Part 2
Ah' had finally found mahself back at Sweet Apple Acres, ah' was still cryin' 'cause ah' was upset but ah' had jus' done out there in Ponyville not even an hour ago. Once we reached the entrance to our house, Applejack took me upstairs into the bathroom, and turned on the faucet in the sink, where ah managed to wash off mah' tears that were streaming down mah' face.
"Shhhhh, Applebloom, settle down." Applejack told me, ah' always knew she was mah' big sister, but she always had managed to act maternal towards me, anyway, after ah' rinsed mah' face off, Applejack tapped me and told me, "Now go to your room, and calm down!", Ah' did what she told me to do, and went straight to mah' room. Once ah' made it inside, ah' plopped mahself on mah' bed and started shivering, not because ah' was cold, but because of what consequences might've awaited me.
The sky outside was now growing a purplish-dark color, that's when it hit me, it was almost time for mah' brother to come back from Appleloosa!, me beating Diamond Tiara, all the things ah' said to her, if he found out about it all he was gonna smash me like a bug!
Later that night at dinner me, Applejack, and Big Macintosh were sitting at the dinner table eating. "So what happened today?" Mah' brother asked, Applejack took care of the talkin' for me. "Well, Applebloom got into a fight.", That's when ah' started quivering again, "A fight, for what?" Big Mac asked.
"Well, ya'll know how little fillies are." AJ said, rubbing mah' back gently. I suddenly took terms to realize that ah' was not about to be completely destroyed, ah' turn and looked at her and she smiled at me, covering me from being spanked. Although ah' didn't get punished for facing up to Diamond Tiara, ah' did have to do extra apple bucking as punishment for mah' potty mouth. But ah' didn't care ah' showed Diamond Tiara who was boss and as far as ah' know she has never bothered me since.
The End
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Mattricole · 7.5k words · 410 5 · 9.9k views
- deadpansnarker · 170k words · 671 37 · 13k views
- HopeFox · 39k words · 877 15 · 15k views
- -Arcana- · 6k words · 42 1 · 1.7k views
- AlwaysDressesInStyle · 6.5k words · 3k views
- Metaphor · 4.2k words · 82 1 · 3.1k views
- SeasonTheWiccan · 30k words · 474 15 · 16k views
- TheDarkStarCzar · 27k words · 53 1 · 1.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.095 seconds
Total duration
584 users online
750,141 hits today, 1,567,491 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oh, since this is the end, please change the status to complete
This needs a lot of work. The paragraphs should be broken down into smaller more digestible parts. The story telling was rather bland. Not enough description. Adding Applebloom's thoughts and feelings and describing her environment in more vivid detail, would have made the fic longer and better drawn the reader in
Plus the fact that Twilight just watched and then ran to get Applejack did not make sense. In the scene you are parodying there is only children in a secluded area. Applejack should have been the only grownup to come showing up.
I would be happy to try and fix this for you. Add more detail and change all but Applejack to well known foal characters.
also I don't think a bloody nose counts as gore, or censored words as foul language.. but I could be wrong.
3620845 There's not that many many children in the show.
3622265
sure there is. enough to create a small crowd of onlookers to watch the fight. But really all you need is the ones pictured in the title pic.
Have Scoot and Sweetie watch and make comments (as you did) and send maybe Twist to get Applejack. Or if you wanted you could have Silver Spoon fetch AJ instead of her father.
Twilight would have used her magic to pull AB off DT herself. She wouldn't have run to get AJ.
Also more realistic to have AJ nearby rather then have somepony fetch her all the way back from the farm.
3624170 No compliments!
3624474
"No compliments!"
was that a question?
I was a good concept, it just needs work. I was just not emotionally invested in it as much as I thought I would be.
3624930 What I mean is are you here to read my stories, or complain about my "poor grammar"?
3625896
I don't think I ever mentioned grammar. I have problems with grammar myself. I say if a fic can be read and understood it's good enough.
I liked the concept and the parody, it just didn't grab me like I thought. It could use some more descriptive detail and insight into Appleblooms inner thoughts and feelings.
sorry.