normally don't read other people's comments. Anyways, I saw that this is now "edited." It... doesn't look edited to me. I'm sorry, but I still notice things that are out of place. Though the above paragraph is fixed, not everything is, and as a grammar nerd, I just want to ask something.
Please, I mean no disrespect to your editor. However, I am asking if you would like me to help, as well. I'd like to help edit this story, as well, because like I said, I like where this to go. It just needs a little more help. I am so annoyingly carping on grammar, this would be perfect for a nerd like me!
I'm not complaining for myself because I didn't even notice, and don't exactly care about it... but you probably should get a second proofreader or have your current one look over it multiple times. Good story line though. I'm looking forward to the next chapters.
What a story Spark... nanator. Anyways, Big Mac, how is your sex life?
Hmm, nice and original concept to the story. Whenever Smartypants is involved in stories, it is usually used as a plot device of sorts, for romance or focus on something similar that involves with Twilight. It's refreshing to see stubbornness side of Big Mac that is directed to the Mane6, as he is acting too possessive for the doll, for it gives us a different angle on Mac as he is aimed to be a quiet and/or humble for a character.
Initially, you had me given me the impression that it's going to be a romance story between Big Mac and the doll that is miraculously brought to life by Twilight. Seeing that the doll has called her daddy, I imagine the romance is going to focus on Big Mac's lovelife on someone else, and that the doll may or may not intervene to complicate things.
This begs the question what is the extent of the spell that Twilight casted that is intended to cause trouble to Big Mac in the long run of things, for she is known to either got the wrong spell or maybe even overpowered the spell. Will it work against her as Mac gets connected to the doll like a loving parent and will their be side-effects where everyone who see's the doll will find it animated as well? Or better yet, how heartbroken will Big Mac be when the doll, once animated to act like his daughter, is turned back to normal in his eyes? Surely the time spent would had formed some sort of emotional connection between the two characters.
Who knows, but the story idea sounds pretty cute, so you got my interest. I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Keep up the good work man.
2416064
Wow mate, this certainly got popular.
It appears your editors... aren't the best.
A lot of people are turning your story down due to this, and I'd be glad to help if you needed one.
I'm an editor for some other stories out there as well.
So, send me a PM if you are interested in having me as an editor.
-Twilight
*Sees the word Daddy*
OH FUCK! YOU GOOFED SON!
"Daddy wake up!"
... Well....fuck
You have peeked my curiosity with this. The idea is very original and it has good pacing. Big Mac keeping Smarty Pants even when Twilight asks makes me laugh. So this is on my to read list and I will see if it stays as good.
2414145 Could you point me to that story?
2422625
Me too, Please?
2422625 Sorry, but I can't remember the title right now, if I find it, I'll let you know. It also might have been canceled or deleted since I last red it (last year),but, who knows.
you have my interests in this story