Vanilla Torte lives an unassuming life outside of Canterlot, never thinking much about the huge city above.
Then something lands with a thunderous crash in his garden.
Chapters (13)
- Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Aug 31st, 2023
Gabriel LaVedier
Just another University-edicated fanfiction writer who prefers the cheers and laughter of ponies to madness and sorrow.
Gabriel LaVedier
Joined 22nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Reserved for my oh so important thoughts.
edit: Not especially long, so I reserve my judgement. I do, however trust in your skill to write something a bit different than the standard sort of changeling meets pony, changeling is malevolent, changeling falls in love with pony that has come to litter this site.
btw "had purchased a small home in one off sparse," I believe that should be "one of the."
734294
Please give me your thoughts
To expand, you have already piqued my interest with Double Dealing and your take on the changelings being somewhere in between total hive mind and individual. Vanilla Torte seems a bit vanilla (pardon the pun), as a character, but he did not get much screen time so I reserve judgement.
So about how long are you planning on making this story?
734369
I think... I'll see. I want this to be an organic relationship, growing on its own. It might become a daily report on their interactions.
Vanilla seems vanilla because he is. His passionless life has grayed him out and made him a bland being. Double needs to bring him back to life.
734390
That was sort of my take on the character, the idea that she has to bring him back to life or she will starve is sort of interesting, like a vary dark take on the manic pixie dream girl a la fight club or stranger than fiction.
734482
Her selfish reasons are interesting for musing. If she manages to heal his life, has she done a good deed or would it, in fact, have been better if she had never helped him at all? And don't forget, he knows something is up, but she doesn't know he knows. Would he resist changes because he can't trust her?
Philosophical.
"Oh, my leg's broken. It's fiiiiine, I'll just take a lovely bath, and get this splinted right up!"
734621
Well, you didn't thumb it down. So, thanks for having a heart.
Please do see yourself out, no one is forcing you to read it.
734621
You... do know you can stay OFF a busted limb rather easily, yes?
734654 I didn't thumbs down because it isn't bad. I'm just saying that you're trivializing a rather serious injury. I haven't broken a limb personally, but a close relative has. It isn't simply the matter that the bone isn't set properly anymore, but you start to go into shock when you're that severely injured.
I suppose you could sweep it under the carpet with changeling physiology or psychology being different from a ponies, so in her actual form it really isn't that bad of an injury, but I'm just sayin'.
I quite enjoy this, though I can't comment on much more than what darthrex said, but I did notice an error here or there, nothing too distracting and nothing that made me need to reread the whole sentence. That's okay though, everyone slips up. I'm hoping you'll do a little more to help this stand out from all the other changeling x pony stories flying about nowadays it seems like you have some interesting ideas here. And I'm enjoying seeing the changeling's point of view, your main character is a little bland but like you said that was done on purpose, I'm hoping he gets fleshed out a little more later on but since this is only the first chapter I won't comment more about it.
Long story short, I faved, thumbed up, and commented. Which means I'd certainly like to see more.
734844
I am ashamed to admit it, but this is actually a thing. Most Changeling stories involve breaking soemthing, usually ribs, a limb or both. Much like billions of years of Mark Twain's death, it doesn't not bother them overmuch. It's... essentially expected. Plus, she needed to be muddy to hide her changeling features but clean to reveal her deception. In all, there is no ideal solution. I find it gauche of you to criticize that I cannot invent the ideal "out" when it was never my stated intention to do so. Unless you think a weak base presmise in a larger work obliterates all that follows it. This isn't a logical syllogism. It's a silly love song. Story.
734975
Yes. As noted, he's a little bit of nothing because he is filled with something virtually unknown to most ponies: Existential ennui. He is special in public. But "public" can't soothe him on a one-to-one basis. It's a quandry for him. He does not have a will to die. But at best he simply "has" a will to live, to slog through one more day. He's a pony will all the warm emotions of a Changeling.
Yes! More changeling fics! =D Keep it coming please! =)
735131 Huh... Ya know, I never did notice how many changeling stories involve the changeling breaking something important, but now that you mention it...
Whatever. It's not that important. And perhaps I was more than a bit rude. Sorry about that.
735322
Hey, not a problem at all. I'll actually be the first to admit, it's kind of a cheat. But heck, the story needs to take off somehow. and it beats a gender reverse of the hobbling from "Misery."
feel is over her, Feel it over her?
I'm liking this so far, boyo, but I have to say that something feels off with your writing. I can't pinpoint, you know I would, something in the tone, pacing, or writing just seems a little different from the norm. As for the content itself, I'm a big proponent of the journey is more important than a cliche or two. I've read this story in structure before, but details make all the difference.
739318
I want it slightly plodding, contemplative, slow and philosophical. Two damaged characters healing themselves and each other only through the actions of each other. And I want it to have a very, very limited scope. Just one setting and effectively two characters.
740002
I get that, it's just that something I can't place seems janky. Not a big deal, just bugging me.
I forgot earlier, the way you describe the changeling social structure, it makes me think of the geth in a way.
741423
I'm guessing that's a Mass Effect reference. Never played it, so it's completely coincidental. It was actually vaguely inspired by the Plagasof Resident Evil 4 who use a kind of resonance to remain in concordance, plus a desire to make this unique by not just blandly giving the Changelings worldwide hivemind powers.
742336
I never got that from RE4, at least not what I'd define as a concordance. They just seemed to be an angry mob who loved to yell out my location; so many times hearing aqui!
As for the geth, each platform, aka unit, is a whole mess of programs who form a concordance to make decisions, with larger groups also forming a concordance and an ability to communicate instantaneously. So each individual program makes a decision, those are tallied, and an action is based upon that with groups of platforms acting the same way.
743298
Ahhh, emergent complexity. I guess it's a little like that for smaller, interpersonal things but they have a VERY top-down heirarchical structure for broader things. Chrysalis is unquestioned.
I find Double's internal replies very entertaining.
And if I remember correctly, changlings feed mostly off of positive feellings toward them. I wonder how they'd react to negative feelings, is it like consuming rotten food?
848242
I mostly see them as feeding on feelings in general using some kind of mix of active and passive magic. Negative emotions probably taste horrid but will suffice to keep their bellies somewhat full.
848335 My theory is: positive emotion is the most filling and best tasting. Negative emotion is horrible and gives them little nutrient wise. Then you have close to nuetral emotions, like the ones Vanilla has been having, and they give you the bare minimum. Being around Vanilla to feed off his emotions must be like living off of only bread and water.
848401
No, less, and that's what both frustrates and frightens her. Hate is an emotion, fear is an emotion, disdain is an emotion. Indifference is the abscence of an emotion. Hate shows you care enough to hate someone, love shows you care enough to love. Indifference means you care nothing for them. she can get nothing from him. It would be like trying to drink from a sand pit. there's nothing there.
Ooh, it's been a while since the last chapter, hasn't it? I'm glad to have another chapter to read. Keep up the good work! =D
848577
Considering the number of fics I have going at once, plus real life, delays are to be expected.
But he room was. the
Chekov needs to stop leaving his guns strewn about, someone could get hurt.
You went from asking for and collecting cress and escarole to eating mustard greens and endive...
Don't make me go angry chef on you.
849248
I counter your angry chef with pedantic chef. Cress is a specific species of mustard green, and escarole and endive are the same thing (generally, endive can mean either escarole or chicory leaves.) I wanted to spice up the description of consumption using different words. They still mean the same thing they just lend a slightly different air.
Cress is RELATED to mustard greens, but you wouldn't call a labrador a shih tsu, would you? They are vastly different plants.
With endive you have a stronger case, as escarole is a type of endive, but escarole is a specific variety of the endive family. When you use endive in the context of a specific green and not a family, at least in the professional kitchen, you mean Belgian endive. If Vanilla was trained as I was, he would not use the words interchangeably.
851546
I have two outs here, both of which would be sufficient to get me out but mostly I use it to save my skin so I still look competent. I am naked with my face-saving
Firstly, Vanilla is a pastry chef, not a salad chef as he said. He'd know VERY broad things but he knows his specialities. However, that's not the reason that actually has the most punch.
If you'll notice, it's not Vanilla talking about mustard greens and endive. It's Double doing the talking. And I've made sure to divide the perspectives of Double and Vanilla, though with some obliqueness by indicating it mostly with the Double/Dee Dee thing. She's broadly aware of terms and such, because she did a lot of Canterlot work. But she's even less of a salad exper than he is.
...
Am I arguing about salad greens in a romance story between an injured Changeling an a cold stallion? WTF?
859589
Yes, you are arguing about salad greens in a romance story between a changleing and a stallion, because I am an argumentative, perfectionist chef damn it!
On point one, this is basic stuff you learn. You could have avoided it but you mentioned he had a base education and skills.
On the second... I need to reread that section. You might have a point with this one, stupid unreliable narrator.
Edit: Ha ha! Ha ha! Vanilla names them as he is harvesting them. Concede defeat to the master!
860230
Noooooooo, my evil empire!
I may or may not correct Vanilla's section. Depends on if I still care when I get on the laptop and can make corrections more easily.
861125
Just to let you know, cress and escarole would make an edible salad; eating raw mustard greens and endive would probably make you sick from the bitterness.
861681
Or not. I heard an interesting theory that ponies and related would interpret the flavors of most fruits and vegetables differently because of their obligate herbivorism (or limited lacto-ovo-vegetarianism). They might regard the high bitterness with a great appreciation like strong coffee or high-cacao chocolate.
861882
They eat cake and muffins, their tastes don't seem very different.
862251
Though I'd imgine meat would make them vomit; meanwhile bacon-cheeseburgers are like fuel for me. And while I can't eat a plate of timothy hay, they gobble it up, raw and fried.
860230
Objection! Vanilla names cress and escarole while harvesting! It is only Double that names them as mustard greens and endives. She'd be the equivalent of a poseur trying to sound wise about classy things, even if only internally.
I like how Torte is unconsciously refusing to feed Double any kind of emotion, and is rightfully a little suspicious. It feels like a part of him is onto her already.
864910
That happened in chapter one. It's implied that he felt the holes in her legs and saw the horn was in a different shape when she was unconscious. He wasn't sure what he felt on her legs but knows they don't look like what he felt, and her horn might or might not have been a trick of the light but there is something there.
She's really not fully aware of this but Vanilla may not actually have any emotion to give. He's cold and passionless. But she thinks it's an intentional slight against her. And she gives it back to him, making him give her the full measure of his coldness. So they are playing the Prisoner's Dilemma and choosing negative every time.
862742
So she uses words that she has no right to know to describe food in her head to make her sound smarter to herself...sure, a huh.
The plural of endive is endive by the way.
Also, implied is too soft a word, I'd say he flat out states that he knows something is wrong.
Edit: Almost forgot the meat comment. My point was that the most bitter thing they've ever been shown eating are daisies, with the rest being either apple based or confectionary; their tastes just seem to swing towards sweet a bit too much for the opposite to be palatable to the same degree. Meat on the other hand is something they are not built to process, just like fiberous grasses such as hay are not digestable by us. I'm talking about the tongue and you are talking about the stomach.
865258
Unless you count that Cala lily that Pinkie ate.
I think this line of cnversation is over. Is there any compelling reason to let it stand or should the clutter be cleared from the comments. I don't want to give the impression that a story is bad because of an extended dribble about the equivalent of what "is" is.
866613
If I could eat one to test the bitterness without having to vomit up the poison afterwards, I'd give you a report.
I see no reason to erase them, but I am willing to let this stand. Honestly, it's not like a horde of new readers are going to magically appear and be soured by comments in the second chapter's section.
867443
No need to harsh my hope. Changeling stories are popular.
Seriously, though, you're a good and loyal fellow. But this felt... personal. Or at least angry.
867827
Of course it was personal, you are my favorite author on this site and I am an opinionated, angry, nitpicky chef.
977465
I tend to write a lot of big, swift, self-contained stories that resolve themselves within themselves. Now I'm experimenting with a popular format, the short, unresolved serial type that moves along from moment to moment and stretches on for a while. My notes for this go up to eleven parts which seems like a fair length.
Yay, no angry chef this chapter! I must ask though, the cakes, is that more evidence for the file or did you just randomly come across them?
Oh, chapter stuff, the love in the cake after his departure from the professional world, spot on.
980775
Heh. A bit of both. In a non-pony story world I worked on for a while one of the main characters was Cornish. So I researched the language, the traditions and the food. So when I needed a simple cake the first thing to come to mind was a heavy cake.
And do you mean that it is appropriate that there is only a tinysmattering of love in the cake, which is more than he probably intended?