For a fee, you can rent a pony.
You can be a pony.
But you can never stay a pony.
An entry for the Science Fiction Contest III organised by Bicyclette.
Chapters (4)
Raugos
Joined 13th Dec, 2011 ·
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Thank you! That was weird, tense, and fascinating. I genuinely did not know where your story was going for most of it, but it all made sense. I'm glad I read this.
Interestingly, I was in a bit of a mood myself when going into this story, so much so I nearly opted not to read it, then considered bailing as its subject matter became clear...but weirdly reading to the end anyway put me in a better mood.
Funny how that works out, huh?
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I was a little worried that the tag would be off-putting. Glad that you felt better by the end; I prefer my stories to be a little hopeful, even when they're dealing with heavy subjects. Thanks for reading!
11904165
Heya, thank you for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it!
Oh, Raugos! A guy, who wrote Hearths' Sparring Eve. A nice story though!
This seems like it could be an interesting world to visit again. How many of us would pay that fee? Hope things work out and get better for the characters, good choice of song as well.
Your gastric resentment is inconvenient
Lmao
Very strange but good story!
Really cool story! Very easy to relate with the main characters and I appreciate how everything resolved.
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That doctor ain't putting up with annoying tummy rumblings in the middle of surgery.
What an interestingly fantastic start to a, I don't know if there is a trend for this anywhere else but, unique in my mind story.
This is somebody who's living through someone else. It's his only form of connection out of where he is in the world. It makes sense. Now it's confusing about how the world just turn into this megalopolis seeming situation. Of course this is the first chapter, but I agree with sternum. And I'm the opinion that sternum can have the opinion of the surrogate, however sternum is ultimately responsible for the product, it's quality and it's safety. A dead surrogate is a low quality surrogate.
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A lot of people, I suspect. Though it definitely would help if they could iron out all the issues that come with abusing this tech.
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Thanks for reading!
Its nice to get a real good look at our protagonist's self.they are wounded.
Ooo what a climax! Let's see what come next
Ah thank you, I must peruse your catalogue. Ah times it is dofficult to distinguish characters from their pronouns when Cliff and Phillip are interacting.otherwise nice
Edit:
Ha! I already follow you. Guess I've missed out huh?
That was odd but very good. Thanks for the story! Extra thanks for the Aviators. There are some good memories there.
11906263
You certainly know your sci fi tropes!
Didn't quite have the time to flesh that out as nicely as I would've liked, but it's basically an alternate universe in which Equestria and Earth have a working portal, and this takes place a fair bit of time after Twilight's coronation.
11906299
Thanks for the feedback. I do try to keep a balance between using dialogue tags to help identify speakers, and reducing their usage to improve flow and pacing.
I hope you find other stories to your liking. Thanks for reading this one!
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Oh yes, Aviators did some amazing pony songs back then. And thanks for reading!
this story was great and an excellent read and I want Cliff and Sternum to kiss
Hey there, fellow contestant! Here's my review of your story:
I really enjoyed this one. It has a great core concept, a relatable main character, and a compelling plot. I think it works as a commentary on our own modern detachment from our own lives and also as criticism of the sort of escapism we see in a lot of other MLP stories. Despite being among the longer stories from this contest, I think it's paced very well and I didn't really notice the length much at all, which is always a good sign.
For minor criticism, I think the last chapter drags a little bit and maybe comes to a conclusion a little too neatly. Also detached a bit once I realized what the song was... just sort of took me out of it.
That said, a few minor gripes didn't keep me from thoroughly enjoying it. Good luck in the contest!
11924821
Hey mate, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it!
I can see that. Fun fact: the original draft had Pixel revealing that she was pregnant. Unfortunately, I had one day left to write the ending and there was no chance of me sorting that bombshell out in a satisfactory way before the deadline.
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Oh wow, that would have been a big twist! But I think, under the circumstances, this was probably the right way to go if you were under the gun. My own story was a bit down to the wire as well, so I get it.
But like I said, minor gripes aside, still a damn good story.