Introduction/summary

There is a certain point in every relationship where both parties see it fit to finally consolidate their love with the most explicit display of affection there is. Sunset has finally decided it's time for Wallflower and her's relationship to reach this point. But there are a few obstacles between Sunset and her goal. For one, she lacks the experience to do this. She is also worried about compromising their relationship by hurting Wallflower because of the latter's traumatic experiences. Her solution? Resorting to Rainbow Dash who claims to have that experience. Armed with a batch of cheesy pick up lines, Sunset is ready to take the next big step with Wallflower. Too bad she wasnt counting on the fact that she has the most pure girlfriend in the world. 

If there is one particular type of story that is hard for a reviewer to analyze, that would be the short comedy fics, 2k words tops. Anything beyond the obvious that one's cognitive abilities can point out can also be easily dismissed by “it's just a comedy lmao”, and they would probably be right. And It is possible I have read too much into this barely 2k words long comedy of what is one of the most misunderstood ships out there. 

But it is especially these kinds of short funny stories made to get a chuckle out of a random reader on a sunday afternoon that often have the most meat to them, whose ridiculous elements of comedy and the reader's laughter can hide. So how about we find out about what lies beneath?

In order to do this, I will take apart this story in a painless and spoiler free (as possible!) manner by taking a closer look into its characters, the dialogue and the plot: its Writing; Pointing out the potential/existing themes, the authorial intent and its tone: the Observations; Analyzing the flow, prose and pacing: it's Readability; Watching out for potential grammar flaws: the Technical side; And how the first impressions of the story draw the attention of potential readers: the Hook. 

All the ingredients that make a story W.O.R.T.H it.

Let's start from the bottom: the Hook. (WARNING: Potential spoilers ahead)

H:ook - 10/10

Right off the bat, there's something the authors (reminder this is a cowritten story!) does efficiently: Reveal just enough of what the story is about to pick up the reader's interest. Going by the short description alone, one can infer that a funny situation between Sunset and Wally caused by one of Dash's shenanigans is about to take place, and it also provides the context needed for the first scene. The story contents fit into the reader's initial expectations. But one thing that I would particularly want to talk about is the usage of the three initial elements of a fic. 

The way I think of a story presentation is like the holy trinity: The cover art, the title and the short description (amen). For a fully effective hook that truly pulls readers in, each one of these elements should compliment each other to reveal the ultimate answer to the question “What should I expect from this story?”. This is an active example of that. Looking at the short description, it is never explicitly stated how exactly Rainbow Dash “”help”” Sunset, however the title itself is a huge clue about this. And then you have the cover art, foreshadowing Sunset in lesbian despair as a result of her help. Instead of stating outright what happens in the story, it lets the reader piece all this information together and let their imagination fill in the blanks. Which prompts them to read the story to find out the answer for themselves. 

T:echnical - 10/10

Grammar as solid as a C1 students book, no obvious errors in sight. Moving on, nothing to see here.

R:eadability - 9.5/10

As it's usually the case with comedies, the prose is efficient at getting the job done. Easy to understand and easy to follow. The fact that this story relies almost on its entirety on dialogue interactions makes it hard to comment on it.

Besides the story premise on the big picture which is funny in itself, what really makes this an effective comedy is the way it unfolds, as waves of individual punchlines that keep piling on as the story progresses, one after another in a smooth fashion that never feels forced. Moreover, the authors don't sacrifice the emotional progression of the characters for comedy´s sake; Instead, it becomes the very foundation on which the joke is built upon, building up until the very climax. To put it this way, it never feels forced for Wally to become upbeat when seconds ago she was upset by her own interpretation of one of Sunset pick up lines, because Sunset unwillingly saved the situation by unknowingly screwing up her main goal once again. Pacing wise the story knows exactly the right amount of pick up lines to showcase the rollercoaster of emotions on Wally´s side as well as Sunset sanity decaying , all of this one dialogue interchange at a time.

However, if I had to pick what is perhaps something that hindered, if only slightly, the pacing of the story, that would be certain parts of the first half. It does its job at establishing the tone, characters and what is about to happen, but at times I felt like maybe it could have been compressed into even fewer words, though it is quite compact as it is. 

O:bservations - 10/10

<Caution: You are about to enter the most subjective section of the review. The author of this review is not responsible for any slips or misinterpretations of this story. Potential author's death may lie ahead. Proceed at your own risk.>

I know, I know, this is a comedy, I shouldn't read too much into it, it is not more complicated than that and yadda yadda. I will just point to what I said in the introduction and add this: Comedy and nuance aren't mutually exclusive. And that's this story's case.

If I had to take a gander about what this seemingly silly story is about at its core, that would be taking the initiative and being honest and open with your partner as well as yourself. Love has no shortcuts, and Sunset finds out after her previous advances are fruitless. Is not until she is upfront with Wally about it (in a hilarious way I must add) that she finally gets what she was looking for: To take their relationship to the next level.

On a side note and diving into the pick up lines themselves, the focus of the story, I find it funny and ironic that despite the fact they are supposed to be these super suggestive and disrespectful metaphors, they end up being way more toned down than how Sunset ended up spelling it out for Wally at the climax. 

W:riting - 10/10

Saying that a comedy was funny is easy. Saying why it was funny is a bit harder. But bringing up why the story worked as a whole while ignoring its comedic elements is way harder. Now I will proceed to do exactly that, focusing on its characters.

The story presents two characters who in their inherent flaws is where we find both the core of the comedy of this fic and the core of their relationship, and why it works. It works because it is complicated. As such, it makes things like being intimate, complicated. Because of Sunset`s inexperience and expertise at being a disaster lesbian, she is worried she may hurt Wallflower, so she resorts to useless lesbian Rainbow Dash who stole her flirting tips from a Trixie TED talk. Pushing through the series of misunderstandings that arose from this, eventually they both reach an understanding, and what follows leaves little to the reader's imagination. A wholesome romance story coated with a layer of raunchy comedy. The best kind of wholesome. 

Rainbow Dash, despite being a minor character in the grand scheme of things, is basically the trigger event of the story. For that reason and a couple more, it is worthy of a mention in this section. One thing that stands out about how she is portrayed here is how it closely resembles the classic stereotypical, manly and testosterone-drunk jock, to the point where sometimes I even forgot she was Rainbow Dash. She still retained some of her basic traits, like her overconfidence and rudeness which paired with her usual and complete disregard of manners and finesse remind us the readers that yes, this is indeed her, but with a sprinkle of locker room attitude (in the language she uses when explaining her flirting ways for example). This story takes her very basic traits and exaggerates them to the point where they are molded into this trope readers can easily associate them with, walking on the tightrope between OOC and comedy but all with good balance. 

What can the reader take away from this?

• Title, short description and cover art are elements that work better in harmony, complimenting each other.
• While writing a comedy it is completely possible to not overlook the emotional journey of the characters involved. It can, in fact, boost its quality.
• Character flaws set the solid foundations on which any comedy in particular should be built upon. Go wild with them.
• Sunflower is canon.

Conclusion

So, now that we have covered all the basics and with all scores in mind, it is time for us to answer the initial question. Is this story W.O.R.T.H it?

This is one of those rom coms that these days feel one of a kind. Just like how Rainbow Dash put it, it doesn't play it safe and straight (intentional pun) by using the concepts and premises we have seen way too many times. It uses something like asking your partner to have the sex™ that would normally result in an accidentally horny story, and not only makes it funny, but genuinely romantic and wholesome. I laid out all the cards on the table, showing you what works and what doesn't, as well as what you can exactly get out of reading it besides a good laugh, in order for you to decide. Go check it out for yourself, and see if it truly was worth your time.

Don't forget to always speak your mind to the authors though! They always like it.

<But because i'm legally obliged to rate this story in a numerical fashion, this is a 10/10 romcom fic. Terrific job>

7748794
Please no ship shaming. Everyone likes different things.

Your first review for the mansion! Proud of you

Sunset in lesbian despair

I'm stealing that phrase.

Sunset ended up spelling it out for Wally at the climax.

That'd be in a hypothetical sequel, we haven't written that yet 😎

useless lesbian Rainbow Dash who stole her flirting tips from a Trixie TED talk

omg now we gotta write a Trixie TED Talk story too

Sunflower is canon.

🙏🌻❤️🌻❤️🙏

7748786

Thanks so much for the review! This is one hell of a Smokey comment. Very thorough review and analysis. Glad to see you both enjoyed it and acknowledged the canonicity of SunFlower. 🙏

I do need to point out that this story was written by both me and Scampy. We brainstormed the idea and wrote the story about 50/50. If you could update the review to reflect that, I would appreciate it.

7748953
FRICK i forgot my bad. To be honest it was done in a hurry so that flew over my head. Let me change that quickly.

Glad you enjoyed the review!

7748916

omg now we gotta write a Trixie TED Talk story too

Yes you do

Hope this review looked the part! And apologies for not crediting you as one of the authors, its fixed now.