Stalliongrad
The next few days passed with everypony getting ready for the upcoming war. Several scouting parties were sent out to monitor Twilight’s movements. For every three scouting parties sent, one would return. Their reports came in with nothing but bad news. Twilight was increasing the size of her army. Somehow, the mare was cloning her troops and she was very efficient at the process. Able to double her force every day. The greatest tactual analysts they had gave an estimated attack date of one week. Meanwhile the same old arguments played out in Luna’s court.
“We should attack now!”
“We should flee.”
“We should seek help.”
Luna knew these were coming, as such; she invited a guest this time around. In the middle of a particularly boring debate, Rainbow Dash made her entrance and the entire chamber went quiet. As Rainbow walked in, every pony in the room instantly shut up. All of them too afraid of losing their tongue to the cyan mare with the golden wings. You could hear a pin drop from the other side. Rainbow walked to the center of the chamber and turned to address the assembled ponies.
“You're all afraid of me.” It was not a question.
“You should be.”
Audible gasps crossed the room, to put in mildly, that was not the answer these ponies expected to hear. Most were expecting some sort of rousing speech about how they all had to band together.
“I'm not my wife, I'm not tactful, caring, or good with words. What I am is blunt, rude, foul-mouthed, and quick to anger as you all should know by now. I'm also blessed with the powers of supersonic flight, healing, extendable blade wings that respond to my very will, and apparently the ability to achieve near-light speed. What does all that make me? It makes me the most dangerous mare in this room, one that you do not want to piss off.”
Rainbow paused for a minute to let all of that take in.
“I'm also deathly afraid of what is coming.”
If it were possible, the room seemed to get even quieter.
“However, if we fail, if we do not stop Twilight here, there is nowhere else. This is our now or never moment and I will fight here. So if you want to leave, leave. Nopony will stop you. However, if you stay, you will shut the hell up about all this useless crap. This has been nothing but a huge waste of time and I just got here. How much time have you wasted before now? Days? Weeks? Good bucking job.”
Everypony in the room was quiet; if there was one thing they all agreed on, it is that nothing was being done. It took a pony that they could not talk back to in order for them to understand that they were the problem. Nopony likes to have the hoof pointed at them, but nine times out of ten, that's where it belongs.
“So I will say this one time and one time only, if you want out, if your goal is some bucking political power grab. Get out now, unless you want to see my bad side again.”
To their credit, nopony moved an inch. Rainbow looked around the room; a small smile crossed her face. It was not much, but at least she made her point. Rainbow turned and nodded to Luna before she took her seat next to Princess Cadance who was seated next to her son, Prince Radiant. As Luna began addressing the ponies in the crowd with a slightly more motivational speech, Cadance began talking to Rainbow.
“Welcome back.”
“Thanks, but for me no time has really passed.”
“Really?”
“Yes, the best I can describe it is waking up TO a bad dream. It was sudden, heartbreaking, and unbelievable.”
The Princess of Love wrapped a wing around Rainbow Dash. Despite herself, despite the tough exterior she put forth, despite all the ponies around the room that were terrified of her, Rainbow Dash started crying. She did not know if she would ever stop. So much had happened, so many soul-crushing things, she wanted... no, needed Twilight. She needed her wife with her.
Princess Cadance sensed all of this and more. For the Princess of Love, seeing this, seeing true love broken in half by events out of their control, it was tragic. All she could do is be there for Rainbow. It was such an important gesture, the weight of it could not be denied by either of them. However, for Cadance, it felt so small. For her, it was pathetic, ‘is this really all I can do for her?’ Tears began falling from her eyes, not from the events of the past few days, but because she knew, even with all her power, the answer was yes. She could not help Rainbow carry this burden. Only Rainbow could face Twilight in a fight and have any hope of winning. Only she could face her one true love. At times like this, her thoughts turned to the cruelty of the world, and briefly, she wondered if it might be better if they all lost. If the world could be this cruel, this evil, was it even a place worth living in?
The next voice she heard gave her the answer to that question.
“Mom, are you all right?”
Yes, the world was cruel; it would give you everything you want just to snatch it from you in the worst possible ways. However, there was great beauty in the world also, and great love. Like that of a son who loved his mother, and a mother who loved her son. “I will be Radiant.” He did not seem convinced by that. She snatched him up in her other wing, she snatched the one physical thing Shiny left her in the world and included him in the hug. As Rainbow held onto her left side, she whispered in Radiant’s ear. “Whatever happens, take care of this one, ok? And yourself.”
Radiant’s embarrassment from his mom’s very inappropriate love of personal displays of affection was soon forgotten at that comment; he looked down at the mare hugging his mother’s left side. ‘Rainbow Dash is the fastest mare in the world, she has the endurance of ten ponies, wings that can grow and shrink as she wishes, and can create wind blasts that I have personally seen cut building’s in half.’ However, at this moment, she looked as weak as a newborn foal.
Understanding crossed his face; yes Rainbow was the toughest, strongest, and fastest mare alive. However, she was also hurting, the burden they were all placing on her, it would destroy any other pony. She carried it all with more on top of that, and to make matters worse, she was expected to win. It was too much for any pony, even her. She would push herself. She would fight, however, she could not do it alone. Cadance saw that, and now, he did too. “Ok mom, you can count on me.”
Princess Cadance leaned down and kissed her son on the forehead. “You have made me so proud Radiant, and I know, deep in my heart, Shiny would be proud of you to.” Despite himself, all the training and conditioning Radiant Star had undergone in his life, he could not stop a few tears from falling loose. “Thanks mom, I... I.... I miss him.” Cadance squeezed him tighter at that. Burying her head is his back as she shed a few tears as well. “I know son, I miss him too.”
While everypony in the room soon found their attention dragged to the three ponies on the side. It was a mark the respect they had for Princess Cadance, Prince Radiant, and the fear they had of Princess Dash that they all tactfully ignored it.
………………………
Shimmering Night laid back in bed, her sister Aurora Flash curled up at her side, asleep. So many unbelievable events had occurred in the past few days, it was too much to take in. Night started to cry again. She did not know if these were tears of happiness at her mom coming back from the dead, or tears of sadness at all the pain she felt. Her stupid, idiotic, numbskull, arrogant, brave, and reckless husband had almost killed them all. ‘How big of an idiot do you need to be to do a sonic rainboom inside a building? Much less a hospital. Even Rainbow wasn't that dumb.’ The death toll from the collapse had yet to be fully tallied. However, Night knew it would be in the thousands. All laid at the feet of her husband, the biggest idiot in the world: Bright Dawn.
Twilight had him; Spike had told her as much the other day. When the building collapsed, he was already ejected from the window. The remaining shadowbeings swarmed around him and dragged him off to Celestia… Luna knows where. The idiot was so concerned for her safety he failed to take into account his own. She did not understand why he would do something like that. He was never that brave, never that rash… was he? Memories of that final race came back to her mind. He was so willing to put his life on the line for her. Rainbow almost killed him over it. Perhaps he was that brave, or just that stupid. No, the common factor in all these scenarios was Night. He was not that brave, stupid, or reckless. He was that much in love.
Aurora woke to the sobs of her sister, without realizing it; Night’s crying had intensified. “Sis?”
“Sorry, Aurora I didn't mean to wake you.”
She reached up with a hoof and wiped a tear from Night’s eye. For Night, the gesture was even more touching with how scarred Aurora's hoof was. It was obvious that moving hurt the pegasus. Yet, that just increased the significance of the event. Had Night been able, had she been able to move her hooves, she would have hugged her right then and there. As it was, she could only repay her sister with a small smile and more tears.
“It’s about Dawn, isn’t it?” Aurora asked.
“Yes…”
Aurora reached up and hugged her sister, accomplishing the gesture that Night was unable to do. Somehow, this made her feel worse, not better. “Does… does that make me an awful pony?”
“What, how could you think that?"
“Well, we lost Rainbow, Dayspring, and then Twilight turned evil. Yes, we got mom back, but… but all I can think about is my husband. Tell me, am I awful for that?”
“Listen to me right here and now.” Aurora broke the hug and stared face to face with her sister, their nose's inches from one another. “This is the official word of your big sister. You are not an awful pony, don’t ever think that. It’s ok; it’s ok to be hurting over Dawn’s absence. I saw as well as everypony else just how much you two loved each other. Yes our family is hurting, however, you still have the right to your own feelings. Never forget that.”
“Thanks, Aurora.”
“And if you do I will knock some sense into you, once you're healed that is.”
Before either of them could make another comment a nurse walked in with a plate of food for Night, she smiled warmly at the two sisters and sat the plate down for Aurora to feed her sister. An arrangement she had insisted on. ‘If someone is going to take care of her, it will be me.’ No pony could argue with a royal decree like that. Besides, for the first time since the Titan attack, Aurora seemed to be regaining her spunk.
At times like this Night was beginning to lament that fact. Aurora seemed to enjoy taking care of her little sister far, far too much. Going as far as to play the ‘pegasus game’ with her food. “And the pegasus flies into the hanger to make a ten point landing.” It was cute, annoying and degrading, but cute.
“You know I’m not a baby, right?”
“You always will be my baby sister to me, I don’t care how big you get.”
Night found it hard to argue with that, and with little other recourse left to her, she played along, finding herself slightly enjoying this. It had been so long since she and her sister had spent any real quality time together. It was a shame that the precursors to this had to be so extreme. Without warning, the game came to a sudden end. Aurora noticed something and looked over to Night.
“Night?”
“What, what is it?”
“Can, can I have your cookies?”
Shimmering Night stared down at the last item of food on the tray, sure enough, two chocolate chip cookies were sitting there. “Sure Aurora, they are all yours.” Tears started falling down from her eyes and for the first time in days, Shimmering Night could not stop herself from smiling.
……………………
“It was a good speech and all, but it does not solve our problems.”
Luna looked over to Radiant as the two walked down the hall; she simply nodded to the young unicorn. Over the past few days, his council had been invaluable. It was his idea to use Rainbow to keep the council ponies in line. It was a good one too, even though it had not been her objective, the fear she instigated in them kept all of them in line. Briefly, she reflected why Cloudsdale did not immediately withdraw its support. She learned after the fact that Captain Firestar had taken command. Her official statement of what happened to Tsunami went along the lines of ‘Karma’s a bitch.’ Of course, that was the PC version; the actual report was several pages long and definitely NOT for viewing by more sensitive ponies. Luna had a copy of it posted in her room. She would often fall asleep reading it.
“What about you?”
“We heal quickly, a side effect of the moon always being out. We are able to draw upon its strength for our own use. Do not worry, when the attack comes, we will be more than capable of playing our part.”
“It’s not our part that I'm worried about.”
“Indeed,” Luna knew exactly who Radiant was worried about, as she was heading there now.
“Luna, will she be ok?”
“We do not know, however, we wish to help her as much as we can right now.”
“How much longer do you think we have, before she comes?”
Luna considered this, her council advisors said they at least had a week, however, she was not so sure. Besides, if there is one-thing advisors succeed at, it was being wrong. “We will estimate, in the next three days time.”
“Three days huh… will everything be ready?”
“You know the answer to that Radiant, however, we both know that our defenses mean nothing, only one pony can end this, this one pony will decide if we win or lose. The rest of us are simply here to support her.”
“Who knew fate could be so cruel?”
Luna commented no more on that subject, she knew more than most, just how cruel fate could be. In a thousand years solitude you learn quite a lot about the cruelty of fate. The two paused as they reached Rainbow Dash’s room. Luna turned to look at Radiant; “We thank you for your company, however this is something we must do alone.”
Radiant raised one hoof and placed it on Luna’s shoulder, “Good luck.”
Luna nodded as she watched him turn and leave. What was about to happen, she wanted nopony else to know about it, morale was a dangerous thing. It alone could lead armies to victory or defeat. If these ponies knew just how bad off Rainbow was, it would cost them the war.
Luna undid the spells she had on the room and walked in. As expected, Rainbow was still in bed. She had not moved from that spot since Princess Cadance teleported her there from the council room earlier that day. It seemed the weight of the past events were finally catching up to the mare. She did not even look up when Luna entered the room.
“Hey Luna.”
“Sleep well, Rainbow?”
“Alright, I guess.”
Luna knew for a fact that was a lie, the pegasus had not slept since she first awoke from her healing trance all those days ago. She doubted Rainbow could fall asleep, not on her own, at least.
“Is it time?”
“No Rainbow, our scouts report that we have a few days more to go.”
“Oh, then why are you here?”
“To help you.”
“Help me?” Rainbow turned and looked at the princess, the bags under her eyes, the frown of her face. It was depressing to see the once proud mare in such a condition. “I'm forced to fight my wife in a few days, and you’re here to help me? How?”
“We have a gift for you.”
“What sort of gift could poss-”
Luna touched her horn to Rainbow’s head, causing the cyan mare to instantly pass out on her side. Smiling, Luna lifted up their one hope for the future and lay her under the covers. This spell never worked on Twilight, she was too powerful for it. However, while Rainbow was just as powerful as her wife was, she was so in other ways. Her body could not immediately cancel the effect of this. Luna’s most powerful sleep spell. It allowed the caster to instantaneously put their target into a deep slumber. With, whatever dream they wished upon them. The caster could wake them up anytime they wanted and regardless how much time had passed; they would wake up fully refreshed.
As Luna turned and walked out of the room, she looked back at the sleeping mare on the bed. “Sweet dreams, Rainbow.” The smile on Rainbow’s face confirmed that fact for Luna. She closed the door and cast the strongest spells she had on it. Whatever happened next, Luna was happy she could give Rainbow this one moment of true peace. With all they were asking of her, it was the least they could do.
When they made their last stand, when Rainbow was needed, at least she would be ready.
…………………………………
A cyan pegasus and lavender alicorn flew together through the sky. It was the perfect time of day, the sun had just set, but the night was not fully here, it truly was twilight time. The two crisscrossed flight paths more times than either could count. Their energy trails crossed back and forth with one another, leaving a design written in the sky that spoke of the love they shared with each other.
After hours of flying together the alicorn began tiring out, she landed on a cloud under the most gorgeous rainbow either of them had ever seen. A yawn escaping from her mouth. The cyan pegasus landed right next to her and wrapped a golden wing around the mare. The alicorn looked up at the pegasus and smiled, her simple reply came in the form of a kiss on the pegasus's cheek.
“What was that for, Twi?”
“Do I really need a reason?”
“You only need to be you.”
“Rainbow?”
“Yes Twi?”
“Promise me this will never end.”
“For you Twi, I promise the world.”
Twilight nuzzled her head into Rainbow's side, breathing in the very scent of the mare she so loved. Rainbow squeezed her tightly with her wing, as she noticed the tell-tale signs of Twilight about to fall asleep.
“Good night, Twilight.” Rainbow rested her head near the alicorn, preparing to join her wife in blissful sleep.
“Good night, my love.” Came Twilight’s reply.
…………………………………………
As Rainbow lay in her bed, several tears began falling down her face that were accompanied by a wonderful smile of contentment. Several hundred miles south, in the mind of Twilight Night, a similar scene played out, as for the first time in two months Twilight Sparkle found herself asleep. Her tears and smile matched that of her wife, as they shared the same dream.
The Night snarled at this new development, ‘I will have to expedite my plans then. You will not be able to keep her in there for long, Luna. I don’t know how you did it, but I will make you pay for this.’
...........................................................
Princess Cadance smiled as she watched Luna leave Rainbow's room and walk down the hallway. While Luna had simply meant to put her into a deep sleep, Cadance augmented that with a little spell of her own. She connected Rainbow with Twilight in their dreams by the love they shared. Cadance had finally found the one thing she could do for Rainbow and it was enough to make her happy. Even if the tears were still there.
Dude. Wow.
4266744
lol thats all i could say too
4267036
I don't know how you get so deep in such a short period of time without burning out. I got one crap chapter before I did. You are amazing man.
4267616
I can't belive how good it turned out despite having so few words. I had to stop when I did cause I couldn't stop crying.
4267629
All the lengths are really actually average for à story like this. What amazes me is that you crank them out at hyper speed!
4267848 tha would be my OCD, once I get started on something I really enjoy, something I like, (especially something like this) I can't concentrate on anything else
4267866
I can tell lol ! Is amazing though. Slept you have major talent. Are you using an entire or proofreader at all?
4267881
I have an editor crystal_bombshell. He edits after the fact though (he's on ch 11 of TiM)
For the most part I do what I can but I want to get the newst chapters out ASAP so I can concentrate on the next one.
As a result some things slip through the cracks more often then they should
4267970
Ah i like your style. For me I'd have to get it out before I lost interest in it. I like to see unedited stuff though it shows how a person thinks, how they see the world. Not unbiased edited stuff. Sure it is nice to read, but I just prefer raw mind juice. Seems more personal. Glad I could catch this before he got here lol
4267995 should I be concered about the image I panted of myself?
4268118 ????
4268123
Just wondering if I should be concerned is all lol
4268141
I wouldn't be. I like it raw. Shows thought process of whoever wrote it.:)
I tried. I really did. Third and final part of the read/review marathon.
I can't even bring myself to point out any of the positive things in this story. However, to be fair, here is my token effort. Like your past works, I can tell you put a lot of effort into these things, and between the errors that plague all three of your stories is often a lot of well formed strings of horsewords.
See review # 1 for technical commentary. Still there. Still as saturated and common.
I made it through the prologue and two chapters, and I just can't bring myself to finish. Three things stand out to me from what I have read so far.
From the prologue and the occasional revisits of him, I don't like the apparent villain of this story.
Hold on for one moment. I get the feeling you don't understand me when I said that. You probably think to yourself that the villain is supposed to be disliked, so you've done a good job. Disliking the character in the role of the villain or antagonist is what is supposed to happen. I don't care about that character, what I dislike is the role itself as used in your story. You don't have a character that I dislike and I am supposed to dislike that character. The villain in this story bores the hell out of me, and defeating this villain is not accomplished by reading further in the story but by simply closing the book.
For all of his three appearances in the story so far you depict some faceless and nameless being that apparently has a grudge against Twilight Sparkle/Gaia, is incredibly arrogant, powerful, and likes to kill his own minions for the slightest whim. *yawn*.
Moving on to the first chapter, the endurance contest continued. We get to sit through an update to where everypony is in the TwiDash family. The twins introduced to us in the side story have grown up into entirely boring and nauseating mary sues. A third kid has been popped into the mix as per the "cliffhanger" ending of A Life Lived for Others, in that Twilight got pregnant. Well apparently she's an alicorn OC with whom we have even less an opportunity to grow attached to than her older siblings because she's already an adult at the start of this story and throws off some Cadance vibes (in a bad way) because we get to meet her on the eve of her wedding.
So of course bad stuff happens. I'm sure if I endured more of this story I could probably find some good things to say about the plot. Moving on to the third and final thing that stood out to me.
Some of the side stories in The Truth in Meanings that were created by Chrysalis' scheme held at least some minor interest for me to see wrapped up. In this story we learn that Applehack has passed on in the intervening years. Fluttershy and Rarity are still alive, as well as the long-lived Twilight, Rainbow, and Spike obviously. Celestia, Luna, and Cadance are still alive, but poor Shining Armor has died as well apparently. I guess Pinkie is still alive. I don't care to check and confirm.
So we're once again brought to the subject of Sparity. I have no clue why this element is so important to the overall story now in all three parts of the series, other than to act as an excuse to introduce another OC to this cast of boring characters. It still brings the contrast between the characters the author apparently cares about (Twilight, Dash, Spike, and Rarity) and the ones he doesn't like/care about (Applejack and to some degree Fluttershy). Now, I don't especially like either of those two either. Rarity is my second favorite pony after Twilight and Rainbow Dash, while Fluttershy and Applejack lay at the bottom of the M6 for me, and below several side/background ponies in a ranking that includes more than the M6. Despite that bias that somewhat aligns with the author's apparently, I can't help but think that Applejack got done dirty in this series. She had her grandmother murdered, spent her time helping Fluttershy instead of receiving any help herself, then died without nary a mention of her greif really. Through it all Twilight and Rainbow never seem to give even a passing thought to that friend. I guess old Fluttershy can rely on at least this crazy dragon/pony offspring to stick by her in her old age, since the rest of her friends seem to have more or less abandoned her too.
Great job keeping together with your friends, Twi. Glad to see you remember and stuck to your vows while enjoying copious amounts of sex with Rainbow. Just keep outliving them and the problems will go away on their own.
I guess maybe I was sort of expecting something interesting to be done with the setting that was presented to me at the end of Truth in Meanings. For all of it's flaws, it was a creative piece of worldbuilding, and one of the best things to do with worldbuilding is tell interesting stories within it. This has utterly failed to happen, I was hoping to see some sort of meaningful resolution to the things that happened, but instead got a brief bit of humor about how Twi made a law that her friends would have to get together regularly, and enforced it with guards. Yes that was slightly funny, but in the end everything is simply unsatisfying.
While Truth in Meanings has potential to be a good story, this one is just a parade of completely uninteresting OC's, some of which offensively use the names Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, while others call those two their parents. I could care less what happens to them, who the villain is, or what conflicts happen and are resolved.
4272072
after finishing the first story i started the second, then the third, the 'issues' I have with writing would naturally plague all three stories as the writer did not change
can you recommend some good stories where OC's are done to your liking, i haven't read many with OC's in them.
But thank you for taking time to read these and review them. (even if you did not like them).
I do appreciate it.
One thing to consider is 46 years have passed since the events in the show, while I kept some elements of their characteristics, However, they are parents now and have been most of their lives. I don't know too many 66 years olds that act like they did in their 20's and took this into account when writing them.
4272434
Whenever asked about a good OC or OC-based story, my go-to response (and the response of several others I know is This amazing piece of work right here..
If I had to summarize or better explain what was wrong with your selection of OC's, your villain and Daygleam stand out especially as prime examples of what is stereotypically wrong with OCs that are boring and nobody likes. Or maybe I just don't like and happen to often run into people with similar mindset. Regardless, my opinions, take as you will.
Your villain is mindlessly evil. We don't have a name, face, description, any sort of identity to work with, just some minions calling him "Lord" and him being evil for the sake of being evil. There is literally nothing for us to connect with, yet we're forced to endure his rants without any reason to care. There is no characterization to work with, just some randomly violent malevolent person.
If he is supposed to be hidden from the main characters, and you're not willing to really reveal who he is to us the readers, then why are we privy to his plans and rants at all? If he's supposed to be an interesting character we can relate to, then you need to give us hooks to actually care who he is and why he's the villain. Pick one of these paths, and work with it. Simply deciding you want him to be mysterious isn't an excuse for him to not be a fleshed out character.
Daygleam really hits a lot of mary sue red flags. Yes he's the son of Twilight Sparkle, and should probably do well. His personality was established (at least as a 6yr old) in the previous story, but that doesn't do anything for making him interesting. Making your characters the best in their fields doesn't make for interesting characters. This is compounded by the fact that as far as I read, the information given to me about Daygleam wasn't remotely relevant to the story. The story I read so far had some villain with revenge plans involving the Crystal Heart and attacking Ponyville as a distraction. The plot revolved around Night's wedding. Daygleam made no appearance nor was any mention of him used to this point after the update. Again, why do we need to know about this pony at all? Same is true for Aurora.
So what it comes across as to me is an author saying "Here are my OC's I invented. See how they're older and doing cool stuff? Isn't that cool? and and here is my Arbok! and in just a few more levels my Weedle is going to evolve!"
Ataxia, despite being relatively boring, at least did something in the story. Unfortunately she suffers the same problem as her peers. She was given randomly strong powers in order to make her seem cool, while being given a really flat character.
Nobody cares about Daygleam. Nobody cares about Aurora or Ataxia. Nobody cares about your Weedle or the fact that it is going to evolve. Keep that in mind whenever you have any OC at all. They have to matter in your story for anyone to have any chance at all of caring about them.
A lot of people like Dotted Line from the story I linked. He's interestings. He doesn't have amazing powers, he doesn't have anything really special about his status or fame or wealth or anything. He's an overworked state employee and an earth pony. He's not especially smart or strong or fast, he's not overly friendly even. What he has though is depth of character. He has an interesting outlook towards his employer, Celestia. He has a job that puts him in stressful and amusing situations, largely because of how he and other ponies overreact around Celestia, which is an amusing extrapolation off of the episode Bird in the Hoof. He is relatable because how many of us have had jobs where you have your duties, then you have the damage control you have to do on top of that?
The Truth in Meanings got something of a pass for some of the over the top god-level powers involved, because you were using characters we already like, and you managed to hook some of the god-stuff into the expected canon information we already like. We already know Tartarus exists and have a brief canon explanation of what it is and why it is important. It makes sense to build off of that. Twilight was already revealed to have some kind of hidden power within her back in Cutie Chronicles, and that has been a favored source of OP-Twilight stories for awhile now.
Simply making OC's with the excuse that they have amazing parents and that this justifies their being the best and/or above the average by a substantial amount is offputting. Rainbow Dash gets to be the best flyer in Equestria because she's an established main character from the show, and we get to see her work for it. She still manages to get competition from the likes of Lightnign Dust and her idols, the Wonderbolts from time to time. Twilight is the central main character of the series. She gets to break the rules a bit, but even then she still has tons of depth of character and again we get to see her grow over 4 seasons now.
Why does Daygleam get to make such a huge impact on Equestria? Is the story about him and his tireless campaign to kick things up several notches at what is already the most prestigious place of learning in the show? He certainly hasn't earned it. Last I checked he was crying because his twin sister told him that the family was going on an outing with Mom and Mom's friends, something nobody had told him in advance to work into his schedules.
Do you see the difference yet?
4275202
Wow you don't do short and sweet do you lol
This was more or less done on purpose, there were enough hints dropped at who it was in the prologue that most people figured it out (those who remembered TiM that is.). However, the prologue needs work, I admit to that and as soon as i can find someone to help I will redo the thing
this story more or less focuses on Shimmering Night and Twilight/Rainbow, However, they are brought back in the Red Wedding(and play a bigger roll after that), the exposition in Pre-wedding Jitters was there to establish the baseline of who they were so i would not have to do it later and to give readers an idea of what has occurred since "A life lived for others".
what is this in reference too? I am guessing Pokieman but IDK for sure
this was done in prelude to the "Specal nature" of their births, I would go into more detail but I have yet to cover everything about them. However, as I have already covered it I will tell you Ataxia is Chaos's Avatar, Chaos being chaos he made some tweeks to the spell,
they don't in the beginning. they will later.
Keep in mind,
Dayspring and Aurora: Born form the overabundance of Gaia's power in Rainbow's body
Shimmering Night: Should not exist, the spell does not work that way.
Ataxia: Avatar to Chaos/Discord
It would be VERY odd for them NOT to be special in some way.
the justification is more in HOW they were born not who they were born too, see above.
Twilight is his mom: Talk about a personal tutor.
he was born from the leftover power of a god
His organizational skill are second to none at the age of 5/6
I don't feel this is a huge leap of logic…
I try to push the boundaries in each story I do, I started with TiM doing something grandiose,
for A life lived for others I went more cute slice of life, detail oriented random day. Nothing special.
This is really my attempt to combine the two into one story, while continuing the overall plot set in the first two. this is unique for me as it involves way more OC then I have ever dealt with. In this, I notice that what you don't like about the second story seems to be what puts you off towards this one,
Will chapter 13 be the last chapter
4288511
nope, half way point
its just coming SLOWLY…
IDK why...
4288513 good and time for analysis I really liked this chapter a lot truly a emotion grabber when I finished reading it some tears fell from my face and my mom asked me what was wrong ( had to find a way outta that ). I started freaking out like a crazy person when RD came flying into the room and grabbed a hold of commander douche bag
4288532
After reading the reviews I decided I am not done with him just yet. he will be back.
Ya, i ended up cutting ch 12 short for the very same reason, I still can't read it without tears.
4288542 can't wait to see more of him only if the same thing happens to him like it did last chapter and good thing you did it made the ending that much more touching
4301750
I wondered what happened, When you go dark for over a day in the hospital I started to worry.
Take your time with the pre read, the chapter is progressing, but SLOWLY. every time I go to write it i start feeling like I am scaling a wall. Its exhausting to say the least…
I had that song playing on repeat while writing all of Ch 12… that might explain a few things lol
You sure know the best place to put a good comic relief...
Ava's Random Thoughts:
I'm sure Tsunami makes Commander Hurricane stir in her grave.
I still feel bad for Eventide. Not just because I have a weakness to Bat Ponies...
What ever happened to Siros? Griffons seem like a species with a longevity, so they could live longer.
Where in Tartarus are the old CMC? ...Wait...
OH DEAR LORD THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE!
4301977
That destroyed Twilight… I felt bad about that…
They have a part to play, we are only (almost) half way done after all
4302010 Well, Lord Echo would probably just try to kill Siros anyway.
...Yep, I just shamelessly referenced my own story.
Also, I know the feeling. I felt that way with chapter 13, and 14 before I was SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED BY A *REDACTED* HITTING MY *REDACTED* AFTER I WAS CHOSEN FOR A *REDACTED*.
4302277
Wait… Siros is in your story… I am confused.
Or are you saying he would kill him in your story…
BTW. Bassie asked to use Siros too. (A younger version.) That should be interesting to see him carried over all our stores lol
Also, I think Cadence just bumped up a few notches on my list of best ponies… (From my own story even lol)
4301977
I would love to see that report one day…
I might write it myself and just add it as a off-chapter unless someone else beats me to it (wink wink)
4302506
The Siros thing was a joke. Come on, how could a Bat Pony kill him?
And... are you saying what I think you're saying?
4303941
if your up for it
4304042 I don't think I would be able to do that justice... what exactly did you have in mind?
4305680 something very official looking detailing the incident involving Tsunami in professional detail from the mind of a pony that hates his guts. Then a section involving her 'actual' opinion of the man in frank detail... The funnier the better.
Btw nm about the preread I was able to finish ch 13 today. It will be up tonight
4305717 Alright, I hope I comprehended that properly. So, by "Professional detail" do you mean no personal opinions on him? And will the second part be like a separate attachment (Okay, now for my actual opinion on this douche)? And I hop you realize there will be fowl language. Lots of it.
Also, I'll need to find a good cover art and title...
4305799 yep... That about
Right lol.
For the first part be as condescending as possible!
For the second as foul mouthed as possible!
4305818 Well, what do you mean by "condescending?"
4305839 well at is base level it means showing a feeling of patronizing superiority
Belive me when I say you will see this ALOT in the military. Some of the most used examples include:
You are intitled to you opinion provided you keep it to yourself
If you are annoyed by it you don't understand it
I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong
Congrats your stupidity has exceeded my expectiations
The list goes on. Just think thinly veiled insult and you won't go wrong
4305893 I meant condescending towards the Commander or describing him as such?
4305910 discribing him as such. No direct insults (in the first part) just critiques on his behavior...
Flash is part of a proper name.
In this case sister is just a noun.
Middle set of quotation marks are not needed.
5359461 That last part might have been a bit ambiguous. It was Cadance that connected the two of them in their dreams. i augmented the ending to better identify this.
It now reads: