• Member Since 13th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

AstroStar


E

When Apple Bloom feels like Applejack wasn't appreciated enough be her friends, she wishes that her sister's friends could better understand how her big sister really feels. Unfortunately, this results in Applejack's friends thinking they were Applejack! The real Applejack has to pull out all the stops to try to get her friends back to normal!

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 50 )

@AstroBrony...

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/200/558/Lily_TheHorror.gif

1. Seriously though, you have a very strong start with your opening chapter, for word-count and writing. A good attention-getter, and right into the central plot (pun intended) for your story.

2. I am assuming that this fan-fiction uses Basic Twilight, rather than Princess Twilight? That was my impression.

3. Hopefully the antics of the Elements of Applejacks ("the AJ Six?" hmm...), and their resultant comedic frustrations will not be restricted to just Apple Bloom, Big McIntosh, Granny Smith, and Applejack Prime. It would be very amusing to see how Princess Celestia &/or Princess Luna reacts to this, or even going as far as Princess Cadence & Shining Armor.

Revenge of the best background pony! Anyways, this is great and I can't wait for the next chapter :twilightsheepish:

This is a brilliant idea. An excellent start. I think all fans of our favorite orange farmer will will like. this.

:ajsmug::ajsmug::ajsmug::ajsmug::ajsmug:

There is something so wrong, yet so right about this concept.

It just has to last long enough for the original Applejack to come back and go "Maybe I should give up drinking..." :applejackconfused::applejackunsure:

Definitely gonna check this one out! :twilightsheepish:


1st that was f**cking dark and horrifying
2nd so what happens when they enevitably mee one another and think their all apple jack?
3rd this is kinda twisted

3648953

I was aiming for funny. But now that you mention it, this does seem a tad bit frightening. :derpyderp2:

I have been waiting for a story like this one, and I am even more pleased that it is Astro who is writing it - that means it is gonna be good. I look really forward to the next chapter.

*squee*

Such a nice story! You deserve wayyyy more views! Hahaha!!! This will so be featured. :heart:

The premise sounds hilarious, but the grammatical mistakes in the summary worry me.

Its "by her" not "be her"
"How applejack feels" "how she feels" implies appleblooms feelings
Should be present tense "they are" not "they were".
"All the stops to try to" is incorrect. Should be "and try to"

3703376

Thanks for pointing that out. For the record, I don't really have anyone to proofread my stuff. It's just me, and I was exhausted when I submitted the latest chapter. I'll do another check when my mind is rested.

Again, thanks for the tip! I really appreciate it! :twilightsmile:

Once she restores them to their destinies (or spas) will AJ ascend to become alicorn of Applejacks? :applejackconfused:

mmm, interesting story you got here, well-written to boot. Nice shift of perspective. This is something I'll be favoriting. Great job with it~!

Now, if you excuse me, I'll be reading the next chapter.

Heh, the real Applejack is going to be playing the role of her friends (or, at least just Twilight) in order to fix them...oooh, this is going to be rich! I can't wait to see how this will play out. And, I can only imagine how they will react after all this, especially considering that they are going to be far more muscular and fit than before, what with all the hard work they have done.

I am a bit curious, though. Spike should have returned from his trip, so I am wondering what he had been up since his return?

No! Don't fix the problem! I demand more Applejacks be created. An entire box of Applejacks!

3703411

missed one

"could understand better" needs to be "could better understand"

This is just to great!

"Ah'm sorry, RD!" she apologized. Galloping at full speed, she grabbed the branch in her mouth, bending it backwards. Before it snapped off the tree, she released it, snapping it back, and right into the face of Rainbow Dash. She stumbled backwards in pain, right into the path of the other four. Soon, everypony found themselves stumbling over each other on the ground.


You know, this actually gave me an idea or a story. If (hopefully) I make it, I'll give credit to you and your story for giving me a helping hoof in this idea.

Thank ya kindly, Sugarcube. Oh god, the accent, the freckles, IM TURNING INTO APPLEJACK! YEEHAW!

Alright, alright, all joking aside, I really enjoyed your story and I find it quite humorous. I'm not getting the psychological meaning like some other readers, but that may be 'cause I'm tired. I do get what your trying to say, but I think in the last chapter you should put something like, "The moral of this adventure was that everypony should respect and be there for they're friends, or else they're going to turn into the friend the had not made time for." XD
Peace and brohoof /)

That ending! Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaah!!!!!!

Well Pinkie was easy. :pinkiehappy:

Sorta strange that her friends did not help AJ. But... ah guess in the name of plot progression. :P
:moustache:

Comment posted by honeyhoneyhoney deleted Jan 12th, 2014

Twilight and Rainbow Dash's was epic, I can't wait for Rarity's. She's probably gonna freak out with all that mud on her when she goes back to normal :rainbowlaugh:

Pinkies was so great! xD:pinkiehappy:

:ajsleepy:aww no applecorn aka princess applejack ?:applecry:

but seriously it was a pretty solid story i enjoyed it i dont know i feel that it could have contained apple jewel but overall i think this was good

And everything went back to normal.

Huh, thought for sure you were gonna take a page from Simple Ways to fix Rarity, but this is equally as humorous. Maybe that could be one of your alternate endings.

4079975

Well I had this written before Simple Ways came out, which was before my laptop went nuts on me. I decided to stick with what I had. :applejackunsure:

I'm still new to being a pre-reader, or Alpha reader if you prefer. I'm going to try and get the flaws out of your fiction today. You're concept is certainly strong, but the execution is meh. It feels more like this fiction was made by just another not that experienced writer.

What’s going on!

This is a question. Not just another statement made by a character.

Rarity?!?

You used too many punctuation. Just use the either question mark or exclamation mark only. You can do something like this instead:
"Rarity?" Twilight exclaimed.

No. NO! Not that!

Don't capitalise words like that. It is only recommended during dire situation. Even then, it would just serve to make the fiction feels like it was made by an amateur. If you have the urge to use capitalised words, just use italics. Italics already places emphasis on words and it doesn't make the fiction any less amateur-ish.

I think we’re all turning into Applejack.

This is the stupidest conclusion you made Twilight came up with. So, when the Mane 6 got Applejack's accent and stuff, they think it's Applejack instead of the thousands of other ponies with similar accent and everything.

She wondered, now she was grounded, if she could handle the obstacle course herself. Rainbow Dash found herself smirking at the challenge

You made Rainbow go into the Everfree to Zecora's place, but suddenly she had the urge to rodeo. You're making the Mane 6 out of character. Nopony within the Mane 6 is this very unfocused. Even when their 'turning into Applejack', AJ isn't that distracted. If you're trying to tell the readers that the "magic" is really overpowering them, you didn't execute it properly because all I see is
Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dash, suddenly Applejack.

"First Rainbow Dash, then Twilight, then Pinkie, and now Fluttershy?" Apple Bloom thought out loud. "What could be next?"

She immediately regretted ever saying that for now she noticed a pony heading her way, nearly completely covered in mud. The pony looked to have a hat and ponytail too, but upon closer inspection Apple Bloom saw patches of the pony's white coat...

This is overused and unoriginal.



If you don't already know what thesaurus.com is, I recommend you to use that website to find better words because repetitive use of words will make it boring to read.

Great story. Looking forward for your future works.

4080932

I appreciate what you're trying to do and thank you for trying to help. With that said, I need to point out that I am aware that my writing may not be on par with some other fanfic writers. I am not a writer. I'm just a fan who dabbles every once in a while. I'm not trying to write the next Past Sins, I'm just writing fanfics for the fun of it.

With that said, thanks for your comments and thanks for giving my story a look. :twilightsmile:

Thanks for writing!:twilightsmile:

Alicorn Applejack was the best one. Now go watch Twilight go down the path of Sunset Shimmer.

This was a cool story. Lots of grammar issues and upper-case letter abuse, but it eased up after the first chapter. It almost felt darker than funny, but AJ's disguise adventure saved the story and brought it back to the humor zone.

4239471
Alicorn Applejack FTW.
I think that would be a funny story where Twilight and Pinkie are the antagonists trying to undo the ramifications of the newest princess Alicorn Applejack.

Ha! I liked Alicorn AJ the best. For sure. :ajsmug:

Can you do another one just like that except with Rarity? like to be called friendship is Rarity.

This is such a cute story!! Great job!

That ENDING!!! PERFECTION!!!!!! All of them!!! :rainbowlaugh:

I demand a sequel based off the last epilogue! The Muffining!

Great story. One of the best Applejack fics I've read. First epilogue was really good, we need AJ to become an alicorn!

Dreadnought

Really like this story quick question what was the deal with this well it's never really expanded upon what that well is or where it came from:rainbowhuh:

Also if you're out of ideas what you do for your next story I have a suggestion where maybe you could do a sequel to this story where it shows the five fake applejack adventures and meeting eachother prior to the real applejack coming home

Very solid and funny. Thinking of rarity Imitation made me think of apple Jewell thing

Well this sure is an inventive concept.

Well this sure was a great fic. That 1st Epilogue leads to interesting places.

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