Description 101 · 3:53am Aug 26th, 2014
Last week, we learned that what most authors think of as "showing" is really a disguised form of telling. The common tie is that the author writes with the intention of conveying a fact directly to the reader. In order to truly show a fact, the fact must affect the action of the scene: the characters demonstrate the fact by acting as though the fact were true.
However, this kind of showing usually makes little sense if we are not told some context first. Both are needed for an engaging story. This leaves us with the question: how can I effectively tell context to the reader?
Know your point
When an author starts describing a scene, there is no limit to the amount of detail they can add. We could mention a field of trees, then elaborate that they are apple trees full of red apples, then start describing the sheen of the sun off the fresh fruit or the wind in the leaves all the way down to the crags in the bark. Or we could mention the reader is looking at Sweet Apple Acres and leave it at that. Both are valid choices depending on your goal for the scene, but to use either incorrectly is asking for trouble.
Description is not just added in for window dressing or to make our editors stop nagging us about talking head syndrome. Every word we write can and should be chosen to add the most it possibly can to the story. This is why the first step to good description is to start with an idea of what that description is supposed to do. "Tell the reader what something looks like" is not an acceptable answer. Why do we need to know what something looks like? If we are describing a person, perhaps we need to give the reader something to remember them by. We might need to know some contents of a room to see the living conditions of the owner. This tells us what to focus on, and most importantly tells us when we have provided enough description. If you can get the point across in one sentence, why write five?
Taking this one step further, we need to be aware of why it is necessary for the reader to know these things. Spice is nice, but it is used sparingly for a reason. Can you find where your facts come into play? Do they affect the action? Does the reader gain any additional understanding of the characters? Does it establish a mood? If you do not do something with the context that has been established, there is no reason to establish it in the first place. Put another way: if you want to give us paragraph upon paragraph of description, then it is your responsibility to make it all relevant to the reader. A reader can always put the story down. Do not give them a reason to.
Start simple
Now that we know our point, we need to get an idea of what that point looks like. Suppose our point is that the Apple Family lives simply and they are proud of that life. If our point is the case, what else might be true? We might find examples of simplicity around the house: worn wooden bowls, patched saddlebags, and just enough furniture to make do. Now how does pride come into play? The bowls are stacked neatly, every hole in the saddlebags is sturdily patched, and the furniture has no dust.
The more blunt you are in your planning, the more effective your final scene will be. This is because simple words focus your attention on the substance of what you are trying to convey. You can always go back and put your words in fancier terms later, but if you start froo-froo, your ideas will get tangled up with the fluff of the presentation, and it will be harder to keep track of the substance of what you have said. It also forces you to consider the simplest possible way of presenting your information. When you have to deliberately add every bit of fluff, it becomes much easier to see when you are overdoing it or could get by without.
Pay attention to space and position
Space is time. Space is importance. Even if you know that everything you must say is important, that does not mean that every point you wish to make is worth an entire paragraph. Big ideas or overall impressions that the reader must pause to consider are worth their own paragraph. Occasional startling revelations are worth their own line. However, if your description does not need the reader's full attention, you would do well to mix it into your action or mention it while you are describing something bigger. This keeps your description unobtrusive and your story moving.
That being said, if your in-line context requires a phrase or more, it either needs to be condensed, or you should consider making it its own sentence. There is nothing more distracting than bloated sentences:
Applejack adjusted her hat, a well-worn brown Stetson that had slipped sideways, and resumed scrubbing.
Notice how the story goes off on a tangent, bringing the action to a halt. Not only do we have repetition (hat, well worn... choose one), but it gives the impression that the author is inserting thoughts as they occur to them without regard for structure. The description looks tacked on. In the worst case, it means the action is interrupted in the middle of every other sentence for description. Do the smart thing: make these asides into their own sentences or rearrange the sentence to remove the need for commas:
Applejack righted her well-worn Stetson and resumed scrubbing.
So much nicer.
Get specific
Description is not about listing the objects that are lying around. Description is about bringing out the most interesting and relevant aspects of our scene. Not dishes in the sink, but wood bowls, a cast iron pot, and sassafras stirring spoon. The more specific you can get with the important elements of your description, the more context you have to work with. More context gets you thinking about the reality of what you are trying to portray and how it all fits together. That sassafras spoon might prompt a tale about making Zap Apple jam, or Applejack might use it to bop Twilight on the head if she's being silly, but either way, we would not know of either of these possibilities if we were not specific. Generic "gloss over" words are lost opportunities.
Of course, the caveat is that specificity can come at the cost of using more space. If it means using two words instead of one (wooden bowls instead of dishes), you should be fine. Three+ words or a list should only be added if you have a specific use for all this extra detail in mind, or you have a way to be specific without being intrusive. For instance, if our scene involves Twilight and Applejack talking over the dishes, we might make a mental list of some specific dishes that may be present and toss them into the conversation one by one (Applejack grabbed another wooden bowl. <talking> Twilight heaved Granny's cast iron pot into the rinse basin.) This lets you be vivid while not hitting your reader with your details all at once.
Note that specificity is not about abusing your thesaurus. In fact, leave the poor book alone. Being specific is about increasing the amount of information we have about what is in our scene. You cook with a pot or perhaps wash it. Ho hum. A cast iron pot, on the other hand, is big, heavy, and might splash water everywhere if you dump it in the rinse basin all willy-nilly. It has character and presence. If you just grab a word out of the thesaurus, you likely do not have any idea how the word works or why you would use it in place of the simpler word. If you do not know the implications of a word, then you have gained nothing by adding it to your scene. Stick with words you already know. It might not be as fancy as you would like, but familiar words give you more that you can work with, and, in the end, that is the whole point.
Keep details coming back when appropriate
There is nothing more depressing than a standard solid paragraph of description. Even if the paragraph is well written, there is a very good chance that we will never speak of most of it again. The scene is established, the characters proceed to talk for a few straight pages, and finally they leave without another word or the scene trails off. The setting is never mentioned after the first paragraph. If description is this inert, why bother with it in the first place?
Descriptions of characters and settings are the biggest offenders. If Rarity is going to walk into a gala wearing a nice dress, is it too much to ask to have somepony compliment her on some specific detail? Nothing big -- just a quick conversation starter. If your characters are talking in a busy restaurant, have the buzz of the crowd interrupt a line, or have them take a bite of food to stall for time. It does not even have to affect the action -- if Applejack needs to toss the spoon aside, have it hit the iron pot. Anything to keep your details from being one-hit wonders after they serve their original purpose. If you need to add more context, try to do it with the details you have already established. This helps give scenes a feeling of continuity.
The best way to keep your details relevant is with the use of an activity. This is some minor task such as eating or washing the dishes that might be appropriate for the characters to do in the given context, but is not the actual focus of the scene. We are not here to watch Twilight and Applejack do the dishes, but rather to have Applejack confess a deep dark secret to Twi. However, the activity will add to the action because baring your heart is hard, so when it gets to be too much for one of them, they can focus on washing something for a breather. In the process, we can keep coming back to all the little details we have established.
Your characters need more than themselves
I have written so far under the assumption that the author's common problem is too much description; however, many an author has the opposite problem. We usually call this Talking Heads Syndrome: scene after scene with nothing but dialog and the occasional action. Scenes can be carried by well-written dialog alone, but this is like watching your favorite movie without being able to move your head: at some point, your neck gets stiff. A bit of description sprinkled in gives us a chance to take a quick stretch and then get right back into the good stuff.
The root of the problem stems from getting excited over one element of the story and catching a bad case of tunnel vision. Why care about what the kitchen looks like when we are here to see Applejack confess her deepest fears to Twilight? But, as we have already seen, more description brings more information, and with more information comes more opportunities for our characters to express themselves. We have already seen how an activity gives our characters an opportunity to disengage from conversation, and there are even more opportunities besides. If Twi is fed up with AJ's stalling, she can yank the dishrag from her hooves, and so on.
Fixing the problem is simple: remember to look at the whole picture before every scene. Take a moment to consider the following: what are some facts about your setting? What aspects of the setting might break into your characters' actions? What items might be present, and how might your characters use these items to make their point? If you have problems with THS, it may be profitable to jot down a few potential props so you are at least aware of the opportunity to incorporate them into your scene. Should they not prove useful, leave them out of the final draft, and no one will be the wiser. The important thing is that you took the time to consider what you had to work with. If you seek, you may find nothing, but if you do not look at all, you have no hope of seeing anything.
Keep your audience in mind
The secret to keeping your description engaging is remembering that the reader can think for themselves and already has some understanding of how the world works. They do not need every little thing explained to them. We do not need to know what Applejack or Twilight look like. We've seen them a million times and can even see their picture right on your story's description page if we forget. This means if you are going to describe them, you should also capture a part of what we do not know: what they look like right now. Everyone knows that Applejack has a Stetson and straw mane, but maybe right now the Stetson is slouched and her mane is askew.
If you are describing something to the audience, your words should convey what you intend without any extra exposition. If you cannot get your point across with your description, explicitly explaining what we were supposed to get out of it is a waste. When you catch yourself explaining your description, stop, delete the explanation, and spice up your description. The only exception is if the average reader would have no context for what is going on otherwise. If Daring Do finds herself in the Demented Dimension fighting the Terrible TeToKiik Toucans, we can forgive a little more explanation.
Emotion is not a fact to be stated
Should you ever find yourself using emotion words (Applejack was sad) outside of dialog, you are doing it wrong. No exceptions. Ever. If the emotion is to be expressed outwardly, then we should be able to see it in how the feeler acts. If it does not find its way into their actions, then it was likely not strong enough to be relevant. If the feeler is our viewpoint character, then it is the author's job to help us understand the why of the feeling, not merely that the feeling exists. If Applejack fears she is not up to run the farm, describe all the fancy mathematics she barely is able to do or the creak in her bones as she hauls herself out of bed at the crack of dawn. Emotions are not facts to be stated, but circumstances of life that the story needs the reader to understand.
Good description starts with being deliberate. Know what you need to say, explore what you have available to say it through, and then state it as simply and specifically as you can while still getting your point across. You will go far.
Brilliant. I learned so much from this that I'm bookmarking this page in my internet browser. You are providing amateur authors like myself such wonderful advice. Thank you very much for taking the time to write this.
Another good post.
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Always happy to be of service, thanks for reading
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Now, getting me to actually remember to do some of these things from the post... well... it's a work in progress.
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There's a good way of doing that:
1) Acquire a sticky note
2) Pick your SINGLE favorite tip
3) Write it on sticky note
4) Post it on your monitor/writing location of choice.
5) Look at the sticky note before you write
6) Profit
7) When you think you have that idea down, put another single tip on a fresh sticky note (fresh is important: cluttered sticky notes are no good
It is difficult to focus on more than one area of improvement in the first place, so the only reasonable thing to do is pick one and see it through to the end.
I always love these 101's. I will have to point them out to some of my friends.
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More promotion is always welcome. Thank you