Chapter 17: An Uncomfortable Reunion
At the risk of sounding like an old lady… ain't this a fine how-do-you-do!
Here’s Cozy Glow, by far my least favourite ungulate to ever clop their way onto the small screen…
About to be plucked, stuffed and turned into Christmas dinner... (sorry Yanks, we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in merrie olde England)
And I was on the verge of actually jumping in the line of fire to defend her! Amazing.
Sure, stranger things have happened (just peruse the last sixteen chapters if you don’t believe me) but still, even I never saw this unexpected turn of events on the horizon.
This is coming from someone who’s been tested by at least half-a-dozen world-renowned child psychiatrists on account of his ‘febrile imagination’ (polite way of putting it), so you know it’s a major twist.
I had to spare a thought for poor Smoulder too, naturally. Standing there like a rabbit in the headlights, protecting her one-time enemy’s body from almost certain evisceration by her best buds… and not listening to a word the dragon said, because they thought she’d been brainwashed.
Does she regret our brief partnership now? I sincerely hope not. Usually, when my ‘real’ friends dump me, I can retreat into fantasyland to take the devastating feelings of rejection away...
But when said fandom responds by also giving me the ‘bum’s rush’... well, looks like it’s back to the booze I go. Glug glug. Sorry, liver.
What we really need right now is adult intervention, I reasoned, sneaking a peek at the static members of Twilight’s main crew. Well, they’re no help. They seem just as surprised and conflicted as me. And those guards are frickin’ useless, they’re just standing there following orders. I doubt they’d even blink if they weren’t given a command in advance. I guess it’s all up to me then, to belly-flop into the fray and break up proceedings. This shaggy bulk’s gotta be good for something, after all. Here goes nothing… and a-one! And a-two! And a-...
“Stop!!”
What the… to the accompaniment of a colourful flash, my countdown was interrupted by a single word echoing around the hallowed corridor of the school, silencing all conversation and ceasing all other activities immediately. All the stunned onlookers could do was stare in awe like slack-jawed yokels as Starlight Glimmer appeared on the scene via means of magical transportation.
Hey, have you tried getting a bus at this time? And the price of taxis these days! Outrageous.
Anyway, in the absence of any other responsible authority figure, she stood a thousand feet tall. Who’d have thought that at the start of season four? She’d even brought along some special guests, ponies that I knew well from just a day or so earlier, ones that I used to be very closely related to…
...Soon to be reclassified on the genus scale from ‘equine’ to ‘mincemeat’, as I hadn’t quite managed to fully halt my headlong rush before their arrival.
CRASH! BASH! WALLOP! “Ow…” “Ooh…”
“U-um, hi there Mr and Mrs Cozy Glow, sir and madam! Long time, no see!” I nervously greeted the moaning and groaning pair of pancaked pegasus parents underneath my folds of fat.
To be honest, it felt pretty comfy lying prostrate on them like that. If I had to spend another evening here, do you think they’d object awfully to being my makeshift mattress for the night?
Rolling her eyes in a very Twilight-esque manner, now it was Starlight’s turn to trot over and make introductions. “Nigel, I presume?”
What? How did she know? Especially as I don’t even look like mysel… wait. That’s been true ever since I washed up in these ‘parts. Touche.
“I can see by the look on your face that my assumption was correct. And by your actions, that everything I’ve heard about you is true, also.” Starlight said that last sentence in such a way that made me think that information wasn’t exactly complimentary. “Sandbar and the others, please leave Smoulder and Cozy Glow alone. More will be explained in a little while, but for now just know that if you hurt Cozy, you’ll be causing untold pain to one of your best friends. Finally, I have a private message for the ears of five other ponies in particular…”
Starlight then walked over to Applejack to whisper something in her ear, before Applejack told Rainbow Dash, who then repeated it to Fluttershy… before all of them were ‘up to speed’ on recent occurrences. The quintet seemed appropriately perplexed, but before I could get a stronger grasp of their demeanours they all made their way into Starlight’s room, with the unicorn counsellor herself being the last in to firmly shut the door behind her.
Obviously an impromptu meeting. About me. Which I won’t get to hear a word of. Grr, I hate it when people or ponies whisper about me behind my back… I stared at that closed office with annoyance, blissfully unaware of the poor creatures currently asphyxiating under my broad belly…
Or the gathering storm all around me.
“Er…” Ocellus kicked off the discussion in a very articulate manner.
“We….” Silver Stream followed on from where her changeling chum had left off.
“...Have questions.” The nominal leader Sandbar obviously had to have the last word, and if that left eyebrow was any higher it would be touching the stars by now.
“And we need to know the answers now.” Whoa, how did I forget about Gallus? Of course he’d have to be the one to cut through the crap and get to the point. Well played, Mr. Moody.
“W-Well.” I stuttered, wishing that Starlight hadn’t taken tips from her bestie Trixie to do a quick disappearing act. “Where do I start…”
“You can all ‘start’ by following me!” A path through the crowd was suddenly opened up by guards and other creatures making way, and who else could it be, but…
“Spike dude!!” Yes, those very words did just leave my lips. No, I am not ashamed of it. Spike has always been one of my favourite characters: the lovable little guy put upon by almost everyone who knows him, who never gets given proper credit for anything he does, abused, neglected, ignored…
Let’s just say I can relate, and leave it at that.
He didn’t seem too impressed by me, though. “Yes, I am ‘Spike’, but I don’t have a second name, let alone one as unique as ‘dude’. Anyway, Princess Twilight has just filled me in on what happened, and I am here to direct those most impacted to another room where everything will be explained…”
Bor-ing. I almost had to stifle a yawn there. I don’t need to be told what I know already. It’s action I need now to stop Cozy Glow’s tyranny, not more fine words! I hate exposition filler, dagnabbit…
“...And also inform you of news that some of you might not be aware of just yet.” As if in response to my audible disinterest, Spike pricked up my ears again with that tasty little titbit. “Now do hurry along, as time is short.”
...Not as short as you! I felt tempted to add, but this was neither the time nor the place for my usual brand of hilarity. Accompanied by the rest of the Young Six, (with Smoulder still clutching an out-of-sorts Yona/Cozy firmly to her chest) I began to follow them past everycreature else down the corridor…
Nearly leaving behind two very squashed pegasi in my wake.
“Oops, sorry ‘bout that whole ‘mashing you to a pulp’ thing. A-And pretending to be your daughter earlier, too. Tell you what… let’s let bygones be bygones. Fancy a ride?”
A pretty quick chapter, but one which will lead to much bigger things ahead I swear. 
Anyway, isn't this great... two updates in two days? So unlike me. But don't worry, I haven't been taken over by any strange creatures from a fictional fantasy world! 
...Or have I? Stares into the mirror anxiously... 
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.......I don’t trust you.
10800774
Probably for the best.
I really like this story but these last two chapters felt like they were more....scattered(?) Then previous ones. Honestly it made it difficult to follow the story. It felt more like all of this guy's thoughts were hijacked by discord or pinkie pie in their most hyperactive states.
10800789
Really? Reading through them, I think they're some of my best work. Oh well, it just goes to show how differently people perceive things. Maybe because the plots getting more manic, maybe that's what you're noticing....
Heh, they just left and assumed Spike would handle the crazy. Poor Spike.
Will that totally-heartfelt-apology be remembered? Not entirely convinced it would be a good thing.
10800816
You can't interrupt the big pony meeting! And as the Princess's future head advisor, I'm sure he'd be expected to deal with situations that are just as tricky as this. Maybe not by much, but close.
10800820
It's only been a few months since the Princess Spike incident though... 😇
10800830
Not really. Princess Spike was season 5, episode 10. This fic takes place at the end of season 8. You'd have thought he'd learned something by now... hopefully.
10800832
Oh no! We can't have development in our kids show! Blasphemy! 😂😂😂
I agree with shadowlord2020. These last couple chapters have felt kinda needlessly stretched out and peppered with side commentary. 90% of this chapter could have been replaced with "Everyone, hold up! There's been an incident with an illegal bodyswap potion. Yona is in Cozy's body and Cozy has run off with mine. So maybe we hold off on the pitchforks and torches? "
Nice
10800896
Well, that could sum up a lot of the story with the guy's thoughts and feelings inserted into the text. This isn't a straight story of him being transported to Equestria and trying to escape... a lot of the jokes are in his private observations and reactions to what he experiences. Plus references to his life back home. of course.
If you really wanted to be picky, you could say most of the story could be condensed into a couple of paragraphs, but heigh-ho. All I can say is I enjoy writing it at a mixture of normal pace with occasional comedic stops along the way. That's how it's been from the beginning, and that's probably how it'll continue.
10800905
Thank you!
This just feels like a Spider-man joke for some reason.
I've been watching a lot of Spider-man recently.
I must've missed something. When did this happen?
10801076
The third chapter.
*eyes the author suspiciously*
Why do I have a feeling things are not going to go so smoothly for our hero? Either A: they STILL dont believe him and are going to fix the whole body swap thing and try and house arrest him or something. or maybe B: They DO believe him and decide to fix the body swap put him back into Cozy's body and decide to keep him as Cozy since it means the actual one is safely exiled. or Maybe C: something totally different XD
Spike isn't abused in my opinion
It's all circumstance
10800774
"Start at the beginning!"
"Yes, yes. And when you reach the end, stop."
I for one welcome our new author. May you write wreckless abandon.
How many chapters long will this story be?
10801334
"In the beginning there was Chaos, and from that Chaos- Too far back? Alright... Well it began when a man met a woman..."
10800912
Yes, the whole story has been in a rambling style which I assume is on purpose and does not need to change. Maybe people forgot this because it had been a while between updates.
10801137
If everything went smoothly, with no road humps along the way, it'd be a pretty dull story wouldn't it?
10801200
This guy disagrees, obviously.
10801274
10801334
That's usually the simplest solution. But also the least fun...
10801730
for now... 
I think I'm okay...
10801911
Hmm. It's a cliche but... how long is a piece of string?
10802503
Nope. Pretty sure I ain't seen this movie. Sounds Monty Python-ish?
10803685
Exactly. I just think some people must've been reading a different story before.
10803701
To be honest, not based on anything in particular, just a random comment that popped into my head when I read the comment I responded to.
I do like monty python though. Used to have a Python named Monty when I was a kid.
10803701
You or the character
10803936
The guy in the story. My views always depend on the episode, season, etc.
Wow I only recently discovered this and I gotta say I didn't know that I wanted a story like this
keep up the good work buddy
Update?
11746725
You're killing me, man.
11746726
What it’s been two years?
11746741
No I just meant, I've got so many fics to update that I'm afraid my fingers will be worn to the bone before I get round to all of them.
Plus, I received some rather nasty PMs for the last couple of chapters I published from certain people the likes of which I'd rather not get again. I'm doing this for free, just because you (not you) don't like the direction a story is going, it doesn't give you the right to insult or threaten me, thanks.
When I publish another chapter you'll know if you're following the story, so hang tight. Don't worry, I haven't given up on it by any means.
11746750
I hope things are good for you.
The format of this story is very taxing to read.