fJd Review: A Different Kind of Treasure by Mechawrecker · 4:46pm Nov 1st, 2020
Overview:
Cloudchaser and Flitter are a couple of treasure hunters, but their lives change when they meet Skyfall who encourages them form a trio. This is a romance, an adventure, and a drama all rolled up into one fic.
My Thoughts:
Well, it wasn’t’ a difficult read. The chapters are bite-sized, so it’s easy to digest. The pacing is very fast, so the story progresses very rapidly. There’s some really interesting concepts in here. I had to get past the “meat eating pony” thing, but that’s a personal thing.
Anyway, all that aside. I do have my concerns. The pacing, for one. When I said it was very fast, that isn’t necessarily a good thing. The story does lose something in the pacing, and that would be the little details that build an atmosphere, the things which build tension and made for a good romance or drama or both.
Another concern I had while reading this was that I wasn’t really compelled to keep reading. It actually took me a little longer to read this than the story I read previously which was twice the length and had much longer chapters. Pacing aside, the content of the story was quite charming and creative, but the lack of build-up meant that it became predictable at times.
If it wasn’t predictable, then it simply felt too rushed at certain points. The relationships didn’t build as well or naturally as they might have, even if the humor found in the way that it did happen is quite good.
Last, certainly not least, is that this writing is far too “telly.” There are stories that demand the reader pay close attention to what is going on, pay attention to details and nuance to understand the way a character is feeling. While Mech does actually build things up a little, and offers good visuals as well, both for body language and action, it doesn’t appear that the reader is trusted to understand the meaning of things very often. The result is a fic the holds the reader’s hand and guides them through most scenes.
But, it’s a good story. I did enjoy reading it. I can definitely recommend it to others.
I still have to say: With polish, this story does have potential to be amazing. Epic, even. It’s current pacing and lack of build-up, smaller detail, and nuance make it a clunky and fast read. Certainly I have to give credit for the work that’s been put in to this, and the ideas brought together to create a cohesive story. It’s a story worth reading, even with all that I’ve said about it.
Characterization:
Canon Characters
Cloud Chaser
She’s the brute. The warrior class. Something of a butch. There’s certainly something more fragile under the surface, but getting there looks to be a challenge. I suppose “Tsundere” might also be fitting here. At any rate, she becomes adorable as the story progresses and that’s really about it.
Flitter
Flitter is the effeminate one, she’s delicately built, more elegant in her speech patterns, generally speaking in softer tones even she’s upset. However, she’s also… I can’t decide if the word “naïve” is really what fits here. But she’s champion of sending mixed signals, at least to me as the reader. Overall, she’s very sweet as a character, but I found her hard to sympathize with.
Original Characters
Skyfall
He was an interesting character, even though he was flawed, he still had the vibe of a Gary Stu as I read the story. He’s also the focus of the attentions of Flitter and Cloud Chaser in a love triangle. The introduction of the character was interesting, and though Flitter doesn’t seem to perceive any flaws in his character, he definitely does have them.
Still, he was so pivotal to so many of the events in the story that the remaining characters felt like they’d missed out. Except for the acquisition of powers, actually. That was a pretty cool sequence.
Griffy
He’s not of the main cast, certainly, but he’s an interesting character. A young griffon wanting nothing more than to follow in his family’s footsteps, and completely lacking self-confidence. He continues to appear through the story at various points, creating an interesting dynamic and foil for them as well.
Kaya
She was a quest giver, really. She hasn’t had a chance to really shine, yet. The story isn’t complete, so we’ll see. Still, I never got to see her reaction to receiving the artifact she’d asked for.
Spark
A commander in Lord Torch’s army, and one the characters interact with socially rather than militarily. Interesting developing, but fairly new within the plot so he’s not properly shined yet.
Character Development:
The plot moves so quickly and the characters develop so rapidly that its hard to properly gauge. I would say that, based on how quickly and, oftentimes, unnaturally the progression went that I found the story a little tough to swallow. The characters themselves do have some charm, even if one appears to be a bit of a Gary Stu, and that alone tends to carry the story outside of the too-brief adventure sequences.
Theme:
Romance, Drama, and Adventure. These three things pretty much summarize the theme. The writer does a good job of centering everything around these elements, keeping the story going by constantly adding to the meat of it.
Logic:
Right. This is a challenge. I personally had to get past the whole “meat eating ponies” thing, and since that wasn’t a simple comment to read and leave behind, but more a central part of the storyline, that required effort. It is, at least, properly justified by the ponies in question, which does help.
Past that, some facts might not have been thoroughly checked prior to their inclusion in the story, but nothing that can’t be fixed without detriment to the story.
Details such as this sort of dimmed the story for me, though not enough that I stopped reading. Nowhere near enough.
Rating:
Story Idea: 8.0
Writing Style: 6.5
Entertainment Factor: 7.5
Inner Logic: 7.0
Final: 7.25
Feedback/Final Thoughts:
Like I said, a little polish will go a long way. Expanding narrative to really illustrate the feelings and reactions of characters without telling the reader what’s going on in their head too swiftly, will serve to give this story a great deal more life.
It’s really a good story, just feels very much like a rough draft. Minus abundant errors, because this story really didn’t have many of them.
