Date Night

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Comments ( 15 )

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pulcheriopolis

pulcheriopolis #1 · Oct 20th, 2014 · 1 · ·

It was...okay. I found myself looking up a few words, and its way too descriptive. You've earned a like.

Fireflower

Fireflower #2 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164122

Thank you...

pulcheriopolis

pulcheriopolis #3 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164238 I just reccomend describing less, and use more common words. Overall good story though.

Fireflower

Fireflower #4 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164293

I understand...

pulcheriopolis

pulcheriopolis #5 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164440 The ellipses makes me think that I've made you sad...I'm sorry...

Fireflower

Fireflower #6 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164655

I'm not sad, I just prefer not to speak that much...

pulcheriopolis

pulcheriopolis #7 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164879 Ok.

Fireflower

Fireflower #8 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164883

pulcheriopolis

pulcheriopolis #9 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164891 I just noticed Carrot Top and Derpys mouths are open in the characters thing

Fireflower

Fireflower #10 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

5164927

Yeah, it was already like that before I wrote the story.

Drakalian

Drakalian #11 · Nov 5th, 2014 · 1 · 1 ·

5164122
I have to disagree with you. The more descriptive the writing, the better it is. I will say that you don't want to use too many complex words in a story like this...if it was longer, then it would be fine, but in a short one shot, keep the complex words on the down low. Besides that, I found the descriptions to be a much needed breath of fresh air from some of the other stories that I have read...and even written.
Normally, I don't give a score, but for this, I give it a 9.5/10 Great job