Better Writing for Bronies · 2:38pm Jan 2nd, 2014
(Or pegasisters; you can call yourself what you like, but "bronies" nicely fit in with the alliteration.)
(This is a work in progress, and I will add new points as I think of them/ as I have time to write.)
There are a lot of poorly-written stories on this site. I understand, and I accept that. 90% of everything is junk, after all; and if something is horrible all the way through, I just reject it, and never think of it again. The problem comes with stories that have a great idea behind them, effort on the part of the writer, and are MOSTLY written well, but with just a FEW glaring errors; because I want to love them, but I just can't accept the flaws. However, those are the kinds of stories that can be easily fixed, and made THOROUGHLY good.
Please note that this will be mostly about grammar and punctuation errors; it's a lot harder to say how to write in-character, and what the proper pacing is, and so on.
1. Dialogue Punctuation
a) Example:
“Pleased to meet you,” Cadance said as steadily as she could, which is to say not much at all.
Luna raised an eyebrow, her mouth forming a thin line. “The pleasure’s all mine, Princess Cadenza.”
“Please, just call me Cadance,” she said hastily with a nervous chuckle.
“Sorry to rush out,” Celestia said, the sentence forming a rock in Cadance’s stomach, “but I really must be going. There are still many changes to be made and things to do now that Luna has returned to rule by my side again, and I think it’d be best if you two had a chance to get to know each other without me being a third wheel.”
~from Starting on the Wrong Hoof by LDSocrates
In script form, that section would look like this:
CADANCE: Pleased to meet you.
LUNA: The pleasure’s all mine, Princess Cadenza.
CADANCE: Please, just call me Cadance.
CELESTIA: Sorry to rush out, but I really must be going. There are still many changes to be made and things to do now that Luna has returned to rule by my side again, and I think it’d be best if you two had a chance to get to know each other without me being a third wheel.
The first three sentences, when stripped to just dialogue (as seen in script form), all end in a period. But look back up to the example. Luna's part is unchanged, as her dialogue comes after what she does (raising her eyebrow), and does not directly follow from it. Her quotation ends in a period, when written in the story. But note how Cadance's lines end in a comma, right before the quotation mark. That's because what follows after is HOW it is said. (I could try to explain it in grammatical terms like subject and direct object, but a) I'm not entirely sure my explanation would be accurate and b) I don't think anybody else would understand either, so I won't bother.) In the first sentence, "what she says" is part of the same idea as "saying it as steadily as she could", so they're both treated as part of the same sentence. And in English, that means that instead of a period, you end the quotation with a comma.
The third sentence of the example is pretty much the same; only note how instead of "Cadance said", it has "she said". There's really no difference here -- it's still the same pony -- except that names are always capitalized (Fluttershy, Princess Luna, Discord) and pronouns (like "she") are only capitalized at the beginning of sentences. Note how "she" was NOT capitalized here. That's because, as I said earlier, both "what is said" and "how it is said" are treated as part of the same sentence; here, the beginning of the sentence is "please", and NOT "she said".
The fourth sentence, Celestia's part, is also different. "Who says it" is in the middle of "what is said". Again, this is all treated as part of the same sentence. (TO BE CONTINUED)
b) Example:
"Chives!" I cried piteously. "Chives, get out here at once!"
(...)
"You called, Master?" my servant asked in his calm, sonorous voice.
"No, I was actually asking for the King," I hoarsely deadpanned.
"Ah, I wasn't aware he was in our abode. I will attempt to locate him at once." Chives began to withdraw back into the house.
~from Dark Side of the Moon by Rust
