Wreckage
Chapter 5 – Wreckage
Twilight...
Twilight...
Twilight!
“Ah!”
Twilight shot up from the table of the carriage she occupied alone. A small tear trickled down the side of her cheek before meeting an abrupt end on the surface of a slightly embarrassed and slightly shaking hoof.
Twilight calmed herself down and slouched back in the seats lining one of the walls. A small dripping alerted her to the shattered ceramic tea cup now covering multiple parts of the simple wooden table with her bag sitting quietly underneath in the centre of the plainly designed room. Her hooded cloak lay strewn next to her. Usually, Twilight shared these long journeys with her friends, and would be kept smiling and awake by the ever-entertaining Pinkie Pie, or by hearing stories of Rarity’s newest and best line of clothing that apparently Fluttershy would look absolutely darling in. Comments like that made Twilight a little jealous of the timid pegasus. She was undoubtedly the cutest thing ever when she blushed, but it wasn’t like she was even trying.
Twilight ran a hoof through her mane softly, thinking. I may not be as naturally pretty as her, but I take care of myself. She washed regularly and carefully brushed her mane to just the way she liked it; straight and simple. It wasn’t as soft and bouncy as Rarity’s, as colourful as Rainbow Dash’s or even voluminous as Pinkie Pie’s (which even looked good when she got it wet and it went uncharacteristically straight), but it felt nice, smelt of her favourite lavender shampoo and suited her perfectly. She was the Ponyville librarian and her mane was simple, organised impeccably and straight to the point.
Twilight sat up slightly in the seat to catch the reflection of her body in the small window. She admitted that she didn’t have defined muscle of Rainbow or Applejack; reading books over bucking trees or flying didn’t help. She admitted she didn’t have as many elegant curves as Rarity or Fluttershy’s long legs but she was by no means fat. Of course, the girls had complimented her on her simple beauty in the past. Rarity always offered to spruce her up a little so they could spend more time together. Sitting back and sighing however, Twilight couldn’t help but feel a little envious of the rest of the girls’ perfections. The only thing Twilight assumed she offered to the group was intellect. Oh, and every now and then her big... crown... thingy when they needed to save the world from certain destruction. Yea, there was that too.
She just assumed it was right of her to be a little jealous. None of them were as good as magic as she was (four of them by no fault of their own), but then again, nobody was. Unicorn magic anyway. Alicorns don’t count, though I could maybe give them a run for their bits. Twilight was Celestia’s personal student, but did that really matter if she was bound to spend the rest of her life alone because she wasn’t pretty, toned or even energetic and fun enough for any stallion? Without her friends here to distract her, her mind had wandered onto her future and doubts had sprung and dug in like weeds in her mind.
Without their friendship here to support her, her mind had tormented her in her dreams with Spike’s cries for help.
Unhooking the small window from its latch, Twilight surrounded the remains of the tea in the glow of her horn and into a liquid snake, letting it slither out of the window and disappearing out of sight as the train trudged along on the tracks. Using her magic like that was beautiful to Twilight, letting the liquid twist and slide through the air as if it was being guided by an invisible mould, again something she was quite proud of.
She could make it into any shape she wanted. In the past, she’d impressed Spike by forming a complete, smiling replica of him from a few buckets of water. Twilight had even added a water-moustache, much to the delight of the ever insistent young dragon. It was really impressive until Spike had run and clutched her tightly in a hug to show his appreciation. It also broke her concentration, leaving a very wet library floor for her number one assistant to wipe up.
Twilight was proficient in all trades of magic, theoretical and practical, and was well on her way to becoming a master at them too at such a young age. It would take other unicorns lifetimes to master the types of magic she could casually conjure up. Teleportation, for example, was as easy as expanding her mind and travelling along the magical connections that linked every place and every object together, magically breaking apart her body at a molecular level and reforming it instantaneously in a different location. Simple.
Outside, Twilight could see vast desert plains of dusty orange, red and yellow, with the occasional dot of green standing defiant against the scorching landscape and the potentially brutal waves of sunlight attacking from all around . These trees weren't giving up however. Generations of braving the intense heat of the desert sun has produced life perfectly adapted to surviving here, even in the most arid conditions. These trees stood as testament to the will and tenacity of life to grow and expand something that the first colonists of Appleloosa would have looked upon for inspiration when first they settled.
Far off in the distance, mountains of orange, battered and sculpted by the wind, watched the sun’s light stretch across endless seas of cracked ground, thirsting for water. And above, a cloudless sky gleaming bright blue cascaded just within reach of the peaks of the mountains. If you could flip the scene, a deep clear blue ocean would tuck itself away beyond the horizon beneath the sleepy orange hue of a rising dawn.
Twilight stole back her focus from the window and to the table. She brushed the scattered fragments of the destroyed tea cup into a not-so-neat pile at the centre of the table. She must have had another outburst of magic when she woke up; shattering the closest thing to her when she cried out.
It shouldn’t be long before the train reached Appleloosa, maybe an hour or so, Twilight mused. She wondered why none of the usually helpful ponies who inhabit this land had come to see what her outburst was about. She was certainly loud enough and the walls of the trains weren’t very thick. Definitely not thick enough to drown out the sounds of a snoring Rainbow Dash as Twilight had discovered on more than one occasion. Even without the scream, the shattered cup would have at least attracted a nosy mother or curious child wanting to see the crazy lady with a hood who couldn't hold a cup properly, something unicorn foals were taught to do at a very early age. As Princess Celestia’s protégé, Twilight was even a little better at just floating a cup than anypony else.
The train was, in fact, eerily quiet. A considerable difference considering the amount of ponies she’d seen getting on at the various stops to journey to Appleloosa. Twilight stood and moved to the sliding door of the carriage, edging it to one side and gingerly poking her head out into the corridor, first looking to her left.
“Hello?”
No response. Turning her head to the right, she tried calling again, louder.
“Helloooo?”
Her horn instinctively lit up and a small object was immediately halted just inches from her face, causing her to flinch. Focusing in on the object and moving it a little further out of her sight so she could see it better, it started to take the shape of a small dart. A dart she was pretty familiar already, except this one had a dark green liquid sloshing around in the tube at its back.
Twilight’s eyes quickly shot up to scan the rest of the supposedly deserted corridor. At the far end stood a unicorn, garbed in the black hooded robe and levitating at least five more of the darts.
Oh, great.
Noise to her left brought to view an earth pony, heavily clad in a padded black robe. Between his teeth sat the hilt of a slightly curved dagger. It wasn’t extravagantly artistic. It didn’t have an intricate design flowing from the tip, twisting and turning down the gleaming blade, but it looked pretty sharp, if a bit dirty.
Breaking eye contact with the earth pony and jumping backwards into the carriage, Twilight slammed shut the sliding door, holding it tightly in place with her magic. A green stallions muzzle with a stepped up to the glass on the door. His breath steamed up little pane before he gently wiped it away with a hoof. The momentary quiet was broken by the door shaking violently as he tried to overpower Twilight’s magical grasp on the door. Twilight studied his face. Deep hazel eyes gazed past her towards the window and a small smile crept between his lips as the pretty pointy looking dagger was held steady between his teeth.
His grin brought chilling streaks racing down Twilight’s spine. Cautiously, she turned towards the still open window. Outside, pumping her wings to keep up with the train was a teal pegasus mare, also garbed in the telltale black robes and grasping the same sharp blade as the earth pony in her mouth. Her wings turned as she banked towards the window, drawing enough speed to break the glass. At the door, the green earth pony had taken to the idea of his feathered counterpart and took to bashing the hilt of the dagger through the glass of the sliding door.
Ohhhhh buck...
With the pegasus closing in from the outside and the earth pony at the door, Twilight’s chances of survival were narrowing quickly. Twilight panicked. The train rocked violently as the sliding door was ripped off of its hinges and flung towards the window, bathed in a purple glow. The weightless door smashed its way through the wood and glass interior, showering the encroaching pegasus outside with shards of glass and splinters of broken wood. Immediately the mare regretted getting so close. Dropping the dagger and turning her head away to try and shield herself with her wing, the mare screamed out in pain as the shards of glass ripped through the sensitive flesh on her wing like sword slicing through fruit.
The mare tumbled down and onto the unforgiving ground, colliding harshly with the parched ground and kicking up blood stained dust. The rest of the debris from the wall tumbled away into the landscape, leaving one side of seating and a table sitting unaffected; ceramic shards still in a cluttered pile.
Twilight turned her head slowly to face the earth pony that was on the other side of the door. With the dagger still clutched between his teeth, the stallion stood with his eyes wide, staring confused and bewildered at Twilight, who stared back, shocked at her own strength.
The moment didn’t last and the earth pony reacted first. Suddenly lunging towards Twilight, he slammed her backwards onto the remaining seats, pinning her down with his hooves and bringing the dagger to her face. Twilight’s horn glowed fiercely as she fought back against the stallion’s brute force, kicking her legs uselessly against his.
“Help! Somebody, please!” Twilight screamed as her power started to fade beneath his strength and determination. She couldn’t let this happen, not now. Spike was still counting on her to come and get her! She didn’t know if he knew that the letter he received was from her, but he had to know that she wouldn’t abandon him. She wouldn’t! She won’t.
“No...”
ooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo
Green Leaf inched his curved dagger down towards the unicorns face.
He’d passed by the carriage before, making sure she hadn't jumped without the knowledge of Splitstream, who was probably preening her feathers atop the train. Green Leaf couldn't risk trying to attack her until Whistler had finished putting the new toxin in the darts, in case she woke up.
He admired this mare a little. He’d heard the story about how she’d fought off the first group to bring her dragon in for Roulette and didn’t really know any of the ponies who’d fell to her. However, watching her snooze gently on the table, snoring quietly away, he couldn’t imagine her being able to lift a few heavy books, never mind being able to throw a pony across a clearing and kill him on impact.
This was going to be easy, there’s no way this mare could fight the 5 of them off in these confined spaces. He’d bring back the proof of her death, get his pay and have enough money to feed his wife and beautiful newborn foal for years to come without the need to do any more work. His son would have the best start in life he could give him in the small town of Ironside Hills. Maybe he could put some of the money aside, save for him to go to on to a bigger, better school in the city when he was old enough.
Green Leaf smiled to himself. He could treat his wife, buy her something nice. Ask Waterstone to watch the baby for a day or two whilst they head to the best restaurant in the nearest city. Make a weekend of it.
Yea, she’d like that. Maybe she might do that thing for me again with her-
He could feel her kick uselessly against his back legs, hoping to land a lucky blow that might give her some more breathing room. He glared down at her face and felt a little bit bad about having to slice it up, she was really pretty. He pushed down harder, battering away at her efforts to delay her death. She must have been really scared, because she started shaking.
She turned to look him right in the eyes, right before he took her life.
“No...”
ooooOOOOooooOOOOoooo
“No!”
Twilight’s eyes suddenly burst into white hot balls of flame, as if staring at them for too long would simply set your own alight. Above her, the stallion’s eyes widened in shock and fear. The dagger started to push back into his mouth, lifting him away from the glaring mare with the burning eyes.
“Get off of me!”
Twilight’s voice twisted once more, assaulting her assailants’ ears as four forces screamed in unison. Her horn glowed brighter as she pushed back at the stallion, his eyes growing wider as he was pushed away violently.
The shattered remains of the tea cup began to shake violently as they were lifted from their broken pile, turning slowly to face the green stallion. Suddenly, breaking her previous outburst, Twilight began to giggle. It was a little disturbing to her four different voices all giggling childishly and coming from the same unicorn who simply lay back on the seat in the ruined carriage cart. In the centre of the room, the ceramic shards of the teacup floated, shaking in a purple glow and pointed at the earth pony. The stallion backed away slowly out of the hole where the door had once stood.
Twilight stopped abruptly, snapping her attention to him as he quivered and continued trying to back off into the corridor. His legs weren’t responding. Twilight was smiling.
A small gust of wind swept across the corridor accompanied by a hiss of air and a flash of violet light. Twilight disappeared.
Another small gust of air beside the stallion caused him to tremble. The giggling returned. He didn’t dare turn his head. He could feel the heat radiating off of Twilight.
“Hehehe...”
Twilight’s breath whispered on his ear, making it twitch in reflex. “You should have run.”
The glowing shards whizzed at the stallion from the centre of the room, fast enough to carve the air in two. A small, pitiful moan escaped his lips as the ceramic bullets ripped past his neck, slicing it open and leaving a glistening trail of blood dripping from the wound. He choked for breath, sputtering more of the sickly red fluid from his mouth before dropping to his knees and suffocating on the rocking floor of the trains’ corridor.
Twilight looked up ahead to the two other unicorns to the right before glancing back over her shoulder at the unicorn left down the corridor.
“You know, this won’t end as badly if you just tell me where you’re keeping him.”
Several more darts launched down the confined space from in front and behind her. Twilight’s horn glowed a little and the darts disintegrated in mid air as they hit her hastily erected shield, fizzing and breaking apart as remnants of the toxic darts pushed gently past the barrier before disappearing from existence, leaving nought but ashes that glided away off towards the hole in the side of the train.
Twilight let loose an uncharacteristically primal scream, encasing the dead stallion’s body in her purple aura and flinging it down corridor at the two unicorns. Their horns were powerless to stop such force and the body sent them sprawling to the floor. Behind her, the unicorn mares horn glowed bright orange as a twisting ball of flame ignited atop her horn. The flaming ball was let loose, burning a trail down the corridor towards her.
Twilight had read all about combat magic. Conjuring electricity and flames to fight off dangerous creatures was all well and good, but it was never something she needed to practice in her town. Yes, occasionally a creature would go rampaging through the town from the Everfree Forest like a cranky baby ursa, stray timberwolf or sometimes even small hydra who were looking for an easy meal, but Twilight’s telekinesis and Pinkie’s conveniently placed secret stashes were usually enough to chase them off. Twilight wasn’t even sure how Pinkie could fit a firework rocket that big inside a mailbox.
The answer was usually as simple as it’s just Pinkie Pie being... Well, Pinkie Pie.
The fireball streaked towards Twilight before dying helplessly against her shield. She’d never tried to cast a fireball before. Maybe now was a great time to try. The unicorn’s grin dropped slowly into shock as the realised her fireball had no effect whatsoever.
A searing orange and yellow mass ignited to life above Twilight’s horn, growing bigger and brighter before a miniature sun sat atop her forehead, licking flames across the walls of the corridor and leaving scorch marks.
“Try catching this!” Twilight screamed at the mare before unleashing the writhing flame off down the corridor. The mares’ horn glowered uselessly as the colossal fireball torn through her weak telekinetic grasp and smashed into her face. She was sent flying, flailing, screaming and burning through the end wall of the corridor, bursting through the wall and again scattering train debris across the dusty plains of the desert outside. Her screams faded into nothing as the sound of the train bouncing over the tracks drowned her out.
Smirking, Twilight turned around to face the two other unicorns; a mare and stallion. She quickly dived to the floor as the dagger from the earth pony, wrapped in a white glow, was hurled at her head, missing by an inch and lodging itself. The two unicorns had recovered from being buried beneath their dead friend’s body and were inching away down the corridor, attempting to keep Twilight suppressed by hurling whatever object they could find littered on the floor.
Twilight snarled and reached out with her telekinesis, grabbing the stallion and launching him upwards into the ceiling of the corridor, pinning his limbs against the cold metal surface. Her horn flared once more as he came crashing down to the floor again with bone-crunching force. An audible snap caused the other mare to flinch before she tried to turn and run, realising she was hopelessly outmatched.
“Ahhh-ah!” the mare gasped as she was lifted slowly from the floor surrounded by the violet glow of Twilight’s horn. Her legs flailed in the air as she tried to break the hold pulling her back up the corridor. Twilight twisted her around in midair to face her. Her eyes kindled a barely held rage.
“I like your mane, it really suits you.”
The unicorn mare’s mouth hung open in amazement. “W-what?”
“Your mane. It suits you really well, brings out the pink in your eyes,” Twilight replied calmly, admiring the way the unicorn mare’s rose-coloured mane curled down on both sides, twisting and flipping outwards in one and draping over the back of her shoulder on the other. Twilight was still holding the mare aloft.
“Thanks?” the mare managed to gasp out in shock before blinking and shaking her head. “You’re crazy!”
“I’m crazy? I’m not the one who tried to attack a mare that’s the princess’s personal student, Element of Magic and really, really ticked off due to a recent kidnapping of a baby dragon. No,-” Twilight placed a hoof on the mares nose, “-you’re the crazy one.” Twilight laughed as she span the mare upside down in her aura before levelling her again. “And on a train too?” Twilight shook her head gently. “You didn’t really have anywhere to run to. You didn’t think this through at all.”
The mare didn’t answer at this. Instead, she turned her gaze away from Twilight’s searing white eyes, ignoring her and mumbling under her breath. “Go buck yourself.”
Twilight’s voice lowered and returned to her usual tone, but her eyes still burned as she stared down the unicorn mare with the pretty mane. “Where is my dragon?”
The mare turned and snorted a laugh. “I said go buck yourself, I’m not giving you anything.”
Twilight sighed; she was hoping the mare would be a little bit more compliant, seeing as how quickly she’d literally burned through her friends. She didn’t have time for this, and this mare obviously wasn’t going to be of much use. She already knew where to start looking and when she got there, anyone else who stood in her way would meet the same end as the broken bodies lying strewn down the corridor. They started it.
“That’s a shame. I already know where to look. I just wanted to know how much you valued your life.” Twilight shook her head again, closing her eyes. “Obviously less than however much you’re being paid.” Her horn began to flare slightly.
“No, wait! Don-”
Her neck snapped backwards. With a dismissive shrug, Twilight let her body drop uselessly to the floor.
Twilight shivered as the clenched her eyes shut, bringing a forehoof to the side of her head. Her eyes simmered out and returned to the beautiful natural violet. She simply stood and stared at the scene in front of her for a minute or so, not being able to fully understand it.
Levitating her hooded cloak over her back and snapping her saddle bags into place, Twilight sighed and pulled the hood up over her ears, blanketing her face in a mysterious shadow. She stepped over the bodies and debris as she headed for the exit, floating up the remaining shards of the ceramic teacup and placing them in a bin next to the door as the train pulled into the station.
Bewildered ponies gasped, mouths agape as the train rolled into its dock with a huge hole decorating the side. The back of the train looked like it had simply exploded. There had to be debris littering the tracks that some poor pony would have the clear up. Ponies poured off the far front end of the train, obviously eager to find out why they’d be forced to relocate their families by a few hooded ponies threatening to kill them if they didn’t move.
Stepping out onto the platform and staring back, they all wore the same expression as those who stood and watched as the train rolled in.
A single hooded figure carrying a saddle bag hopped of behind the families with her head down. Everypony was too shocked to notice as she slipped away into the centre of town, leaving the wreckage of her journey behind her. She didn’t plan to stay long, but she would leave when the next train came in the morning. For now, she trotted towards the centre of town to look for a place to spend the night.
Her stomach rumbling loudly in protest at the lack of food it had received as she trotted along.
Somewhere to eat and sleep would be nice. Maybe they make the same kind of tea?
The calm demeanor she walked from the station with didn’t reflect the ache in her chest as Twilight fought to hold back tears.
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twilight=5
kidnappers= -5
fighting a pissed off twilight counts as a suicide
great chapter!
it's usually "practical", as in 'bringing theory into practice'.
on teleportation: i always assume that she does the "worm-hole" trick, tying together two point in space and just "stepping through. disassembling and reassembling yourself seems a little redundant, you have too move yourself either way.
wow, she's really, really, pissed off, i kept expecting her to go "what have i done..." or something like that once her eyes stopped glowing, but it seems like she was more 'at home' than i thought.
there are a few small grammatical errors, very small, like:
mares' is basically mares's, meaning possessive plural. im guessing you misplaced that apostrophe. (i just happened to remember that one)
Noticed a typo:
>“You’re mane. It suits you really well, brings out the pink in your eyes.”
Should be 'your'
Hoolyyyyyyyy......who would have thought Twilight's deranged side would ever come in handy?
Seriously, Super-Powered Evil Side kicking flank? Awesome.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
yea they have no chance of winning when twilight is pissed off, where was luna?
could use a bit more gore
go into detail
''a cut''
or
a gaping gap
losing blood
or
oozing blood
snapping her neck?
to clean
cut her vocal courts
and use a levitation spell on her, and hang her above the train tracks
and lower her inch for inch
using the track as a grater to give her hooves a pedicure
use your telekinetic to twist her legs till all the bones in it are shatter
gut her open and and break her ribs one by one
scrape her lungs with shrapnel and let her slowly drown in her own blood
let her blood rush to a body part until it explode of a high blood pressure
whisper in to her ears the mane thing and stand directly on her exposed hearth adding pressure
see how slowly the light leaves her eyes and than smash your hooves on her chest and finish it with a fountain of crimson rain
just some ideas
Another excellent chapter.
Can't wait to find out why they kidnapped spike and why they think they can win against best pony. 
Sheeeeeeeet! No mercy for the assassins!
Also: "Noise to her left brought to view an earth pony, heavily glad in a padded black robe." should be: "glad" --> "clad"
1977211 Thanks for the feedback!
As for the teleportation and the lack of feels after the wreckage:
I guess a wormhole would make more sense, gives a way for her to actually move. 
I've changed the words you pointed out
I liked the idea at the time, thought it sounded good
Lack of feels? I'm gonna hit on that in the next chapter, you can't just annihilate parts of a train and 5 ponies without feeling a little. I do most of my thinking in bed
1977400 Thanks for telling me
)
1977521 Being sneaky... (I'll wear this moustache...
1977611 I um... Wow. I might PM you next time I write some fight scenes (pretty soon) but I don't want her to be completely merciless
1978280 1978364 Thanks guys!
1979600
sure i'll be glad to help u out!
sent me the pieces you would like to see some insane gore and i'll tell you what could be done for it
i really enjoy this story becauss of it's gore
the all loving twilight get's lame on a long period of time
I don't mind dark, but as a counter note I'll likely walk away if this starts adding gore for gore's sake. I found this level of violence from Twilight shocking enough to be interesting, and the mere fact that she killed beyond immediate self defense is a big deal for the character.
1984108 Yea I know what you mean, I'm not going to make it full of gore, I don't really like writing it.
On the other hand, I could use a little bit of help just filling in some of the details of when I do need a little more... 'Graphic', instead of, we'll, y'know.
"Twilight got angry and he died."
1990444 "Twilight got angry and he died."
Nice work!
1993404 The height of my writing, I regret not sneaking that in somewhere
And thank you! Appreciate it :)
Burn, baby. BURN!
If you don't say what Twilight want, you die! *snaped bone*
Twilight is angry, what made they kind tea?
I know that some are cautioning against too much gore (while others are arguing for more), but honestly, write at the level you are comfortable with. Let it flow, I've seen great battle scenes with almost no mention of blood, and I've seen great ones with people being reduced to multiple blood-spewing pieces or left as something that would have to be cleaned up with a mop
. Some people might dislike it one way or another, but it's really only going to hurt your writing if you go against your own natural flow to appease desires for more or less gore. Suggestions on mechanics, flow, and mood are all well and good, but the style inherent is unique to you. Just imagine, say, R.A. Salvatore trying to write like Terry Brooks. It would be horrible, because both authors, while in the same overall genre, have different flow, different presentation, prose, thematics, etc. etc. that are their own style.
As for me? I just love Twilight being badass, and of course the eventual need to come to terms with what she's done. Either way's fine with me. Good story so far, looking forward to more, although I do wonder about something. Who the hell are these ponies to learn who they're dealing with and still send assassins after her? More importantly, how do they fit through doorways with such massive balls?!
I'll say I'm surprised her capslock-rage-mode didn't include her Rapidash form...
2051615 Ohai
I know what you mean, and i'm taking that into account writing this new chapter out. I enjoyed every story I've read so far with Twilight getting her own back * BAD ASS APPROACHING*, but I don't want to make her seem completely merciless. There are consequences to her outbursts. Consequences to others and to herself. That's where I'd like to go with it, but I wouldn't mind tips on how her outbursts could be spiced up a little. I'm always looking for ways to improve. Thanks for reading this far too
2062194 Just throwing her physics at the wall to see what sticks here. Combustible lemons and the like.
2063201
Well, of course actions should have consequences. I don't know, some self-reflection on whether the potential for cruelty was always a part of Twi or not would be nice, if you're looking for suggestions. I mean, she examines everything, and the conundrum of how she missed becoming like she has is an interesting one. Point of divergence, gradual morality shift vs. events causing a sudden system shock, etc. etc.
Hope that's a little more helpful.
Heh liking this story so far.
I am also wondering when Twilight goes Rapidash mode. I guess that will happen somewhere near the ending or perhaps when she's really threathened.
With the white eyes she is still able to maintain her conscious. Naruto 3 tails
Perhaps with the Fire form she loses all sense of focus and just goes into a rage like status. Naruto 4 tails (at this stage he lost rational thought.
Oh my Luna, this Twilight is so HOT!
All-powerful and still caring, I LOVE IT!
2218846 Haha, thanks man.
I know it's been a while, but I'll try and get the new chapter out soon. Got school and work stuff to do, trying to get into university
Awesome story! Can't wait for what's next!
you haven't forgotten about us, have you?
2331950
Truly, I haven't.
I'm really trying to focus on getting into university, but this is here and I want to finish it too.
I also need someone to edit stuff for me, to edit out all the grammatical kinks. If I could get this on EqD, then I'd definitely try and get chapters out a lot more often
But I had 1 strike already because of grammar errors...
2385749
.
focus on getting into that university, no sense in forcing something out while you have other things on your mind. no need to worry about our patience either, i just remembered that the story hadn't updated in a while and i didn't remember the reason, so i kinda threw you a small poke
and truly, if i could proofread for general grammatical errors as well as simply helping people improve their stories, then i would, but im way too lousy with responsibility and devoting time to something like that...
2385749 I really like your story, but I would suggest prioritizing your personal life over this. There are ongoing stories that have multiple-month gaps between chapters so there's no hurry. I think everyone would have a good polished story instead of a rushed one.
2386674
Oh and consider that one of your last warnings
that moment where everyone is staring at you thinking wtf is he talking about
2392929
2392929>>2394552
I don't get it.
2407024
2407489
2407523
2407024
2407547>>2411751
2412463
2412463
2412497>>2412517
Now I'm very confused. I just came on here to read pony.
Now you two are making me worry about things I don't yet understand.
Please, enlighten me?
2412540
seriously, it's nothing, no need to worry.
2412547
If you say so...
2412552
We would have to kill you if we told you
or bake you and all the other poor souls we told into a giant cake
does anybody know where i can find a story on 4 tails naruto
What happened to my comment?
2643767
Did you comment on the announcement page? I deleted that, so it may have deleted your comment too.
2643936 I am curious, what was announced? Is it a secret?
2643936 Nah, I posted here 20 minutes before that comment and you replied according to my Inbox. But when I follow the link in my inbox it doesn't show the comments you or I made. The announcement in my inbox is also refusing to go away no matter how often I click it...
Probably a site bug.
Four voices didn't it use to be two? Or maybe three?
Therory time....
1. Every pony twilight kills she takes their souls and gains power from it, with the side effect of their personalities blending with hers when she enters, for lack of a better word "god mode" this could explain why she is not suffering from some form of magical exhaustion as celestia seemed to think would happen.
2. She is slowly being possessed by the same type of "daemon" that had luna in its thrall, the more twilight enters "god mode" the closer it gets to possessing to her and the more voices twilight speaks with until she speaks as if a "chorus of ethereal voices" were screaming in agony? Anger? Hatred? Something like that .
Oh and if you still need a pre-reader I would be more that happy to do it for you.
2644115 I made a page saying that I was going to go back and change a lot of the story, make it more serious and give it a little progression instead of Twilight getting suddenly getting angry.
Then this got featured(?) so I removed it
2646589 If you could that would be great! I'll PM you
2646614 PM away!!