Chapter 15: Big Damn Alicorns
Sunset’s horn glowed turquoise and a bubble-like shield formed around her a mere instant before the baby’s magical blast would have certainly been a low point of the roller coaster of a day she was having. The blast flew up and added yet another hole to the castle as Sunset fell on top of the book she was saving as well as Twilight Sparkle. Everypony else in the room cringed as both alicorns fell to the floor with a solid ‘thud!’ Spike was quick to rush over to the desk, and peeked over the side.
“They’re okay!” Spike announced. “I mean… there’s a lot of wings and legs down here and they’re all tangled up with each other, but they’re all moving at least!”
“Ow!” Sunset exclaimed. “Twilight, would you please get your legs untangled from my, er, wing?!”
“I’ll do that when you get your other wing out of my face!” Twilight shot back.
“Sorry!” Sunset said in an exasperated tone, her wing covering Twilight’s face as one of Sunset’s cheeks was pressed up against Twilight’s. “The wings are new and I’m still getting used to carrying them around! I’m certainly not used to getting into tangled heaps with other ponies because I had to risk my life to save a book!” With some effort and a slight gritting of her teeth, Sunset lifted her wing off of Twilight’s face and turned to look Twilight in the eyes. “I mean, what’s wrong with you?! Why would you even tempt fate like that?!”
Twilight let out a frustrated grunt as she tugged on her wings. “Well I didn’t know fate was listening!”
Pinkie giggled. “Silly Twilight, fate is always listening and waiting for ponies to say something like that so it can make a bad situation worse at our expense!”
“See!” Sunset said as she pulled a front leg out of a tangle of Twilight’s legs and one of her wings. “Pinkie gets it… As worrisome as it is that she and I are on the same wavelength here.”
Pinkie rushed up to the desk and excitedly poked her head over the side. “Ooo! Maybe we magically mind-melded or something! Hey, how do you feel about melted marshmallows as a delicious type of adhesive?”
“I, uh, don’t?”
Pinkie whimpered slightly and backed away.
“… Okay, I feel better now,” Sunset said.
Twilight grimaced. “Well, I’d feel better if we were detached!”
“I’m working on it!” Sunset said through gritted teeth.
The two alicorns continued to struggle, their limbs and wings only slowly getting untangled from each other.
Shining Armor poked his head over the desk. “Maybe we should start evacuating just to be safe? It looks like it might take you two a while to get untangled there…” Shining glanced up. “Also it’s starting to snow in the library.”
Sunset shot Shining an indignant look. “Look, Sugar Flank—”
Shining raised an eyebrow as Twilight cringed.
“—This is not that big of deal!” She grunted as she attempted to pull her legs out of what a looked to be an orange and purple game of alicorn Twister gone wrong. “We’ll both get out of this mess and we’ll take a look at that spell and have that heart fixed in a jiffy!”
-o~Quite a few jiffys later~o-
“DAMNIT TWILIGHT!” Sunset roared from the alicorn heap that was now covered in a thin layer of white snow. “THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF YOU DIDN’T WEIGH SO MUCH!”
“THAT’S ALICORN WEIGHT!” Twilight retorted angrily. “IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU TOO IN A SHORT WHILE!”
“SURE! IF I GORGE MYSELF ON TREATS LIKE YOU! DON’T THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE YOU SNEAKING A WHOLE BOX OF COOKIES BEFORE WE GOT ON THE TRAIN!”
“AGAIN! ALICORN APPETITE! JUST WAIT FOR IT TO KICK IN!”
“OH, I’M CONCERNED ABOUT ‘WEIGHT’ ALRIGHT!”
Shining Armor peeked his head over the desk again. “Uh… girls?”
“WHAT?!” Sunset and Twilgiht snapped in unison.
“There’s, er, still the issue of Crystal Empire subjects freezing to death outside…”
“Ugh! FIIIIIiiiine!” Sunset said. “Start your stupid evacuation!”
Shining Armor quickly turned and hurried off outside.
Sunset turned to face Twilight, the two mares basically muzzle to muzzle and locking frustrated, irate eyes with each other. “Thanks Twilight! As if enough hasn’t happened to me, I’m now cold and wet! So seriously, thanks for that!” Sunset said sarcastically.
Twilight grit her teeth. “Hey! You’re the one who can’t seem to figure out a place to put your wings that doesn’t make this situation worse!”
“I already apologized for violating your ‘private zone!’ Besides, we wouldn’t even be in this mess if you hadn’t said that stupid thing that almost got the book baby blasted!”
“FINE! That’s my fault! But we’d have been free of each other minutes ago if you could figure out basic wing coordination! I know I struggled at first, but not to this degree! I doubt even the baby would have this much trouble!”
Sunset’s body shook with rage. “MOMMY LOVES ME BETTER THAN YOU!” she blurted out.
Twilight’s pupils shrank and a trepidatious expression marched onto her face. “She probably does…”
Sunset’s eyes flew open wide and she pursed her lips momentarily and looked away from Twilight. “Ah! This conversation isn’t going how I thought… Abort! Abort! Starlight! Help untangle us!”
Rarity poked her head over the side of the desk. “She’s unavailable, dear.”
Sunset and Twilight looked at each other in confusion.
“Well, what the heck is she doing?” Twilight asked.
“She’s drunkenly trying convince Princess Cadance to declare her friend a wizard.”
“Oh…” Sunset replied. “Uh… Is it working?”
Rarity turned and looked down a library aisle while a haggard-looking Cadance held the baby in a bubble and listened to Starlight. The bubble shook and vibrated as the baby flew about in it, firing off blasts and smashing at the sides with her hooves. Starlight spoke to Cadance with an excited, if slightly removed from reality, energy.
“And… and Sunburst has sooooo many books on magic! Like sooo many!”
“Uh-huuuuuh…” Cadance replied.
“No like… Like his entire house is full of books!”
“Right, sure…”
“No! Really! Just like… imagine a building… but full of books! I mean… Can you even comprehend that?!”
Cadance looked about the library she was currently standing in. “… Probably…”
“So many…” Starlight uttered.
Rarity turned back to Sunset and Starlight. “No,” she answered simply.
Sunset sighed.
“Well… where’s Sunburst?” Twilight asked.
“He made a book fort,” replied Rarity, “and now Spike is trying to coax him out of the book fort that Sunburst is hiding in while sobbing to himself.”
“Wow…” Twilight uttered.
“What?” Sunset said.
“Nothing just… nostalgia,” Twilight replied as her eyes went distant.
“Okay then…” Sunset uttered. “Well, Rarity could you…”
Rarity looked down at the tangled mess of limbs and gave it a critical eye. “I can probably help untangle you two, but it might take a while… Maybe if I had a little help… Pinkie…?”
Pinkie was next to Rarity in a flash. “Yes ‘um?”
Twilight and Sunset suddenly shared very worried glances.
“You wouldn’t to still have that stylish crowbar on you, would you?” Rarity asked.
Pinkie grinned wide, thrusted a forehoof into her mane, and pulled out a pink crowbar. “Of course! I always keep my trusty crowbar on me in case of prying or breaking into vending machine emergencies!”
“I am not comfortable with this solution!” Sunset said.
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “How bad do you want to be unstuck from one another?”
Sunset went silent as she mulled over the question.
Her cheeks turning crimson, Twilight chimed in, “There’s several orange feathers that are lodged in a place that I would like to privately remove sooner rather than later…”
Sunset cringed. “And I keep saying ‘I’m sorry!’” With a defeated sigh she looked up at Rarity and Pinkie. “Fine! Just… just be careful!”
-o~ Some rubbing, tugging, and pulling later~o-
With a shift of Pinkie’s crowbar, a glow of Rarity’s magic, and a final ‘pop’ Sunset and Twilight finally found themselves uninhibited by each other’s limbs and wings. Both alicorns rose to their hooves and gave themselves a once over, Twilight doing a little bit of preening before folding her wings back up.
With a heavy inhale, Twilight turned towards Sunset. “Uh… Sunset look… I know we both said some things we probably regretted, but, erm, about today… and uh… I guess me letting Starlight become my student… I just want to say—”
Much to Twilight’s surprise Sunset shuffled over and gave her a side-hug, wrapping both a foreleg and one of her wings around her.
“Er…” Twilight uttered a bit taken aback by the surprise affection.
“What the heck happened to you, Twilight?” Sunset said in a somewhat wistful tone. “Your flank used to be beautiful.”
Twilight furrowed her brow and tried to look behind her. With a sigh she declared, “I need to visit the little filly’s room for a second, please try get things prepared here.”
Sunset let go of Twilight and nodded. “No problem.”
“Sunburst the Goateed!” Starlight shouted out. “I mean… We can workshop that, but… think about it….”
“… No problems beyond the ones we already had,” Sunset said.
With a small nod, Twilight’s horn glowed purple and she teleported out of sight with a ‘Pomf!’
Spike wandered over towards Sunset. “Uh… You know Twilight was probably trying to apologize about the whole ‘not making you her personal friendship student’ thing.”
“Oh, I know,” Sunset replied with a nod. “But I’m still dehydrated from my last cry session, so unless Twilight wants to watch me eat snow while I becoming a sobbing mess, I figured it was best to sidestep that conversation until after the empire is no longer in peril. How’s my rule 63 counterpart doing?”
“What?” Spike replied in confusion.
“Sunburst. How’s Sunburst doing?”
“Oh… He keeps crying and saying that this is worse than some sort of ‘jock-strap’ incident.”
Sunset eyes widened. “So HE’S Fire Crotch!”
“… What now?”
Sunset shook her head. “Just a little thing that happened back at Celestia’s school some time back… It’s not important except we now know that Sunburst is really good at digging holes.”
“… What… like… physically or metaphorically?”
“Yes,” Sunset replied. “The baby?”
“The thread and needle is not holding on the bubble shield!” Rarity cried out in a borderline panicked tone.
“I’m rubbing melted marshmallow over the cracks as fast as I can over here!” Pinkie’s frantic tone replied.
“You know who probably knows a lot of spells about babies?” Starlight asked. “Sunburst.”
Cadance let out a strained groan.
“Barely contained,” Spike answered.
“Right, just going to forego asking about Cadance and Starlight…” Sunset said as she picked up the spell book and flipped through it.
‘Pomf!’
Sunset glanced over to a purple flash as Twilight reappeared.
“Alright, I’m back,” Twilight said. “Are we all set?”
Sunset nodded. “I turned the book to the page we need!” She said turning the book to face Twilight. “Other than that we better fix this quick. Cadance’s shield is being held together by thread and marshmallow and her quickly fading desire to not watch her baby murder some pony.”
“Okay…” Twilight took a deep breath and trotted up next to Sunset looking over the book. She looked at Sunset. “You ready to do this?”
Sunset smiled. “Girl, I was using magic to harass stuffy nobles with summoned cockatrices before you even had a cutie mark.”
“Uh… Alright,” Twilight said. “I’m guessing that’s objectively true…” Twilight trotted over to the pile of crystal shards, Sunset followed. Taking position in front of the shards, Twilight’s horn began to blaze with purple energy as she unfurled her wings and her eyes suddenly burst with bright white energy. “Well, let’s get started.”
Sunset took a position opposite Twilight, the shards in between them. Her own horn glowed turquoise at first then blazed into a fiery orange that brought with it the faint scent of burnt ozone. Sunset’s own eyes filled with white energy as her wings extended to their full span. “Yeah, time to be big damn heroes again…”
The two alicorns leaned their heads down as beams of energy fired from their horns. Slowly, both mares raised their heads, bring up with them the crystal shards that drifted back together in the shape of a heart. Cracked as it may be, the Crystal Heart floated in place, glowing with a warm, purple glow.
Twilight smiled in relief. Sunset smiled proudly to herself.
“You see?” Sunset said. “Nothing to it! I mean of course you and I had this.” Sunset chuckled. “Could you imagine how boned we’d all be if us two couldn’t save the—”
The Crystal Heart suddenly came undone, returning to a pile of shards on the floor.
“… day…” Sunset finished weakly.
Twilight glared daggers at Sunset.
Sunset rubbed the back of her head. “Okay… that one was on me…” she said shyly.
Wow. These ponies have issues. I'm beginning to think the highest paid job in Equestria is psychologist.
Wow. The situation is even more fucked than I thought if there are now two Rarity's coexisting in the same dimension without anyone questioning where the second Rarity came from and the first Rarity is comfortable enough with the second Rarity to ask for help.
7700130
Whoops! Fixed.
7700128 Yeah, if it exists.
So, first off, I find it rather amusing that absolutely nothing got accomplished this time around. Seriously, that's kinda funny.
More importantly, my new headcanon is that Sunburst's closest friend in magic school was Captain Ginyu, who was a pony of some kind before switching bodies to his current form. He left with Freeza, who came by to lay waste to the planet and sell it to the highest bidder, but was thwarted by the fact that Freeza couldn't look anywhere near Equestria without vomiting uncontrollably. Too much pastel, you see.
Spike: "Why did she not teleported before?"
Awesome chapter! I especially loved Sunset and Twilight getting all tangled up, that was really fun
This should be "weakly" though!
Is that Sunset's natural retort to any really high stress situation? Though that depends on if Twilight thinks of Celestia as a mother figure too (probably). Too bad they're too busy bickering, or I would squint and think that was a shipping moment.
Well, things just got worse. Too bad there aren't any wizards around. Though I expect flying death, er, the baby, to kill them before the extreme cold does.
That bacon is sizzling.
7700128 Like teaching, I doubt it.
That said I am completely enjoying the romp back into comedy-ville this chapter, which is very fun and silly and making me hate Flurry Heart a bit less somehow. As such I add this story to my Tracking shelf.
I definitely want Twi and Sunset to revisit this topic!
7700245
Whoops! Fixed. Thanks!
Well, we all know what needs to be done - storm the book fort.
I think you mashed two different sentences together here.
Sunset is going to need a vacation after all this. Also a romp with Shining if Cadence will allow it.
7700455 Well, between that, and the comment about where Sunset's feathers were and Twilight's rather brilliant blush, it's a fair bet there's a certain amount of unconscious flirting going on. But hey, you know what they say: Opposites attract...
I find it funny that both Twilight and sunset know how to teleport yet neither tried also totally asking the world to bitch slap you
7700682 are you kidding this whole story had them showing off unintentional sexual tension
7700585 There's a multilayered cake of mommy issues for Sunset that transcend the concept of "petty". And she's trying very hard to fix that.
Let me guess, DBZ ABRIDGED?
7700128
Longest workweek? Yes. Most frustrating? Probably. Best paid?
Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hah! Wonderful chapter Justice!
Jock strap incident *snicker*
Daww, thank you!
7700128
I couldn't have said it better myself.
...I can only imagine a Sigmund Freud pony asking these ponies about their childhoods, at the moment...
7701105
And drinking heavily before the hour session is up.
7701155
I don't think he would make it that long before drinking heavily...
Man, you'd think two ponies whose instinctive reaction to needing to MOVE TWO INCHES is to teleport would've thought to teleport their way out of that tangled heap...
Another enjoyable chapter. Great job.
Can't wait for more!!
trying to
You have no idea how hard it is not to imagine DWK's voice coming out of Starlight here.
"Yes'm?"
happen to
try to
7700710 Sigh...point taken. I'd just thought it'd be a funny comment to make.
7701907
He's never said that Sunset was Twilight's student, in fact, a huge part if the first portion of this was that Sunset was a little bit put out that twilight never even considered her for one despite the fact that she clearly needed the help at the beginning.
Firstly -- ; Secondly -- What did you just say about tempting fate, Sunset
Oh please, fate always listens.
Right, that's a thing.
I understood that reference.
And that one.
And that one.
Kinda was.
Sunburst is Captain Ginyu! It all makes sense now. Maybe.
Dammit Sunset, you just had to tempt fate! You really should know better by now...
7701907 Whoa. Time out! First off, one of the theories that's been tossed around here is that Sunset, discovering she's an alicorn literally less than a day ago, is having to deal with boosted magic, earth and pegasi pony altered physiology, plus what alicorn magic is adding to the total, especially when you consider her already Twilight-level magical power. And so far, no one's told her to expect it, or offered to train her in how to handle it. Not only does this mess up her emotional state, the more upset she gets, the more random her power seems to get. But since she may also be modifying reality with her out-of-control power, she's also the only one who's noticing the changes.
Plus, the episode is dealing with several visual goofs by the animators during the Crystalling episode. There's points where the interiors of places, and some of the doorways make absolutely no sense, and seem to have different sizes in different scenes. Not to mention the Crystal Empire library really was in another building when they first arrived, and is now somehow relocated to the castle, with no explanation. There's a whole raft of things that objectively make no sense, other than the idea that the animators were lazy and just mashed scenes together without consideration for things like mismatched doors, impossibly huge train cars, and so on.
As for the whole Sunset-Friendship thing, it touches on the fact that Hasbro is still keeping EqG and MLP in separate zones. At first they tried to argue EqG was an alternate universe with non-connected stories, but that was kind of blown out of the water when they keep making references to the main show in the spinoff movies. The kicker is having Twilight show up talking of a mysterious time-travel event at the end of Friendship Games a full six months before that episode of MLP actually aired. So any conceit that they're not the same shared universe is getting pretty paper-thin at this point. But the tendency to keep them separate is what the underlying frustration is lampshading, as since they're being kept separate, Sunset was logically not considered as a friendship student for Twilight. Also, there's the fact that it has been suggested that Starlight was a producer-request insert, which predictably didn't go as well as I'm sure they hoped. But that's irrelevant here.
Mostly, however, this is a comedy fic. It's meant to be lighthearted and more than a little slapstick. Don't assume anything here is canon. It's not. It's just over-the-top comedy for the sake of a fun romp, pointing out all the flaws in the episode, and the whole Twilight/Sunset dynamic. Don't go looking for more than is actually there.
While we'd all like to hear the intimate details, this hardly seems the time for- oh wait, that's concerning the crowbar.
Holy crap! I'm caught up and this was updated just yesterday!
CHUCKLES
Not who I thought was going to do it...Meh!
MURPHY'S LAW STRIKES AGAIN!
You mean besides the one he's already in?
7800721 Wait for it....
7800730
If only right? Unfortunately science had to kill our fun with the reality that said black holes evaporated quickly, much quicker than their bigger counter parts (stupid Hawking's Radiation).
7801349
Well said.
7801469
Thanks . Seriously love this fic, I look forward to the next chapter (and hopefully it doesn't end too soon.)
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7801859
Actually. You are wrong with the whole relatable or believable to what the characters are saying and doing. And even in a non-comedy setting, many of the things happening here, are things touched upon by different authors in fics, rants, tropes pages, and the like.
Sunset Shimmer the Orphan: Who runs away to EarthQuestria, turns the 5 friends against each other, before starting EQG. Is a common trope in Momlestia fics staring Sunset. Including but not limited too such authors as Alex Warlorn(Ctrl+F: Adopted); The Shimmerverse; I believe mentioned in passing in Transdementia; etc.
Along with Sunset Shimmer's abandonment issues fueling her anger.
Sunset Shimmer's Anger Problem: Are you kidding me! Seriously Ctrl+F: Temper. Brings up her anger (Character Check), Slow-burning and Explosive (Evil Counterpart); her temper gets away from her often, usually to bad results for her (Fatal Flaw); and even in Rainbow Rocks (and upwards) still keeps her short temper (Nice Girl).
These themes are not only cannon. But show up in numerous fics. This just uses it early on for a Mouthpiece for the innumerable rants and jabs at Fridges of MLP, the various idiosyncrasies of MLP (not unlike Moliminous or Lily Peet).
Then it touches upon something for character growth (the affects of abandonment). With the humor shifting from Sunset (which you seem to be most focused on) to Flurry Heart's adorable destriveness, and Starlight failing her Special Talent in Supervilliany.
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So already. We have Sunset being believable, in character, and acting as you'd expect from an Orphan, who has abandonment issues (induces anger), and emotional issues. That she needs to work out. And while not relatable to you, is a thing. That pshycologists have found in adopted children or those with atypical (and deficient) early social development phases in their life (heck look at Starlight Glimmer).
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On that point:
Starlight Glimmer is a Melgomanical, Self-Important, Vindictive pony (And an Orphan): Literally nothing she's done in this fic is out of character for her. Other than the fact that she's yet to do her ST in Supervilliany. But give her time, it's only a matter of things hitting the fan enough before she fixes things in the most accidentally villainously way possible.
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Anything that's come out of Twilight's mouth: Seriously she's following her tropes. And is the ball of neurotic, super-nerdiness that we've come to love and be annoyed by. As well as her Obliviousness to those around her at time. Or her insensitivity.
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Anyone and everyone else: Seriously, they follow tropes, character, and react to situations in ways that aren't OOC. (And yes, I did this because I don't want this to end up being a thousands of words essay. Onto how character's are being believable, relatable, and acting as they do in multiple stories, tropes, and commentaries.).
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So yeah. They are relatable, and are acting very much in character. Or at the very least, within the bell curve of the tropes and personalities of their characters. In a way that doesn't shatter the suspension of disbelief.
As for Family Guy. That's Satire. Which, yes this is Satire. And is a form of humor that unfortunately. For those who don't grasp what Satire is. Is off putting (like those that believed in the canabalism preached in A Modest Proposal; Or Catch 22's use of Satire.).
So in that vein, you are semi-right. I've yet to see everyone gear up to emotionally, physically, and psychologically torture anyone individual character (aka. Like what happens to Meg. All the freaking time.); Drunken assholery (Yes; later chapters have a drunk Starlight yet she is nowhere near Peter levels; And many other things. That basically make me scratch my head at your repeated comment of "Family Guy with Ponies". When the only thing they share. At all. Is there satyrical nature.
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All that said. I can respect you not liking Satire. It's honestly a form of humor that not a lot of people get, like, nor are capable of grasping (not saying anything bad against you. Just stating a fact for the genre.).
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You are good. I almost want to take my words in a comment to a third chapter back, especially now, that 7802143's comment gave me insight as to why I found the story off-putting at times.
7807476
You're welcome. If I may ask, why'd you find it off putting at times?