391342 Did you see the highlighted areas? Those were the corrections and additions I made myself to give more detail. Your main issues are you punctuation and you tendencies for run-on sentences. Many spots that would require a period had commas. I took probably over an hour reading and changing that first part so that it would make sense while also not coming off as amateurish. That's okay, though; it gives me practice for my own writing skills! I also added a sentence or two to rectify some questions, such as why did Luna only now find a hidden spell in the book that her mother gave her and has probably owned for ages. I'd think she would have read the darn thing a dozen time by now if not more. However, I'm not finished yet.
Thanks for looking the first part(Just in case you weren't done yet, Sorry if it felt like a nightmare, I wen over some of the notes you put and fixed em up as best I can)
Thanks for adding "Can Ponies Get Drunk?" to your bookshelf.
Thank you for adding A Proper Introduction to your favorites! Feedback is always appreciated!
392305
Okay
I went ahead after the yellow areas further in and see what I could do to help a bit, spaced out some of the paragraphs and all.
But thank you for the notes toReally helpful
391342 Did you see the highlighted areas? Those were the corrections and additions I made myself to give more detail. Your main issues are you punctuation and you tendencies for run-on sentences. Many spots that would require a period had commas. I took probably over an hour reading and changing that first part so that it would make sense while also not coming off as amateurish. That's okay, though; it gives me practice for my own writing skills!
I also added a sentence or two to rectify some questions, such as why did Luna only now find a hidden spell in the book that her mother gave her and has probably owned for ages. I'd think she would have read the darn thing a dozen time by now if not more. However, I'm not finished yet.
Thanks for looking the first part(Just in case you weren't done yet, Sorry if it felt like a nightmare, I wen over some of the notes you put and fixed em up as best I can)
But let me know when you are done