Critique Review: Cadence of Memories · 7:41pm May 4th, 2016
Greetings, my fellow Jedi and Sith Lords. Enjoying our May the Fourth, are we?
You guys are probably wondering why I’m not reviewing a Star Wars based fic?
Is it because all the Star Wars fics I found were actually pretty decent?
Is it because my distaste for the Star Wars prequels was so overpowering that it drove me from Star Wars forever?
Is it because reviewing a Star Wars fic would be like reviewing Star Wars the Force Awakens?
Or is it because 20 mintues ago, I put two and two together and figured out what May the Fourth means to people?
All likely answers.
But let’s not dwell on what did and didn’t happen. Let’s dwell on what does. Today’s story seems to have quite a bit of praise. Even having 200+ likes. Not that it means much since God Empress had over 1000 likes. And I only liked that when it was being Celestia and Luna go on a picnic and do each other’s hair and talk about boys. I liked it a lot less when it was about Call of Duty: Celestia. Where it’s plagued by battle set pieces and racism.
So, will this be a hidden gem or something that needs to be put back into it’s place?
Well, let’s not dwell on it for too long. Let’s dig into Cadence of Memories by ScyStorm
The story begins with Twilight panicking over a lost book. Points already for having Twilight better portrayed than in the ‘Why did I do this?” Of course, Twilight could have taken a shit on her carpet and then made hoofpaintings with it and it still would have been more in character than that fic.
Suddenly, who should show up at the door? Why the most vile ponies of all of them! The one who will lead to the destruction of all we hold dear…
Princess Cadance!
Twilight greets her sister in law and asks what she’s doing here.
The unicorn pulled away from her hug after a moment, Cadance smiling brightly at her as she loosened her forelegs. "I came to visit you, of course. Why else would I be here?"
"V-Visit me? But, you're a princess! Don't you have important things to be doing?"
"Aw, am I supposed to consider my sister-in-law as 'Not important?'"
I know I have, especially considering that I’ve yet to contact them for any reason since the last story-arc… Yeah, I should probably get on that some time.
Cadance says that she had a lot of free time on her hoof and says that she decided to travel to Twilight to visit her. Maybe Flash Sentry made his brief cameo at the train station. I do love seeing that character get the screen time he deserves.
Twilight trotted up behind her, watching as she took in the sights. "So you did that just to visit me?"
Cadance turned to the unicorn with a caring smile. "Of course I did. I've been thinking about you for a while now, Twilight. The wedding was the first time I saw you in... Goodness, years! And if it wasn't for you, there wouldn't have been a wedding."
Lightning Dawn: But if I had been there, we would have discovered that Chrysalis was a changeling before anyone else and then we would have beaten her up and that episode would have ended in 5 minutes! Love me! Love me!
There’s some more discussion of Twilight and Cadance of how much Cadance missed her since they hadn’t seen each other in years. Twilight tells Spike they’re going out on the town and Spike cries at getting booted out of the fic again.
Bah, you should be used to it by now, you lame-o. Ha, lame-o! I’m funny!
"... and that's pretty much what I've been doing in Ponyville. In a nutshell."
Twilight and Cadance walked slowly down the main road of Ponyville, the princess smirking privately at Twilight's use of the word 'nutshell.' She didn't have the heart to tell the unicorn just how long her diatribe was.
Okay… Diatribe? That’s usually representing a long speech that involves criticizing something or something. Much like I do. On a weekly basis. Typically, Diatribes are supposed to be angry. Does Twilight actually hate Ponyville or something? It certainly would explain all the attacks on the town…
This town is bullshit! First, when I get here, I get attacked by that pink, pussy prick Pinkie Pie, who wants me to be her ‘friend’! I got your ‘friend’, right up your asshole! Then a fucking minotaur shows up, imitates my boy-toy Mr. T, and makes everyone think that Fluttershy and Bill Bixby are interchangeable. So, I unleashed Cerberus on the town, but unfortunately Fluttershy ruined that too!
Cadance: I blame Mykan for that! Damn you, Mykan!
Cadance realizes that Twilight left out some parts of Ponyville that she wants to hear about.
"Plus, you left out a few interesting parts of your life."
Twilight blinked and glanced back in the alicorn's direction. "Huh? What do you mean?"
Cadance grinned knowingly. "Nightmare Moon and Discord, girl."
The unicorn suddenly blushed and looked away once more, sheepishly. "Oh. Yeah, I guess I don't talk about that much..."
Oh, yes. I couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to talk about a couple of villains who wanted to destroy Equestria, enslave them and turned their friends against them in a huge psychological struggle. No, no. You’re right, Cadance, she should bring them up in dinner conversations more.
The two begin to reminisce some more about how Twilight was a filly and how Cadance looked after her. And how cute she was and all that other stuff. But there seems to be something missing from all this… Like… Oh, I don’t know… A plot!
NOT THAT KIND OF PLOT!
Suddenly, our two characters overhear a group of ponies arguing over flower growing methods when the Mistress of Shipping casts her dark powers to make the two ponies fall in love with one another and essentially make out. So, I’m getting that kind of plot after all…
The alicorn focused slightly, her horn flaring up with a modest blue glow, a large magical heart immediately inflating off of the tip. Bathed in blue energy, the heart floated toward the two arguing ponies, splitting into two and fluttering around them before coming together again with an exploding pop. The two mares stopped arguing immediately, blinking in confusion. Nearby, Lily perked her ears, opening her eyes again at the sudden sound of quiet. "G-Girls?" she stammered.
"Goodness, what are we arguing for?" Daisy spoke up, a sad look in her eyes.
"Oh, Daisy, I'm so sorry," Rose replied, stepping forward and hugging her friend.
And then my question flag goes up? And you guys know what that means? Something comes up that makes me question something. Hence, why it’s called a question flag. Because that’s what it does. Asks questions.
The princess giggled softly, slipping her nose into a daisy growing out of one of the pots and inhaling its pleasant scent. "I still get a lot of use out of it. I don't go on many ambassador missions anymore, so a lot of the time I'm restoring peace in Canterlot, and helping ponies find love. Lots of ponies love getting married by me, as well. A grand wedding in front of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza..."
Okay, hang on, if Cadance has the power to dispel quarrels like that, which is a stupid power in my opinion anyway, then why the hell does Celestia not send Cadance on ambassador missions anymore? I’d think a pony who has the power to create peace in any situation would be a fucking good ambassador!
And if Celestia doesn’t want Candace using that to manipulate other countries against their fucking will, than why is she able to do that to other ponies? Oh, I see. It’s totally chill when other ponies oppress your subjects. Like Cadance and Celesto.
Maybe Celestia has a crippling fear of peace and security and wants a sure fire way to send undesirables to their deaths? I knew that bitch was a dictator!
More questions flags go up as the story means to go on.
The alicorn winced a little after she said it. Twilight couldn't help doing so herself, as well. "Where did that name come from, anyway?"
"It's just a fancy Princess sort of name. My real name is Cadance, always has been. The fancier name is an ancient custom... Honestly, I don't know why they bother anymore. Celestia and Luna have nothing like it, or at least not anymore. They're simply called by their full titles in certain royal ceremonies. Thankfully, though, I don't have to put up with the name much anymore."
Wait, so you just have that name, so you can say how much you hate that name? I know it says Celestia and Luna have ancient names too, but that’s just a throw away explanation at best. If we were going to get this bullshit explanation, then why even bring up the fucking name thing? Just have it be her real name that she hates, so she shortened it to Cadance. Or have Twilight, as a filly, have a really hard time saying it, so Cadance tells her to call her Cadance.
That way, Twilight already has a special connection to the name of Cadance, which would explain why she didn’t recognize the name ‘Mi Amore Cadenza’.
Instead, it just feels like it was thrown out there like a bone to the dogs. There’s nothing there to bring this dog any pleasure. I want some fucking meat on my bones, dammit!
And before I can forgive the story, another bone gets thrown at my face. It says that Cadance went on ambassador trips, but when Twilight asks about them, the most details we get is this.
Cadance's gaze perused across the many flower pots, admiring the care and handiwork the flower mare trio put into their profession. "Not very often anymore, no. Especially after the wedding. Eventually I'll have rule over my sect of Canterlot and won't have any time for that anymore. I'm not exactly looking forward to that, but... at least I have Shining there with me."
And of course, by Canterlot, she means the Crystal Empire! Oh, I am going to harp on this so…
Sir, you might want to hold off on that criticism?
And why would I do that?
Because the story was written before Season 3 aired.
… Damnit… Carry on, story…
So, Twilight asks how Cadance and Shining Armor met and Cadance claims that it’s not an exciting story. Oh, so it will fit right in with the rest of the story.
She then explains that her stories as an ambassador and how she met Shining Armor were one and the same, since she was sent with Shining as her personal guard. She got lonely and started to talk with him since she knew him from her days of foalsitting Twilight. And… that’s pretty much it.
Wow, so glad we established that. They talked. Good start, story!
Even Twilight’s a bit surprised by this.
[quote[She turned her eyes back to the unicorn, who looked as confused as ever. Twilight rubbed one hoof on her head, processing the story. "So... That's it?"
"Yes, Twilight. That's it."
The unicorn's jaw dropped slightly. "But... Nothing scary happened during your missions? You didn't get kidnapped by some gryphon bandit and Shining never came galloping bravely to your rescue? Nothing like that at all?!"Nah, the griffon could have kidnapped her and he wouldn’t have lifted a finger. But you even touch Celestia, shit’s gonna get fucked.
Cadance then explains that she was a little stressed out during her childhood, because unlike Celestia and Luna, she was not born an alicorn. This was explained during the novella series that came out at the time. Explaining that Cadance was actually a Pegasus, before she became an alicorn in the same way that Twilight did.
However, the story calls her a unicorn before. But checking the date, the novella came out in 2013. An entire year after this was written. God damnit, why do all my date criticisms prove to be invalid?! You’re making this hard, story!
Cadance explains that she was feeling the weight of everything around her crushing her and Shining recommending taking care of a little girl. Yes, because as any mother will tell you, the way to reduce stress is to take care of a child who will no doubt whine until you give them their Supermare action figure. Or shove their head down a toilet. Anyway, that’s why I’m not allowed to babysit anymore.
But then the story makes the most grievous mistake it could possibly make…
"That and more, Twilight. You were so fun to be around and play with, it was impossible for me to be stressed out or depressed. I still had a hard time of it, but then i knew I had little Twiley to look forward to. I spent so much time with you, I was almost afraid of the day I didn't need to foalsit you anymore."
"That and more, Twilight. You were so fun to be around and play with, it was impossible for me to be stressed out or depressed. I still had a hard time of it, but then i knew I had little Twiley to look forward to. I spent so much time with you, I was almost afraid of the day I didn't need to foalsit you anymore."
"That and more, Twilight. You were so fun to be around and play with, it was impossible for me to be stressed out or depressed. I still had a hard time of it, but then i knew I had little Twiley to look forward to. I spent so much time with you, I was almost afraid of the day I didn't need to foalsit you anymore."
Nope, we’re done! Game over! You lose, fic! Thumbs down! Irredeemable! Didn’t finish and all that!
So, after that, Cadance rushes off, challenging Twilight to a game of tag. Look, it’s cute, but there’s only so much of that I can take. I need a little something more here. Like some kind of conflict. Or something. An obstacle to be overcome. The bonding of siblings is important and I would know, I’ve got by brother tied up in the basement, but I’d like a little something. Hell, even the show a couple seasons later got that part right. It just sucked everything else.
Cadance smirked in return, and then quickly gasped as something came to mind. She grinned widely at the unicorn and rapidly tapped her forehooves on the grass. Twilight saw the motion, and knew immediately what it meant. She smiled brightly and stepped into position with the alicorn mare.
"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!"
And thus, with the hated ritual completed, Princess Cadance the Terrible unleashed the fury of the netherworld upon the Starfleet Magic! And their world burned!
[img0https://static.tumblr.com/ipmg0zc/APhm3fr2y/175712_-_animated_cadence_dancing_pinkie_pie_princess_cadence.gif
The return to Twilight’s home for some lunch, presumably to remind us that Spike was once a character in this fic, and they talk about Spike and how he’s grown. This fic shares an interesting opposite problem with God Empress of Ponykind. Both fics are functional and it is easily understandable why either fic could be enjoyed. But for me, God Empress started to lack character development while this fic relies just on that alone.
I’m not saying it couldn’t work, but the relationship between the two is already strong, so there’s not much tension in the story. It’s just a cute story. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about it, it’s just not interesting.
But, like the sun setting at day’s end, Cadance must say good-bye to Twilight and return to Canterlot where she’ll no doubt stay there for the rest of the series and not be shoved off to some distant castle which she may or may not have been kidnapped from ‘Loki’ style when she was just a child.
They embrace one last time, as official sisters, bound by a bond stronger than blood. But not quite as strong as iron chains. And with that, Twilight lays her head down. A smile across her face, for her sister’s love.
Aw, that’s adorable. … But God was it boring…
Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, there’s nothing technically wrong with this fic. Cadance and Twilight are good characters, and fairly well done here. The interactions are fine and we have some interesting ideas on display here.
There’s nothing wrong with it, but in a low effort kind of way. This is kind of the ‘Risk-Free Fic’. A fic that has no risk to it because it has no opposition and thus has no investment. For all the crap I gave God Empress, as least shit happened in it. Honestly, I liked the episode that the series later did, and that didn’t focus on Twilight and Cadance, spending more time with Discord.
If we could take the conflict of that episode and put it with the interactions of this fic, we might have an enjoyable experience. Instead, all we have is an ‘experience’. Not a bad experience, mind you. There’s nothing offensive or outright appalling that made me want to murder a box of kittens, but I would have appreciated a little bite. Overall, kind of forgettable. A cute read, but nothing that’s really going to stick with me. It’s like when Computer speaks; In, there for a moment, then out again and I don’t even miss it.
Actually, I've found that there's this weirdly disproportionate number of good Star Wars/My Little Pony stories. Have you read Rule of Two? It might be dead, but what's there is great.
Have to write this with limited mobility in one hand. Either way, this should be fun.
Or at least better than the first darkness war
That is not, however, indicative of whether or not it is any good. Popular, yes, but not good.
See, your reaction to God Empress (which I still totally understand) and my reaction to many a displaced/Chessgame/ Fivescore story.
Why she's evil incarnate I don't know, but I'm sure you have reasons.
Then again, I may have accidentally turned him into an alien fighting badass, but what would I know?
I still think Spike is one of the smarter ones here; he always seems to dodge the badfics and such.
First off, that didn't seem too angry. Second off, I had no idea what "diatribe" was until I looked it up, thus killing my attention on the fic.
Fancy words are nice, but using them like this is not.
That's what I've been noticing too; it's a nice interaction, but has no real context behind it.
At the very least, have them meet in theater class, be awkward around one another for two years, finally agree they like each other senior year, and ten go for long distance relationship after that.
Quote's busted
Which I never read, which explains why in both of the stories that I've written that address Cadence's origins in some way (God Empress and Princess of Themyscira) Cadence is born an alicorn.
Like, Cadence can use her ring fueled by loved and Twilight and use her ancient magical arts, and together they take on bad guys and eldritch abominations... wait, wrong universe.
Fortunately, I've (hopefully) started to fix that problem in the sequel. For this, I can't say much, but I have to agree with you while it's great for character development, it feels... empty. It needs some kind of conflict. Anything, really, but it doesn't.
WAFF fics are all well and good, but they still need something to support the WAFF.
Good review. And as you said, there's nothing wrong with this fic in the traditional sense; it just needs more to happen.
So did Derpy's Finest Hour.
Seems plenty really dislike Derpy that much. Or they where just gore whores like me.
And they probably liked it for how bad of a vile gore story it is.
Do you really now?
I think he has, seeing that he gave up being DRAGON LORD! To some female dragon he just met that day.
Sure she helped him get the scepter, and he felt she may not turn on the ponies out of some future tiff she may have of them one day (as if he thought that through well).
So trusting he is. Shame, he might have made a good Dragon Lord. Though after his last time giving himself the athroity to give out orders in Twilight's name, that didn't go over so well.
Funny, Garble knew what a hug is when Spike told him to hug everyone he passes (and not say why), but Ember didn't know what it is when Spike was giving her one. How did Garble of all dragons know of it but not Ember (who is supposed to be much smarter than him)?
I think by now Cadence has the right to blame Mykan for anything she wants, even for things irrelevant to him. Much how Opus blames Congress for most everything.
But I like those as much as the other kind.
Twerk it baby, yea!
So I guess you can't say you didn't get anything out of this story.
Isn't that a little harsh for such an error? i would think so.
Yes, it's always good getting by with the help of one's brother.
Oh' that kind of bonding. I guess a brother can help in that way, one's need to keep things in their proper place, as one sees fit.
Like Derpy's Finest Hour about made me want to do after reading it.
No, I wouldn't do anything bad to kittens, even over reading that story.
And this! After all the things she has done for you, like remind you of important things, and get you your warm blanket out of the drier for you and other such niceties.
But I would forget the things you do Computer. Not I.
3919845
This is true. As Critique has pointed out with many of other stories.
Like to share Cupcakes at the Rainbow Factory with me?
Nor I think a low vote may entirely mean the story was all that bad. The subjects or writing in it may have gone over the heads of many readers who just might not have understood it, or the story was good but presented poorly with bad grammar and spelling that might have hidden a potentially good story with a bad presentation. Just to name a few possibilities.
Because she can take away a person's ability to be angry about someone or something, even if that person had a real good reason for it.
Imagine a person had just played the Punching Game on you. Scratch that-
Imagine a person had just played the Punching Game on someone you cared deeply for, and had just killed said person with that punch to the face.
Now in a fit of rage you go to exact revenge on this random act of violence on the one you loved.
Cadence now comes along and sees your revolt on that revolting assailant and works her magic without knowing why you where angry with that person in the first place. And after she does, you no longer know of why you were angry either anymore. You just walk away from that person, and feeling oddly good about that person as well.
Don't you just hate it when a person buts in on a situation and demands on how you should think, even without knowing what was going on?
Next, you find your loved one dead again, and you have know idea how the hell this shit happened!
Yes, moments like that just kind of sucks, hard core.
Thank you Cadence, for nothing.
I didn't know what it was either. And this is what I meant by a many a readers not getting a potentially good story, and giving it down votes for such content in it.
Say a real smart person uses lots of big words mostly found in old dusty books sitting in the back of some college library. Just like some people I know of would do. And used them to show off how smart he was in telling a fantastic story, well written, and all of the words used and spelled correctly. But the words and understanding of them by most is so far off or just missing to them, that many would just not know or understand what the hell this person was trying to write.
A good case of a well written good-story gone bad to most readers. Except by those that are word hounds and knows of most all of them, and liked the story for using something not seen much.
That as well was something I was missing in the first story to my unfinished trilogy. I also feel I was so wrapped up in trying to tell the events in the second story, I did not spend as much time as I should have in fleshing out my characters in that one either. Oh' you did get to see how they behaved in certain situations and with each other, but there could have been so much more done with them than what I did.