- Member Since 22nd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Disavowed ASH
I kick evil in the NARDS ! Here be thy Patronage Page !
Disavowed ASH
Joined 22nd Sep, 2012 ·
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Disavowed ASH · 11k words · 27 6 · 883 views
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9761386
I am dividing up the entire story and starting over again. One of the main criticisms I get of this story was that my passing was terrible and that my chapters were too long, so I am editing, and separating all of the chapters into two or three chapters to make it easier for more people to read.
9761401
I will release one today. It will be the last one, it will be shorter. But it will be done with the idea that I really will update more often here. So shorter chapter = faster updates.
I have four or five more chapters to or (Two of the old chapters) to place before the new shorter chapter is updated.) So yes, you will get new content today.
9761401
All right. Finishing off the last chapter. Which will be the new one.
9761401
On second thought you may have to wait until tomorrow.
9762497
You can be as hostile as you want in private messages if you wish. I know this seems like the most bullshit move ever. But it was done in response to a review and the suggestion of a couple of friends of mine LyraAlluse and Grant.
In all, I basically got a massive hit to my pride. And I instantly reacted like an idiot trying to stop a flood by using a piece of gum to patch a dam.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/410183/review-the-symphony-of-canterlot-by-disavowed-ash
It was right but the problem is that basically, I am a terrible writer, writing a relatively good story, that doesn't know how people actually speak, and that what I write is too hard to read. My chapters are too long. And apparently, there is no doubt that the character can solve the mystery, and that it doesn't scare him because the main investigator is closer to Solomon Cane and Conan (Adventure sides of the Cthulhu Mythos that are actually part of the Cthulhu Mythos) instead of the usual sniveling Massachusetts Reclusive Academic that is as weak as he is cowardly.
Basically any dreams I might have of becoming an actual author with original novels and short stories have been thrown under the bus. And my dreams have been crushed.
It's a shame that writing was the last thing I had too. I mean in order to go back to college I need a loan that I will have to pay for the rest of my life. I am a failure of a university student. And I had three nervous breakdowns working in a Call Center for a Bank that charges Insufficient Funds Fees.
9765170
Chapter 25: The Dead and the Damned which hasn't been posted yet. I'm working on it now.
9765170
The new stuff started.
9913765
That's weird. It isn't supposed to look like that.
9913765
Seems that due to a temporary loss of internet a small part of my Google Docs wasn't saved, I'm going to have to rewrite that from memory.
9913765
Welp. Fixed it I guess. I honestly jump the gun because of all of my obligations, my bad time management skills, and the fact that once I actually am done it is hard to find my editors and prereaders. I improvise, adapt, overcome. I push it out of the door, and deal with it later.
Essentially insanity.
9943656
A review came in about pacing and other mistakes, I fixed them and also divided up the chapters into more.
9943656
If you are calling me a plagiarist, I pay Straighttothepointstudio five bucks a month to read the story in a bid to advertise myself indirectly. He is also a friend. I asked him to read the story. I am the WRITER!
9943795
Then you’d be the exception >.>
9944227
Oh? Really? Doesn't anyone read the video descriptions? That they are requests. Is there a person copying stories somewhere? And if I was wrong in my guesses, why did you post StraightToThePointStudio's video?
9944285
Wasn’t my video, and sorry about that >.>
Great story 👍
9944758
Thank you!
Interesting dagger: what design is that? And which one's the pointy end? I legitimately can't tell.
Finally got around to rereading this. I have to say, I like the shorter chapters: makes things significantly easier to digest! And the story is still as good as I remember!
My one major critique is that you go a bit fast at times, introducing new concepts in quick successions. While it's not a serious problem, I find that it leaves me struggling to keep up at times. Thankfully, there's no in-depth exposition or details, but it's still a bit bizarre for the character to suddenly go "I have a familiar now!" "Now I have a dagger!"
I'm still enjoying this just as much, if not more than I did the first time around! Looking forward to more!
10108175
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
The Dagger is a petrified piece of wood tied with animal tendons to the broke top half of a Hyperborean slashing sword. It has embedded ancient magical power and an animalistic will of it's own, I wanted to keep that card close to me until the end but I revealed it anyway here. The blade was found by a paleolithic Zebra Shaman who made it's hilt and used it as his personal weapon and passed it down his bloodline for generations until it was extinguished. Figures from King Gilgamesh to Heracles have wielded it but it got lost in the sands in North Zebrica, it was found in an expedition by the Royal Canterlot Museum of Natural History some twenty years before Luna Returns and kept as part of it's Zebrica Exhibit. Luna noticed it's peculiar nature and gave it to Folklore because she considered it a decent weapon, and she didn't care that it was in a museum.
I was going to reveal this at the end as a minor conversation point but now you know.
10108472
Cool, but I meant the real-life dagger...
10108484
OH you mean the picture, it is a fan prop of this thing made by a blacksmith.
66.media.tumblr.com/a794a2a0b60fad656758b6ad4ed16171/tumblr_n49is8oFqN1qcvlg6o1_500.jpg
It appear in Witchfinder: In the Service of Angels by Mike Mignola, part of the Hellboy Universe.
Some minor critiques: I can't see why they'd call it a "handkerchief" when ponies don't have hands. And I'm a bit confused as to the reasoning behind the title of "Blueblood Hunting," since Blueblood doesn't appear in that chapter and they don't hunt him...unless you mean the bluebloods as in the Thule Society members that they've agreed to find and kill.
And I'm going to assume that Folklore's little rant on the nature of Hastur is him being possessed or something because...people don't talk like that in real life. Not to mention it seemed completely out of character for him.
On a similar note, while that monologue was a treat for those of us familiar with the expanded Mythos, I doubt that anyone who isn't a Cthulhu nerd like us would understand most of that. I'm not saying that you should get rid of it, just that you might want to bear in mind that it could be some accidental gatekeeping.
That being said, you kept the "you made me bleed my sexy blood!" line, so I forgive you.
10112813
Actually, he had a traumatic episode remembering what he saw during the Clairvoyance Ritual he used on Octavia at the start of the story, he learned a ton about the truth of Hastur minus his name in those moments, practically like the information flooded into his mind breaking it a little bit more. He has had almost a decades worth of PTSD therapy ever since he returned from the Gallic-Sheba War, encountering Cosmic Horrors for the first time is making him relapse, and as a Magician of his experience and ability he is more susceptible to the subtle brainwashing that is known of Hastur by his targeting of individuals with intelligence and creativity.
He has known of Demons, Mutants, Fairies, Mad Science, and the various monsters of folklore in North East Equestria, Zebrica, and Europa. Not to mention Ghosts of all kinds.
While he has gotten slight glimpses of the Lovecratian throughout his life, now with the return of Princess Luna he is seeing that shit unfold and getting a front row seat.
10112813
And yes it refers to the Thule Society.
10113265
Damn, man, leave some stuff for me to find out later! You're spoiling me!
...was doing that to Merry really necessary?
I know you're not holding back on us, but that felt...I dunno. Over the top.
10129497
I got rid of some of the details, changed it up a bit.
Nice SCP reference at the end.
10384581
In my defense that is the quote that made me fall in love with the SCP universe in the first place. It is an encapsulation of a hostile yet indifferent universe where the fears of our collective primitive ancestors were not only well-founded but far more prevalent than we gave them thought.
Anyway. I do apologize for leaving it like that. But I need to be careful how I handle the rest and I have a little reading to do now that I am fully back.
10385536
Welcome back! I've been waiting for this.
Also, accepting the power of a sleeping god. Yeah, that's totally not gonna bite him in the arse later. (though I won't insult him by saying that he didn't know what he was doing)
Plus, I love how much of a badass you made Luna during her fight. And bonus points for remembering that Cthulhu has six eyes!
Excellent story so far, poor Bloody Merry! Don't be down on your writing style, I think it's great!
Great to see this return, lots of interesting lore in this one!
It's back
10976099
Yeah. It's back.
10975845
Hopefully this take on Celestia catches on. One theory of mine on why she was scared of chickens to me was that their feet reminds her of giant dragon claws that scooped up dozens of pony warriors and knights and crushed them to death like tin cans filled with cherry pie filling and corned-beef.
And she allowed herself to loose in A Canterlot Wedding because the heat needed to kill Chrysalis would cook all of the nearby guests in the room alive, since she uses Solar based attacks they all carry some inherit radiation (the sun is a massive fusion reaction and would microwave you even with a space suit a 100 yards before reaching it's surface, probably).
10979645
I like your headcanon! I simply assumed Celestia has gotten weaker over time in the show.
Reminds me of that Berserk chapter where Schierke and Farnese go into Casca's nightmares, good stuff!
I have next to no idea just what the fuck I've been reading for the past several hours. Lots of Lovecraftian creatures and a reference to The Factory from SCP are the only things I've gotten from this story.
11318120
I apologize then. Though I appreciate the read. And you probably are the first one that caught on to the references to The Factory!
11318120
A good explanation would be.... Erenn(Irish)-Equestrian unicorn wizard and detective fucks around and finds out.
Really loving the mix of mythology and the occult! My favorite scenes were Nemue giving the Excalibur and Bloody Merry in the thorns. Some nice action too, wish I could write battle scenes like that! Definitely worth the wait!
11318449
I hope that shift of world for a moment there was chilling. I tried me best to keep the King as something more equine/human but still extremely menacing. Hopefully even making the Fanfic versions of Discord in this site seem like a joke. Hastur is of course a Great Old One stuck in a planet in the Hyades constellation, so he never speaks directly to his flock, barely notices the individual from the rest he leaves it to his avatars like the King to communicate.
11318171
Got into the SCP fandom about 2 months ago. There are plenty of entries that qualify as Eldritch/Lovecraftian. The Hanged King, The King in Yellow, The Scarlet King off the top of my head.
11318637
The King in Yellow isn't in or from the SCP Foundation. The King in Yellow is a creation of Robert W. Chambers in the book of the same name released in 1895 and one of the inspirations for H.P. Lovecraft's works. Both the King in Yellow and Hastur are in the Cthulhu Mythos and I use the Cthulhu Mythos shamelessly here because it is in the public domain and it is the genesis of Science Fiction Horror in the United States, even if the genres weren't that defined back then and Dark Fantasy was just as much imbedded in it.
11318645
Could have sworn The King in Yellow had an entry in the SCP. Course I've watched a few hundred videos about various entries and can remember only the more memorable ones.
Short but sweet chapter, enjoying the intrigue!
11543961
I apologize for it's length. And the fact that it all goes down to. "Folklore realized he can play 4D Chess."
Next chapter is the meeting with the Cult of Hastur.
The next chapter after that is the final battle.
And finally. The Prologue.
11543969
Excellent, I look forward to it!
11543961
PS: I was worried the audience is getting lost and that I might have given Luna and Celestia too little to say. But figured that the guest OC Dotted Line would be right up the alley to being the most skeptical.
11544290
Ah, so Dotted Line is someone else's creation? Cool if so!