Hsi Wu dropped heavily to the snow, spreading his wings as Jackie, Uncle, Viper, and El Toro landed beside and around him. Daolong Wong spun in anger as they arrived. "What? How did you breach my barrier?" he demanded in shock.
"I know a few things about barriers myself," Hsi Wu growled as he braced himself for battle. Jackie drew Balance Breaker, Viper pulled out an extending baton, and Uncle drew a petrified lizard from his jacket.
"And I know a few things about demons," Daolong Wong snarled back as he donned the demon skull helmet. "Ya Gaa Mee-" The helm and his staff sparked painfully. "What?"
"Did you really think the physical change was purely aesthetic?" Hsi Wu chuckled darkly as runes appeared all over his chest. "Shaped for protections against anyone using my magic against my will..." He held up the hand where the Harmony Seal glowed. "With only one exception."
Daolong Wong winced as he steadied himself. "You don't really think that was the only ace I had to play, did you?" he snarled as he lifted his staff. Several snowmen sitting nearby twisted and warped until they became snow monsters, charging at the group.
"It is if that's the best you can do," Hsi Wu snapped as he flared his wings and thrust with his magic, causing all the snow within 20 feet of him - including the snowmen - to evaporate before taking shape as an ice lance that he gripped with both hands. "Sky commands Weather, fool!"
"But not the Earth!" Daolong Wong countered as the ground erupted into golems. "And this is my pocket space! Do you think you can stand against me in my own realm?"
"For long enough!" Uncle called out as he leapt over the golems to deal with Daolong Wong directly as they began to trade spells.
Jackie, Viper, and El Toro charged in to draw the golems' attention while Hsi Wu proceeded to destroy them one by one with powerful strikes aimed at weak points in the spell weave. Balance Breaker was the only other weapon available that could take them down and keep them down, as those shattered by the others simply reformed. Uncle's battle with Wong, however, proved to be much more even as Uncle slowly began to push Wong back against Santa's house.
As they stood upon the doorstep, Uncle holding his glowing lizard against Wong's staff, he suddenly glanced up. "Look!" he called out. "Misteltoe!"
"WAAAUGH!" Daolong Wong screamed out as he leapt back.
Uncle promptly blasted the snow on the roof, causing it to fall and pile up atop Wong. Hsi Wu launched his spell, turning the snow to ice. "That won't hold him for long!" he called out warningly.
"We just need to hold him until-" Jackie began.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BARRIER BREAKERS, YAY!"
As the shout rang out, the barrier shattered and dissolved, tree sap raining down on everyone as Hsi Wu moved to catch the four girls as they fell.
"Seriously?" Jade demanded irritably. "Why is it always tree sap?"
"What?" Queen Jade spoke from her shoulder seductively. "You don't want anyone Hsi-ing you all wet and sticky?"
"Shutupshutupshutup!" Jade growled as she pulled her hood up in a vain attempt to hide her blush.
"Your Id is going to be the death of me," Hsi Wu moaned.
"Now I kinda wish we could see Jade's consciences," Sweetie Belle observed idly. "I bet those discussions are entertaining."
Daolong Wong shattered his way out of the ice. "You dare-"
"Ho. Ho. Ho."
Daolong Wong whimpered as he slowly turned to see Santa Claus standing behind him, cricking his knuckles. "...I'm doomed, aren't I?" he asked softly.
"Nah," Santa replied firmly. "Like I said before...I'm not allowed to kill." Reaching forward, he seized Wong by the front of his robes and hefted him up. "Merry F**kin' Christmas!" he shouted, somehow pronouncing the asterisks as he uppercutted Wong into the stratosphere.
"Bah Huuummmbuuuuug!" Wong screamed out as he disappeared from sight.
Santa calmly brushed his hands off, then turned and pointed his belt buckle towards the sky. A Christmas Tree shaped signal shone into the sky, summoning the sleigh - and Tohru and his girls - to the spot. "Looks like you did a good job filling in for me," Santa declared as he patted Tohru's shoulder. "How many deliveries did you four manage?"
"37," Tohru managed to say, looking more than a little winded as his girls slumped over him, asleep on their feet.
"Better than most fill-ins manage their first flight," Santa observed calmly. "Still got a lot of work to do...but I have an important stop to make first." As he moved to the sleigh, he felt a tug on his leg and looked down.
"Uh...Santa?" Apple Bloom asked nervously. "About the...about our letter..."
Santa suddenly scooped up all three fillies and Jade, plopping them down into the sleigh. "I said I had an important stop to make first!" he pointed out jovially. He then turned to Hsi Wu. "You flying or riding?"
Hsi Wu quickly changed back to his human form and hopped into the sleigh beside Jade. Santa seized the reins and whipped, sending the reindeer into the sky.
Valmont slowly stirred out of his meditation of counting the stars. He'd almost gotten all of them, he was certain, but that certainty faded as he shifted from light body to flesh and blood as his thoughts slowed. There was someone in his home. This was odd not because there was a late night intruder, but because he did not become aware of them before they were inside. He'd spread security webs a mile around in every direction. He should have been completely aware of anyone approaching.
He moved slowly towards the disturbance. If they could circumvent his security, then they could be quite dangerous even to him. He'd taken the time to learn everything about his new abilities, after all. He knew his limitations...and this shouldn't have been one of them.
...and why was the intrusion in Bai Tza's suite? He had emptied it of people after returning.
As he entered, he found himself with six surprise guests, five he instantly recognized. "Girls, Brother," he greeted softly. "Why are you here?"
"It was our letter!" Sweetie Belle pointed out happily.
"And you didn't think I wouldn't be in attendance, did you?" Hsi added.
Valmont turned, still confused...only to catch sight of the sixth intruder. Even if the appearance weren't iconic, he would know him by the way the fields of magic bent around him from how much good Chi was focused in every cell of his body, like a benign singularity. "S-Santa Claus?"
Santa smiled as he lifted his hands over the sea water infinity wave pool that had been Bai's favorite resting spot. The water in the pool - Valmont could have sworn he emptied it - began to bubble and froth before rising up out of the pool, taking the shape of a curtain that slowly parted...revealing the Netherrealm.
Bai Tza gasped as she saw the gate open...and her eyes widened further as Santa reached through and took her hand, pulling her through the gate. Her shape changed to her human form, a wedding gown of sea froth white silk taking shape over her body. Beyond the gate, Po Kong, Tso Lon, and Xiao Fung could be seen looking through, wide smiles on their faces.
Valmont instantly transformed his normal green suit into a black tuxedo. He didn't know what was causing this, or if he was somehow dreaming...but he was not going to do anything to disturb it. It was only then that he noticed the fillies and Jade were dressed in Christmas colored flower girl dresses, and Hsi Wu held a pillow with two rings sitting on it.
"We are gathered here on this, my sacred day," Santa began gently, "because three True Selfless feel that these two deserve a joyous union, a happily ever after. Within my power, this is a wish I would grant, if the two desire it." He turned to Valmont. "Valmont, Demon Sorcerer of Light...will you dedicate your life, your heart, your very soul to this woman, whom you love? That nothing may ever separate you more?"
"Without hesitation, I do," Valmont responded immediately.
"Bai Tza, Demon Sorceress of Water," Santa continued, "will you dedicate your life, your heart, your very soul to this man, whom you love? That nothing may ever separate you more?"
Bai Tza choked slightly, then responded, "I do."
"Then take these rings, and breathe of yourself into them," Santa instructed. "And with the exchange of rings of your essence, may your souls be bound everlasting."
Valmont and Bai Tza each took a ring. The gem in Valmont's ring took on his Light essence, becoming a glowing golden citrine. Bai's ring became a brilliant blue aquamarine. They happily slipped the rings onto each others fingers.
"Then by my power, I bind you for eternity, as man and wife," Santa spoke softly. "You may kiss the bride...but save anything else for after I get the kids out of here."
As those watching giggled or laughed as was their wont, Valmont and Bai Tza wrapped their arms around each other and kissed as instructed, holding each other close as they let all their love for each other flow into the other in that kiss.
As the group turned to go, a small orb of light floated in front of them. Tiny hands extended, taking hold of the three fillies. "Thank you...I will never be able to repay you properly for this," Valmont's voice whispered from the orb.
Scootaloo waved it off. "We don't want you to," she offered easily. "Just be happy with her."
The group headed outside as the orb vanished.
Santa frowned as the group reached the sleigh. "Girls, get in the sleigh," he instructed firmly. "You too, Hsi."
"Huh?" Hsi Wu demanded in confusion, only to tense up as he felt the shift of power.
"It will be safe there," Santa stated firmly.
As soon as the five were in the sleigh, the world began to shift.
Santa lifted a hand...and the world stopped. "You might as well come out," he stated firmly. "I know what you're here for, and I'm not leaving until we've talked."
Silence greeted this...and then three flares of light exploded in front of him, nearly blinding. When the light faded, three figures stood there.
The first looked like an entirely human old man of Asian descent, only his golden robes and the thrum of power around him indicating he was anything but what he appeared. The man beside him was tall, with pale skin, pointed ears, and angular features...and his ancient garb and aura of power matched that of his companion. The third man looked like a perfectly ordinary modern human in loose formal garb of black pants, white button down shirt - partially unbuttoned - and black jacket. However, a thousand different demonic faces seemed to overshadow his being.
Santa greeted each figure by name. "Jade Emperor...Fey King Oberon...Lucifer Morningstar. It must be an important matter if the three of you are here."
"You know what we're here about!" Oberon snapped angrily. "It's time for Valmont to face his punishment!"
"Punishment?" Santa asked, feigning surprise. "For what?"
"You know what," the Jade Emperor offered softly, somewhat sadly. "He broke the rules regarding Australia. You know the punishment he faces, no matter what."
"As I understand, the rule is quite firm about setting foot in Australia," Santa agreed. "But as far as I'm aware, Valmont's feet never touched earth in Australia in this timeline..."
"That sophistry surely isn't your best defense," Lucifer observed wryly, plainly amused.
"No, it's yours," Santa observed idly. "It's your way of being allowed to come up with a different punishment...which you'll need to in order to save face."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Oberon snapped out angrily.
"By sunrise, when my power in this world ends, the bond between Valmont and Bai Tza's souls will be permanent and unbreakable," Santa observed idly. "Bai Tza has done nothing to deserve having her soul destroyed in any life...and yet the destruction of the soul for anything but breaching the rules of Australia is considered the most heinous of crimes. 'A sin against the cycle', I believe the term is? Of course, that's why you are here now. You knew I could restore Valmont's soul from destruction if it was to grant the wish of three True Selfless...and his soul could reconstruct his body at will. So you had to wait until after I'd granted that Christmas wish, but before the bonding became permanent, to act."
"What of it?" the Jade Emperor asked curiously.
"I will make this simple," Santa said softly. "You can go back to the Council and set up a hearing to determine the proper punishment for Valmont's actions that doesn't result in destroying Bai's soul or violating the wish I've granted. Or you can try to break the wish I've granted."
"And what's to stop us from choosing the latter?" Oberon snarled.
"Not much," Santa observed idly. His eyes suddenly turned steely. "All you have to do is get past me."
Dead silence reigned on the rooftop. After a time, Santa cracked his knuckles. "Ho. Ho. Ho."
The Jade Emperor bowed respectfully...and vanished. Oberon looked like he wanted to object...but paled at the look in Santa's eyes and spun away before vanishing as well. Lucifer began to clap slowly. "Well done, Nick," he offered calmly. "Thanks for that."
Santa blinked in surprise. "Thanks?" he asked in surprise.
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for someone I could train to replace me?" Lucifer chuckled darkly. "I doubt he'll thank me for the training...so I'll give him a few years of Happily Ever After before I come tap him. I can wait a while longer for retirement. Merry Christmas to you, too." And with that, Lucifer vanished.
As the world seemed to return to normal, Jade finally found her voice and managed to express everyone's thoughts. "Well," she gasped out, her voice cracking, "that happened."
Lucifer teaching valmont...it fits o.o
Well/
That happened.
Well that happened.
8491099
I get the feeling that, in a couple centuries, it will be Valmont surprising Lucifer.
I'm surprised the title of the chapter isn't "Santa Claus is Running This Town."
Now all we need is a certain trio to appear and everyone gets what they want. Loved how Santa stuck to Oberon, the guy always was a douche bag in the Gargoyles series.
...........Okay...........VERY fun chapter. And I liked how you made Santa's usual "Ho Ho Ho" somehow sound EXTREMELY badass.
Also, I'm glad that Valmont and Bai Tsa are OFFICIALLY together.
THEN there is how Santa has pretty much outsmarted three of the BIGGEST powers in the Supernatural world.
And Lucifer pretty much saying thanks to Santa for protecting who would be considered the PERFECT replacement for Lucifer?
I honestly can see Valmont as the next Ruler of Hell. Hell, chances are that if Valmont runs hell like he does his "Empire" in the human realm, I think it would be safe to say that Hell would not be that bad. I mean, people who end up in Hell would be surprised how it is not what it is expected. Although Valmont would probably have them work for him doing the one thing that even GOD fears............................Paperwork.
hmmm, Season three's premise was the hunt for the talisman powers and that has not started/happened. and yet we just had the season three Christmas special....
Still a great chapter and a beautiful happy ending.
8491121
He knows when you do anything...
Jolly Poppa is watching!
Xanatos: Welcome to reformed-villain-who-indebted-to-his-former-enemies club.
Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons!!!
Considering just who those three are, this is pure awesome!
I can just see Valmont taking to being Lucifer's apprentice easily, though I can also see him being more proactive in punishing bad souls so they have a chance to reform after getting a taste of just WHAT awaits them under his care.
You may kiss the bride...but save anything else for after I get the kids out of here."
1. Forgot your opening quotation mark.
Man, I could just kiss Uncle for that clever distraction.
Keep it up with the sappy jokes Queenie, we're rooting for you!
I wonder if Valmont has devilishly good luck considering what was said near the end.
Just read through this chapter again and a thought occurred to me. I can't help but think that Valmont's men, Finn, Ratso and Chow, all three of them finding out how Bai Tsa is back, now MARRIED to their boss (they find this out AFTER their Honeymoon) and being happy for their boss, they decide to throw a little celebration/party in congratulations to the two. A party so big, it would be one of those RARE non Pinkie Pie Parties that is close to being on par with a Pinkie Pie Party.
And I can see Valmont and Bai Tsa inviting all the Chan's and their allies to join in since it was the CMC themselves who had wished that they be together.
I could be overthinking this whole thing though.
I am not going to be able to stop smiling for the rest of the day.
Because of course he's awesome. He's Santa Claus.
Wait, when did El Toro get here? He wasn't in the previous chapters.
Now they just need to reunite Bai with her daughters.
8491281
Also, we still have several Demon Sorcerers whose parole was erroneously revoked. They still need to get sprung from the metaphorical slammer as well.
I really hope this Lucifer is a mix of the DC Comics (Which owns The Endless and Hell Blazer/John Constantine) and also the 'Lucifer' TV series (Also owned by DC Comics while being a more relatable version of Lucifer compared to the strictly comic one!)! It would be awesome to see any of the adult cast of this end up going to his nightclub and then bumping into The Lucifer Morningstar who doesn't even bother to hide his name!
Oh this chapter was delicious! Daolong Wong got his comeuppance. Santa, unfortunately, did not get to sing. Jade's Id is going to cause all sorts of embarrassing situations for Jade and Hsi. Valmont and Bai got married on Christmas Eve… with their siblings able to witness the event.
I have a gut feeling they aren't going to stay locked up in their prison for very long. Also, Valmont's reaction to meeting Santa Claus was priceless. I wouldn't be surprised at all if this meeting causes a slight change in Valmont's behavior for the rest of the story. Like he wakes up tomorrow, not quite believing what happened, finds Bai in bed with him and asks her very pointedly what day it is. She responds with it's Christmas Day, before turning over to go back to bed. And Valmont giddy with excitement at his new lease on life goes out to spread holiday cheer…
…in a way befitting the head of a criminal organization.
Plus we saw Santa Claus talk down The Jade Emperor, Fey King Oberon, and Satan. If he wasn't enough of a badass before, Santa certainly is the top badass of all now.
And I just thought of something for when Tats gets around to adapting "The Chan Who Knew Too Much"… which might possibly be a fun little stinger to this Chirstmas Arc. Since "The Chan Who Knew Too Much" takes place in London (mostly and specifically the location of Stonehenge), it might be fun to see what the Hellsing Organization thinks about darn cultists trying to destroy the world in their own back yard.
And it might be fun to tease this future development by having Santa make an off hand reference to this little event in his life as he drops off the kids.
I bet Santa and Alucard are drinking buddies.
8491276
ALL HAIL HENDERCLAUS MERRY FOOKIN CHRISTMAS
Ahh yeah.
This really is the best Santa ever.
Best thing I can come up with. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
but OR except
seeing
As I wrote before Santa Claus (AKA Saint Nicholaus) was originally a Rusian priest (& thus allowed to marry people). But, Christmas is his special day. His sacred day is actually December 6 (Christmas has changed a LOT in the last 3-4 hundred years)
Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality series. Over shadowed by his Xanth stuff, but I like it
choked
It's amazing how a single typo can just pull you out of a scene.
Oh yeah, Badass Claus has officially come to town. And he brought the best of presents. Congrats on the matrimony, Valmont. Now the question is... will Hender Claus also grant Valmont's letter wish? And will somebody other than Bai be calling him 'Daddy'?
Three words, folks.
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
(I know, you don't even need to pan over them to know what they are. )
Aside from a few errors, only one thing threw me off—I know Po Kong ended up being banished back to the Netherrealm (awesome that she still got to see the wedding), but weren't Tso Lon and Xiao Fung freed? Was that just a temporary relocation for the sake of having an easy place to watch and prevent the room from being crowded? Or did I forget some after-effect of the temporary timeline shift?
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Five
"Bad Day"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 40
"He's Not My Boyfriend!"/"I'm not his Mistress!"
Chapter Count: 0/0
Total Count: 45/3
8491128 No! Him being a douche bag was when he was being the good guy.
8491188 To put it politely!
This chapter was ALMOST to epic!
8491206
"Welcome to your One Month Free Trial of Eternal Damnation. I am your host, Valmont, Demon Sorcerer or Light, Successor to Lucifer the Fallen One. Can I take your coat?"
My favorite part of that episode is still here?
THIS IS GREATEST CHRISTMAS!
Now I wonder how Bai’s daughters are doing? That was the third letter and two of them have been answered. That was a sweet ending and I wonder how Oberon and the Jade Emperor will handle the Chan’s in the future as Lucifer seems to like them?
Did they made it worse?
Best chapter so far.
reins
choked
8491334
I can already imagine that Santa ALWAYS stops by Alexander Anderson's orphanage for as a fellow battle-happy Scots/Irish (depends if we're going by canon or abridged Anderson) who watches over children, Anderson always leaves for Santa a bottle of Scotch.
Huh... I was expecting -
Ah, there it is. Just not the same without the tree sap.
Also: Best Santa confirmed.
8491611
What do you mean Anderson leaves out a bottle? I think there's at least 3. One for Santa, one for himself, and one for Santa to deliver to a certain Vampire. :P
8491307 There is that.
8491651
With the "certain vampire"s bottle being laced with Holy Water and bits of silver for extra "spice".
Although that makes me wonder what Santa would bring Anderson aside from more bayonets... Maybe the location of a group of vampires on Santa's Naughty list so Anderson can have himself a Merry Holiday slaughter in the big guy's name.
Seriously, an entire chapter, chapters, a multi chapter spin off story! GIVE!!!!
Also make everyone else able to see them. It's cruel that they can't share in the enjoyment.
Looks like Daolong Wong is blasting off again.
DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU WOULD'VE DONE IT TOO!
So. Much. EPIC! The only other Santa I got this excited for was the one from Rise of Guardians (Both for creativity and sheer awesomeness. Seriously, I dare anyone to claim Russian Santa with pirate swords, Magic/steam punk lair, and Yeti army isn't awesome.).
Although, I'm not sure about Lucifer getting cast as a council member. Certainly, he has the charisma and muscle needed to keep the demon side of this little tribunal in check but even watered down, modern day versions of this guy doesn't have him playing nice enough with others to be trusted here. Every scenario involving Lucifer usually has him wanting to be ruling over everything falling back on the 'If I can't have it, nobody will' playbook when that doesn't pan out. Only good old Capital G God was able to keep him in line and then only because he massively overpowered him with cosmic power and heavenly host. Admittedly there aren't too many others out there who would be any better in keeping the demonic in check and still caring about the overall balance. Set cut up his own brother to try and take everything without regard to consequences. Loki (original, not modernized) mostly concerns himself with having fun and getting some laughs, likely unwilling to take the job seriously while Fenrir only thought with his stomach. Not sure if Asante was much better as he seem to combine Loki and Fenrir's flaws. I feel like either Hel or Hades (again, the original not modern) would have been a better fit as they bother have similar abilities and responsibilities but would be far less likely to backstab. Hel only really concerned herself with maintaining her own territory while Hades did his job out of duty rather than a stepping stone or perverse way to indulge himself tormenting others as Luc does.
If I meet James Hong, I'm gonna ask him to say this and I'm gonna record it to put online.
Hm?.......Why?.........*looks left and right*......be....cause I and many other people's lives will not be complete until that's an actual thing that can be listened to. Is....is that somehow not clear? Or obvious? Or a given?
8491727
Of course Anderson has laced it with Holy Water. He has to show his best friend he enjoys their little "chats." :P
As for what Santa would bring poor Alexander… coal. Lots, and lots of coal. To help keep him warm on those long nights when he's out hunting evil vampires. :P
THEY KNOW WHAT HE DID TO HASTUR.
Also, nice touch making the demon of light the lightbringer's eventual replacement :P
8491762
Coal is for those on his Naughty list. I'm pretty sure Anderson would fall under "Nice" (binary system after all) for being a fellow Scot who slaughters evil monsters when not operating an orphanage.
And what more could Anderson want than more monsters to send back to hell (and a few more bayonets).
Although I'm guessing that since magic is mundane, I guess Alucard and Anderson are publicly-known, one-man, anti-magic/monster, SWAT teams.
8491794
I don't know. I think the Hellsing Organization is publically known (I also wouldn't be surprised at all if they absorbed the Funtom Company after marrying into the Phantomhive Family) but I'm pretty sure the knowledge of Count Dracula being "alive and well" is something which would be kept under lock and key. After all, Alcuard is Dracula spelled backwards, and I'm pretty sure someone other than the CMC would have noticed that little connection if Alcuard's existence were publically known. His actions are probably attributed to "A Knight of the Hellsing Organization" and left at that.
As for Alexander Anderson, of course he is known. He is probably the Vatican's poster priest for hunting monsters, fallen priests, rogue devils, the occasional demon…
Oh. Oh this could be delicious. Picture this: Alexander Anderson versus the only member of the Demon Brotherhood who happens to look like a vampire: Hsi Wu.
8491794 8491811
Yeah, we definitely need a Hellsing Abridged crossover chapter or two in this story. Especially when the normally foul-mouthed characters try their damnedest to not swear in front of the kids (or Alucard always being interrupted/drowned out by random noises/gunshots whenever he tries to deliberately teach them naughty words).
8491862
Plus Alucard could take an immediate liking to Scootaloo. Like he sees the daughter he never had but always wished he did in her.
I could see him making his introduction to the CMC (Plus Jade and Hsi Wu) starting out with one question: "Hey kids! Want to see a dead body?!"
But going back to Alexander Anderson… for some reason I get the feeling he's a fan of Hamilton. I wouldn't be surprised if that soundtrack is what is plays while he's slaying monsters.
8491099
I think it might be more likely that Valmont teaches him something, since Valmont must have stolen the devil's luck.