A Changeling, a Werewolf, and a Vampire

A changeling named Emerald Blaze came to Ponyville trying to escape the past he never wanted. He finds himself with two new friends who both have mysterious past. When Emerald Blaze finds out their secrets he needs to to go back to what he did before he left his hive. If Blaze wants to protect his friends there will be blood in his wake.

Chapters (3)

Chapter 1 · 21st Nov 2016 · 991 words
991
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Chapter two · 18th Dec 2016 · 1,078 words
1,078
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Chapter 3q · 12th Mar 2017 · 1,831 words
1,831
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Comments ( 13 )

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Comment posted by changeling blaze deleted Jan 14th, 2017

changeling blaze

changeling blaze #2 · Jan 14th, 2017 · · · Chapter two ·

Sorry it's taking so long but I need to find time to right it I have the next three characters mostly planed out

kildeez

kildeez #3 · Mar 12th, 2017 · · · Chapter 3q ·

For the love of Christ, find an editor. It's WEREwolf, not wearer wolf.

Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #4 · Mar 13th, 2017 · · · Chapter 3q ·

Don't you mean werewolf?

The Spy of the Tiger

The Spy of the Tiger #5 · Mar 13th, 2017 · · · Chapter 1 ·

There is a lot of stuff grammatically wrong with this In just the first sentence we see this.

"So its settled", said a tall white unicorn stallion ,"so when are you moving into your new home.

Just this sentence has quite a bit that can be amended, such as putting the comma before the end quotation and adding an end quotation to the last bit of dialogue.

With just those changes, and a few others, it would look like this.

"So it's settled," said a tall white unicorn stallion. "When are you moving into your new home?"

I would also recommend adding more description to the characters. I have not read very far into the story yet so I can't see your vision, but you could turn that sentence into something way better. For example, add some extra description. It could look something more like this.

"So then it's settled," said a steely white unicorn stallion with a tall, lanky build. "Now, when do you plan on moving in to your new house?" the unicorn asked to his companion, a lean, black pegasus stallion with a cutie mark of emerald green fire.
"Oh, I'm moving in as soon as possible," replied the pegasus with a wide grin.
"Excellent. Here are the keys," the unicorn said, motioning with his hoof to a small table beside the door. "And you should start receiving the paperwork in a few days, once your address has been updated."

Honestly, I didn't get far enough into this to see any major plot points, just because the amount of grammar mistakes is so massive that it detracts from the experience.

changeling blaze