Poker Face
When Fluttershy arrived in the throne room, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Applejack were already there.
"Hello, girls. Where is everypony else?" asked Fluttershy as she took her seat.
"Rainbow's got Wonderbolt trainin' today, since she missed yesterday while on assignment," said Applejack.
"And Pinkie Pie is with Mercy right now," said Twilight. "I thought it would be best to leave them together. I can catch Pinkie up on the details later."
Rarity smiled. "You really must see her with Pinkie, Fluttershy. They get along famously together. Mercy's even learning lessons now."
Fluttershy smiled back, and nodded. "Oh, that's wonderful. And honestly, I'm not surprised. I think Pinkie Pie can relate to Mercy's depression," she said. "But how is she doing, otherwise?"
Twilight sighed. "Well, your idea worked. Temporary amnesia has greatly improved her mood. I'm not sure it will help in the long run, but at least it's a stopgap," she said. "In the meantime, she seems like any other pony. We might even be able to pull forth her nomenmantic Name soon."
"Course, 'Mercy' seems to fit her well anyway," added Applejack.
"Fluttershy, are Mercy's past experiences truly that nightmarish?" asked Rarity, her brow slightly furrowed.
"After getting to know her, I don't think so," said Fluttershy, "which is why Twilight is right about the solution being temporary. As Mercy forms new memories, even good ones, she'll probably start to feel sad again."
"Exactly. There's something wrong with her brain," said Twilight. "Amnesia helps because she dwells on minor details of her past experiences, not because her past is highly traumatic. Ignoring the ethical conundrum of giving her amnesia of any sort, there's no telling when her condition will start to degrade again. It could take years, months, or merely weeks."
"We can't keep blankin' her noodle every month or so. That ain't livin', not by anypony's reckonin'," said Applejack.
"Even if she never worsens, as a long term solution I don't think it's right to block any of her memories," said Twilight. "Even if they're highly traumatic."
"Um, well... it's what she agreed to," said Fluttershy. "It's what she wanted."
Twilight shook her head. "No. How is she supposed to retain friendship lessons without access to her memories? I won't accept any memory loss as a permanent condition. Not if we have any other options."
"So, what if we don't?" asked Applejack, raising a brow.
An awkward silence permeated the room.
Rarity made a tiny, fake cough before speaking. "Well, at least we have a lot of time to figure things out," she said. "Thanks in large part to Fluttershy's efforts, and the clever idea she came up with."
"Ain't that the truth," said Applejack, with a grin. "And not just the idea, neither. I sure couldn't of done that kinda poker play. I ain't exactly good at fibbin', even if it's for a good cause."
"It was a brilliant but dangerous risk that could have ruined what little trust she had in us," said Twilight. "It would have been really awkward if Mercy had called your bluff about letting her leave the hospital."
"Of course," Fluttershy said softly, with a blank but serene look upon her face.
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7872604
While I'm tempted to push this into a wider setting, the idea is primarily there to explore the underlying theme of the story as it pertains to the framework for a person's perception of reality. So I'm not planning anything further right now, but I frequently recannibalize my own ideas since it doesn't count as plagiarism.
Ah, yes. "Look, I Can Explain..." was my very first Writeoff. I've come a long way since then. *shudders*
As such, Mission of Mercy was the second Writeoff story I ever read. However, if this version at all follows the flow of the Writeoff version, I'm not emotionally prepared to read it just yet. It's been a rough transition back to school this semester, and right now I'm a Moondancer expecting a phone call from Twilight Sparkle. (Why are there no Moondancer emoticons?) I've added it to Read Later.
7872621
I changed this from Sad to Drama because I think the new version is a little more palatable, in the end. But the subject matter being discussed is the same.
7872678
Part of the fun in fanfiction is retconning things so they actually make sense.
...jfc this is certainly something.
So I'm guessing that Mercy came from a world rather like ours (she may even have been Human, and a fan of the Show -- big clues here is that she has a nudity taboo and claims to "love" Equestria even though she just got there) but she was severely depressed, possibly for biochemical reasons. You're assuming that this Equestria is an incredibly nice place -- even nicer than it looks on the surface of the Show, in that there is some sort of continual mass magic field projected by the Ponies that ensures that all suffering has a purpose.
Mercy's problem is that she is still suicidal and fears that her self-loathing will infect Equestria (which is supported by the fact that Mercy's madness nearly drives Twilight Sparkle insane when Twilight tries to mind-meld) so she wants to go off into the Everfree (away from the psychic niceness field that would otherwise restrain her) and kill herself. This is not clearly understood by most Ponies because Ponies simply aren't suicidal (though they can choose to give their lives to save those of others, as in my version of Applejack's parents in At The Gorge).
The Mane Six postpone (but can't solve) her problem by casting a renewable amnesia spell that breaks her out of the cycle of depression -- her Pony body isn't chemically-unbalanced the same way as her Human (?) one was, so she won't spiral into depression again unless she focuses on her memories of her previous state. This is understood by Twilight (and especially Applejack, who as always is Twilight's conscience) to be a sub-optimal solution (Mercy is cut off from her previous identity) but one which permits Mercy to keep living mostly free, and with the possibility of an eventual true cure for her suicidal compulsions.
First of all, this is considerably nicer than my Equestria, which is simply a somewhat nicer-than-modern-America culture in an otherwise standard kind of science-fantasy world. You postulated what would be necessary to make a world in which true evil and deep suffering would be rare and temporary, and I really like what you managed to accomplish here. (This would be possible in my world as well if the Paradise Entity were wiser and more powerful and had a personal link with everypony; it's one of the possible outcomes of the Shadow Wars).
Secondly, "Mercy" is something of a mystery -- we never learn her real past: who she really was, and whether her despair was purely-chemical, inflicted by horrible experiences, or a bit of both. I was curious about this, though I understand artistically why you chose to be vague about her -- you want her to be an Everywoman. You handled this way better than is common in such tales. She's kind of an anti-Charlie Yu.
Thirdly, I would suspect that the Ponies who have come closest to serious existential despair in vanilla canon are probably Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. All three of them have or have had severe mismatches between the world in which they want to live and the world in which they are living.
Fluttershy was originally a misfit Pegasus, who cannot live up to the athletic and martial ideals of the Pegasi -- a lot of her love for Rainbow Dash comes from the fact that Dashie is an ideal Pegasus and yet from fillyhood has cared for her. Fluttershy is also somepony who thinks about natural science, and the problem of reconciling predation as a necessary part of life with the desire for the world to be good was precisely the one which depressed Charles Darwin, who was both a good man and a keen observer of Nature.
Pinkie Pie is extremely cheerful and outgoing to a degree that marks her as an insane extrovert even in a species cheerful and outgoing by Human standards, and when she was young her family was by Pony standards dour and private. She has found a niche which satisfies her in life, but she had to leave her home and family behind to find it, and sometimes she misses them.
Rarity -- Rarity is a driven artist. She wants everything to be beautiful, and it can't always be that way. Even canon Rarity has something brittle about her, something that was broken and healed in her, and it's why I give her the backstory of an early-teens bastard miscarriage (though it really could have been any serious emotional trauma). Rarity eventually developed enough skills and earned enough resources to let her create and spread the beauty she sees in her head.
I'm guessing that the reason why Fluttershy understood Mercy's problem the best is because she'd seen "Nature red in tooth and claw" more closely than any of the others, and could relate it to herself. Unlike Pinkie Pie, she's introspective; unlike Rarity, she spends time out in the Wild where she gets to observe how animals behave when not cared for by Ponies.
In any case, this was a great story. Thank you for writing it.
I question Fluttershy's focus on - and conclusion to - finding the lesson in everything. That subtly speaks of some trauma between her worldview and what she actually experienced, especially considering how The Wild is different, as everypony seems to know and accept. Though it's a minor flaw overall. And at least it helped in this case.
I greatly enjoyed reading what seems to be the other side of the coin of an HiE transplant and transformation. Most stories don't even touch on how crazy that would sound from anyone's view, even if handwaving acceptance through "it's magic!" has become the norm. Hopefully Mercy can adjust to being in a reality that is fundamentally different, without fully losing herself.
Also, it makes me wonder if another story was inspired by yours, or vice versa. I can't remember the title, but a soldier ends up in Equestria and his first reaction is to try an kill himself. He's quickly realised that he's in an alternate reality, and fears that he may seriously upset everything by continuing to exist.
7872617
EDIT: Huzzah! 10th vote!
7872723
The intended implication is that the reason Mercy wanted the full-body covering was not only because of the nudity taboo, but also because she's transgender (her genitalia are not female). There are several hints to this throughout the story.
7872832
No. The inspiration for this one is how I imagine that I, personally, would react if I ended up in Equestria. There's a new tag for that sort of thing, but I chose not to use it because the message of the story has little to do with its inspiration.
I tried to avoid developing the whole "outsider is a cancer" angle, but you do see just a hint of that from Applejack in the third chapter.
Interesting. I had planned on releasing a fic like this next week... I had written out Fluttershy to be in it too. How odd.
7872990 Ah, so male to female then? The choice to keep that subtle was certainly an interesting one!
7873007
I, uh, did not pick up on the transgender aspect at all. I assumed the confusion on the ponies' parts was due simply to Mercy's transformation from human. Hell of an assumption, I guess.
I enjoyed it well enough at the writeoff, particularly the worldbuilding and character voicing aspects. I wasn't as much of a fan of the resolution, but fortunately that is greatly improved in this draft. While still not an easy ride, it was powerful and engrossing. Lots was left unanswered, but it does cover a complete story arc, and I'm not left unsatisfied.
7873457
It's intentionally subtle, but it's in there. I considered leaving it out, but I like to include unusual things that match my real-world experiences because, as long as there are hints left in the text, it makes the situation feel more real to me. This doesn't always work as a design element, though. Sometimes it adds something jarringly non sequitur to the story, like the scene with the first crystal pony Twilight meets in Flash in the Pan.
As for where Mercy comes from, it's kind of implied she never tells them prior to the amnesia.
7873650
Yeah, I was under the assumption that she never told them anything, and understand I'm just assuming she's a former human. In fact, I've gone so far as to assume that in the human world, she succeeded at what the ponies stopped her from doing, which is why she popped in like that in the first place. It makes sense to me, whether its actually true or not.
I liked this story. I've heard that there is a similar one in the write-off so I guess I liked this version of the story. I really can't add much to the praise that it's already getting. Though, I suppose I should at least tell you why I liked it.
I liked the subtleties and hints that where in the story, like why Flutters is going to the market early in the morning or the mud just rolls off her legs. (because there wasn't a lesson to be learned.) and of course the hints of Mary's transgenderism. I love reading a story and get that "wait what?! hold on, what did it say? then that means...oh!
I like not being told everything. Like why Marry is there or where she came from. I might be in the minority but I find that a lot of times explaining out the why's and where's of something just gets in the way. I mean do I really need to know where Mary came from? just that Fluttershy found it odd that an earth pony appeared with no flash and should investigate.
And most of all I like how you leave the resolution open ended allowing me, the reader, to continue with the story in the world you've created.
Having followed your blog posts, I recognize how highly personal this story is (in fact, I got genuinely worried part way through the fic), so thank you for writing it. I'll echo the previous comment that is neat to see a HIE story presented from the pony perspective. I also really enjoyed how you made the pony perspective and philosophy somewhat alien to us with their somewhat Panglossian view that every event must have some deeper lesson.
Also, although it is left somewhat open ended, my interpretation is that Fluttershy was not actually bluffing.
Hmm, so you invented the poni equivalent of ECT, eh? Makes sense given, well, you know, who Mercy truly is and all.
And it can get better. The hard part is finding the how.
And then everyone explodes because Mercy didn't finish her mission.
Okay, I'm sorry, but am I missing something here? When did we learn that she came from the human world?
7877249
The story doesn't imply that. I think some commenters are assuming that Mercy was human because HiE is a ubiquitous trope in the fandom, but the story doesn't imply anything beyond Mercy being sapient and from a world similar to Fluttershy's unique experiences.
7877354
It's not actually a comedy. It may seem that way in the first chapter, but the comedy quickly disappears once the second chapter begins, and it becomes obvious that the elements which seemed comedic in the first chapter were actually serious.
thechilldude recently wrote this informal review of Mission of Mercy.
7879190
Take care of yourself first.
Boy, there's a lot to unpack from this. c.c I'm not even sure what my takeaway is.
8402956
The takeaway might be, "Maybe Fluttershy is right." Or, it might not be that at all.
This was a very personal piece. I didn't label it Self-Insert because I don't think that knowledge benefits the reader, but to those who know me it's kind of obvious.
When I write something this personal it's less a message to the reader than a message to myself that the reader is invited to get something out of from listening to it. If it made you think, then it was successful in the way I wanted it to be.
8403138
I honestly like the way you inserted yourself into this. I don't think it's so much through Mercy as through the ways the ponies are portrayed. I'll have a lengthy meditation on it when I post my review. :B
Huh. Well, that was a stark departure from the original. Having read that adds quite the layer to this version. This remains a fascinating tale from a very alien Equestria. Thank you for bringing it to Fimfiction, and I'm sorry it took me so long to finally read it.
8407684
No problem! (And don't be silly, you're under no obligation to read my stories. I just hope you can enjoy some of them okay.)
Sorry again about TSJ. I guess I managed to uncover the hidden sliver beyond "MostEverything".
8403174
This brings up an important point I want to share in a future blog entry, about the nature of characters and the psyche. I'll wait until my flood of "must do crap first" abates, though, so I don't bury it in other blog entries.
A very deep piece. Chapter 1 shows the universe working to keep the ponies lives fluid and wholesome (two bits dropping out when she needed exactly two), so we know that the universe has rules to help ponies live their lives. Ponies interpret these bits of cause and effect as lessons, but it is unclear whether this is an accurate interpretation or one that is merely adequate most of the time. Fluttershy is particularly masterful in applying her lessons and coming up with interpretations other ponies would not, to the point she is essentially lying to other ponies, herself, or both, at the end of the fic.
But by far the most interesting part of the fic is when Applejack is talking about her parents. She says that she has tried very hard to see a lesson there, but failed. AJ and maybe PP are the most likely to overlook something that may be obvious to other ponies about lessons, but lets say that no one but maybe fluttershy would be able to come up with a 'friendship lesson' for parents dying. One possibility is that Applejacks parents' deaths were caused by another out of universe phenomenon, since this is only the second time AJ has experienced not seeing a lesson. The other is that the universe killed her parents to accomplish some other goal, like the bluejay. I think it's the former because in the same scene Applejack whispers a harsh truth that comes from a place outside herself. A big part of tradgedy in equestria is caused by out of universe trespasses. A very unsettling conclusion, but one that mirrors the arbitrary nature of our reality.
I think one should try very hard to find kindness here. Although Fluttershy could get right insight from wrong example, but it kinda guarantees that it would be vague and actually mostly got from other sources.
Was Fluttershy intended not only to kill her in that case, but to do it by feeding her to Everfree beasts? Uh-oh. This is very painful way to go.
I was hoping this would have a happy ending, but I can see how it would be hard to write one without it being jarring. It didn't have an unhappy ending though. I trust that they will find a way to solve Mercy's friendship problem in time, without amnesia.
I didn't know that Applejack is Twilight's conscience.
This managed to just barely not earn a favourite from me because it feels extremely unfinished. I understand that you wrote this story primarily to work out some issues of your own, and that's perfectly fine and i hope it served its purpose in this respect, but as far as the storyline goes i feel it just tapers out in limbo. Mercy's issues are unresolved, Fluttershy's issues are unresolved, they managed to find a stop gap measure that they can use for right now but i cannot find myself to think of that as an actual ending to this story.
I understand that this may in part be because the issues that you yourself are dealing with are not really resolved, so the story sort of ending in limbo is an appropriate result of that, but from a literary perspective i cannot think of this work as anything but incomplete.
Unfortunate - i find this idea of a world where morality is such a universal constant that even mud has ethical properties fascinating. I don't think i could ever write in such a universe, it is just too foreign to me, but i do think it is probably a much more accurate representation of the show than anything i have written.
7873724
7872775
This actually hints at a very interesting concept of hell. If Mercy is in Equestria because she killed herself as human on Earth, what would happen if she managed to commit suicide in Equestria again? Would she be transported to an even nicer universe? How many iterations down until Mercy is locked in a world consisting only of Pinkie smiles and fluffy pillows, a universe equivalent of a padded cell, incapable of harming herself or taking any meaningful action, really, but still miserable because dying and being respawned obviously did nothing to fix that?
9177118
Applejack is everypony's conscience.
You can has review!
11260279
Crap, now I *really* need to get through my 652-notification backlog.
This whole story gives me such a strange sense of dread. The way it blends the child-friendly programming and format of the show into the very fabric of the reality, social norms, and even thought processes of the setting it takes place in is equal parts fascinating and horrifying.