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Flitter has been in love for as long as she can remember. Her only problem is that it happens to be with her sister. She knows that it is wrong, but she can't help it. Eventually she starts wondering if she should just tell her. But there is one thing on her mind.
Is it worth it?
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Alright, so this is the story I'm working on till I can fix Thoughts of Another Time.
Its an odd story, with a touchy subject, but I didn't really care. I got the idea from TAW by reading the story It Doesn't Count
I always loved stories like this, and after reading that one, I thought it would be nice if it was a bit more...non clop related.
So then this was made. It doesn't follow anything from the story that inspired it though, and wont be updated as much as my other story, but its pretty much just a filler anyway.
Also, no, it wont have clop. I want it to be more on the romantic aspect and feeling based. So pretty much, I want it to be fluff. That doesn't mean it wont change, I just don't plan on it changing at the time.
I also might edit the tags/characters once I really think about the story.
Either way, enjoy. Or don't.
You may want to fix the title to be "A Sister's Love".
1838293
Thanks, didnt notice that at all. Fixed now.
And fuck you are fast.
1838308 Only barely.
Looking good so far. Tracking.
I don't get why people hate OC's so much.
1884149
From what I have heard, it is because they usually don't have good personalities. Not to mention, a lot of people like their ocs to be big and badass, and in a way it takes the spotlight away from actual characters.
Really, the only thing I like about OC's is that you can give them any personality you want, instead of taking an already made character (such as one of the mane six) and making them 'ooc'. As I said though, they usually have horrible personalities, like being a player, a having a bigger role than an actual character (like being the badass hero), or being sex craved. I know there are more reason, I just don't know what those reasons are.
1884223....really? that's understandable.... sort of.
1884471
Yeah. I don't know too much about it. You would probably be better off asking someone else like a critic.
I just think a lot of OC's have kinda blank slate personalities, but in all fairness, I haven't read that many fics with any of them. It isn't because I hate OC's, it more over because I love the main characters (mostly referring to the mane six).
Trust me, I don't really understand it either, because I personally like most of the OC's that I've seen.
Man, I couldn't imagine trying to confess to Sky about being in love with your sister, or anypony for that matter.
1890949
Honestly, when I get to editing this, I'm going to have to find a way to change why Flitter confesses. I honestly can't see why a random mare you just met would push on the subject so much, and sounds unrealistic. It sounded much better as I was writing it in my notebook over Christmas break.
1892004
I thought it was pretty good actually
I've had my hair-person ask me just about every question you can think of
1892073
Now I feel awkward. I pulled that part out of thin air, and since I have zero knowledge of people, I thought it was a bit off. Guess not though.
I wont edit that part out then, now that I have a little feedback on it.
As odd as it might sound, you've helped a lot, even if it was only one tiny comment. So thanks.
1892348
Don't mention it
I know from personal experience that one, nicely-made comment can make your day
Glad I could be a part of it.
Good so far, can't wait to see where you run with this!
Oh, dear lord, this story. I haven't been working on it at all since the last update. Okay, that is kind of a lie. I know what I want the next chapter to be about. Somewhat. It will focus around Flitter being alone for the whole day now that Cloudchaser has to go back to work for her three days. The only problem with this is, well...I haven't written a single word since the last chapter. Been editing my stories so hard lately, but I still need to run them by my editors (which I may need more of, but I can try to be patient). I hope to get an actual idea for chapter three as soon as I finish editing chapter two for Thoughts of Another Time. I might even edit both the chapters for this story soon, hopefully make it feel more...I dunno, romantic.
Until then, though, this story is pretty much a sitting duck, and I wont be working on it (I will try to think of more ideas, I promise, but its like finding a needle in a haystack...chaotic...), so please try and be patient. It was quite silly of me to try and work on two stories at the same time, I can't multitask worth a damn.
I like this story. Usually the whole 'incest' thing isn't big for me, good or bad, but I like Flitter and wanted to check it out.
It's pretty good. :3 I will admit, it feels a bit rushed, but you have a much better handle on descriptions than I do.
As for OC's, yeah, they have a bad reputation thanks to those who make some 'destroyer of worlds' type pony with a two second back story. xD But the OC you have feels like she fits in the story properly, without standing out or stealing the spotlight.
All in all, I enjoyed this and look forward to the next chapter when you have the time and motivation. <3
1916995
Feedback, yay! I hope to edit the chapters a bit so that it doesn't feel as rushed, but I'm not sure when that will happen. Description doesn't seem to be as bad as I say, considering no one has said anything. I still think it lacks though. A lot. And I figured that since this story can't really have a 'bad' OC (I mean it could, but you'd have to make a really horrible one) I thought it would fit. I guess it does, since no one has said anything about that either.
Incest is a funny topic. I always see people hating on it, and yet this story isn't doing so bad. The opposite of what I expected to be honest.
Chapter three still hasn't been started (I'm sorry!), but its not because I don't have time. I have lots of time. I just never do anything with it. Except play games. BUT, I guess I should start on it soon, after I'm done editing stuff. I'll try to get a new chapter within two weeks from now, but no promises!
And thanks for the fav. I'll try my best to keep all you guys happy.
Okay, this chapter was horribly rushed, and I'm sorry for that. I'll try to make it up to you guys in chapter four.
This is unedited, so please point out any mistakes. I can't learn if I don't know what they are.
I have noticed that I seem to repeat sentences or thoughts quite a bit, and I'm trying to work on that.
Sky will play a -somewhat- important role in the next chapter, and the following will be the last one.
I may come back to edit this story after I finish everything else, and change it to first person.
Thanks for you guys who have stuck with this so far.
This story is actually interesting. I'll see where this goes
Sweet, an update.
Forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds, but would you mind taking me on as your pre-reader/editor for this story?
I love this fic to death but I always see a million little things that would take much too long to point out in comments.
So, what do ya say?
1995694
I wouldn't mind at all, and any help would be appreciated, so I'll gladly accept.
1996609
Awesome!
Just PM me with a Gdoc link whenever you got the next chapter ready
1997280
Alright. It'll be a while though.
While I do know what I'm going to do for the next chapter, I haven't thought about how I'll write it yet.
On an unrelated note, I just found a hiccup in this chapter at the end. I shall commence a fix.
Edit: Guess I didn't. I was looking at two completely different things.
1997789
Okay, take your time with it though.
Quality>Quantity
I like this story. I like shipping whenever it is done well. Continue onward my good author.
1997798 I agree with person as well.
Love love LOVE it!
Tracking as well.
Great addition to the story. : D I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next for poor Flitter.
Here it is. Chapter four, the last and final chapter.
Wait, Warvyn, the last? Damn, that was quick.
Let me finish before interrupting. Anyways, this is the last official chapter. But, I have an epilogue already planned out. When will I type it up, you might ask? I don't know. Could be next week, could be longer. But it will happen. As for now, I'm moving onto another story. Unlike this one it will be both longer and hopefully written better.
As always, thanks to you guys who stuck with the entire story.
Loved it
Hey bro, good story. You know me and my work, where I would have went with it. But hey! Not everypony can be as twisted as I am.
Please keep up the good work. I enjoy reading it and enjoy hearing from ya.
Peace out! Brony on!
i hope to see this finished (epilogue), is SOO GOOD MAN!!
cant wait to read s'more!
It should be all that MANY bits, not all that much. Don't know why that one bothers me so muc more than the rest of the minor errors, but it does.
Very good. VERY good. I have an older sister who I love as family, as per usual. But I can't even imagine how hard it would be to have romantic feelings for her. This captures the difficulty of such a situation perfectly, and the more further I got, the more I started thinking to myself why the concept is so hated. It's not something that could be prevented, and if the person who meets your idea of the perfect romantic interest happens to be blood-related, how is it really an issue truly deeper and more complex than homosexual couples? That being said, I feel like the sudden jump at the end to just full-on sleeping together incest was sudden, and somewhat detracts from the tense emotions at play. A few grammatical errors rear their heads throughout, but other than the one mentioned in the previous comment, none stood out to me as seriously distracting from the story. Good job.
3549214
First, fixed.
Second, thank you for the kind words. I don't think perfectly is the right word, but at least it has some effect. While not exactly what I was aiming for (just romantic fluff) I'm glad that it can hit a point like that, because that is truly how incest is. And I know I may sound hypocritical here, but I myself am actually against a blood-related relationship (though I wont bash it. Not my place), but the whole... taboo of it interests me. I've always been one for 'go after what you want' (except for things involving pedophilia... very picky with me). And I didn't intend to leave the story to that kind of ending. They just sleep together. Innocent sleep. But it was my first story, so mistakes were made and I can see how it escalated pretty quickly.
Thank you again. I haven't had feedback on a story in months, so my reply is kinda long... sorry.
3549263 Your comment wasn't that long; about as long as mine. And, by the way, if this is your idea of a mindless fluff story, don't try any big, epic works; it would probably crash the server.
I have to say that this was a great story. Also will there be a sequel??
6773595
Maybe one day. I currently haven't written anything for a while now. The original plan was to make a sequel, but then I got a job (I was only in school when I started writing this) and it started taking up a lot of time. I visit the site only so much now, and most my editors I know are working on other things right now. I do hope to pick back up on it again though. We shall see, I suppose.
Also, thank you for the kind comment. It was the first story I ever did, and while it didn't get much attention, it was certainly more than I thought it ever would.
HEY! What ever happened to:
[b]Thoughts of Another Time.
If you still have it sitting around rusting, send me a copy. Maybe we can co-operate of ghost wright or something totally tasteless (how else would I do anything?)
Stormbringer.