The Stars Revolt: Now Available in Mandarin · 2:18am Jul 7th, 2022
Check it out here if you're so inclined! Or at least spread the word if you're not.
Check it out here if you're so inclined! Or at least spread the word if you're not.
Shepherd: "I have considered the idea that I might be mad. You know, just utterly insane."
Twilight: "Oh? You have?"
Shepherd: "Yes. For all I know, I'm lost in the woods. Dying of dehydration. Imagining all of this. A last delusion before my mind goes. Or I'm lost at sea. Under the sun, losing my mind."
He sighed and leaned back.
Shepherd: "A world like this? Has to be the fevered imaginings of a madman."
Once again, somewhere in the human archives...
Shepherd: "Okay, let's try this again. Door Gamma-Epsilon 887. What do you contain?"
He opens the door. Inside is... A small pool of water in a stone fountain of some kind.
Shepherd: "A pool of water. The container is stone-looked carved. But no obvious cultural origin..."
He knelt down in front of the pool... And then a woman with silvery hair wearing a toga burst out.
After a long day's work on the Apple farm, Shepherd and Big Mac head off to a little part of the orchard. Applebloom watches them go and looks up at her big sister.
Applebloom: "Hey sis. What do stallions do after work anyway? Ain'tcha ever wondered?"
Applejack: "Ah know jest what they're talkin' about Applebloom, and it ain't nothin' fer a filly like you to hear!"
Applebloom: "But-!"
Applejack: "But nothin'!"
Applebloom: "Awwww...!"
Somepony knocks on Shepherd's door at 6 in the morning. The human groans, rolls out of bed, and pulls on his robe. He pads in his slippers to the door, and opens it on...
Shepherd: "... Mister Waddles?"
Waddles: "Aha! Priest Waddles right now! I've got the collar on!"
Shepherd: "Okay, Priest... What can I do for you?"
Dash: "I bet you that you can't catch Twilight with a book."
Shepherd: "I... Why?"
Dash: "Because it would be funny."
Shepherd: "And the stakes?"
Dash: "... Twenty bits."
Shepherd: "You're on."
And so...
Shepherd: "Hmmm... I need to be really diabolical about this..."
He puts a book entitled "DON'T READ THIS BOOK" under a box held up by a stick
And hides
And waits
Dash: Hiding with him "She won't fall for it."
This morning... Twilight was in the best mood her friends had seen her in since her coronation
She practically sang her way through their morning meeting around the Friendship Table
She had helped Spike bake cookies
She was glowing!
Twilight: "And that concludes our report on the Bugbear incident-Great job, Dash!"
Frankly it was a little creepy to some of them
Her being that cheerful and happy
Rainbow Dash: "... Okay, what happened?"
Finally, the happy day arrives, and Twilight and Shepherd go to the hospital. Twilight is breathing hard, as she goes through labor. Shepherd squeezes her hoof comforting as Nurse Redheart stands on the other side of the bed.
Nurse Redheart: “Don’t worry Princess, you’re doing fine. You’re already dilating, which is very good! Now, we’ll start with the low intensity pain killers and then apply the higher grade stuff as you-”
*It is night. Andrew and Fluttershy are sitting in a tree, gazing up at the gorgeous starry sky*
Andrew: It's gorgeous...
Fluttershy: *sighs* Y-Yes... I was afraid of the night when I was little.
Andrew: Me too, you know. When I couldn't get back to sleep late at night I'd wander my house because I was too afraid to stay in my room all by myself.
Fluttershy: *She nuzzles him* Mm... I would have gone with you. Then we wouldn't have been afraid... *She smiled*
After all of this, Shepherd is finally feeling much more steady. He and Twilight are cuddled up in her castle on a couch.
Shepherd: "So... It feels a bit rushed... And not very romantic, but-Will you marry me?"
Twilight: *giggles dorkily* "I-I will!"
Shepherd: *kisses her* "Mmm... Wow. I feel a lot less terrified now that I've asked."
Twilight: "Well I was going to insist on it. I mean, you have no idea how hard my mom's been riding me about-"
Pinkie Pie: "SHEPHERD!"
Shepherd: "ACK! How did you get into my closet?"
Pinkie Pie: "I snuck in!"
Shepherd: "I locked my doors and windows."
Pinkie Pie: "I picked the lock!"
Shepherd: "And I put a baby gate on the stairs."
Pinkie Pie: "That was fun to get around!"
Shepherd: "Okay... And now onto the better question: WHY did you get into my closet?"
Pinkie Pie: "To surprise you, silly!" *Blows a party horn*
After Shepherd had managed to recover from his fainting spell, he began hugging Twilight tightly.
Shepherd: "I'm-We're-We're gonna be-We're pregnant!"
Twilight: "Y-yes! Yes we are!"
Shepherd: "Holy crap! Holy... Wow... We're... How?!"
Dash: "Don't you two know how sex works? Sheesh!"
Shepherd: "I didn't mean that! I meant-How do our genetics work?!"
Twilight: "Well, um... I'm still working on that. I did ask Princess Celestia."
Shepherd: "And?"
Andrew Shepherd, the only human in Equestria, was sitting at an outdoor cafe waiting for his marefriend to trot up. And trot up she did, looking nervous and anxious and worried.
Shepherd: "Hm? Twilight, what's wrong?"
Twilight: "Um... Er... Remember when I said that our species were incompatible and we couldn't conceive?"
Shepherd: "... Yes?"
Shepherd: "Why did I end up here and not someone more qualified to analyze all this magic stuff? Like Neil deGrassi Tyson? Or Michio Kaku? Or Michael Collins?"
Twilight: "Who?"
Shepherd: "He was the third astronaut on Apollo 11."
Dash: "The guy who didn't land on the moon? Why him?"
Andrew Shepherd, sole human in Equestria, was doing some work on a mare's boiler when the Cutie Mark Crusaders trooped up with a question. He looked over at them with a raised eyebrow.
Shepherd: "Huh? What do you mean 'who raises and lowers the sun on my world'?"
Applebloom: "Well, who does?"
Scootaloo: "We have a school report due on the Princesses, and so we thought maybe writing about alien princesses would get us an A!"
Sweetie Belle: "Which we really need!"
Celestia has gathered the Main 6 and her sister in a private meeting, leaving Shepherd to just wait around, doodling in a notebook. At last the doors open, and Shepherd looks up.
Shepherd: "Hey girls. What was the meeting ab-GAH!"
He is caught in a massive seven pony hug.
Dash: "How did you survive?!"
Fluttershy: "You poor thing!"
Rarity: "Those beasts!"
Shepherd: "I... What?!"
In the Human Archives, Shepherd is again, against his better judgement, helping the Ponies understand human culture. Today's artifact isn't ancient or mystical looking at all, to Shepherd's eyes...
Twilight: "I mean, it's so bright and garish and it shines! And it came with this magic staff! Did it belong to a wizard from your world?"
Shepherd: *laughing* "Not likely! No, see, this is..." *He turns the clothing in his hands and laughs some more* "Oh my God! It's a Dolemite suit!"
In the Ancient Human Archives...
Twilight: "You know, you really overreacted. It's just a sword. It doesn't carry any more meaning than you assign it."
Shepherd: "This from the alicorn princess! You have no idea what that stupid thing could do! It'll make me grow a beard!"
Twilight: "What's wrong with a beard? I think you'd look good with it."
Shepherd was rummaging around the ancient human libraries, helping the Pony scholars to categorize much of what had been incomprehensible to the alien equines. He was writing down notes on a notepad as he went from storage room to storage room.
Shepherd: "Okay... Door 117-Gamma. What do you have?"
He entered the room. Inside was a stone. Embedded in this was a sword.
Twilight: "What is one way to be friendly to other beings?"
Shepherd: "Don't kill them."
Twilight: "That was not what I was going for and is an extremely low bar to set but I'll allow it."
Shepherd: "Literally the first thing I met when I got here tried to kill and eat me. That's pretty much the human experience before we became dominant predators, actually."
Twilight: "Buuut you still made friends to overcome these obstacles, right?"