"Wow! I've never seen her before!" Exclaimed Applebloom, before she noticed that Stargazer had no cutie mark. "She doesn't have a cutie mark yet, i see..." said the yellow filly happily. "Does that mean..."
Applejack laughed,"Yes Applebloom, she could join that club of yours. After all, you three fillies don't have your cutie marks either."
"Yay!" cheered Applebloom, rearing up on her front legs for a second, before returning to the ground.
"What's a cutie mark?" asked stargazer curiously.
Twilight's hoof flew to meet her face. "I'll tell you later, okay?"
"O-kay." said the filly slowly.
"Well, thanks Applejack. We'll see you and Applebloom later."
"Alrighty then. Come back soon!" chimed the two earth ponies, as Twilight took off. "T-Those ponies don't have wings, or a horn like you..." said stargazer confused.
"That's because they're Earth ponies. They grow the crops for ponyville, so that everypony doesn't starve. Some earth ponies have a horn, and are called 'Unicorns', because they can do incredible feats of magic. Unfortunately, some just have basic levitation," said Twilight, as she flapped her wings.
"Unicorns, huh? maybe i can do magic!" she chimed excitedly.
Twilight gave a small chuckle. "Not now. We're arriving at one unicorn's special shop, Carousel Boutique. Her name is Rarity, and she's a little on the fancy side, but kind."
They landed at the entrance of the little shop, and twilight knocked on the door. "Comming!" said a voice behind the door, before the sounds of trotting, and the door opened, to reveal a white unicorn. Her mane was in her signature style, her cutie mark three diamonds.
"Well hello there, Twilight. I see you got someone with you. What's the little darling's name, and... why is she bandaged?" said Rarity, as she looked at the unicorn filly curriously.
"Yeah, i was just getting to that." said Twilight, a little annoyed. Rarity gave an embarrassed face. Twilight continued," She was found in my tree like that, and she looked awful. i cleaned her up as much as i could, Rarity, but it was early in the morning, and I did the best I could."
"Oh my goodness!" cried Rarity. "Well, i can see that she looks better now."
"Her name is Stargazer."
"What a fabulous name! Too bad she doesn't look too fabulous. Twilight, do you mind if i make her a dress to pretty her up?"
Stargazer gave a groan of disappointment. "I don't wear dresses, Rarity."
The fashionista stared at Stargazer with shock on her face."Don't wear dresses? My, you aren't very lady-like at all."
"Do i have to act lady-like, Rarity? It's just not me." Stargazer stated plainly.
"Well Rarity, we have to get going. Stargazer's going to meet Rainbow Dash next." "Oh, okay. Make sure to stop here later, if you want to catch up on things, Stargazer, and do be careful!" Twilight waved as she took off, and soared among the clouds.
They soon landed on a large patch of cloud. Pillars and buildings stood on them, while the place practically flowed liquid rainbows. "This is Cloudsdale." said Twilight, as Stargazer looked round. A grey Pegasus, with a blue mane, and a thundercloud with lightning flew up.
"Hey Twi. Who's the little one?"
Twilight stared at him annoyed. "Go away, Thunderlane." He ignored twilight, and zoomed next to the unicorn filly.
"Hello there. You're looking at the one and only Thunderlane, one of the better pegasi of the air."
Stargazer stared at Thunderlane in awe. "I'm Stargazer. Wow! I wish i could be like you!" she chimed, and lept off of Twilight's back.
"No!" shouted Twilight, as
stargazer's hooves met cloud. What happened next...She hadn't fallen through the cloud.
"No what?" asked the confused unicorn filly. "O-only pegasi could stand on clouds! T-this is impossible!" stuttered Twilight.
"Heh, you're getting more and more awesome by the minute, Stargazer. How 'bout we hang sometime?" said Thunderlane, as he flew by stargazer.
"Sure! I'd love to!"
"Later, Thunderlane. We're looking for Rainbow Dash." said Twilight, more annoyed this time.
"Ptsh! whatever, bookworm." said Thunderlane, as he rolled his eyes, and flew off.
Is this past moderation because it doesn't show up on your stories list, but it's here. Is it published yet?
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174428 no, i tried yesterday. they said it was... to violent...![:pinkiecrazy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiecrazy.png)
3174432
If you copy and paste what they said and send it to via pm I can probably tell you why it didn't pass.
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174442
?
though i did fix it...
3174450![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
I'm looking right now dude, you need to fix the dialogue separation, and just grammar overall
Since you fixed the teen all you need to do is fix all the grammatical errors.
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174474 i just did.![:ajbemused:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajbemused.png)
3174476
She took a defensive pose, and shouted,"you shall not terrorize this town no more!!!"
Tis needs to be its own paragraph, the y in you should be capitalized, and though it is not incorrect it is frowned upon to use multiple punctuation marks at the end of a sentence.
Black Lightning laughed, as he approached.
"Sill ambitious as ever, i see. I don't think you ever learn."
Either put an enter between the two lines or put them side by side.
"who said you had to? i'll make a way in there!" he growled as he charged forward.
The w in who should be capitalized as well as the i in I'll. the h in he after the ! Should be capitalized too.
Stargazer moved to block his path, and bucked the changeling in the face.
No comma is necessary, in fact it is incorrect.
The changeling snarled as he stepped back, wiping a small amount of blood fron his face.
From not fron
his green compound eyes were full of loathing, as he stared at the alicorn
H in his should new capitalized.
These are the first of many. I can help you to correct them later if you want but right now I'm kinda busy![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174522 okay... can you help me? it was written at midnight, for a week.
3174529
Yes, later. I'm really busy right now but later I will be available....
That is all. Equestria is ours.
3174538 yes, and i will be here![:pinkiecrazy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiecrazy.png)
3174809 Buck-- to kick him in the face with both back hooves. is there another word for it? Glad you like it... there's a reason it's under comedy![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Mighty fine story pardner!![:ajsmug:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajsmug.png)
3175926![:pinkiecrazy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiecrazy.png)
3175932![:rainbowhuh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowhuh.png)
Didn't expect that response stranger...
Still, good luck to you
3175940 Sable- of course. thanks for the favorite, you are the second, after all.
Star- we're gonna need it for a journey in the Everfree. Flame's friend is..... i think she's hurt.
Flames has some sort of connection with Ebony... but she's in no state to rescue Ebony.
You really need to find and editor for this story.
3176833 yes, i do. it sucks, right?![:fluttershysad:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/fluttershysad.png)
3176833 how did you find me?![:rainbowhuh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowhuh.png)
3179288
I was browsing the new stories list.
3181009 interesting... l like your style, kid.![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
11 dislikes?? Oh jeez...![:fluttercry:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/fluttercry.png)
3226410 Wow.. i'm glad i followed you!
I will take your suggestions happilly, though Stargazer has really no memory of anything... untill much later. Thank you so much!!![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
3226424 haha, yeah, I know. I just needed to come up with a decent example, and I ended up having a bit too much fun with the it.![:heart:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/heart.png)
And you're welcome, and thanks. I'm flattered you would choose to follow
, best of luck!
3227083 Thanks!![:ajsmug:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajsmug.png)
very good story so far.![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
can't wait for the next chapter.![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
3227415 Man' thank you! it'll be done soon, okay?![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Now that's what i like! More likes than Dislikes!![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
3227683 work on the grammar and the sentences. Dont make things take part after another action. Try to describe everything with more detail.
I have no idea about what you are writing but I like it so far xD
3227763![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
3227591 ok.![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
3228083 Thanks!
Though to be fair, it was written at some unethical hour.![:twilightsheepish:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsheepish.png)
3230163 Flames- Any criticism is okay, Note.
And I'm getting someone to edit it, okay? ![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
3233494 Thanks!
you're such a good friend.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
Well, you're my friend and everything, but I have to be honest here:
This story isn't too good. The chapters are way too short, there are some grammar/capitalization (Would those be the same thing?) problems, some punctuation issues...
I feel bad for saying all this, but it's the truth. Sowwy...![:fluttercry:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/fluttercry.png)
3244742 That's fine. You see, it was written at a very early hour,
and at a wrong time. Thanks for you speaking your mind.
And I am currently thinking of just re-doing the entire story. Sugestions?
They might be in the re-write!![:scootangel:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/scootangel.png)
![:yay:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/yay.png)
Your faithful changeling friend,
Black Flames
3266027 Dear my fellow friend-
Thank you.
I edited it earlier, but i still need help. Later on, i'll be releasing the story, Loneliness and Friendship, when i get done with it.
400 words to go, and an aproval.. and you'll see it on the site. Thanks again for your feedback, and you're am awesome friend.![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
![:scootangel:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/scootangel.png)
Sincerly
Black Flames
3322482 Fixed!![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)