Little fanfic-making creature, trying to get better at it
Pinkie got a joke book from Twilight for her birthday, but she never read even a page of it. Twilight starts saying some of the setups for the jokes. Improv is the only solution.
Written for TwiPie Week 2023 Day 2 on Twitter. I chose the prompt 'Confession' today, but I interpreted a little different than the obvious.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, not a bad first attempt - I like a lot of the description and the viewpoints we get. It does feel like you could get a lot more out the concept - as it is, it goes for a little while, then the reveal happens and then the story just kind of stops - but I'd say it's a good start.
If I had to give one other criticism, though, I think the dialogue needs some improvement - the phrasing often came across as rather stilted. At times, it felt weirdly like the kind of like the blunt exposition you sometimes get in movies - not as bad as that can often get, but feeling more inexplicable since it's prose and you have the narrative voice for that. Not totally immersion-wrecking, but fairly noticeable.
Still, I do like how you portrayed them as a pairing - always nice to see who get different things from each other but still come across as a good balance.