New Pony in Town

by rainbowblitz246

Don't be a dream

Don't be a dream

by Rainbowblitz246

I woke up feeling very light headed. My vision was blurry and my head ached. I tryed my best to remember what had happened. The last thing I could remember was coming home from a hard swim practice and falling asleep to an episode of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. I looked around to find out I was no longer in my room, or my house for that matter. I was in the middle of a dense forest.

What the hell, where am I? How did I get here? What's going on? My mind was raceing at a thousand miles an hour. I had so many questions that needed to be answered.I was about to raise my hands to my head when all of a sudden I fell over. I looked down to see why I fell over.

No way, it can't be! What I saw wasn't arms or hands but hooves, and the body of a pony. A pegasus pony to be exact. I seemed to be a turquoise color. My mane and tail were a dark blue with a single white stripe going down the middle. I slowly got back up admiring what I've become.

"I don't care how or why this happened but i'm glad it did" I said to myself. A small breez had rolled in causing mt to shiver. "Fuck it's cold, I should go try and find someone and a place to spend the night."

I slowly begain to walk threw the cold night air and find a way out the forest. It was still very dark outside so if I was right, witch is a rare thing, it was about 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning. I was walking for about a good half hour when I finally saw a clearing. I walked right out of the forest and into an open prairie. The sceniarey was just beautiful. The moon light shined down intensifying the beauty of it all. In the background I could see what looked like a shed a good few miles away. There was a dirt path that led right to it. I wounder if anypony is home? I thought to myself. I countinued to walk along the dirt path untill I collapsed from exhaustion.

"Ugh, why is it that I can't just fly over there. I would sure beat walking any day."

A little lightbulb went off in my head at that moment. I pushed myself up off the ground. I got into a firm position and spread my wings. It was amazing considering I didn't really now how to fly or what I was doing. I jumped up into the air and imagined myself flying and flapping my wings. I expected to fall back down but I didn't. I opened one of my eyes slowly, then they both shot open. I was flying, I was actually flying. Well more like hoovering. I was a good five feet off the ground.

"This is ridiculous" I said with an enormus grin on my face. "Now how exactly do I move?" but before I could think of anything my wings snapped shut and clung to my sides. I fell face first to the ground receiving a mouth full of dirt. I spat out the dirt and useing my hoov to wipe my tounge clean and wipe myself off. I didn't realize how much energy it took to stay in the air. Well now I was definitely to tired to go on at all. I slowly stumbled off the path and onto the soft, moist grass.

"Oh my gosh, this grass feels so good on my hooves."

I stumbled another ten feet or so before I fell down and rolled over onto my back. I looked up at the star felled sky and the full moon as its light radiated off onto me. I felt so calm and relaxed. The atmosphere of the place was heart aarming even if it was freezing at the moment. On the inside I was warm. As I layed there slowly drfiting off to sleep two thoughts crossed my mind. The first was I had a strong urge to swim. The second was that I really hoped this wasn't a dream because I really didn't want to leave this palce.

I slowly opened my eyes as I slowly sat up. I felt so refreshed from my long sleep as I let out a long yawn and brought my hoovs to my face trying to shake my self awake. I looked up at the sky to see it was morning. The sky was beautiful. It was a sunny day and the sky was the perfect shade of light blue. I let out another long yawn.

"I can't belive it but this really isn't a dream," I looked down to see that my turquoise body "I am a pegasus."

I stood up shaking my head to get rid of the last little feelings of tiredness out of my system. I turned around to see that the shed was still a ways to go. I could have tryed to fly there but with mr still not knowing exactly how to move during flight, it left me with walking being my one and only option. I groaned.

"Ugh I hate walking, it takes for ever to get any where." there was nothing I could do about it.

I begain my long walk to see if I could find somepony to help me.

"FML"

I only walked for about five minutes when I begian to get mad. This is so stupid. Im a pegasus I shouldn't be walking I sould be flying I thought to myself. I was starting to hope this was a dream so I didn't have to walk any more or there for a lake to be near by so I could swim for a while. Why do I want to swim so badly? I pushed the thought out of my mind as I begian to start walking once more.

"If nobody is there I am going to be so freaking mad."

Comments

[AxelGunn]

First!! Nah I kid, I don't care about that. I think your story has potential! You just gotta coax it out! I think I can help you out
1. First thing that jumped out at me was grammar/spelling. Something you could try is to have somepony else look over your chapters before you submit it? Or go over it multiple times to make sure mistakes are few and far-between.
2. Something else I noticed was some bits that were in normal text seemed as if they should be a thought process of your character. But that might just be how I would have done it instead.
3. It seemed to me that things MIGHT be going a little fast, but it is after all the first chapter so don't worry about this one too much.
4. I forgot what the fourth thing was, but it wasn't that important Just pretend this one wasn't here mmmk?
5. But what IS important is that someponies will like your story, someponies won't. That's just the way things go. Don't let some bad ratings or super critical comments get you down.
6. Most importantly, KEEP WRITING. Your skill will grow the more you write. Also, I'm here if you ever need some advice, or somepony to bounce some ideas off of!

[Azure Feather]

hmm... tracking cuz interesting. keep it up

[rainbowblitz246]

If you have something negative to say, say it. It's going to help me improve.

[Iambrony]

Hmmm...It does seem rather rushed, but I can't help but to be kinda so-so on that, I did it the first time as well, now I'm writing my 5th fanfic!
Good job, I see the potential tracking

[Mard93]

Hello blitz, a lil rushed but still good start, traking and..... Hope it gets better and better, because it will

[Mobius of the Moon]

I demand DESCRIPTION! And I agree with Mr. Anderson, especially his last statement. Get some help, or somepony to help you with ideas. This is going to be better that way.

[AxelGunn]

Ah, I remembered the fourth thing! The bit about the flying seemed a little off to me, about how he just 'imagines' flying and it happens. But that's just me! Everypony has it happen their own way.