Life. What is life? Is it the role of the cosmic die, entropy at its finest; Order into chaos? Might it be the universe’s very own form of cancer, spreading everywhere due to a glitch in the makeup of reality itself? Or even the result of a God, spending endless eternity’s alone and creating something, anything to make this dismal existence a bit less dull?
My creators saw life as a challenge to overcome, something to surpass. To succeed life is to succeed creation itself, and in doing so, to transcend the boundaries of mortality. Because if you can create something better than life, what are you but a God?
Author's Note: Editor/proofreader for chapters three and up. Give a thanks to Gildomar for editing and proofreading, as well as helping me bounce ideas back and forth.
PS. KnightmareKnight edited chapter three, but they are not currently an editor anymore.
The ultimate life form? But I don't see a crossover tag.
EDIT: I'm joking so please don't kill me for that comment!
Looks like someone beat me to the subtle Shadow the Hedgehog comment.
Ang way, First fanfiction? Your joking... your joking right? Because damn thst was awesome. Though seriously... did Twilight die? Idk but would love to see what happens next.
Good luck and keep it up!
4755263 Who said that was Twilight? It may seem that way, now that I think about it, but there is no mention of it being Twilight, just a random unicorn who I honestly have no idea who it will be. I guess it is vague enough that I could make it Twilight if I wanted it to be. I did that on purpose because I don't yet know what my plans are for the unicorn.
Oh and thanks for thinking this is good! I honestly didn't know what to expect when publishing this, I kind of spend a five hour period of binge writing making this. Writing is hard...
4755057 I won't kill you! I don't even know the reference.
4755092 Ah I see it now. Wasn't that a level name or something? I barely remember that game...
4755364 shadow the hedgehog, self proclaimed ultimate lifeform, and the emo in the sonic the hedgehog series.
4755092 yes, yes I did.
4755374 He used to be my celeb crush
lol
4800313 , If you feel the need to change the title, go right ahead.
4800104 why?
4805843 He's emo, my two favourite colours, single and he's an ultimate life form. I mean what more could you want...Then I realized he was a HEDGEHOG!
LOL
4824528 ? I don't follow...
Very intriguing so far! Following....
Interesting start, but you seemed to be name-dropping science bits a little much in the opening.
Like the nuclei of the carbon atoms being carefully engineered to have a particular number of neutrons. You don't need to engineer the nucleus to do that; just do a standard isotopic separation like they did in the Manhattan Project (assuming that the isotopic number needed for the carbon is one that is normally found in nature).
Or the effect of ultra-powerful magnetic fields would have on a steel cube, since magnetar fields can easily distort the very structure of an atom.
My advice is to drop the overly detailed science bits, and just say "a powerful containment field", or something, for that example. Or use technobabble to explain it away.
The narrative is really detached, yet personal at the same time, somehow...
4862406 Eh, I was just doing I all from memory anyways. I might go back to edit it and use sources to make it more realistic once I get more serious with the story.
Also, the number of neutrons in the carbon atom would be one not found in nature, no idea the exact amount though.
There are ways to trap magnetic fields to stop them from penetrating through materials, I assume they would have a way to protect their prized creation using this.
I am progressing slowly with the story, only got 1,000 word on the next chapter complete, and I am trying to make certain parts more ambiguous and shortened so it wouldn't be as unrealistic. Also, any chance you could proof read? You seem to be able to point out things that don't make much sense and could rein me in if I get too carried away. I under if you don't want to, no trouble.
I think you mean comical levels there.
Other than that, don't see any other immediately obvious errors.
Curious to see where you go with this...
4862787
I can try to do so for the sciencey bits (since as you saw, I have some familiarity with it
), and I can try to take a pass at the literature aspects, but I'm only okay at that. Additional editors would probably help.
4862630 I have to mostly agree here, in that Celestia seemed somewhat clinical here, and a little two-dimensional: I don't get much emotional sense from her, even when she's reminiscing about Luna. It seemed there was more focus on the entity on what it was doing and how it was doing it than there was in Celestia, and in terms of setting the scenes and more fully describing them. Now obviously the entity is the central character in the story, but it seemed that other aspects suffered a bit for it.
4862972 I have never written a character's internal thoughts before this. Ever. It may be hard for me to get used to writing like this for a while. I'll try to get better though!
4862873 Thanks for catching that! When I wrote that I didn't know if it was comical or comedial, so I guessed
.
4862915 Alright. I just got a Google docs account and if you do as well I could give you a read only permission, and you could make notes on the sidelines?
4863030 Ok, let me see if my account still works...
4863030 Ok, sent you a PM with the info.
this seems to be quite interesting. Please continue.
4862630 I think it's a case of newcomers acting in completely new ways compared to the long time 'pros'. Normally the comparison refers to video games but I see a parallel here in which we're seeing an intriguing writing style that is different from the normal deal.
"Illuminating" seems a bit too long for a name, have you considered an alternative, like, say, "Luminous" or something of the sort?
4869204 Hmmm, maybe. Five syllables does seem a bit much... But Luminous Fabric doesn't really fit. She is called Illuminating Fabric because she shines light on the inner workings of the fabric of reality, and the magic that weaves it together. Luminous Fabric means fabric that shines, but Illuminating Fabric means light shinning on fabric. Maybe I could think of something else that is shorter, but still fits with this theme...
4865962 "Intriguing writing style"? Glad you think so! I have no idea whatsoever what to do I am just winging it and hoping for the best! To be honest I am pleasantly surprised to have 17 likes and a like to dislike ratio of 1:0.
I am curious though; What is it about this that seems different from other first time fictions, other than caring about my spelling that is? I do have to work on my grammar though...
Oh and sorry if the updates come slowly. I am not used to writing, and when I do I seem to write a few hundred words and then burn myself out for a few days before starting again. Right now I have a little over a thousand words on the next chapter done. Might work on it later today. Maybe.
4869500 This is the sort of thing that's hard to pin down, but from what I know it is just that you have a curious manner for your exposition as you have a third person god point-of-view narrator talking about humans and their attempts to make something that is better than life and then the first-ish person thing of omega spreading into its 'food' and the way the events played out in Equestria... I'm doing a bad job at this but its possible that the writing style could just be pinned on you being your own person and will write your own way.
Also I am suspecting that you are winging it
but you said it first.
ps the ratio between 17 and 0 is infinity because (second number) x (ratio) = (first number) you could say it's undefined but its more fun to say that you have infinitely more likes than dislikes.
Go on.
There is some pretty clever stuff here. Keep it goin!
Oh my!
This is really good! (Especially for your first story)
The logic behind the merging of the two consciousnesses seems a little iffy,
but is overshadowed by how originally you're doing the "person gets super powers" premise.
I eagerly await more
.
4889335 The merging of the consciousness bit was much harder to explain than I first expected. It is not so much a merge of two individuals, as one individual spilling its conscious in two. Illuminating Fabric is as dead as you can get, but the consciousness was "rebooted" you could say. A big part of Omega becomes the consciousness, kind of like a multipersonality disorder, but on a whole different level. I know I explained it badly, but I don't know how else to.
4889371 It reminds me a bit of how the "five score multiplied by more" did it's mind merging.
two consciousnesses and two personalities seeking a sort-of "middle ground" where ever they have opposing opinions or traits.
Does this sound right?
Or is it more of a possession type thing where there is a consciousness that is at times being "corrected" by another?
I wonder, does that count as a split personality now? Is Fabric going to reject his nature while Knot (what I call that guy... he's made of quantum entangled particles after all) wants to consume all carbon in a grey-goo type scenario?
4889385 Not really no. There is no original consciousness, so there is nothing to really merge, I should have worded it better. Omega is perceiving everything how Luminating Fabric would, except it is not conscious of the fact it is not Illuminating Fabric. Omega's other part is running on auto Pilot, to keep them alive and take action if needed. This is more like Diaries of a Madman in this regard. In that story Discord created a consciousness that he sees through, but is not conscious of being Discord. Make sense?
4889393 Well, "Knot" as you call it needs to first figure out its environment and the consequences of its actions before deciding if consuming everything would extend its life. It knows if it isn't powerful enough it will be stopped. It isn't evil, but it's first priority is survival by any means it can, with least arount of risk factor. It won't go all 'grey goo' because it doesn't know the limits of this world's powers and the princess's magic.
4889435 Sort-of
I am willing to bet that things will become clearer in that regard as I get to read more of the story.
I like this. I really like this. BUT!!! And it's a big one. (snicker) I am repeatedly getting lost as to who's POV I'm reading. Please please PLEASE!!!! Put an indicator of who's POV we are reading. I.e.
///Celestia's POV\\\
///Omega's POV\\\
///Illuminating Fabric's POV\\\
Stuff like that. It keeps the reader from getting lost in the POV and leaving in disgust.
4889551 I feel I kind of make it obvious who's PoV is who. I try to give a hint as to who it is within the first paragraph or so. I personally dislike it when authors put a giant header saying "POV Here", so I didn't include it. If enough people have this problem I may change it, but only if it is needed.
4889451
I'm just pointing out that A) he's an "alien" type of life with a completely unique data processing system, so it's thought patterns might not me human, and B) Life, all life, wants to grow, spread, and consume. We've already hat the green goo scenario, in which organic life has covered the entire planet. Considering how fast he did the converting with Fabric, he could do it pretty easily.
And with regards to your description of how the possession works, if it's running Fabric's brain, the "personality" is THE Fabric. With how the brain works, the alien is nothing more than a glorified life support system that happens to be influencing the body.
IDK... Suspending my disbelief now...
4889944 Not he, it. Omega has no gender, if anything it is female right now sense it is in the form of a mare. Also, it isn't possession. Possession implies one mind taking over the other, there is only one consciousness. Another thing is Omega is curious about everything, and doesn't want to destroy everything if there is new stuff to learn. I stated that it is curious about everything in the first chapter. The easiest way to get information and learn about this new world is to study everything in plain sight, and taking on a mind set of a pony will help with this immensely.
Also, it is a story and some things will happen 'just because' for plot development.
4889997
I typed "he" purely out of habbit, mostly because it seemed weird to call a main character an "it." I also didn't notice that Fabric was female.
I disagree on the possession thing; I think Omega is possessing the dead corpse of Fabric. An external consciousness takes over the body... Yeah. Or it could be like a subversive virus. The reanimated and repaired Fabric is unconsciously obeying Omega's orders. Similarly, the Flu makes humans more social, toxoplasmosis makes rats aroused by the smell of cat urine so that the rats will be eaten by cats, and computer viruses can do all sorts of shit to their host computer.
The difference between those and Omega, to paraphrase you, is innocent curiosity in the latter. All of them have a "will" to live, so to speak.
Also, I hope you don't mind friendly discussion. It's fun to debate stuff like this. And don't worry, I'm going to keep reading.
4890080 It'a alright, debating is fun. The problem is every piece of Illuminating Fabric was replaced by Omega. The atoms may be the same, but the structure is not. It is 100% Omega's body.
4890092
To refine my computer analogy, it's more like running a virtual machine, a computer within a computer, AKA an emulator.
Have you ever played a gameboy game on a laptop? On a quantom supercomputer? Same idea.
4890105 That is... pretty much what is happening. Good analogy.
If i could... Two thumbs would be showing...
4890115
I just thought of something. In the real world, there are five computing mediums that I know of: mechanical (gears), digital (computers), neurological (brains), genetic (DNA as processor, prototype), and quantom (Supercomputers). Each type solves problems in ways that are difficult to do with the others. The brain is designed for real-time, high volume data processing and works with approximations. A digital computer is a mass adding machine, excelling at high precision calculations but cannot think in metaphor. A quantom computer works best with optimization and encryption problems, with the lowest energy state being the answer.
My point is that if a quantom computer is running a biological program, some of the technically correct answers might seem odd to the ponies around Omega. These are called "logic bugs" in computing, and are a pain in the ass to find and fix. Personal ranting aside, a logic bug could be a good, realistic characer flaw for Omega to have, as well as a source of drama, simply because of the situation.
FYI, Google built a digital supercomputer the size of a large room to simulate the optical coortex of the human brain. They then gave it access to YouTube, and it learned how to recognize cats... :3
4899772 Supercomputers are not quantum computers. Supercomputers are just regular computers beefed up. The "brain" that was made was only a tiny one and ran at hundreds of times slower than real time. The energy it took was enormous. The human brain only uses the amount of energy a toaster uses every second, if that. Also, Supercomputers still process in linear ways and with normal binary.
Quantum computers (True quantum computers, not just computers that exploit quantum mechanics but still use normal computing), so far, are very experiemental. The biggest one created only uses less than one hundred quibits. Like you said they do operate much differently than normal computers, due to the fact they can be one and zero and anything in between.
The creatures that made Omega have an enormous technological gap between us. They have almost perfect quantum mechanical manipulation. They don't make quantum computers in the same way we do. They found a way for each particle to act as a full processing system, and if you have enough of them, like the amount in one cell of Omega, they can process information in any and all ways that exist, simultaneously.
4900857
Perhaps I just wasn't clear enough in my comment. I'm well aware of the difference between digital supercomputers and the experimental quantum computers.
Now, I could argue "that's not how that works!" all day, but your story already has its saving grace: Fabric comments that her portal links to a non-magic world, which is not the same as explicitly saying our Earth, with our physics. Now, the philosophy of "Like Reality Unless Noted" implies that this is our Earth, but just far enough in the future for this quantum tech to work. Of course, that matters little in the context of this story.
4901138 Yeah, sorry. It is just when people talk about Super Computers and think Quantum computers I kind of get antsy. They are super, but not super computers.
And for the different universes, I am using the hypothesis that different universes may have slightly different laws of physics. Not too different, but Equestria has another force carrier and a new leptons with a neutral charge. The lepton is kind of like neutrinos in that they barely interact with matter, but unlike neutrinos they are massive. The force carrier is really weird in that it has very high energy in the TeV, but isn't attracted to other particles except the new lepton. All I got so far, still thinking on the mechanics, but this is the basis for what magic is. I know the science is very iffy, but I made it up on the spot without using references.