Fallen Equestria

“Extra, extra! Missing foal found in the Everfree! Biscuit rations to increase by decree— Oh, well hello friend! Fancy cap you got there! Royal business I assume?”

“That obvious, am I? Pencil Pusher, Royal Census Taker.”

“The census huh? Didn’t know the new crown still did that paperwork between the roundups and such.”

“Oh yes, the sun's gone but there’s still a country to run. Her New Majesty’s learning that.”

“Well, you’ve sure picked a spot! No shortage of colorful folk rolling through the town as of late and they all pass through here at the Singing Manticore!”

“Sounds a bit overwhelming.”

“I can show you about some of the regular faces around here! There’s a buck up top by the name of Davenport, but nowadays ponies call him Honest Port. Used to be a salespony before Night Fell, but… Well you don’t need me telling you times have been rocky. Still hasn’t lost his edge though, I’m sure he’d have some stories to share!”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

~~~ *** ~~~

“Evenin’ officer… What can I do for’ya…?”

“Oh, I’m not a Guard. I’m just a clerk. I’m with the census. A mare downstairs pointed me to you sir, said you could talk about the ponies around here?”

“Well in that case… Come on in! Mind the doorstop— That’s the ticket! Let me just push some things aside, miss…”

“I was told you used to be salespony—”

“I still am, miss! Just changed wares I have, not many ponies buying Quills and Sofas nowadays, much less have the Bits for ‘em.”

“Right.”

“Till’s still rotting away in the old shop—”

“Hey, wait a second… I’ve seen this book before… In the archives! How’d you get your hooves on this?! These were ordered destroyed!”

“... Well, why don’t you put that there book in that there saddlebag, as a token of goodwill.”

“Are you trying to bribe me?”

“Bribe! Miss, I’ll have you know I am a gentlepony of the law! I’m no crook I assure you. Someponies have to do what they got to do is all.”

“... Well, I did say I’m not an officer. And these records would speed my work along…”

“Good! Let’s get down to the fritters and brass tacks of things then, eh?”

“Ahem… Right. Mark you down as ‘Gentlepony’ then… Date of birth?”

“Back in 61, don’t quite remember the month what without the days goin’ by!”

“Perfectly fine. Profession before the Fall of Night… Merchant. And after…”

“The sun fell and I may have lost my old shop, but I never changed the sign. Still open for business!”

“Right, and the… Ahem, less than legal dealings?”

“You know what they say, miss, every market turns to black in the night!”

“... I’ll keep that off the record then. Household?”

“Ah, unfortunately none. What I’d give for a better half, but alas! A lady’s taste may be fancy but coal’s still twice the price! A buck can dream…”

“Splendid, that’s the last of my questions.”

“Lovely! Oh, I did have a question of my own miss—”

“Very not interested.”

“Can you blame a buck for trying?”

“That singing’s quite loud…”

“Oh trust me, it gets louder around here!’

“Throne! You scared me half to death sneaking up on me like that!”

“Really? Most folk think I’m subtle as a rock! So how was the talk with ‘Port?”

“It was… Interesting. In quite a few ways.”

“Well, I got another face for you to meet! If you'd turn your gaze over here…”

“The barmaid? I mean she’s on the hefty side— Not that’s something to be ashamed of just… Are you going to stop me from making a fool of myself anytime soon?”

“That is one Miss Orchard Blossom, life of the party and mistress of the tap… In more ways than one if you catch my drift!”

“Oh! Ahah… Well, it’s certainly a step up from a legally ambiguous trinket seller.”

“Everypony has a story. Most lost everything in the Fall, but some might have found a great deal more. I’ll cover your first drink, friend, go and have a chat!”

~~~ *** ~~~

“Evenin’! What can I do for you miss?”

“Well a cider would do nicely… But the topic at hand is that I have an inquiry for you.”

“Well, extra services aren’t until past midnight so you’ll have to come back to me then!~”

“No! No, not that. I mean you are a pretty mare but… Oh, I’m stumbling over my words already, let me start again. My name’s Pencil Pusher, I’m here to take the census.”

“The census! Well I say, I’m more than happy to assist Miss Pusher!”

“Splendid. Simple question first. Lady? Gentlepony? Citizen?”

“... You have some sense of humor, miss! That’s the furthest thing from a simple question for myself, and such a trifling and insignificant matter with ponies walking the streets with the faces of bugs. Bugs! So my gender is none of the Crown’s business thank you very much.

“I— uh—”

“Oh, no need to gawk with your mouth flapping like a fish. You may continue to refer to me as a lady, to save yourself the trouble of sticking your hoof in your mouth.”

“O-oh… A sore subject then, apologies.”

“Oh just the struggles of it all! Sorry I got a bit too defensive there, Miss Pusher. Never hurts for a proper rose to hide a few thorns, hm?”

“I suppose it’s a prudent school of thought… Thank you for the cider.”

“Well, it’s my job, miss! And I suppose you’ll continue with yours?~”

“Ahem, that I will. Now, on the off chance I might offend you again, date of birth?”

“Oh, I don’t look like that old of a mare now do I? But no harm Miss Pusher, Sometime June of Nine-seventy.”

“Alright… Current profession I’ll list as barkeep. Any past professions?”

“Used to be a farmhoof but, not much growing to be done with the sun gone.”

“Ah… I’m sorry you’ve fallen on tough times.”

“Oh don’t mind me any, miss, I’ve done quite well for myself don’t you think? Less expectations in this line of work too, but the Fall did hit the family pretty hard…”

“Oh that was my next question actually, what does your household look like?”

“Oh, well I’ll gladly share! Still live with my gran and one of my younger cousins. I got two of them and love them both to death like my own sisters! The older’s off in Manehattan. I do wish she wouldn’t brave the Night by herself but… Ah, ignore me Miss Pusher, simply lamenting my wayward cousin. She wants to fly, but this bird ain’t keen to~”

“Well, that’d be the end of me pestering you with official questions but… Off the books if you don’t mind me prying a bit more ma’am, you mentioned something about expectations?”

“Well… I had the expectation to be a… Reliable presence. I wasn’t always the charming lady you see before you now I tell you what! But, as awful as the Fall was… It gave me the perfect opportunity to reinvent myself without the baggage.”

“I see… Well, thank you again for the cider and bearing through my hounding.”

“It’s what I’m here for, miss! You have a good night now y'hear?”

“Alright, alright settle down y’all! Settle down! Incorrigible, the lot of you! Haha~”

“So that’s what they meant by loud…”

“Most folk want to keep in the good books of the mare that pours the drinks.”

“Throne! Should I always expect you to be creeping around?”

“It might be more your fault for not listening up, friend.”

“... Fair enough. So, who do you want me to meet now? A poet? Librarian turned Sorrow-spider hunter? What?”

“See that lady in the corner? The fancy sort. That is one Miss Bon-Bon. Local rumor says she disappeared a bit after the Fall. Didn’t say anything to anypony, just vanished one day.”

“Well she’s clearly back now.”

“Yeah that’s just it, the timing of it all. She showed back up when the Copper Embassy opened.”

“... Oh.”

“Yeah, it’s an open secret that nopony can get her to actually admit. Or rather, nopony can get her to say much of anything really. I’d wager your fancy cap might just get her attention. Go and see if they’ll indulge you.”

~~~ *** ~~~

“So, you’re the one who’s been collecting names. How quaint.”

“I— Yes, I’m here on behalf of the Crown of Her Eternal Night to take the census.”

“Oh, the very picture of professionalism you are. Now, I don’t think official channels are open for another week or so.”

“Well, I don’t suppose you could answer some wholly unrelated questions for the census, madam.”

“And why would I do that? I’m simply a visiting dignitary here to enjoy the buzz around town, no need to get caught up in your net.”

“Rumor says you’ve lived here for quite some time.”

“Does it now? Well, this night has been getting dull… I suppose I’ll humor your questions my friend.”

“... First for the record, name?”

“Oh I’m sure the newspaper hawker already told you, and that’s the only one you’ll get Miss Pusher.”

“Wait I didn’t—”

“Miss Orchard has a notable voice that one can pick up even through a crowd. Onwards and upwards then, I suppose your next question will be what to refer to me as?”

“I— Haaah… Yes.”

“Quite a many answers to that question, but let us go with Lady.”

“I suppose I won’t get any answers for profession or date of birth. At the very least not truthful ones.”

“Well, I’ll say as much that I am also compiling a little report of my own.”

“... I shouldn’t ask. It’ll probably be better for my own sanity if I don’t. But damn my curiosity, what kind of report?”

“Oh rest assured my occupation is the normal pony sort, just a little observation booklet is all.”

“Grass is the same on both sides of the fence huh?”

“In some respects, having been on both sides of the particular fence you’re talking about.”

“And… In this booklet?”

“Well a collection of love, my friend.”

“Love?”

“Oh yes, even with the Eternal Night and the endless stream of monsters both rediscovered and novel, it's not bleak lunacy you ponies seem to squeal of, but love!”

“I… Suppose that makes sense but, I am wondering one thing.”

“And here I thought your questions were over, my friend, but you’ve been the most interesting conversation partner I’ve had in a while so I’ll humor one last question.”

“Why… Here?”

“I… Don’t think I catch your meaning.”

“Why down here, for lack of a better word, in the rough?”

“I believe you already have the answer to that question, considering you’re also here.”

“True enough… Sycophants and the nobility will get on everypony’s nerves eventually.”

“And with that, I do wish you luck with the rest of your questioning tonight… Don’t worry, I’ll be seeing you.”

“Throne, it was getting stuffy in there. Oh, was I blocking the door?”

“Nah, nah… Thanks…”

“Hey wait a minute… I’ve seen you in the castle…”

“What? No you haven’t.”

“No, I definitely have— Wait, you’re that guard that swings by and speaks with the princess’s aide when she’s off duty!”

“Augh, Throne… Fine! You caught me, now can you shove off? It’s been a long shift and I just want a cider.”

“Well you’ll have to wait a bit longer, barmaid just ducked off to a back room. Dunno when she’ll be back.”

“Typical…”

“Hey, look sorry. I—”

“Drop it alright, we don’t need to talk.”

“I… Look, you probably don’t know my name. I’m Pencil Pusher, I’m doing the census.”

“Alright… I need to care why?”

“Look, I don’t want to have to chase you guards down in the barracks. If you answer some questions for me now, I can help smooth things along for you at the castle. A win-win for both of us.

“... Alright fine. But only because I don’t have anything better to do. So, what’s up first egghead?”

“Well, I need your name, and I don’t need or care about your rank.”

“Hah! Fine, I don’t like using it anyway. My name’s Rainbow Dash.”

“Lady, Gentlepony, Citizen?”

“Citizen?”

“An ‘other’ option, it helps smooth things over.”

“Huh. Anyway, Lady.”

“Alright splendid. Date of birth?”

“April 14th, Nine Seventy-seven.”

“Wow, that’s the cleanest answer I’ve gotten tonight.”

“Yeah well… Ah, not important. What’s next, gonna ask about my job?”

“Well, we both know it but any previous?”

“Uh… Before the Fall, I was Ponyville’s weathermare.”

“Oh really? Quite a jump to guardsmare.”

“Yeah well… Wasn’t exactly my choice.”

“Well you’ve gotten me a bit curious as to what you mean by that—”

“...”

“And like that I’m ready to drop it.”

“Smart mare.”

“Alright, household?”

“Sorry, what does that mean?”

“Do you live with anyone? Family, roommates, so on and so forth. I know in practice you’re probably stuck in the castle most of the time but… On paper I mean.”

“No, and I didn’t before either.”

“Sounds like you’re a lonely mare.”

“I wasn’t! I had friends like any other pony. Family too. Just… I don’t exactly have the chance to talk with them much with work being… What it is.”

“Preaching to the choir.”

“Yeah… Honestly this is what I wanted to avoid coming here for a drink. Just a chance to forget my life is like this… Try and remember cider in the fall.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah don’t be, I’m the dummy that agreed to the questions.”

“Well, it looks like the barmaid’s back. Hope you have a good night.”

“When is it ever a good night?”

“—Ever since the sun went fallen under, well them skies a’night look all the same!”

“Happens when your Crown’s all mad and broken, nothin’ to be done so trot in time!”

“Maybe what you’ll find here in the night then, might be more than what you left behind!”

“Ever now the sun’s down here in ‘questria, up’s a bunch of darkness night and day.”

“Wonder what it was to cause her tumblin’ and to make her take our skies away!”

“Stuck with some involuntary overtime, with a punishment not fit the crime!”

“But should the sun rise on Equestria, maybe think of all you’ll leave behind!”

~~~ *** ~~~

“Alright, alright last call! C'mon last call! A lady has to get her beauty sleep! Haha!”

“Well, there you have it! You got a fair few names for your little role call. Sun ought to be out soon… Or should have. Not that we’ll see the likes of it.”

“Thanks again for pointing me around but… I don’t think I ever caught your name.”

“Me? Well there’s nothin’ special about Maudsie Pie worth noting down! Sides, I just woke up yesterday!”

“What—”

“Oh don’t worry about me, I’m feeling alright now! Have a good night miss! Extra, extra! Read all about it! Biscuit rations to increase by decree of the Crown! Missing foal found in the Everfree!”

Author's Note:

Hello! First time taking part in one of these contests. This has been an idea that's been on the backburner of my mind for a while, trying to fit together the vibes of Fallen London with the alternate Nightmare Moon timeline.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a quick little one shot in between working on chapters of my other fic, and for once I kept to that promise to myself and it didn't balloon out of proportion!