Publishing Stories of varied pony content Weekly:} Hear them read at : https://www.youtube.com/@QuothScrib
Written for the 2024 wonderbolts site-wide contest
A story of loss, of love, of betrayal? Who knows?
History is vague and unforgiving.
Rainbow dash and Twilight dwell over ancient manuscripts trying to uncover the secrets of Princess Celestia's favorite Wonderbolt maneuver.
I must apologize, at some point I managed to accidentally unpublish this story, gladly I was able to catch the err before the end of the month, the submission deadline for the contest.
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Seems like it could be interesting, best of luck. It definitely has vibes of Rego's Forbidden Melodies
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Thank you friend for the well wish, surely much needed.
Have not read forbidden melodies yet, but definitely look forward to it.
Some of the deeper lore in the story, lore that does not get directly mentioned is inspired by a conversation that I've had with Rego regarding his head cannons, he really has been a great help.
Hello! I'm going around and leaving some Quills & Sofas-style constructive comments on folks' stories for this contest since it was put on by our server. :D
This was a really neat concept. I've actually found myself enjoying the history-style exploration stories more as time progresses. I love worldbuilding a lot, and it's always so rad to see folks go for it for explaining the lead up to things we know in canon. And of course: batponies. Batponies are always great.
From a technical standpoint, there are a decent amount of grammar & syntax errors. I think this story would also benefit from some restructuring to aid with reading clarity. Several parts were physically structured almost like poetry, a la:
Given the indented quotes, I wasn't sure if this stanza-like approach outside of the quotes was a purposeful stylistic choice, or if it just came about by happenstance. If not the former, I think you would benefit from at least breaking up the description & the dialogue in each 'stanza'.
Thanks for entering the Wonderbolts contest!
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Thank you very much for the kind review Novelle it is much appreciated, it is a pleasure to be a part of this contest thank you to you and the rest of the Quills and Soffa team for having me.
I am glad the story was enjoyable at least in concept and I will aim to continue to polish and improve as a writer.
This was neat! I'll second Novelle Tale in saying that I really enjoyed the inset epigraphs, and in general thought the overall conceit -- swapping from in-the-moment story of what happened to epigraphs to Twilight and RD discussing the books that they were reading -- was a cool way of telling this particular story.
I'm a bit sad that we didn't get to see the Icaranian Sun Salutation in situ -- it's been long enough since I've watched Testing, 1, 2, 3 that I don't remember if it's a canon reference 😅 but I'd love to have seen it demonstrated or at least have it made clearer whether this was a maneuver Easy Glider learned from Icaria, something she did when she went to say "hello" to Celestia, or something he came up with, inspired by her. On the other hand, it feels somewhat appropriate that we don't learn the answer -- since, as this story itself points out, written history has a lot of holes and sometimes the best thing you can do is guess. (Or go ask the Princess, lol.)
Anyway, good stuff! I enjoyed reading it. :D
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Thank you for the lovely comment, I'm glad you liked it!
who knows I might pick the story up again sometime and explore these things😁
Maybe a sequel,
Probably a sequel keep your eye out ❤️