Friendship is Card Games: Secrets and Pies · 12:38pm Oct 15th, 2017
When ink and pen in hands of men
Inscribe your form, bipedal "P"
They draw an altar on which
God has slaughtered all stability—
… What do you mean “Not that kind of pi?” No one could call Pinkie stable.
When Best Pony’s delivering mail in the first few seconds, you know it’s going to be a good episode. At least, I do.
Twilight’s discomfort with Pinkie’s measuring system amuses me. It reminds me of some of my grandmother’s recipes. “Two to eight onions,” “Cook the livers until they’re done,” that sort of thing.
That said, I have several questions about the recipe, from the nature of pink sugar (Beet sugar? Cotton candy mix? Pinkie byproducts?) to how to make a rainbow pie crust to why Pinkie frowns upon chocolate blueberry pies.
I do like the balloon harness that apparently lets Pinkie walk on clouds. That or it provided lift and she got a cloudwalking spell from Twilight, but that’s not nearly as cute.
For all the questions I have about making it, that is an amazing looking pie. Especially since blueberry’s my favorite.
Nice to see Sky Stinger and Vapor Trail again, especially n an episode about the perils of lying to a friend over the long term.
Wow. You fly with Soarin’ and you throw the pie out. Really, Dash? Especially since the Wonderbolts apparently all do a run of kitchen duty.
You have to feel a little bad for that janitor. He was not expecting to have to deal with a Pinkie today.
Also, why do those garbage chutes go up? Maybe the Wonderbolts’ trash is composted and used as potting soil in Cloudsdale. Fluttershy’s mother has to grow her flowers in something.
RIP Adam West. May you never be forgotten.
So, not only does Pinkie have dossiers on every pony in Ponyville, but also records of every pastry she’s made for them. Despite the focus on her relationship with Dash in this episode, I’m reminded of how much her party planning lair makes me ship her with Twilight. Not my primary ship for either, but I love the sheer insanity it could lead to.
Speaking of Pinkie ships, the flashback to Dash’s birthday appears to be the one from “Pinkie Pride,” given the decorations, banner, and background partillery. That said, I suspect that they called in Cheese Sandwich for the one after that. It certainly seems like an easier way to manage the chronology than the alternative. Especially since Pinkie’s been giving Dash pies for years, and they didn’t seem to be close enough to merit that sort of thing prior to “Griffon the Brush-Off.”
Okay, did Pinkie expect Dash to eat the pie tins or what?
I do like how the investigation montage shows that Pinkie’s taken the lessons of “Mmmystery on the Friendship Express” to heart. She’s getting all the facts before coming to any conclusions, regardless of those conclusions’ ninja content.
Wow. Soarin’ doesn’t even get a line in a pie-oriented episode. Talk about a missed opportunity. Maybe there were logistical issues with his voice actor.
Also, interesting to note that Spitfire seems to see Pinkie as her military superior, or at least part of internal affairs. Dash’s place in Equestria’s command structure is fairly concrete now that she’s a Wonderbolt, but I wonder where the other Bearers fit in. Does this make Pinkie the head of Twilight’s guard contingent? There’s a disturbing thought…
Really wasn’t expecting the return of Dr. Fauna, but it does make sense. Pinkie knows everypony in Ponyville.
Also, I’m pretty sure the line about animals not being able to digest pony food helps confirm that in order to power those energy-hungry brains, ponies turned to truly ludicrous amounts of carbohydrates, both simple and complex. That or, based on the pie’s X-ray-opacity, ponies are actually sapient fission reactors.
Why does “foals and fillies” continue to be a thing? This is far from the first time a pony has said it.
I know it’s far from the only work of fiction to use one, but my mind immediately went to the Deadpool movie when Pinkie busted out her conspiracy chart. I think it’s the amount of pie filling being used as adhesive.
Ah, Pinkie’s insecurity. She’s confident enough that she doesn’t think this means that Dash isn’t really her friend, but it’s still a harsh blow for her.
I love how Applejack has apparently repressed the memories of the Piecave since “Party Pooped.” She’d probably told herself she’d just imagined it.
The angry “Thank you!” is more amusing than it has any right to be.
Applejack’s as much of a baker as a Pinkie, to say nothing of Granny Smith having a pie for a cutie mark. Why’s she asking Pinkie to bake those apples?
The whole fantasy sequence is amazing. When I first saw a still of ultra-angular Painbow Slash (original character, do not steal,) I didn’t believe it was actually from an episode of the show. I was gloriously wrong.
That said, those pie names are uncomfortably close to pony names. Seriously, devoid of context, “Good riddance, Strawberry Cream and Peaches Aplenty! Begone, Apple Crumble and Lemon Surprise!” sounds like the beginning of Dash washing Equestria clean with the blood of those who displease her.
Snarky Pie is always fun to see and hear.
That windowbox on Dash’s house bothers me on numerous levels.
… Why does Dash’s house have dirt-brown innards? I’m going to hope that that’s just lighting conditions. Of course, I could also ask why she put in the emergency bedroom pie chute, and that way lies madness.
Rule One, Pie! Keep the runway clear!
Impressive tremor stomp on Pinkie’s part. You can take the mare off the rock farm…
So… where is Pinkie getting the supplies for this onslaught of pies? Yes, Applejack provided her with a considerable number of apples, but there’s still flour, shortening, lemons, strawberries…
Wait, this is Pinkie we’re talking about. Matter synthesis is well within her capabilities.
That eye licking. Ugh. 
Let’s review: Rainbow Dash grabbed a balloon, tied it to the pie with her feathers and let it rise in the space of an eyeblink. There’s speed, and then there’s accelerating your personal timeframe. This is something I’d expect more from human Dash’s magic than the pony. Very interesting stuff.
Or I’m overanalyzing a joke. That’s also possible. 
I have to wonder, why doesn’t Dash like pie? Especially since she seems to like cake just fine. Does she still have nightmares of the Battle of Appleoosa?
Seriously, this is coming off as a lover’s spat so much. All the talk of one eating the other’s pie isn’t helping.
I have many questions regarding that pastry catastrophe. I’m not sure if Sweetie Belle could manage that degree of abominable baking.
Apparently Sugarcube Corner has some degree of alien geometry. At least, it does when Pinkie’s rushing downstairs.
I do like how Applejack is rather put out about being a bit player in an episode all about her harmonious virtue.
On that note, this does a good job of showing one of the distinctions between Loyalty and Honesty, at least as Dash and Applejack interpret them. A painful truth is too much of a betrayal for the former, who doesn’t consider the long-term consequences enough to see the more subtle one.
And one last pun at the end: The episode pie-rises out.
In all, this was a lovely bit of Pinkie going nuts, with Looney Tunes-esque antics culminating in a lesson suitable for the characters it starred. Not headline-making, but a quality episode.
Now, let me show you what I’ve baked up this week:
Wonderbolt Custodian 2W
Creature — Pegasus Citizen
Flying
When Wonderbolt Custodian enters the battlefield, you may exile up to two target cards from a single graveyard.
Some positions at Wonderbolt headquarters are less prestigious, but no less important.
2/2
Pressure Diamond Drop 3W
Instant
Creatures you control gain indestructible until end of turn.
Draw a card.
At high velocity, pegasus magic forms a barrier impenetrable to anything short of a mountain.
Dither 1U
Instant
Counter target spell unless its controller pays 2. If that player does, return Dither to its owner’s hand.
”Hmm… Well… Maybe…”
Intent Sleuth 2U
Creature — Pony Rogue
Whenever Intent Sleuth deals combat damage to a player, investigate. (Create a colorless Clue artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
Sacrifice a Clue: Intent Sleuth can’t be blocked this turn.
2/1
Express Delivery 3UU
Instant
Split second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't cast spells or activate abilities that aren't mana abilities.)
Put target nonland permanent on top of its owner’s library.
For when it has to be there yesterday.
Reaper’s Servant 2B
Creature — Pony Cleric
Exalted (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, it gains lifelink until end of turn.
”The jagged one calls, and we answer.”
1/3
Crushing Revelation 3B
Sorcery
Target player loses 2 life for each card in your hand.
Rainbow Dash never means to hurt her friends, but that doesn’t make her any less skilled at doing so.
Pastry Reaper 3BB
Creature — Pegasus Demon
Flying, menace
If an opponent would gain life, that player loses that much life instead.
”Sugar is a lie. I will show you the bitter truth!”
4/3
Distractible Mare 1R
Creature — Pony Citizen
R: Distractible Mare gets +1/+0 until end of turn.
U: Distractible Mare gets -1/-0 until end of turn. Any player may activate this ability.
Somepony once told her to keep her head on a swivel. She has yet to take it off.
1/2
Sugar Overload 1R
Instant
If target creature is a Pony, a Pegasus, or a Unicorn, it gets +3/+0 and gains haste until end of turn. Otherwise, Sugar Overload deals 3 damage to that creature.
”My teeth hurt just from looking at this plane.”
—Liliana Vess
Imprecise Measurements 2R
Enchantment
When Imprecise Measurements enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you win the flip, spells you cast cost 1 less to cast until your next turn. Otherwise, spells you cast cost 1 more to cast until your next turn.
Optic Blast 2RR
Instant
Optic Blast deals 4 damage to target creature or player. Reveal your hand.
If eyes are the window to the soul, then some are better off boarded up.
Quakestomp 2RR
Sorcery
Quakestomp costs 2 less to cast if it targets a Pony.
Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to each other creature without flying.
When an earth pony forgets her own strength, everyone’s reminded.
Precise Launch 3R
Instant
Precise Launch deals 3 damage divided as you choose among one, two, or three target creature and/or players. The damage can’t be prevented.
Rainbow Dash’s numerous tailspins have given her an unparalleled grasp of ballistics.
Class Hamster 2G
Creature — Beast
When Class Hamster dies, return it to its owner’s hand.
Cheerilee looked in the cage and sighed. She’d have to get Squeaky IX from Fluttershy before any of the students noticed.
2/1
Plentiful Pastries 2G
Enchantment
If an effect would put one or more counters on a permanent you control, it puts that many plus one counters on that permanents instead.
”Here. Have a pie. Have three. Have fifteen!”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Oven Artist 3G
Creature — Pony Citizen
Whenever you gain life, draw a card.
”There’s more to baking than just chemistry.”
2/3
Energy Bar 2
Artifact
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you have no E (energy counters), you get E.
T, Pay E: Scry 1.
It shows your future, in the sense that you’ll be eating more chocolate soon.
Investigation Board 2
Artifact
T: Look at target player’s hand.
T: Look at target face-down card in the command zone. (This doesn’t tell you the names chosen for a conspiracy.)
The more insane it looks, the closer you are to the truth.
Noxious Monstrosity 2
Artifact
When Noxious Monstrosity enters the battlefield, each player gets a poison counter.
2B, Sacrifice Noxious Monstrosity: Each player gets a poison counter.
Rainbow Dash’s cooking was a biohazard even before she was compleated.
Pastry Wellspring 2
Artifact
When Pastry Wellspring enters the battlefield or is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, proliferate. (You choose any number of permanents and/or players with counters on them, then give each another counter of a kind already there.)
“Hope you like tanglebloom!”
—Pinkie Pie, Partying One
Mesa Medicart 3
Artifact — Vehicle
Lifelink
Crew 1 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 1 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
3/3
Pantry Ravager 3UR
Creature — Shapeshifter
You may have Pantry Ravager enter the battlefield as a copy of any creature on the battlefield, except it has “At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player sacrifices an artifact.”
Rogue changelings fulfill whatever mission they think Chrysalis would want.
0/0
Delighted Scream X(rw)
Instant
If R was spent to cast Delighted Scream, target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn. If W was spent to cast Delighted Scream, target player gains X life. (Do both if RW was spent.)
Only Pinkie Pie could curdle blood with a “Whee!”
Secret Scorn
Conspiracy
(Start the game with this conspiracy face up in the command zone.)
Before drawing their opening hands, each player secretly chooses a card name.
Reveal the name you chose: Counter target spell with that name. Any player may activate this ability, but each player may only activate it once.
Disturbing for potential assassin's maybe...
My sister is actually a lot like this. She will eat any pastry you put in front of her...except pie. It's not that she hates pie, like Rainbow does, but she prefers virtually anything else first.
Ok
I can't believe they got through the entire episode without one mention of Soarin's love of pie.
It's not my favorite ship either, but if I were forced to pair up the Mane 6 with each other, I'd go with Twinkie, Rarijack, and Flutterdash.
That does fit your Party Pony headcanon.
I was hoping they were fake flowers until they made Pinkie sneeze. I can't see Dash bothering to keep real flowers alive with hydroponics like Fluttershy's mom. Maybe she buys live flowers and neglects them until they die, and then replaces them. Or maybe I'm over-analyzing this.
For my own peace of mind, I'm going to assume that these are dark, dense, poorly-lit clouds (even though they looked clumpy).
Anyway, this felt like a Season 1 episode, with a very simple slice-of-life plot. All that was missing was a letter to Celestia. It had some fun sight gags, but in terms of world-building and character development, it didn't have much to offer. There was nothing wrong with the episode, but I have no desire to watch it again any time soon.
It's literally the same as saying "kids and girls", which is only a real thing when I'm mishearing the lyrics to Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. :B
Oh man, they totally missed an opportunity there! I should have spotted that.
A great episode, and I find myself loving sugar overload if only for imagining Lilliana's delivery of the flavor text, pony or centuries old woman.
RIP FiW’s Honest Rainbow Dash joke.
That actually makes a surprising amount of sense. Headcanon accepted.
Of course Applejack's a bit player. That is her role in life. She's even a bit player in her own episodes.
4698730
I've never really understood that joke outside of the Derpy controversy back in "The Last Roundup." It doesn't hold true for any of AJ's other episodes, IMO.
4698625
that's kind of the way I am with any pie except Lemon Meringue. For me it's because as good as the filling may be it's real easy to have an overdone crust.
4698625 4698700
This is a story waiting to happen. Working title: Captain Ambassador Babysitter Pie of the Evening Guard.
4698630
Could you be more specific? There's a lot here to okay.
4698637
Dash the serial flower murderer does seem a lot more believable than her remembering to care for something that can't actively love her back.
4698640
They may be going for alliteration before reason.
4698697
I try to make sure that non-pony planeswalkers make themselves known at the optimum times for maximum humor.
Reminds me of this short (6 page) comic by FouDubulbe (a little suggestive):
Royal Tease
Rainbow's on my shit list after this episode. Who in their right mind just throws away FREE PIE? You don't throw away pie! You ESPECIALLY don't throw away FREE PIE! IT'S PIE! THAT SOMEBODY GAVE YOU! FOR FREE! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS BASICALLY BE THERE AND BAM, PIE!
It also reminded me of just how intelligent and focused Pinkie can be: that in her own, very peculiar way, she is Twilight Sparkle's intellectual equal. This is something Twilight starts to realize in S1E15 "Feeling Pinkie Keen." That's right, all the way back in Season One, when the characters were first being defined.
A super-powered precognitive who personally loves you would be very good protection indeed!
Especially considering Pinkie's main responsibility -- and the way in which it slowly drives her mad -- in the Fallout: Equestria world.
It would make sense. Humans eat very large amounts of food, and very energy-rich mixtures of food, for our size, for the same reason. Um, Pinkie's pies may well be special.
Ironically, as I mentioned in All The Way Back, my Dragons have fission reactor organs and eat radioactives to fuel them. A really powerful Dragon, like Blue Blaze, can shut down chemical respiration for extended periods of time and live and even fight on a combination of stored energy and fission power. I of course got this idea from the most famous kaiju of all.
And Alicorns have a nuclear fusion organ, capable of performing the Solar Phoenix reaction (since Alicorns are mostly made of water, just like normal Ponies, fuel isn't the most serious limitation, heat dissipation is). Which is why Princess Luna and Blue Blaze could fight in an increasingly-toxic environment (caused by rock dust and the combustion of this rock dust under the influence of the energies they were throwing at each other in an enclosed space) without it killing or even much inconveniencing either of them. Though I think I mentioned that Luna doesn't like the odors.
After I watched this episode, I went out, bought and ate a pumpkin pie (my favorite kind of pie).
It is definitely true that Pinkie seems to care the most for Rainbow Dash personally than she does all her other friends. Even Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, both of whom she definitely loves tremendously.
I was greatly amused by the presence of a pegasus demon, for reasons I'm sure you can guess.
Is this foreshadowing?
4698863
At least she gave away a lot of it to other ponies. And other animals. But yeah, throwing out that rainbow-crusted beauty was pretty low.
4698922
Yeah, hopefully Pinkie wouldn't feel the need to monitor the entire timestream like an obsessive Atreides if she were made part of the Evening Guard. It's not like she has the Spice handy... unless tatzlwurms are actually Shai Hulud.
And given her family's lithovoric capabilities, there's clearly something going on with that pony's digestive system beyond mere acid and enzymes.
4699406
Not bat-winged, but still needle-toothed. Though I don't think Amber would expect the laser eyes or hatred of pastry. Still, the latter would either make them more terrifying to her... or rouse her to defend the helpless desserts the winged fiends so mindlessly slaughtered.
And no, much like the flavor tect on Pastry Wellspring, though it's a reference to the My Little Praetor timeline, it's not meant as an indicator that I'm coming back to that story any time soon. It's just a convenient place to draw from when I'm using Scars of Mirrodin Block mechanics. And let's face it, that bubbling horror definitely looked like it came out of a Phyrexian kitchen.
4700260
I'm still keeping the headcanon that Holder's Boulder has made the pies part dragon. (Part copper dragon, in Pinkie's case.)
I like to think Spicy would be horrified and outraged, and then proceed to have her plot kicked by the actual demon with pie-destroying laser eyes. But who knows how things would go down... I imagine she may have had a dream or two like this at some point in her life.
I'll try not to bug you too much about Praetor. Guess I'll just have to keep waiting for that fic to be compleated.