When Sunset Shimmer decided to keep tabs on Sonata, she didn't think she'd get to actually sit down with her and help her.
Written for the 2014 October writeoff, "Just Over The Horizon".
Cover image by sebisscout1997
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th May, 2012
- offline last seen February 4th
devas
I can't believe nobody had snagged this username yet
devas
Joined 14th May, 2012 ·
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The story could use some polishing, but it was a nice read nevertheless. I especially liked the idea of Sonata staying at school unlike Adagio and Aria (I guess the remaining two are either too grumpy or too pompous to admit failure, while Sonata can do just anything without a care in the world), and you've captured her ridiculous silliness quite well.
Good luck, Sonata, I'm sure that with the help of Sunset Shimmer you'll do just fine - both in class and in life!
5185207
Thanks! :-)
5185979
What's wrong with shipping names? :-\
Some of them, in the Homestuck fandom especially *, are brilliant.
*communism, rosemary, etc etc
Short, sweet, and adorable. You have earned yourself a like, good sir! Will there be a continuation?
5188973
Thanks a million! :-)
But no, I don't think I'll continue it. I wrote it for the writeoff, and I have no idea of where the story would go. Also, the subject itself is kinda limited; one can write a "Sunset reforms Sonata etc." story, but to make it a full length novel one would have to put in extraneous elements to drive the plot forward.
5189152 Good point.
Awww looks like the the Equestria Girls series gave us another fan favorite.
But Sunset Shimmer will always be my fav
Very sweet.
Where can I read all the entries for the write off?
5193659
www.writeoff.me is where the actual writeoff is conducted, but the writeoff association (one of the groups in which this story is) is the group on fimfic
Pretty cool story! i've been wondering what happened to the sirens after being beaten. I really hope we see a cameo of them in the next EqG movie. it'd be funny to see them having to work fast food or something for a sec.
Nice descriptions and keeping them in character.
the only constructive criticism i offer is to be careful with sentences like:
"And Sunset patiently reminded herself to be patient."
patient used two times in this sentence. Makes the word a bit redundant. Also starting the sentence with "and."
just my two cents, but other than that great story! Very enjoyable to read, and quick enough to read before turning in.
Great job keep up the good work!
5196048
I'd actually done that on purpose, in order to convey Sunset's frustration. Evidently I failed :-/
Also, why is it wrong to start a sentence with "And"? I've heard that rule before, but I never figured out why :-/
5196496
Ah ok i understand now! I also have no idea why that rule applies, its just been driven into my head since early school so i guess it sticks out. I was just trying to find anything to help out. it was a tough find believe me, the story was very well put together.
You probably want to reformat this -- something dropped most of your line breaks. Aside from that it's a nice little slice of life. I liked the "sailors gave me gas" line, and Sunset's reaction to it.
5199856
Wait, but there was only one line break in the original, and I took it out because people were saying that so close to the end it bothered them :-\
I like it. Nice cute shorts story. very good.
5201348
Thanks! :-)
This was... meh, to be honest. I had a good time reading it, don't get me wrong, but I feel like it could have easily been a lot longer. I dunno. The ending seemed out of place and rushed. And I get that this was originally written for a short story event, but I feel like since the event is over, you can turn this into a 2-3k word story and have it feel more evenly paced.
5200368
I think he was referring to the fact that most of your paragraphs had spaces between them, but at the end, they were all one big clump.
5210558
I actually struggled to get it to its current wordcount :-/
I presume this is simply a current fault of mine as a writer at this moment. In the future I might do better :-P
Crap, you're right. Thanks for noticing, gonna fix it now.
And thanks for the feedback! :-) it was useful
5213670
I know the feeling; it's the primary reason I currently have 0 stories
You could have kept on going! What happened?
5367873
Dusk moves in with Sunset, they have a bunch of babies together, and Sonata becomes an Oscar winning comedian.
Adagio, meanwhile, chokes to death on a poodle.
5369160 Ah ah ahhhh I don't know how to feel the feel right now
Well, you're good with characters. Everyone acted liked themselves. It's nice to read a short story like this every now and then, amidst the gigantic list of 100,000 word behemoths that take up a majority of my free time.
5381282
Thanks! :-) And yeah, I know the feeling of reading an intriguing story description, thinking it might be nice to see what it's like, and then realizing it's +100k words :-P
3848157
Not as bad as some things out here. ... The philosophical stuff's nice.
... Needs better paragraph spacing.
*twitch* 3/4 examples on the TvTropes page - Fanfic is FIMfic Ponyfic ... http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MagnumOpusDissonance