• Member Since 1st Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Jun 25th, 2015

Lolisnotanacceptableword


Why would you even ask me anything? I don't got shit 4 u.

E

Celestia has allowed Twilight some vacation time. What an occasion! But as she travels back to ponyville, she notices something strange with how her friends speak.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Normally I'd just say: It got a like, Twilight was (obviously) a bit OOC, you could have done it better if it had a clear resolution and you built it up a bit better with her 4th wall breaking.

However, since this is about grammar, you should try to make your own work spotless. Have some corrections (and 1 or 2 suggestions):

she was gonna have some much fun!

I think you mean so.

After having some of spikes delicious haycakes

*Spike's

Seriously, did you just ask

Double space.

You spelled Grammar wrong, you spelled Spelling wrong

Why the capital letters? Also, all of the clauses in the sentence are independent so you should use semi-colons instead of all the commas. If you can replace it with 'and' then it's a semi-colon.

"DO YOU SEE RAINBOWS GRAMMAR AND SPELLING?! ITS REPULSIVE!"

Missing apostrophe.

HOW, HOW,HOW, HOW

You might want to rephrase that. Also, missing space.

Fluttershy said. Voice as quiet as she is kind.

I'd change it to: Fluttershy said, with a voice as quite as she was kind.

Rarity said sincerely. With a very small hint of fear in her voice.

You do stuff like that a lot; there should really be a comma there, not a full stop/period.

Pinkie asked cheerfully.

Start a paragraph after this as AJ started talking.

This. Story. Is. So. Freakin'. HILARIOUS.:yay:

This story deeeeefinetley needs a sequel.
Or it's own universe.
Or both.:derpytongue2:

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