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Torch

A story about a young pony named Torch and how he overcomes many problems in his life: being lost as a young colt, school in a new city, finding that special ingredient, and finding his place in the world. cameos from the ponies you know and love will soon follow later on.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Eustatian Wings

Eustatian Wings #1 · Apr 15th, 2012 · · ·

Mmm, first story, so I'm supposed to be nice.

The biggest thing this needs is space between the paragraphs. FiMFiction doesn't do this for you (which is kinda lame) so find-replace newline with two newlines. (With the software I use, you search for \n and replace with \n\n. Dunno about others.)

Second, it's almost always a good idea to begin with something going wrong. You do a better job at that than most first-timers, but can improve. Your synopsis especially needs work - it makes Torch sound like a Gary Stu of the Sympathy variety.

Not good enough yet for a thumb-up, but I'm watching. Try lurking /fic/ on ponychan.net; read reviews of other writers' stories.

Companioned

Companioned #2 · Apr 15th, 2012 · · ·

you put he when describing the doctor in the beginning, bro.

and not a lot of personality to your people.

IraqLobstah

IraqLobstah #3 · Apr 16th, 2012 · · ·

i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/243/734/7cb.png
Ewww, badly written self inserts.

HK #4 · Apr 24th, 2012 · · ·

Eustatian Wings: thank you for the link, it'll help alot.
lantern light: Yea, I didn't get the changes i made to stick before I uploaded it, but it shall be FIXED!
and IraqLobstah, in truth? I don't really see my self as Torch, but thanks, I'll try to be as impersonal as I can about the character as I can without losing a feel for it.
Thanks for the info, I will take it heart. Next part will be up after soon hopefully.