Spike woke up feeling happy, he felt today was gonna be a good day.
Spike then saw Starlight walking in the hallway.
“Oh hey Starlight how’s it going?” Spike asked.
“Oh it’s going good so far, I’m heading over to Trixie’s to practice some magic.” Starlight explained.
“Oh well I hope you have a good time, me I gotta go help Twilight with some things, I’ll be a bit busy while she goes out with her friends.” Spike explained.
“Oh okay hope you have a good day.” Starlight said happily.
“You too.” Spike said with glee.
Spike sighed he never told anypony this but he always sort of felt left out when Twilight and her friends would leave.
Spike then went and cleaned the castle, and was just dusting off the bookshelves when he saw Twilight’s scrapbook.
Spike then looked at all the happy memories Twilight had with her friends and he did feel a bit left out as he didn't see himself in some photos so he wasn't sure if Twilight did care about him after all.
Well even so Spike still cared about Twilight and was happy to see her being happy.
Twilight and the girls were laughing and giggling they had an awesome day and they took many pictures along the way they met up with Starlight along the way.
"Hey Twilight, I just got done practicing magic. What's going on?" Starlight asked happily.
"Oh these are just photos we took and we can't wait to put them in our scrapbook." Twilight said in excitement.
"I didn't know you had a scrapbook." Starlight said gleefully.
"Oh yeah it's in the castle library I'll show it to you." Twilight said gesturing Starlight to the library.
Spike then felt his nose tickle he was beginning to feel like he was gonna sneeze he tried to hold it but he sneezed fire onto the book.
Spike then saw as all the pages were reduced to ashes.
“Oh no, not again, oh I hope Twilight does not get mad at me.” Spike says scared.
“Oh she is.” Twilight said as she glared at Spike while Starlight and the Mane 5 just looked worried for the dragon.
“I was just about to show Starlight all of our memories together but you had to burn the book.” Twilight angrily said.
“Twilight please I know what it looks like-“ Spike began pleading but Twilight cut him off.
“I can’t believe you, all of my memories with my friends were in there, you know how much that meant to me and you RUINED IT!” Twilight yelled at Spike.
“Twilight please I-“ Spike pleads but Twilight wouldn’t listen to him.
“Save it." Twilight held a hoof up,
Starlight then had enough of this and tried to stop this.
“Twilight stop he feels bad enough as it is.” Starlight commanded in a concerned tone.
“Stay out of this Starlight.” Twilight commanded angrily.
“Out of all the times I had to put up with your nonsense this is the worst thing you’ve ever done.” Twilight said.
“What do you mean?” Spike asked with tears.
“How about making a mess in Applejack's farm for example.” Twilight explained.
"Wait I never meant to do that." Spike defended himself.
"It's true Twi he was just tryin' to help." Applejack spoke to defend the dragon but Twilight ignored her.
Twilight continued “You’re kinda egotistical at times which is even more annoying than Dash at times."
"Hey." Rainbow Dash said angrily.
"That's not fair we all have egos." Spike defended himself.
“You caused a misunderstanding with Thorax and Ember and acted like a bad friend.” Twilight glared making Spike whimper before he himself got angry.
"I am not a bad friend." Spike said angrily making Twilight get madder at the dragon.
“Oh really well you turned into a monster and attacked Ponyville.” Twilight shouted.
"Not fair I had no control." Spike shouted out.
"He's right he didn't." Rarity tried to defend the dragon but Twilight again would not listen.
“And you destroyed our book.” Twilight said.
"You know if you were my friend you'd understand that it was an accident." Spike bursted out angrily.
"Spike that's a bit too harsh." Fluttershy spoke out meekly.
“Honestly you’re much more trouble then you’re worth maybe I never should’ve hatched you from that egg.” Twilight yelled out before she realized what she said.
The Mane 5 and Starlight looked at Twilight in shock and anger.
“Oh Spike I didn’t-“ Twilight began with remorse before Spike stopped her.
“Save it, I need to be alone.” Spike said before flying to his room.
Starlight then glared at the alicorn “You happy now Twilight, you just made Spike cry and feel useless. I hope you’re satisfied.” before walking away in anger.
Twilight then begins crying "What have I done?" she said in tears.
"Twilight that was a bit harsh darling." Rarity comforted.
"I'll say you made Spike cry." Pinkie Pie said.
"I know and I'm sorry but it's best I stay away from him for now." Twilight admitted.
Spike is seen crying in his room, he then begins thinking.
Twilight’s right I’m too much trouble. Spike thought.
Spike then looked at his window and came up with an idea.
“I need to leave, it’s for the best.” Spike said in tears.
Spike then wrote a note and then put it on his bed.
Spike then flew out of the window and went off to the Everfree Forest where no pony would find him.
Starlight then knocked on the door.
“Spike you in there buddy?” Starlight asked comfortingly. No reply came.
“Spike, I know what Twilight said was bad but I’m sure she didn’t mean it. Maybe if you two have a talk you can sort it out.” Starlight reassured but she still heard nothing.
“I am respecting your privacy but as your magical unicorn friend I’m coming in anyway.” Starlight said in a playful tone.
Starlight then teleported into Spike’s room and saw a note on the bed.
To whom it may concern
I, Spike the Dragon have run away, Twilight was right about me I am too much trouble and I don’t wanna ruin her life anymore, so I left, and I’m not coming back ever so don’t even try looking for me. Twilight if you are reading this I am sorry I was such a nuisance but now you no longer have to put up with me.
Starlight was then super worried and called out Twilight’s name.
“Twilight!” Starlight cried out running to the castle library.
Meanwhile the Mane 5 were still in the library comforting Twilight
“Twilight, Spike he-“ Starlight began before Rainbow Dash glared at Starlight and flew up to her angrily.
“Leave her alone you jerk you already made her feel bad about herself she doesn’t need anymore bad news.” Rainbow Dash yelled.
“I’m sorry but I need to tell her something.” Starlight apologized.
“Hear her out sugarcube.” Applejack told Rainbow Dash calmly.
“Fine but this better be important.” Rainbow Dash glared.
“Okay Spike wrote this note, he ran away.” Starlight explained.
Twilight then read the note and began crying again.
“What have I done? Spike left and it’s all my fault why did I treat him so terribly why why?!” Twilight said in tears.
“Twilight he couldn’t have gone far we’ll find him.” Fluttershy said comfortingly.
“Maybe you’re right Fluttershy, but how will I ever forgive myself for what I’ve done?” Twilight asked crying.
“Spike will forgive you trust us he loves you.” Starlight said hugging Twilight who hugged back.
“Oh Spike.” Twilight said “Be safe.”
Honestly, my respect for Twilight decreased in this chapter. I love Spike
And Starlight.
Rainbow Dash was a pain in the a*s, I'm sorry.
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I don’t blame you.
10744424![:coolphoto:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/coolphoto.png)
Great story btw
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Thank you.
Ok read a few Spike runs away and they all have oen thing in common. They are too rushed, like this chapter.
Wonder how the Royal Sisters like Luna would react to what has happened there?
This kind of reminds me of Whobob Whatpants.
Anyway nearly everyone was ooc and they were too quick to turn on Spike.
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(Cough) Starlight didn’t turn on Spike. (Cough)
Sorry had a cold, anyway the reason they were so mad is because their memories were destroyed of course they were gonna feel angry and turn on him I meant to make their motives reasonable but a bit unjustified(Twilight saying she shouldn’t have hatched him was the one where she went too far).
How were they OOC? Asking to make this chapter better.
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Well for one thing they wouldn’t be that quick to anger.
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Yeah but with instances like Canterlot Wedding and Owls Well That Ends Well it kinda makes sense don’t you think.
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They can be quick to anger, but even in "Owls Well That Ends Well", there's a few differences between how Twilight acted in that episode vs how she was in this story.
For one thing, in "Owls Well That Ends Well", exactly how much she saw might be a tad unclear, but Twilight saw Spike trying to frame the Owl (can't spell his name), laughing like a classic villain, so she knew what he was doing. When she did scold Spike, she was mad, but she also said how she was "disappointed" and what she saw wasn't the Spike she cared about.
But, in this fic, it appears that she just showed up and saw the burnt book and yelled at him almost right away. Unlike in "Owls Well That Ends Well", Spike wasn't acting guilty here, but whether worried about what Twilight might think. I feel that things also escalated especially quick when Twilight said
Even if it was out of anger and she didn't really mean it, that was a little too much, given how things went so south, so fast. This is more or less coming off the top of my head, but Twilight saying something like, "That book meant so much to me! I thought you understood that, so why did you burn it?! I thought you were better than that!" I think would be a little more in character, yet she's still angry and not exactly likable.
The rest of the mane 6 are more or less OOC, or at least close to it, especially Rainbow calling Spike a monster right off the bat. Even if she was pissed, I feel that was a little overkill and OOC. Even when Spike was in tears, the mane 6 didn't seem to care at all and just kept going, and only eased up once Twilight went too far, so it wasn't like he was getting mad and was arguing back. I don't recall them ever going that far in the show without them being in a bad mood beforehand or something. But even then, there are only two times I remember something like that happening: one was when Sunset Shimmer went off on Sci-Twi and made her ran away in tears, but she didn't calm down right away. Sunset was already really stressed out by that point, so it wasn't like she just got mad, like how the characters in this story did. Then there was when Fluttershy said something similar in "Getting Her Hoof Down" to Rarity and Pinkie, but she also wasn't acting like herself when it happened. But, maybe a character did keep laying into a character that was in tears, but I just don't remember.
About Rarity, she brought up the Ember & Thorax mess in "Triple Threat", but she wasn't in that episode. It's obvious that she heard about it off-screen, but she's talking like she was there and saw it with her own eyes, unless the version she got left out Spike's reasons (even if they ended up not being the case) and thus she thought it was even worse. In general, everything felt a little rushed.
To be fair, this is pretty much what happens in many other Spike runs away stories: mane 6 act somewhat bitcher than usual (and it's not even justified: more on this later) to help justify Spike becoming upset enough to run away.
Now, Starlight's role is...oh boy. Starlight herself was not bad (obviously) but when Starlight haters claim episodes sometimes make other characters -- usually Twilight and the mane 6 -- look bad for her to look good, this first chapter is a perfect example of how that would look. She even had a reaction to Spike going on a rampage, something she wasn't there for, but in Spike's defense; She reminded how he didn't have control of himself, despite the other characters actually being there to see the whole thing. Sure, Rainbow could have forgotten that in anger, but it is still an example of how a character is made worse while Starlight looks good at the same time, not that it's her fault, of course.
If you'll like some more input on how to make the chapter better, I can try to give it. Maybe something could happen to make Spike start having doubts, so he's more vulnerable; this could help him get upset enough to run off without needing the mane 6 to be overly harsh for it to be believable.
Next, with the first chapter being just over 1,000 words, that's partly why things feel rushed and had things happen so fast. I feel that something like this should be at least 2,000 words or more (depending on how much details like body language or more narration to help things is added), and most of all if it starts things off with something happening to make Spike doubt himself. Maybe this could happen in a Prologue if it would make the chapter be too long for you.
As for the mane 6, I would think about just having it be between only Twilight and Spike, so the rest of the mane 6 don't have to risk being OOC, OR have only some of them (Like Rainbow and/or Applejack) be the ones to join Twilight in scolding Spike. This could allow other characters to be the "good", levelheaded characters like Starlight is, or Starlight could be somewhere else, but come in later to help out--and maybe give a quick scolding. If Twilight ended up being the one to say the most hurting things, maybe something could put her (and for that matter, other characters what will lay into Spike) in a bad mood beforehand. It wouldn't make her any more likable, but at least help further justify her saying something particularly hurtful, not just rash. You are more likely to say out-of-line stuff you would normally never say when you're already in a bad mood.
Another thing you could think about doing is having Spike stand up to Twilight and argue with her back. This could further anger Twilight, the two get more and more upset at each other, and it could eventually come to a head by Twilight saying something out of line, and Spike either become depressed by it, or become angrier than ever and either go to his room and write this "goodbye" note (an angry one), or he could just be like "You don't want me, Twilight? Fine, I'm out of here" and storm out on the spot.
One more thing I would point out is how the rest of the mane 6, not even Fluttershy, didn't seem to care about Twilight going too far with Spike, yet Rainbow took issue with Starlight scolding Twilight, deservedly, since Starlight didn't go that far. I felt like other characters should have got on Twilight's case too, at least before she started crying and ran off. It was also a little tough to tell if Twilight was crying over the guilt from her words, or just because she was laid into and her feelings got hurt, since she ran off, but didn't say something like "what have I done?"
If Twilight were to come to her senses soon enough, she could be the one to go to Spike's room and find the note, either alone or with another character(s) with her
I guess that's all I got right now. Hope it can help, because I think this story could really be something, if it can avoid the common pitfalls that a lot of Spike runs away stories have, like the mane 6 being extra mean, even if Spike did something to upset them (which is common in this story), especially when it's something that Spike didn't even mean to do. The damage might be done with the thumbs down, but still.
This needs a bit more of work. We need more to give us suspense and build up. The characters are just there.
Twilight and co just pop out of nowhere just to abuse him for destroying the gift they made for Twilight, so spike has an excuse to run away and the way they act feels so out of place and forced. Also Starlight was suppose to be out doing magic but once spike burnt the book its like it triggered an alarm off, that teleported them all to that exact location.
Yes, making the memory book might have been a bit difficult for them, they had to keep it a secret while getting the memories.
But to actually have her say she should have never hatched him is something Twilight would never say. Twilight would be upset and a little angry but not that far.
Also Starlight and Spike helped make the memory book. Why would they show it to Starlight, unless you haven't seen Friendship is forever.
On a personal note regarding Spike runs away mean mane 6: The mane 6 was mean and doesn't bring him on adventures, spike runs away, my fault, gag is so old its an eye roller at this point, seen to many and read to many.
Spike and Twilight's Dynamic is strange but Its what makes It so well done. Twilight doesn't say much neither does spike. Out of the whole show I don't think you ever her them say they love one another. but their care for each other is shown more in body language and one sided hugs then words and I absolutely love the dynamic. My most favorite scene is when Twilight gives Spike the Friendship ambassador spot and that is the most wholesome hug she gives him.
I'm not an expert, I haven't even released a story at all but from someone that is actually trying to get into it. I do know the characters are not this shallow and cold hearted over one mistake.
But don't let this stop you from writing keep it up and keep improving.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
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This is Pre-Season 9.
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10745553
Thank you both for your feedback I will use those to edit this chapter. I know now that Twilight, the Mane 5, and Starlight coming out of nowhere seems out of place so I'll try to work it's way into the story a bit better.
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It overall looks better than it was before, and Spike trying to stand up for himself was good. I don't think he did it quite enough to spark Twilight to say, out of anger, that maybe she shouldn't have hatched his egg, since that's the same as her saying "Sometimes I wish you weren't born". Even out of anger, that's really harsh, giving all they had been through.
I know I didn't specifically point it out, but Spike trying to turn the tables and bring up mistakes Twilight made would have been a good option since she was scolding him so bad about times he messed up,. It seems like one of the more common pitfalls in Spike runs away stories is that writers tend to make Spike a tad too sympathetic (I.e. not trying to counter with times Twilight screwed up and instead looked a little too much like a victim) while at the same time the mane 6, especially Twilight, too often look a little too unsympathetic for one reason or another, which I think tend to make it feel forced, or more forced then it really might be. Plus, I think this is a type of story that's tougher to write than it might seem, thus those pitfalls are common. Kinda like how romance can be tougher to write than it might seem.
That said, I do think this is an improvement. I liked that the rest of the mane 6 did try to step in, and even Twilight doesn't feel quite as OOC this time which at least Spike tried to stand his ground this time, and she also showed regret right away, showing she knew she went way too far. I still feel more needed to happen and Spike should have said some stuff about Twilight, if she would need to say that maybe she shouldn't have hatched Spike (even out of anger), or she should have said something less harsh but still out of line. Still, it's an improvement, especially her reaction to her words, so good work there.
Poor Spike. Nice going, Twi.
Ok, I feel sorry for spike, but at the same time he needs to grow a back bone. If I was him I would have Pointed out all the times she’s not only been a terrible friend, but also sibling, student, and princess, and as soon as she says that she wish she never hatched me I would have just shot fire at her. As for the note, I wouldn’t even write one. And as for rainbow dash, if I had magic or any powers, best believe she’s not flying with the wonderbolts for a long time.