Boulder, Maud's unassuming, inanimate, pet rock. BUT WAIT! Is it unassuming? Is it inanimate? IS IT A PET ROCK?! Yeah, probably. Pinkie Pie introduces Price to her older sister Maud. What sorts of shenanigans will the two get into? Who will be able to stop their ever so fun game of. . . CAMOUFLAGE! And will Price ever be able to find Boulder or will Maud forever lose her favorite pet (maybe) rock?!
Maud will interact and meet with my other OC's along with Boulder.
Contains: Clop, Gore, Lasers, Robots, Sharks, Laser robot sharks, light-hearted comedy, flowers, Pinkie Pie
Disclaimer: may not contain one or six of the aforementioned
Oh leave out the sharks don't like them, but the rest sound fun. Let the story roll, to your places gentlerocks!
7575259 How was it?
Sorry to point these out but perfection is 20% cooler!
improved
feel ( plus a full stop not a comma at end of quote)
Well I could stand to lose a couple pounds?!
slab
Something I don't think I've heard said before, trouble is I'm probably going to hear that every time the grass is being mowed now.
Yep I'll approve, not bad for quick chapter.
7575299 I'll fix em when I get on the comp. I forgot to proofread.
7575319 Tis cool, not good at coming up with story ideas myself, so happy to help others perfect theirs.
7575299
That's wrong. A comma always goes before a dialogue tag. Now, if it were an action tag, which this one is not, then a period would go at the end.
"I'm writing good dialogue." he said. -- This is wrong.
"The guy above me is an idiot," he said. -- This is right.
"Both these guys need a slap." He slapped the two idiots. -- This is also right.
That said, a lot of the dialogue tags here are redundant, so omitting it outright and putting a period there would've been an improvement in this case.
7606619 What brings the great and wonderful tramp over to my corner of writing?!
7606628
I was checking to see if you'd gotten around to th- HERETIC! *BLAM*
7606642 Spoilers much! Geez!
I'll send you a pm when the chapter drops. Have to build up to it, y'know? It will be about four chapters I think.
7606651 Spoiler? What spoiler?
And yes. Buildup. Of course. Good to see you have a solid grasp on character deaths.
7606656 I think I wrote some pretty good ones. There are a lot more deaths on the horizon, especially for my other story. They will be huge and dramatic! I guarantee it or your money back!
7606661 Honestly, I can't appreciate the story to its full potential since I don't know anything about the Rainbow Six games. Number one problem with crossovers, really. Striking a balance between alienating people who aren't familiar with the crossed-over franchise, and boring the people who are, can be difficult.
7606683 Got'cha. Understandable.
Great, now I feel like a villain, snerk.
Pick up line?
How bout, 'We should stay these lovely ladies me be suffering after effects of such a horrific experience, they may need more help!'
7907981 lol Sandy was at home.
7908797 She might be distraught from hearing of Shade's experience?
7908804 And Boulder wants to console her and be her shoulder to cry on?