Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Week 9 · 12:14pm Nov 1st, 2020
Turns out the final issue of Friendship in Disguise should come out in a few days, which means a much more coherent blog next week given a brief delay. As such, we continue to see what sense I can make from Pony Life.
Ponies of the Moment
Oh dear. Cupcake demand is rapidly outstripping supply. Also, if your cupcakes come out glowing like fresh metal ingots, your oven may be turned up too high.
Okay, seriously, what do the Pony Life writers have against Rarity? She has consistently been the worst member of the Mane Six and I am not okay with that.
Also, the ambiguity of whether or not the rest of the cast actually works at Sugarcube Corner continues to be ambiguous.
“I doubt there’s a baking machine in the world you can’t keep up with!”
Yeah, that’s just asking for a Lucy at the chocolate factory bit.
… Um, girls? It’s not just Rarity who’s standing there and watching Pinkie struggle. Feel free to chip in since you’re apparently not concerned with the assembly line.
There we go.
An email from the mayor of the Internet.
An email. From the mayor. Of the Internet.
We are getting perilously close to hitting depths unplumbed since Jay Fosgitt stopped doing art for the IDW comics. Rarity diegetically referring to the group as “the Mane Six” isn’t helping.
I have several questions about Spike’s online friends. Who would’ve thought him being an Internet personality would carry over from Equestria Girls?
“YouHoof” is bad and the writer should feel bad.
With Dash, I’m not surprised instant notoriety would get to her. I expect better of some of the others. Thank goodness for Applejack’s sense of proportion. And her ability to end montages on command.
The Internet giveth fame, and the Internet taketh away.
One Click Wonder
Oh. My goodness, are we actually getting an eleven-minute episode of sorts? This is promising… even if the journey may prove infuriating.
So… even putting aside the whole “Twilight’s still an alicorn” thing, the girls have acknowledged that they’ve gone on massive, world-saving adventures in the past. I’d expect some kind of long-term recognition factor for them. On the other hand, it’s not like they had ponies beating down their doors in Friendship is Magic most days. On Ahuizotl’s tail, news travels much faster in an Internet-enabled Equestria… but on the graftmage's fourth hand, that can also mean that even world saviors get swallowed by the 24-hour news cycle.
I suppose my main objection is that this shouldn’t be the group’s first taste of fame.
Okay, the spider in Rarity’s inbox does continue to amuse me. As does the Neighgerian prince scam. Though usually they pose as a Crystal expatriate.
Not even wreckage. i don’t think the Frosterator’s extended warranty covers complete disintegration.
Internet viewer bases being more chaotic than Discord… Yeah, that tracks.
Ah, pet videos. Always a reliable source of views.
Oh. Oh wow. This is uncomfortably meta. And in the case of pony Boromir, just uncomfortable. Pony hooves should not form Lego hands.
This is definitely winding up for a lesson for the modern era, but the discomfort is only building. And the bit about bit-sized chunks of content for the masses’ consumption feels almost like an unintentional self-burn given the much-abbreviated episode lengths. Really, one could read this whole episode as Pony Life unintentionally highlighting how its entire existence is an attempt to recapture Friendship is Magic’s bottled lightning.
Distressing lack of self-awareness aside, Rarity attempting to imitate Applejack is always amusing.
Huh. I think this is the first time we’ve seen this version of Sweet Apple Acres outside of the opening.
Spike standing there with tablet in claws as Applejack’s friends promise some offline fun leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
Ah, good. That makes up for it… though there’s something to be said for holding onto the video for looking back and laughing.
Again, a valuable reminder that life is worth living in meatspace as much as online—pandemic conditions permitting—but Rarity’s utter unhelpfulness during crunch time never goes addressed. Seriously, what is with this take on her?
Zound Off
The name of this one alone raises questions. “Zounds” is short for “God’s wounds,” referring to Christ on the cross. Somehow I doubt Pony Life of all things will finally settle the matter of alicorn worship.
Ooh, soundboard app. A soundboard was actually one of the first things my friends showed me as part of my pony inculcation. They got a lot of mileage out of the Zecora “Have you gone mad!?” button. And I appreciate any excuse to use “onomatopoeia.”
That said, this is a bit much in terms of reacting to random sounds. (Okay, full confession, “Meatballs” did make me smile.)
The camera zooming in to an uncomfortable degree as Dash laments her lack of available space is actually rather clever.
An app that both gathers celebrity news and orders pizza seems far too viable. As does Rainbow Dash as an app hoarder. Bearing Loyalty means having a hard time when trying to let go of anything.
For goodness sake, they even did it in slow-motion!
My God. We’ve actually come to her TWI Talk. I think this looped around from stupid to brilliant.
How much space does this soundboard take up? Yeah, audio files arent’t exactly svelte, but still.
I am not comfortable with how many of Dash’s apps have access to her microphone. Someone’s definitely skimming data off the top there.
“You’re so worried about the future that you’re not living in the right-now!”
Twilight Sparkle saying that to Rainbow Dash feels wrong on so many levels.
I appreciate how Dash’s fit is as bemusing in-universe as it is for me. Seriously, that came out of nowhere.
An amusing resolution. And given those voice trackers, kind of foreshadowed. You know, if you squint and tilt your head just right. If nothing else, Dash presents an important cautionary tale about data management.
Unboxing Day
I do appreciate Angel as Fluttershy’s production assistant.
Speaking of canine Spike’s videos, time to unbox something.
And just like that, this week’s content vastly improved. (Though part of me would’ve loved to see a G4.0 Derpy. Because Derpy. Animation stlye consistency is for the dimensionally stable.)
“Thanks for the delivery, Muffins.”
It’s my fault, really. I had to say something. Though this does support my “Her name is inconsistent across the multiverse” proposal.
Fluttershy’s grip clearly involves either suction or tactile telekinesis. I’m not sure how else you tug on a cardboard box with hooves. Granular jamming only does so much.
It’s okay, Shy. you can stop reviewing the box.
Well, there's something for your nightmares. If I have to deal with it, so do you… assuming you clicked the link.
But seriously, who tries to tear open a cardboard box like it’s a phone book?
Ah yes. The squeaky hammer. That indispensable tool of the professional unboxer.
I do wonder why Applejack’s over here.
Okay, at least the saw actually has an edge. Also, Fluttershy has a respectably well-stocked bookshelf.
Even Angel is vaguely ashamed of Fluttershy’s attempt to maul the box open. But he’s still eating that popcorn.
No matter the world, Fluttershy just has the worst luck when it comes to doing things on camera.
Good to see Rarity doing something useful. though there is the question of how non-unicorns are meant to use scissors. Granted, a single blade is enough to pierce the tape and carve through it.
Ah, the Fonzarelli Maneuver. Works best on jukeboxes, but it can get results just about anywhere if you’re cool enough.
Fluttershy actually lashing out at Angel. This is indeed a disturbing universe.
Hits and misses in this batch. Some nice moments and a welcome face, yes, but some real off-putting story beats as well. Still, plenty of material to work with, especially in the cavalcade of memes. Let’s begin:
Royal Prance W
Instant
Untap target creature. It gains indestructible and alicorn until end of turn. (It’s a Pony Pegasus Unicorn in addition to its other types.)
Dressage is often called “the sport of princesses,” and for good reason.
Sturdy Packaging 1W
Enchantment — Aura
Flash
Enchant permanent
Totem armor (If enchanted permanent would be destroyed, instead remove all damage from it and destroy this Aura.)
Algorithm Acolyte 2W
Creature — Pony Cleric
If you gaining life causes a triggered ability of a permanent you control to trigger, that ability triggers an additional time.
The whims of the Internet are as mercurial and mystifying as any deity’s.
1/4
Fractalwing Behemoth 4WW
Creature — Insect
Flying
Whenever Fractalwing Behemoth attacks, for each other creature with flying, tap that creature unless its controller pays 2.
”Is that a roc?”
—Karn
4/4
Entangling Skein 1U
Instant
Tap target creature. It doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step. Scry 2.
Sometimes the Fates demand your failure. Sometimes you just trip on a ball of yarn.
Paid Sponsorship 1U
Sorcery
Assemble a Contraption. Create a Treasure token. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)
Equestria doesn’t need shadowy conspiracies plotting the diarchy’s downfall. It already has corporations.
Ditzy’s Emissary 2U
Creature — Pegasus Scout
Flying
When Ditzy’s Emissary enters the battlefield, scry 1.
Thanks to the Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau, Ditzy Doo’s best backup is often another Ditzy Doo.
2/2
Ponyville Webmaster 2U
Creature — Pony Artificer
T: If target opponent has more cards in hand than you, draw a card.
“I may not know the answer, but I do know how to find it.”
2/2
Memetic Engineering 3UU
Enchantment
Whenever an opponent draws a card, you may draw a card.
The greatest form of mind control comes not from telling ponies what to think, but shaping all the ways they can think.
Viral Phenomenon 1B
Sorcery
Put a -1/-1 counter on target creature.
Whenever a creature with a counter on it dies, return Viral Phenomenon from your graveyard to your hand.
Rarity smiled. At last, she could play Plague Corp in peace.
Clear Memory 1BB
Sorcery
Each player with more than three cards in hand discards cards equal to the difference.
“Smart devices haven’t made ponies stupider, but our attention spans—Hold on, I need to take this.”
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Limited Space 2BB
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures, enchantments, and/or planeswalkers with the same controller. That player sacrifices one of them.
Asking Rainbow Dash to choose her favorite app is like asking a mother to choose her favorite child.
Eccentric Chocolatier 3BB
Creature — Pony Artificer
When Eccentric Chocolatier enters the battlefield, create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Whenever you sacrifice a Food, you may pay 1B. If you do, each opponent sacrifices a creature.
3/3
Explosive Laughter 1R
Sorcery
Exile the top card of your library. You may play that card this turn. Explosive Laughter deals damage to up to one target creature or planeswalker equal to the number of cards you own in exile.
Timely Delivery 2R
Instant
As an additional cost to cast this spell, discard a card.
Draw two cards. If you have one or fewer cards in your hand, draw three cards instead.
“What’s needed when it’s needed.”
—Ditzy Doo
Crash of Thunder 3R
Instant
Crash of Thunder deals 4 damage to target creature or planeswalker.
Metalcraft — If you control three or more artifacts, Crash of Thunder deals 2 damage to each other creature and planeswalker that permanent’s controller controls.
Doge of Dimondia 4R
Creature — Dog Noble
Whenever a creature attacks you or a planeswalker you control, if you’re the monarch, Doge of Dimondia deals 2 damage to that creature.
When Trixie introduced fireworks to Dimondia, all the doge could say was “Wow.”
3/4
Sugarcube Forgemaster 4R
Creature — Pony Artificer
When Sugarcube Forgemaster enters the battlefield, each opponent creates a Food token.
Whenever an opponent sacrifices an artifact, Sugarcube Forgemaster deals 3 damage to that player.
5/4
Unplug 1G
Instant
You gain protection from artifacts until end of turn. (You can’t be targeted or dealt damage by anything that’s an artifact.)
Draw a card.
In a fast-paced world, sometimes you need a chance to catch your breath.
Arrogant Infiltrator 2G
Creature — Rabbit Rogue
Exalted (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, that creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Creatures with power less than Arrogant Infiltrator’s power can’t block it.
Confidence is the stealth of the mighty.
2/1
Concealing Hedges 2G
Creature — Plant Wall
Defender
At the beginning of combat on your turn, target creature can’t be blocked by more than one creature this turn.
There are at least two levels to every maze.
1/4
Automatic Frosterator
Artifact — Contraption
Whenever you crank Automatic Frosterator, tap target permanent. It doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step.
Flustering Defeat WU
Instant
Counter target noncreature spell. Spells that spell’s controller casts this turn cost 1 more to cast.
Thwarting a seemingly simple task can make everything else seem that much more daunting.
Trot into Tartarus BR
Sorcery
Exile target artifact or creature. You lose life equal to that permanent’s converted mana cost.
No simple task.
Clarion Caller 3RW
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying, first strike
Whenever Clarion Caller attacks, other attacking creatures get +1/+0 and gain first strike until end of turn.
As inspiring as she is incomprehensible.
3/3
Neighgerian Scam 4BR
Sorcery
Each player secretly chooses a number. Then those numbers are revealed. Each player who chose the lowest number loses half their life, rounded up. Each other player loses life equal to the number they chose. You gain life equal to half the total life your opponents lost this way, rounded up.
Always has been.I subscribe to the horseshoe theory of pony quality. Whether a pony gets closer to being Best Pony or Worst Pony, both paths converge towards the same place but with empty space between them. Rarity exists in that space, making her both Best Pony and Worst Pony simultaneously.
So I enjoy Pony Life Rarity.
I'm starting to think Spontaneous Temporary Alicornification is a phenomenon in PL world.
…wha? I'm not even sure where to begin with that.
Yes. Yes they should.
If they want to recapture what made FiM so wonderful, why are they going the TTG route and turning the show into a meme? Just a thought.
And this, right here, highlights one of my biggest problems with this form of animation: the sudden and jarring mirroring of her head. If she's swinging her head back and forth, the curl of her mane should not just flip sides like that. If its supposed to be on the right side of her face, it should stay on the right side of her face, regardless of the angle of her head. To someone who loves animation, this is unacceptably lazy. And yes, I have that problem with all examples of it in modern animation. This just emphasizes the point.
Yup. That's pretty fracked up.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
5390030
Media executives. Does it need any more explanation than that?
With Rarity I can at least understand how tricky it might be to balance the ambitious and selfless facets of her character. I find even more jarring Pony Life's treatment of Fluttershy, who has seemingly been deprived of her empathetic qualities in favor of a "not-so-secret dark side" gag.
Mm. Sound of Music exists, which means pony nazism was/is a thing.
To be fair, this "only" makes them stupid enough to fall for an obviously impossible lie.
Even the Fonz himself did other things by punching, the jukebox is just the most famous.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Yes, Fractalwing Behemoth will tap down your other fliers. Ideally, they're already tapped because you attacked with them too, but white fliers that don't tap when you attack with them have been around for as long as Magic itself (not an exaggeration).
Inside Baseball Alert: If I remember things correctly, Wonka was planning to kill four of the winners from the start. Y'know, just in case you thought that letting you cast an Edict whenever you have a snack was in any way out of character for him.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: In fact, he (the Eccentric Chocolatier, if you're not reading all of these in order) doesn't actually care whether the reason you sacrificed the Food was activating its own ability; he's game if your ogre friend decided to start a food fight instead. Similarly, Sugarcube Forgemaster would end Eggs' whole career if they somehow let you get the five mana to cast her. (In case it wasn't obvious from context, "Eggs" is a classic deck involving lots of cheap artifacts that let you sacrifice themselves for advantage.)