Torch

by HK

Chapter 1

Torch

Introduction

Torch is a normal unicorn like any other, Torch is a little taller than other ponies but normal has a red body with an orange mane and tail, black hoofs and mouth with a fire cutie mark. He was born and raised in a small village called Equus, near the edges of the Everfree Forest, about a four day trip on hoof north from Ponyville.
Torch’s powers began to show at an early age with his special talent being evident immediately, what with his temper tantrums ending in the crib or the nursery charred and smoking, like all Unicorn foals his powers would flare suddenly. Yet, even with the occasional . . . incident, Torch’s life was normal; he went to school and enjoyed learning, studying, reading and exploring the inner and outer edges of Equus with members of the village: the local physician Doctor Caduceus, a light green Unicorn with a red mane and a golden Rod of Asclepius cutie mark; or with his best friend Cannonball, a gray Earth Pony with a black spiky mane and three stacked cannonballs as a cutie mark, and his parents, the blacksmiths of Equus, Cannonball’s mother is named Steel Dawn, a silver Unicorn with a white braided mane and a gray sun cutie mark, and his father named Iron Heart, a black Earth Pony with a gray mane and a metal riveted heart for a cutie mark.

Part 1: Incipient

One day in Equestria as the sun was rising into the sky the sun began to shine upon three ponies walking through the Everfree Forest. The three ponies where an adult mare named Caduceus and two young colts named Torch and Cannonball. Torch and Cannonball went into the shadowy Everfree Forest to assist Doctor Caduceus to get medicinal plants to hold over the Doc’s winter supplies until her next shipment can in from Canterlot.
“Keep close my little ponies, it’s easy to get lost out here.” said the Doctor.
“What are we looking for today Ms. Doctor Caduceus?” asked Torch.
“Torch for the hundredth time call me Doc, Cad, or even D.C, you know I don’t like it when I’m called by my full name” sighed the physician.
“But I was told to always say a pony’s full name. It’s polite.” “Yes” said Caduceus “but if somepony says it’s OK to call them by their nickname then it’s not disrespectful.”
“I don’t think Torch can say anypony’s name without having a Mr. or Mrs. before their name!” said the gray Cannonball, with his black mane and tail swaying behind him as he ran around the Doc and Torch.
“I say your name just fine Cannon; I only say it to anypony that’s an adult.” Torch replied hotly “Whatever, so what are we looking again Doc?” inquired Cannonball.
“We are looking for the Honey Flower, a plant that when made into a tea will help ease that nasty cough your grandmother has Cannonball.” The Doc replied
“Yea that cough is kind of annoying Cannon.” Torch piped
“At least you don’t have to sleep in the same room as her at night, I can’t get any sleep at home and now I’m starting to sleep in class!” Cannon whined
“And that’s why we are put here to get the Honey Flower so that she and Cannonball can sleep easier at night. So let’s head out and check that clearing over there” said the Doc.
“Woo! Let’s go!” joyously called Cannon as he took off between the trees. “Wait for us and don’t run off!” yelled the frustrated Caduceus following the eager foal, “Come along Torch, we don’t want to be separated in the forest.”
But Torch didn’t hear the Doctor or Cannon as they went off, to the left at the fork in the trail. Torch was distracted because he had seen a light to the right of the trail and went to investigate, his curiosity getting the better of him. As Torch went down the game trail, he heard an angry squawk and saw shadow fly overhead and intense heat on his back. It was a phoenix in a rage, chasing a squirrel.
“Maybe I can get him to stop and not hurt the squirrel” thought Torch as he took off after the two animals running at a dead gallop, jumping over fallen trees and dodging thorny bushes and boulders. But try as he could, Torch lost the firebird and squirrel in the trees.
“Well I hope they don’t get hurt” said the foal.
That’s when torch looked around and realized he didn’t recognize anything around him and with all the twists and turns he took while chasing the phoenix and squirrel he couldn’t remember his way back and dark was starting to fall. Torch was lost in the Everfree Forest!
“Well, this is just great.” said Torch exasperatedly.
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Meanwhile, back at the village, a search party of villagers was preparing to head out into the forest to find the missing foal. After Doctor Caduceus and Cannonball had returned to town back without Torch, they had thought that he had already gone back to town.
“Alright, let’s go get Torch back!” said Cannonball, ready to bolt into the forest as he zipped up his burgundy jumpsuit.
“Whoa, there Cannonball!” said Iron Heart, sticking out his right foreleg to hold back the foal, “I need you to stay here in case Torch returns, OK?”
“Awe c’mon dad” complained Cannon, “If he comes back he’ll send a message, or wait in the house for us. Please, I want to help!”
“No, dear” said Steel Dawn, “It’s too dangerous; all sorts of nasty creatures come out at night in the forest.”
“All right then, but as soon as you find him you come right back home immediately!”
“Yes, dear” said Steel Dawn, “Immediately” said Iron Heart, “Now go back and wait in the house, knowing Torch he will be back before we find him.”
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“Well, I better find someplace to sleep” thought Torch matter-of-factly, as he scanned his surroundings with daylight fading away. “And something to eat as well” he thought, as his stomach rumbled loudly.
Looking around Torch saw a few dandelions by a willow tree. Picking the flowers and adding them to his saddlebags, he began to chew on one as he walked to what he thought was the west towards town. While walking, Torch began to hear the howling of the timber-wolves.
“Oh no, I better not let them find me alone.” whispered Torch aloud, glancing to the left and right. “Maybe I can climb a tree?” he thought, as he proceeded to try to climb up a willow.
“AH! Just. A. Little. More!” strained the red pony, only to fall down on his rump. “Oof! Well that wasn’t very smart, well where can I go? Those wolves sound like they’re even closer. I’ve got to get somewhere safe.” As Torch walked away from the tree, he came across a rock face he noticed a dark patch in the side of the mountain.
“What’s this then?”
Walking towards the rock face Torch noticed it was a cave entrance that was 4 1/2ft tall and 3ft wide, just big enough for Torch to get inside without any trouble. Crawling on his belly, Torch began to scope out the cave and see how far in it went. The cave expanded after a few feet in; then made a right after another couple of feet a left turn; went a good ten feet in; had a ceiling that was almost six feet tall and had a chimney fissure at the end of the passage.
“Well, this solves the need to have a place to hide. Those wolves won’t be able to be able to get in, now all I need is a fire and some food.” Said the red pony out loud, “and something to keep me warm too, don’t know how long I’ll be out here.”
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Comments

[Eustatian Wings]

Mmm, first story, so I'm supposed to be nice.

The biggest thing this needs is space between the paragraphs. FiMFiction doesn't do this for you (which is kinda lame) so find-replace newline with two newlines. (With the software I use, you search for \n and replace with \n\n. Dunno about others.)

Second, it's almost always a good idea to begin with something going wrong. You do a better job at that than most first-timers, but can improve. Your synopsis especially needs work - it makes Torch sound like a Gary Stu of the Sympathy variety.

Not good enough yet for a thumb-up, but I'm watching. Try lurking /fic/ on ponychan.net; read reviews of other writers' stories.

[Companioned]

you put he when describing the doctor in the beginning, bro.

and not a lot of personality to your people.

[IraqLobstah]

i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/243/734/7cb.png
Ewww, badly written self inserts.

[HK]

Eustatian Wings: thank you for the link, it'll help alot.
lantern light: Yea, I didn't get the changes i made to stick before I uploaded it, but it shall be FIXED!
and IraqLobstah, in truth? I don't really see my self as Torch, but thanks, I'll try to be as impersonal as I can about the character as I can without losing a feel for it.
Thanks for the info, I will take it heart. Next part will be up after soon hopefully.