Hmm, now I suspect Rarity. Trixie is a drama queen, but she's not a killer. Rarity, on the other hand, made the lie-detecting spell... Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Well, gotta say that I love that last line. Now before I go on, I'm just warning that, although it looks alike a lot, most of the errors are just missed apostrophes. So, to make things easier, if the word needs an apostrophe before the "s" I'm colouring it purple. If it needs one after, (meaning it is plural possessive) it will be orange. If you wish for further explanation, just let me know either in a comment or a PM and I will be happy to oblige.
Twilight had given specific instructions for the guards to remain silent about the mornings events.
“Thats it! We can't stand here and just take this anymore, we have to do something!”
Twilight watched her friends faces, observing
Rainbow Dash did blame someone for Pinkies death; she blamed herself.
As Rainbow stepped back to join the others, Applejack spoke up, “well, ah think we can all agree that this has gone on long enough.
As I mentioned on the last chapter, "well" should be capitalized. This happens a few times but I'm not going to point them all out unless you want me to. In my opinion, the a in "ah" should also be capitalized in this case, as it is Applejack saying "I" with her accent changing its sound. By adding the capital, it makes a clear distinction between the word meaning "I" and the sound one makes when they figure something out, such as "ah ha!" Feel free to ignore this, just like everything else that is my personal opinion.
Nods of agreement accompanied Applejacks words as she continued, “did y’all find anything out Twi?
murmurs of agreement filled the room.
You missed a capital.
Whats the plan?” She said, clapping her hooves together in determination.
"She" does not need to be capitalized.
Its not something I’ve done successfully before, but maybe if I could enlist Spike’s aid.
Leaning in, Rarity added, “besides, its probably best for Spike not to be alone right now.”
“As for rounden up the unicorns, ah reckon ah could get that done. Probably take a few days to bring everyone in though.” Applejack said, stepping forward.
You need a comma instead of a period.
“Hang on a second Rainbow, theres one more thing,”
if its OK with you, I was going to go visit Pinkie Pie’s family on the rock farm.
her rapport with the people of the town had no doubt helped ease the unicorn’s concerns.
You just need to move the apostrophe to the other side of the s. Plural possessive words are hard to figure out.
I know your protective, but he has a lot more strength that he lets on.
Should be you're, as in you are.
The weariness apparent in her friends demeanor melted away as pride took its place.
Its nothing my dear.
Miss. Applejack has found one last unicorn that we have yet to question.
You don't need the period after "Miss".
Its OK Applejack, just rest.
Right, that's all I saw. I'm going to stop for now, but I should be able to do the next chapter or two tomorrow. I make no promises, but I think I may have time.
Twilight. (She might not know it and it could be in her sleep) Rarity. (Unicorn) Trixie. (Unicorn and is acting severely suspicious) Spike. (Knows magic) And if it isn't a unicorn than Flittershy. (Acting suspicious, doesn't want guards into her home and is quite)
Obviously, Angel and Fluttershy are the killers.
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If that were true I would not have put a tragedy tag on this story, for obviously it would make for a happy ending.
3897414 hey hey hey
Stay outta my shed
Hmm, now I suspect Rarity. Trixie is a drama queen, but she's not a killer.
Rarity, on the other hand, made the lie-detecting spell... Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Well, gotta say that I love that last line. Now before I go on, I'm just warning that, although it looks alike a lot, most of the errors are just missed apostrophes. So, to make things easier, if the word needs an apostrophe before the "s" I'm colouring it purple. If it needs one after, (meaning it is plural possessive) it will be orange. If you wish for further explanation, just let me know either in a comment or a PM and I will be happy to oblige.
As I mentioned on the last chapter, "well" should be capitalized. This happens a few times but I'm not going to point them all out unless you want me to. In my opinion, the a in "ah" should also be capitalized in this case, as it is Applejack saying "I" with her accent changing its sound. By adding the capital, it makes a clear distinction between the word meaning "I" and the sound one makes when they figure something out, such as "ah ha!" Feel free to ignore this, just like everything else that is my personal opinion.
You missed a capital.
"She" does not need to be capitalized.
You need a comma instead of a period.
You just need to move the apostrophe to the other side of the s. Plural possessive words are hard to figure out.
Should be you're, as in you are.
You don't need the period after "Miss".
Right, that's all I saw. I'm going to stop for now, but I should be able to do the next chapter or two tomorrow. I make no promises, but I think I may have time.
I would suspect Fluttershy if not for magics.
Right now I'm warring between Rarity and Trixie being the culprit. Trixie seems too obvious, but then again, that might be what you want us to think.
I feel like Spikes the killer and I don't know why
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Hoofprints, not claw prints
Possibly suspects:
Twilight. (She might not know it and it could be in her sleep)
Rarity. (Unicorn)
Trixie. (Unicorn and is acting severely suspicious)
Spike. (Knows magic)
And if it isn't a unicorn than Flittershy. (Acting suspicious, doesn't want guards into her home and is quite)
No leads, just suspicions.