Who Am I (Book 1)

by Midnight Galaxy

Chapter 3

I awake to see the other ponies sleeping in a circle. It must be approaching dawn by now. I go to move but feel a presence next to me. I turn and see Callie sleeping under my left wing. Her small body looks even smaller now as she is curled up under my large wing. I don't want to wake her up, she is just too adorable. I look over to the vault door and see that the lock was still in place.

“Please stay,” I hear Callie say. I look over at her and see she is still sleeping.

“Is she talking in her sleep?” I ask myself.

“I don't want you to go,” she says moving her legs a little. It makes me giggle, seeing such a little pony dreaming. I haven't felt this happy in a long time.

She wakes up, and looks at me with sad eyes. “I'm so happy you are still here!” she exclaims, wrapping her hooves around my neck. “I had a dream where you left us to deal with those minions alone. I was so scared,” she says, almost crying.

“It was only a dream Callie,” I say looking at the mare. She dries her eyes and hugs me again.
“Do you want to help me with the lock. It seems our friends had a long night,” I say, looking over to the group of ponies.

She nods her head and follows me over to the door. “I need you to tap on the lock. The more you tap, the easier it will be for me to find the override,” I say putting a hoof on the lock. Callie starts tapping, I see that she is starting to have fun with it. The magic ripples out in a patter as she taps. I follow the floor from one corner to the other. Not finding anything, I move to looking up the walls. I finally find it, high on the right wall I see the faint trail for the override. I follow it across the wall, up to the ceiling, down one of the pillars and to the center of the room. In the middle of all the sleeping ponies. A large half sun, half moon is carved into the stone.

“This has to be it,” I say as I ready my magic. I give it a small blast in a corner where nopony was at to see of it was the right one. Watching the magic trace its way back to the lock on the door, I smile. I wake the other ponies because I need some help getting enough magic to overload the lock.

“Callie, can you come over here?” I ask as she stops tapping.

“That was fun! Now what?” she asks energetically.

“Rarity, Twilight, you, and me all need to charge up enough magic to overload the lock. You think you are up to the task?” I ask.

“I'll do my best,” she says with a smile. The four of us power up our magic and together we blast the lock. I follow the bright ball of magic as it quickly travels to the lock. The lock bursts with a bright light.

“That... was... AWESOME!” Rainbow Dash exclaims. The door slowly creaks open. The inside is even more impressive than the Canterlot library. Rows upon rows, shelves upon shelves of scrolls and books.

“How are we suppose to find what we are looking for in all of this?” Rainbow Dash ask, complaining.

“There has to be some sort of organization,” Twilight says.

“Each pony take a row, if you find anything related to genealogy, shout and we will come to where you are at. Spike, can you search by yourself?” I ask looking at the little purple dragon.

“I'll be fine,” he says with a confident smile.

The search begins. Scroll after scroll I grab, most of them war reports or taxes. Minutes turn to hours. Section by section our chances of finding the right section had to be closer. The trail of scrolls grow with each section. I can tell everypony is starting to get weary. The longer we spend in here, the less I think it is actually here. I hear Fluttershy yell, if you can call it that.

“FLUTTERSHY HAS FOUND SOMETHING!” I yell, letting the other ponies know. We all rush to the isle that she is in. It follows the wall, it seems she had gotten the furthest somehow.

“Um.. I think I found something,” she says looking at a long scroll. It has names of a lot of ponies.

“Cutie marks are usually passed down through the family. They are usually similar,” Twilight says, pointing to the other side of the scroll. They are sorted by cutie marks.

“Look for one that has something related to astronomical markings,” I say handing the ponies scrolls.

“Are you sure it will be here? These records are over a thousand years old,” Twilight says as a thought.

“Don't alicorns live a really long time?” Fluttershy asks.

“I only know of four in existence until you came around. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have lived for over a thousand years. Beyond that, I don't know,” Twilight says looking at me. “This castle was abandoned when Nightmare Moon destroyed it a thousand years ago,” Twilight says. I pay her no mind as I tear through scroll after scroll, trying to find the right one. Each pony takes a row and starts searching for the right scroll.

Hours go by and shelves now lay empty, the discarded scrolls lining the floor. I sigh in frustration, I can feel anger rising inside of me. I stop and take a deep breath. “Anypony find anything?” I ask.

“Nothing here sugarcube,” Applejack says.

“I can't seem to find anything darling,” Rarity says setting down another scroll. We are running out of scrolls and my heart begins to sink. We were so close, but all in vain. I pick up the last scroll on the shelf and look at the outside of it. Marked with stars. My eyes widen at the possibility.

“I think I just found it,” I say as I open the sealed scroll. It unrolls and I skim through the names. I find my way to the bottom of the scroll. I see a name and I say it out loud, “Pink Stardust.”

It is almost at the end of the scroll. I roll it out a little more to see if there is any other names. I read the scroll out loud “To her was born a royal blue alicorn, a male that she named...” My heart skips a beat as my eyes move to the next word. “Mi.....” followed by a long scribble and ink stains. “That can't be it!” I yell, grabbing the scroll. “I was so close to finding out who I was,” I say dropping the scroll. Tears begin to fall from my eyes.

The others stand there and gasp as Twilight reads the end of the scroll to them. “I'm sorry darling. Is there anything we can do for you?” I hear Rarity ask.

“I... I just want to be left alone,” I say with tears rolling down my face. I hear the other ponies shuffling through the discarded scrolls. I sit there and sob. My one chance to find out who I was, gone. I feel something wipe away my tears. I open my eyes and see that Callie was still there. “Please, just leave me be,” I say looking away from the mare.

“I know what you really need, a shoulder to cry on,” she says, putting a hoof on my cheek.

“I just wish there was more that I could do,” she says with a half smile. I lay my head on her shoulder and continue to cry. “There, there. I have a name for you,” she says with a smile as I lift my head and wipe my eyes.

“What is it?” I ask, sniffling. “Well, the scroll has the letters 'Mi' on it right?” she asks. I nod my head. “How about Midnight Galaxy?” she asks with a smile. I rub my hoof across my nose as I run the name through my head.

“Midnight Galaxy?” I say to myself out loud. Then it hits me, like a ton of bricks. A light flashes before my eyes and I see my mother holding something. A bundle of blue cloth. She is in a plush bed surrounded by, what appear to be doctors and nurses. She pulls back the cloth to reveal a blue unicorn. “Congratulations, he's an alicorn,” one of the doctors say with a large smile. The other doctors and nurses in the room start cheering. Everypony seems to be so happy.

“What will you name him?” a nurse asks.

“Midnight Galaxy,” she says with a loving smile.

The happiness doesn't last long as there is a loud explosion. The whole building begins to shake and move. Everypony is screaming and running to escape.

“GO!” a large black pegasus yells. I can only think that he is my father. I can see several dots on his flank, but then everything goes dark. I awake to the covered unicorn placing me next to the crystal pond.

I come back to reality to see seven ponies standing over me. “Are you alright sugarcube?” Applejack asks.

“We heard a scream and came running,” Twilight says. I stand up and rub my head.

“Are you ok?” Fluttershy asks.

“I know who I am now,” I say looking at the group of ponies. They all gasp. “My name is Midnight Galaxy,” I say with a smile. They all start cheering and jumping with joy.

“I'm happy to hear that you finally found yourself,” Twilight says.

“Midnight Galaxy? It has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?” Applejack says nudging Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah, it could be cooler,” Rainbow Dash says with a scoff.

“Thank you Callie,” I say with a bow.

“You're welcome.... But what did I do?” she asks turning her head.

“You helped me find out who I am. I am eternally in your debt,” I say with a smile.

“We should totally throw a party!” Pinkie Pie exclaims.

“I love parties!” Callie exclaims. The two of them go bouncing out of the room. We all laugh at their shenanigans.

We all walk back through the Everfree forest back to Ponyville. On the way back we encounter a zebra. “Hello Zecora,” Twilight says with a smile.

“Hello Princess Twilight, a new pony for me to greet. A new face for me to meet,” she says speaking in rhyme.

“I have met several of your kind on my journey. Where do you hail from?” I ask her.

“A land full of sand, in a far eastern land,” she says, waving her hoof in the air.

“It was nice meeting you Miss Zecora. I hope we meet again,” I say with a bow. She waves goodbye and we continue to Ponyville.

We head back to the Golden Oak Library as the sun begins to set. I open the door to let the mares go first. Pinkie Pie and Callie had already decorated and had the food out.

“PARTY!” Pinkie yells setting off her confetti cannon. We all laugh as we walk in. Everypony seems so happy. I smile as I grab a glass of punch and a cupcake. I take a bite of the frosting covered cupcake. It tastes so good, but it hurts my teeth from all of the sugar. I finish the cupcake and see the other ponies are laughing together. I close my eyes for a moment, savoring in the moment. I actually have friends now. It feels so strange to be in a room of friends.

A tear rolls down my cheek. “What's the matter? You should be happy!” Callie says nudging me.

“I am happy,” I say wiping the tears away.

“Ponyville is safe, you have your name, and we are all here together. Thank you Midnight,” she says, laying her head on my leg. I begin to blush as she snuggles up to my leg.

“I think somepony has a crush!” Rainbow Dash exclaims, making me blush even more.

“Ease up Dash, everypony has had a long day,” Applejack says with a smile.

“I... I think somepony is really tired,” I say, looking down at the small mare. Her eyes are now closed. I smile as I look at her. “I think she should go to bed. Little ponies need their sleep, “I say. I use my magic to gently lift her up. I carry her to where I was sleeping and tuck her in.

“Thank you Midnight,” she says with a sleepy smile.

I smile as I gently shut the door. “But where will you sleep?” Spike asks.

“Don't worry my little friend. I'll be fine,” I say with a smile.

“Thank you all for your help, I couldn't have done it without you,” I say.

“My pleasure darling,” Rarity says with a smile.

“No problem sugarcube,” Applejack says with a tip of her hat.

“Anytime,” Rainbow Dash says.

“Thank you for protecting Ponyville,” Twilight says. I nod with a smile.

“Well Twilight, I better hit the hay,” Applejack says with a smile. “I got a full days work ahead of me,” she tips her hat as she leaves.

“It was a blast Midnight. I can't wait to race you. Goodnight Twilight,” Rainbow Dash says as she flies out an open window.

“See you around,” Fluttershy says as she walks out.

“We should get together again soon darling. You must tell me about the fashion that you have seen,” Rarity says with a smile. She closes the door behind her.

“I'll write a letter to Princess Celestia in the morning,” Twilight says with a yawn.

“Right behind you Twilight,” Spike says with a dragon sized yawn.

They both head up the stairs to sleep. The candles go out and I am left there in the moon light. I lay down on the floor. My mind full of the events that happened. I smile as I think of Callie. “Without her, I would have never known. I owe everything to her,” I say out loud to myself. I finally found where I belong. Ponyville is my home. I smile as I look out of a window at the peaceful town. “I can get used the calmness here,” I say. “Well... until the next adventure,” I say with a chuckle as I lay my head down to sleep.

Author's Note:

Mlpfim © Hasbro
Midnight Galaxy, Pink Stardust, and Callie © Gabriel Phoenix

Comments

[Bongo Bongo]

Probably the worst thing ever.

[The Lunar Rebel]

Heads up dude, this will probably earn a lot of downvotes because alicorn OC's are not really tolerated well on here.

[Eventide Indigo]

3957191

[Midnight Galaxy]

3957115 Thank you for the warning. As long as people read it and give constructive feed back, the negative comments are alright. A little negative feedback very now and again is good for a writer.

[Midnight Galaxy]

3957103 What do you mean?

[Bongo Bongo]

3957412
You know what it means, kid. Go home.

[The Lunar Rebel]

3957407 No problem

It's very true that negative feedback motivates a writer to become better because I've had the same experience--matter of fact I think mostly everyone has.

At least you have respectable word count for each chapter. Sure the required amount is 1k, but beating it by 2k or more words is quite impressive. The OC seems to be your main problem. If characterization or plot is bad, your likely to get slammed for that to.

[KiltedKey]

You are in fact a pretty damn good writer. For real. If you didn't write an alicorn oc story I would absolutely read what you write.

I don't know if you know this but it's pretty much a dead horse trope. Male alicorn self projected author OC with Final Fantasy amnesia enters Ponyville. I'm shocked that it's not like, universal knowledge.

My advice? Keep on writing, but don't do this story. I understand wish furfillment, but this isn't it. People want to read new adventures of uniqueness, not self projected fantasies of one person. They want to read new worlds, or characters that aren't author inserts nor steal the limelight from the characters of the show.

You have a writer's soul inside of you. You just need to sit down and find it. Cause it's there.

[FicusCat]

The words count is really good, and the formatting of the story is correct.

But the main idea ? An amnesiac Alicorn OC coming into Ponyville ?
Especially because you describe him as a self-taugh pony ( amnesiac, orphan, no contact with anyone for a long time ), he should not be able to interract with anyone. The fact he survived alone, without memory for so many years is not really plausible at all, but the fact that he learned alone to talk perfectly, to interract with peoples flawlessly just doesn't make any sense, and just reinforce the wish-fulfillment aspect of the story ( because badass amnesiac OC are cool ).

Make the OC a simple pegasus or unicorn or earth pony ( they're not so lame, and it could explain how he survived for so long in the wild ), and the story is going to have a way better reception.

But an Alicorn OC ? Not a chance.

[Midnight Galaxy]

3957753 Thank you for pointing that out. The stories I post here a similar to rough drafts. I post them so I can get a feel for what people what and then I can change the story accordingly. I do have to say, now that you point it out. It is a little strange that the ponies in Ponyville don't react much.

On to your second question. I know that I didn't explain it well about his memory. That memory is the only one he has pertaining anything to who he is. He actually has a really good long term memory, as is written in the next book. I am glad you took the time to comment and give me feedback.

[Midnight Galaxy]

3957775 Thank you for the complement. I am just curious, what does everyone have against an alicorn oc? This is the only site that people have complained about it? I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm just wondering. And thank you again for the complement.

[Midnight Galaxy]

3958080 A lot of his learning came from the interaction for other pony/equine creatures throughout his life. Most of which is explained in the second book. The who story is a work in progress, but I do see where you are coming from.

[KiltedKey]

3959162 No problem, my friend. I just want to keep you writing before other people tell you to hang up your pen.

Because there are five alicorns - if one counts chrysalis - in the show, and they all have large backstories about them. To be an alicorn is a massive undertaking, and you can't treat it likely.

Ninety nine percent of alicorn OC's are awful. They are the awful projecting themselves, poorly thought out, and just feel weird. More so a male one, more so of your character's color, more so that he has absolutely no idea why he is one, nor why everyone treats it so casually.

They can only be done well if they are extremely well thought out, deities in another form - Discord alicorn is one hundred percent acceptable if not badass - or some metaphysical force. Upheaval: Reckoning's Terrato is an excellence if not the best alicorn OC ever written. Nyx is nothing on him.

It just shows indecision. I wish I could cast magic and fly too, and while I genetically would most likely be a unicorn, I'd wish I was a pegasus. If... I made an OC. Having both just comes out as... fake.

And the color patterns on your OC don't match an alicorn, unless he was like, some Norse war god of the night. Then yes, yes he would.

As for what the person underneath me said, you don't want to wait 'until the next book'. The first chapter is the most important chapter of a story. Period. Not the climax. Not the ending. The very first chapter, and even more so the very first couple of paragraphs. This is what hooks people in. Make it count.

[Midnight Galaxy]

3959219 Thank you very much for the information. I have planned on making a new story with a different OC. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me.

[KiltedKey]

3959293 Wow. My spelling was awful that last post. Blame my ADHD medication not kicking in.

The point is is that the world has alicorns for a reason, and if you are adding one, it better be a damn good reason too. Terrato in Upheaval is Luna's and Celestia's middle brother that nopony knows about. Why? He's a war god. He's the god of the earth and war. He protects the outsides of Equestria from the deities and forces that wish to kill ponies. He's Thor with the power of earthquakes. There is a reason he is hidden. He has been fighting evil for thousands of years. He's cold, calculating, a general and fighter. He is not fluffy. He does not know mercy. His heart is in the right place, but he knows mercy is for the 'weak'. He's not all powerful, but his voice can literally shake castles if he is angered. He has an extremely deep personality, back story, and reason for why he exists, why he's not talked about, and why he's alive.

If you make alicorn OC's, make them forces of something. Nyx from Past Sin's is the left over of Nightmare Moon. In my own stories Sliepnir, the norse horse of Odin, is the middle brother of Luna and Celestia. He's the god of the skies, and is an alicorn. But I also write comedies too.

If you make alicorn's, you can make them projections of demons. Corruptions. Deal with dragons. Dragon magic turns a pony into an alicorn. It's not something you tread on lightly.

My advice is also if you are making an OC focused story don't have him dominate the mane cast. Always a bad idea, and people feel it's the author injecting themselves into the show. They are the mane cast for a reason.

It doesn't mean you can't make incredible OC's that aren't equals or equally as interesting. They just have to be superbly thought out. LoyalLiar and Upheaval: Reckoning is a great place to read OC's as beautifully done as the mane cast.

Headlining OC's do best with other OC's and background ponies all in one group. You don't want to steal the shine from a main character. Think of it as making a character more powerful than Harry Potter.

[Midnight Galaxy]

3959332 Thank you for the information. I have been working on the back story of Midnight for a while now. It is far from finished, but it is progressing. what I have so far is that he is related to Princess Celestia and Luna, somehow. I haven't worked on the details yet. Thank you again for your help.

[Midnight Galaxy]

4008921 Thank you for the comment, and I know. It's hard to find works to replace those when writing dialog, but I'll try to work on it.

[Darksonickiller]

First off lets talk about that alicorn OC. Most of the time this ends in a complete mess but in this case you actual pulled it off and made an interesting character here. The story line was good and I didn't see many grammar errors. Well worth the read. Have and upvote.

[Midnight Galaxy]

4093948 Thank you, not very many like it. So thank you for your comment and upvote

[Ias]

3957474

Wow man, not cool.

[Bongo Bongo]

4600167
Love you, too, babe <3