A man of dark magic and dreams of domination was flung into an unsupecting world of ponies. Watch as years later this dark lord faces down the greatest challenge he's ever known: parenting.
This was an attempt at telling a story while giving as few details as possible in an attempt to counter-act my bad habit of over-explaining everything.
Feel free to leave critiques, and I hope you enjoyed.
Your prose is really nice. It kept me interested throughout the entire story. Also, I like how you didn't just have him succeed without a good reason. Way too many fics do that. My only suggestion is to approach the intro differently next time you write. This just launched me into the story, and I had no idea what was happening. It got better after the second paragraph or so, but first impressions are important. I would suggest starting off the story with some thoughts, or a very slow paced description of what is happening, instead of just going and letting the reader catch up in the next few paragraphs.
Other than the intro, I greatly enjoyed your story. Keep it up!
901738 Yeah, I feel yah. The only comments I get on my story are either 'great chapter' or 'I WANT MORE!!!' Don't get me wrong, they're nice and all, but I would love to get some solid criticism on my story. And that is why I love giving solid criticism to other people's stories, especially the ones that aren't seeming to get the attention they deserve (like this one) and the ones that I can tell are written by people with some good potential (hey, like this one again!). And you're welcome.
901801 Thanks for the compliments. I have another one in the works - longer, with an actual plot (the SFW kind). Hoping to get that up soon, maybe work on the pacing a bit more before it's up.
This was an attempt at telling a story while giving as few details as possible in an attempt to counter-act my bad habit of over-explaining everything.
Feel free to leave critiques, and I hope you enjoyed.
Good job! You get a trollestia and a like.
Well, you had me and then you lost me.
I'm going to say you need more practice, mainly because I want to see more chapters
812612
Any specifics? I'm aiming to improve.
Your prose is really nice. It kept me interested throughout the entire story. Also, I like how you didn't just have him succeed without a good reason. Way too many fics do that. My only suggestion is to approach the intro differently next time you write. This just launched me into the story, and I had no idea what was happening. It got better after the second paragraph or so, but first impressions are important. I would suggest starting off the story with some thoughts, or a very slow paced description of what is happening, instead of just going and letting the reader catch up in the next few paragraphs.
Other than the intro, I greatly enjoyed your story. Keep it up!
901413
You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear a good bit of criticism. Thank you.
901738
Yeah, I feel yah. The only comments I get on my story are either 'great chapter' or 'I WANT MORE!!!' Don't get me wrong, they're nice and all, but I would love to get some solid criticism on my story. And that is why I love giving solid criticism to other people's stories, especially the ones that aren't seeming to get the attention they deserve (like this one) and the ones that I can tell are written by people with some good potential (hey, like this one again!). And you're welcome.
901801
Thanks for the compliments. I have another one in the works - longer, with an actual plot (the SFW kind). Hoping to get that up soon, maybe work on the pacing a bit more before it's up.
901840
Hmmm. I am intrigued. I would like to see where it goes.