Rainbow Blitz can be described as many different things; a talented flyer and Wonderbolt, a highly-esteemed Element of Harmony, a carefree prankster. But most of all, Blitz puts his Loyalty and friendships above all else.
So after an accidental mishap while performing a unique Wonderbolt stunt, Rainbow Blitz knew he had to make things up after injuring Elusive's dance partner before an upcoming competition. So, the stunt-pony promised that he would find the best dancer around to take the mare's place, and help Elusive win the trophy he wanted for years.
However, what he didn't expect was how Elusive decided to cash in that promise. Instead of just finding another mare on such short notice, the fashion pony had his sights set on someone different to take the place as his dancing partner:
Rainbow Blitz
(Note: This is a M/M story that centers on BlitzLusive shipping - AKA, R63 Raridash. Special thanks to DynaPony for proofreading)
Oh goodie goodie it's here!!!!!!
Also first!!!!
if only Elusive is wearing a Dress to dance .w.
7868160
It would be more hilarious if the role of the "female dancer" was given to Rainbow. If you catch my drift
7868175
An overly masculine character being forced in a feminine situation? With accompanying outfits to drive in said femininity until he eventually likes it? Golly, who would write something like that?
7868184
Ohhhh,... I don't know? Maybe someone who writes dancing ponies, but come on!!! Who would do such a thing?
7868184
But for real, I'm intrigued on were this story will go, keep up the good work V.
Well you see Silver Bell, an exotic dancer is a dancer who knows how to exorcise daemons!
...
Wait, thats not right?
Oh...
Damnit.
Pretty good first chapter. My only complaint was that you were a little heavy handed with the R63 stuff a few times. I don't read a whole lot of R63 so I'm finding some of the name swaps ... Interesting. For example Tank/Armour and Spitfire/Flamethrower (and I think this one is especially bad, the important part about Spitfire's name isn't fire). I also laugh every time I hear Barbara, it just feels so out of place to me.
7871159
I got Armour and Flamethrower from a list I found online. And as for Barb, I have it so that only Elusive calls her Barbara. Everyone else just says Barb (which is a fitting synonym for Spike).
7871191 My thing with Barb is that everyone has these really nice pony names, and then we have Barbara. This random old lady name. It's also a human name which I think in general is something to avoid. I'm not blaming you for the Flamethrower thing (like I said, I don't read a lot of R63 and I don't know the standard names) but I really don't like it. I think Spitfire should have the same naming scheme she has in the first place, if it even changes.
7871272
Actually, my headcanon is that Barb is her official name, but Elusive says Barbara to be proper.
7871276 that's not a bad idea, but it's been ruined for me already. I can't unsee Barbara.
7870025
There has to be, somewhere...
oh dear god that's great. It really seems like something Rainbow Dash/Blitz would do.
I'm still not a fan of Captain Flamethrower, especially now that he has facial hair. I never really liked that look for ponies.
I know it seems like i'm ragging on the story a lot, but I really do like it.
Blitz wanted to feel grateful that a small head injury was the only thing he received from that fall, but he still couldn’t shake how it even happened in the first place. The Wonderbolts Super Show was going off without a single hitch, and his duo flight stunt with **Soaring**(Soarin) went perfect for the first half. But just as the two did the fly-around to prep for their Triple Somersault Barrel-Roll (a move that Prince Dusk Shine himself helped patent for his friend), he knew he felt like something was off when he began to gain elevation. He wasn’t sure if it was just poor wing-adjustment on his own behalf, or some freak-gust of wind that threw him off position, but the last thing he remembered before plummeting to the ground was feeling Soaring’s hind leg whack against the side of his head like a wooden bat.
please forgive me for being "that guy" sorry. love your work! it helps me in my day to day life.
7873588
Actually, I intended for the r63 name of Soarin to be Soaring. It isn't an error.
Oh god, my sides
Then again, he does have a point- if Elusive's anything like Rarity, he's campy as all hell, on top of being a fashion designer.
That is a rather big tease. I can think of several scenario's for the bubble scene. I hope we do find out what happened there at some point in the story.
7877459 i second that. love this story. must have MORE!!!
I vote positively for both secret Dusk pressure and Starshine sexy innuendo!
7877218 Elusive definately got the short end of the stick during the R63 transformation in terms of stereotypes.
Really good chapter. I really want to know what Dusk told Rainbow.
For the record, magic qualifies as science and technology.
This is so funny. I can't wait to see more!
The platonic-ness of this relationship is so full of potential energy! So romantically implied it makes me want to burst! Too excited for the next chapter in these adorabley oblivious characters
Oh, I dunno. Shower hugs are pretty nice. I have a feeling Blitz is going to find that out sooner than later.
Ah, I love the awkwardness. XD
That was the moment every inflexible guy out there, such as myself, felt a heavy dose of second hand pain. Ouuuuuuuuuu, Blitz is gonna be piiiiiiiiissed.
Man that's gotta hurt. Also I barely realized Toffee is actually Caramel as a female, and the ship between her and Macarena is too cute
7907217
Yeah, when you're dating Fimfiction's most notable CaraMac shipper for the past year and a half, that sort of pairing tends to sink in. Even in genderswapped fics.
7907339
Seems legit
> Toffee and Dr. Sage are siblings
Gee V wonder where you got that idea from not a little story that rhymes with shelmting smow huh?In all seriousness I'm sort of impressed with the dialogue. You really managed to capture the feel for most of the characters, particularly Rainbow and Elusive, stronger than I've ever really noticed before. Usually their characters don't stand out as much, but because you gave them one on one time their opposing dialogue choices really shined. My only complaint is that it's a bit rushed, but of course this isn't gonna be a grand sweeping epic like Brushed Away was so we'll be expecting to move quicker.
> Even though he knew that Applejack’s older sister became gal-pals with Toffee a while back
Wow you totally just gal palsed away the total lesbian relationship didn't ya.
> The stallion’s legs spread as wide apart as they could go
Well then.
Also...
Blow up doll. Photoshopped head on buff stallion. This is starting to sound like a scrapped script from a Friends episode.
Also Elusive and Blitz are gonna dance and it's gonna be the gayest thing ever. I am ready for that believe me.
I like the pacing of this one a lot more. A lot more slow, everything seemed to fall into place sort of at once. The only confusing thing was when Elusive and Barb found Blitz because I thought they were still at Sugarcube Corner but I think that was just me missing they were out walking together. I'm just shocked you didn't gay it up and make Elusive notice all of Blitz's muscles during the end.
I'm a little surprised you didn't have Elusive argue that rules like the same gender can't compete together would be barbaric and out of touch. I dunno why but he seems so obviously gay that it feels like he would have a bit of a voice about that kind of stuff.
"What in Equestria do you think this is? The dark times where ponies didn't have a single sense of fashion and wore those dreadful garbs? No! So in this day and age two stallions can so much as dance!"
Also...
> Because if you two would rather act like a couple of diapered COLTS, then I can easily get the materials and spells necessary to make that a reality!”
Babe please stop encouraging your fetish audience. You're waving a carrot in front of a pig.
Also I swear to god if you make the thing Dusk said the fucking Royal Wedding I'm never going to forgive you.
Regardless, I do like the fight in this chapter. It seemed natural, though I do kind of wish somebody would have called out Blitz for being a bit homophobic and bro-like about it. I mean his entire argument against it was that it was "icky" for a guy to do it with another guy and that just seems like kind of a douche thing for him to do so blatently without the others calling him out.
7878191 Not really, in my opinion. I think that he's basically like Fashion Plate, Hoity Toity, and Fancy Pants now in terms of personality. Besides, not much wrong with being feminine and a guy especially cause Elusive makes it work so well.
Y'know I don't think I ever gave you enough credit when I was editing Brushed Away 3. Something about this story seems leaps and bounds above your last shorter fic, Mother Fluffer, in terms of just character building and dialogue and pacing. Maybe it was due to the fact Brushed Away 3 had about a dozen characters each hogging screen time in the story while this has about 3 characters on screen at once max in any given scene. It's a lot easier to focus on single characters without them all fighting for screen time, so it lets each character's feelings flow to make them feel more complex and not just a flanderization of something. It shined sometimes in Brushed Away, but with how many characters you had you couldn't exactly help it sometimes when some characters were just overshadowed by others who felt like filler in certain scenes.
I'm proud of you, Babe.
7911878
Of course not, and I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Sorry if it seemed that way. I just don't like it in general when you switch the gender and it immediately turns them into a stereotype. The rest of the main 10 (main 6, cmc, and spike) come out pretty similar.
But the difference is that Hoity, Fancy Pants, and Fashion plate are essentially blank slates. They pretty much have no personality or attributes (Fashion plate doesn't even have a wiki page, Hoity has 2 lines, and Fancy pants only is featured in two episodes). I actually find it interesting that you can say that Elusive is like them, because they don't have any canon development (except fashion plate being incredibly annoying lol). But with Elusive, the base is Rarity. And while you can tweak that, you can't change it.
Personally I don't think so. Rarity is my second least favorite of the group (my least favorite being Pinkie) and Elusive remains in that spot.
This story was sort of nearing the edge of what I thought you struggled with in Brushed Away every few chapters, how the main plot was sort of pushed aside for 1000 words or so of pointless filler that didn't really add anything with characters that weren't exactly relevant or had their own thing going on. The second half was better because it let it simmer down and focus. I don't really think this is as much filler as you claimed personally to me, mostly because it would feel awkward not to show them training at least a little. Besides if Blitz's irritation is actually a plot point it's a good way to introduce it. If not then yeah it was kind of a lying issue.
Hornjobs are best jobs XD
Add a full stop.
Exchange the full stop in this one for a question mark.
>Giving sleep-hornjobs to sleeping ponies
...
That's some serious
gayblackmail material right there.Just a question... or maybe a suggestion.
Are you going to make it like a plotpoint how ponies react to two guys dancing?
I think it could be interesting with people arguing back and forth in like the media or something about how it's just a stunt and should get them kicked out, while others argue it's about time that gay ponies get some recognition. It could just be a vague background thing going on that'll help drive feelings for Blitz being considered a gay symbol and perhaps by Elusive to hope they stand out enough to really make the judges notice them, so there's a bit of back and forth going on. Then again I'm not quite sure what you want the story to be ABOUT entirely as a theme, besides the two dancing and being
not platonicfriends.I actually really liked the two songs you picked, though. Pretty catchy and fitting for both couples.
7913503 Oops I kinda forgot I wrote a lot of Fancy Pants myself and kind of have a personality laid out for him from my own writing.
that sounds so stuck up my own ass god dammit
But I still like to think they have personality, you just have to work with what you're given. Fancy Pants is generous and kind, sort of a counter to the Canterlot stereotype in being nice despite his high status where most ponies would be self centered. I can't speak for his second episode because
I haven'tseen itbut still.7916797 well, I said a second episode, but he just had a couple lines in the equestria summit episode. Still more than everyone else got.
I think learning to mix drinks would be fun and kind of a cool skill to have. But I don't have the time or money to really learn right now.
lol, that seems like something Blitz would do.
And oh dear god, that ending. Gotta love good blackmail material.
I was really expecting a Friends reference with the whole waking up cuddling each other thing, not gonna lie.
Otherwise this chapter was sweet. Let the two have their first real touching and real moment together for basically the whole story. I hope more come, and I like the tidbit about Elusive's backstory as it gives him a bit more personality than I would have expected.
Firework feels like the most fitting. Blitz would at least like the lyrics.
I say Firework.
Firework, because at least it's more tolerable.
Barbie girl would be hilarious, along with sexy and I know it, but I don't they'd actually be good songs for the performance. Maybe as a prank or something.