Twilight has never truly discovered the extent of just how powerful she is as the Element of Magic. Her lessons of friendship were the guidelines she set her life on; to help and understand those around her.
So what happens when someone she holds closer to her heart than anything else is ripped from her without mercy? Can she abide to the lessons she has learnt in the past? Or would she go to any lengths to see that someone safe, if she believed she was their only chance for salvation?
Chapters (7)
You never see really obvious stuff until you've submitted.
I'd definitely like to see where this goes.
Feature box material
This story is bucken great! The charracers are in charracter, the enviroment sounds believable and everything felt just as spooky as it needs to be.
The only thing i would appreciate were if you used a bit more "describe" and a bit less "tell".
EG:
tell: Frightened she turned arround and saw nothing but a pair of evil red eyes.
describe: Chills of fear ran down her spine and out to her hooves as she turned arround on trembling leggs facing nothing but the black void of the night only broken by the crimson glow of two eyes that could have belonged to the lord of tartarus himself.
Do you se the diference? It suddnely got a lot more exciting, don't you agree?
setting this to "read later" to make sure that i will find it again later.
I am hereby having the honour of giving you 5 of 6 Spikes.
Looking forward to this story
1417616 I face palmed so many times...
1417656 That does sound better
I'll be sure to try and up the description in the next one, thanks for the feedback
1417708
Don't worry. it is far from bad what you got. It was just ment as a tip to get it EVEN better
Good read. There are a few problems with capitalization here and there and at the end it should be His scales were not we're but a good story and I'm interested in where it could go.
1417736 Aye aye, sir!
1417737 I fixed the 'were'
Can you give me an example of the capitalisation errors? I wanna make this as good as I can make it
1417752
Dragon is capitalized a few times near the end when it doesn't need to be. And I'm glad I could help.
1417843 Done! Thank you
this is really good i look forward to reading more... those ponies are going to pay for taking spike, at least he can probably still send letters
1417993 Oh they will pay...
And then Twilight destroys Las Pegasus, looking for Spike. Once she wakes up, of course
I'm looking forward to seeing where this'll go. Have a fav and an upvote!
New chaptaaaar.
Feedback, please?
okay great chapter but you have it down twice on the same page, awesome badass twilight; although disobaying the princess might be a little much. but i guess there is no stopping a mothers love
i got some deja vu halfway through the chapter...reminded me of the first half.
I've been enjoying this pretty well, I got kindof confused when the story was posted twice, but realized it was an error and ignored it. Personally I would have preferred Twilight disobey the princess as she is, I think it makes things more interesting. Can't wait for the next chapter I'll be following this one.
I hope you fix that double chapter post. Confused the hell out of me at first
Yea... Sorry about the repeat at the end. All fixed now
Man i can't wait to see where this is going and man is this interesting
New one up :)
This one isn't double posted, I checked :)
I think Twilight's going to have a field day with these guys. Great chapter, though there's some minor errors here and there.
"I've dispatched some of my. Best guard to scour the area they were attacked this one stood out the most. Other than that, I have nothing else to say. Maybe I could mention that I really liked this chapter again
Even if it's not the best of circumstances, Spike still made a friend and isn't alone in his plight.
1434626
Thanks for telling me, should be fixed now
ooh i like this chapter... roulette seriously does not know the kind of shit he just stepped into I mean twilight is one of the most if not the most powerful unicorn in equestria and she will be having her back watched by the princess of the night... he is so screwed
I'm definitely enjoying this story and adding it to my regular reading list, so great start!
I would think that there would be some way to track where Spike is through letters sent by the Princess... Admittedly, it's magic and who knows how it works, so maybe not. At the very least, I would think she'd try sending him something to see if he responds... Even if he can't write with ink he could mark what she sent and send it back, assuming the messages can get through to where he is.
I'm looking forward to seeing how far Twilight will go to get Spike back, and seeing an exploration of their relationship in the process.
And Spike get's a new love interest.
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Roulette will pay for this
Sorry about the long wait guys, I've kinda been swamped with school work
I'll be adding a new chapter as soon as I get some free time to write it from my plans
One does not get free time out of nothing. You must take it! And bend it to your own will.
Anyway, please continue :) It's a nice story.
rullet you should have killed twilight when you had the chance. now you're going to die very slow and excruciatingly in pain. now to wait on twi to arrive and slaughter everyone. and your death will be even more painful if you kill spike.
good day
Damn, this is a great story. I can't wait for the next update!
I can just envision Spike breathing out a scroll with the following text on it.
Yeah - i don't see any way this is going to end profitably or well for Mr Roulette.
(Thumbed and faved)
1646957 A little bit of 'Taken' in there?
I had something similar planned, again something that might tick off Roulette but that sounds really good!
1647028
Of course.
It really does do the the best job capturing the wrath Roulette is about to receive.... :D
Well, They're Dead.
love the letter, made me think of the movie taken
, i'm happy that she will have some backup in the form of the princess of the night. i cant wait to see what you have for us next, keep up the good work
1670915 agreed badass twilight being badass best to stay out of her way
as i said before slaughter isn't even the half of it. cheers
cant wait for roulett to get whats comin
There is an element of laughter in this, as you can't spell slaughter without it.
1671057 Ah, but how will Twilight feel about Luna spying on her? Especially after she tried hard to keep all of this from her friends?
1672049>>1671614 Slaughter may be too harsh of a word...
Or yanno, maybe it's exactly the word
1673488 I think it really depends on when and how the princess decides to intervene, because yea she didn't want her friends to come because she didn't want them to see what she was willing to do, as well as not wanting to accidently hurt them, but luna has probably seen that kind of thing before being from a time 1000 years prior and she wouldn't be so easily harmed
1674050 We'll see... Celestia was pretty scared by Twilight's outburst, that may give Luna some reason for concern
well, so far this is certainly an interesting story.
while the bad guys will probably get slaughtered once twi gets her hooves on them; they now know she's coming and who she is, they could either just prepare themselves, and as there has to be some kind of anti-magic "technology", that might spell trouble. im assuming there's anti-magic technology since any combat might involve magic to a very heavy degree, and finding counter-measures for your enemies strengths is one of the most basic types of warfare. although, this is twi we're talking about, the assumed counter-measures might not work very well against her, for the same reason you can't have it work against the princesses.
they could also simply cut their losses and go underground. taking a lot of the kids (and spike?) with them to use for some kind of profit.
i would like to advice you to add this to the appropriate groups as well, that would help immensely with spreading it
.
looking forward to more.
I'm sensing a Taken reference with that letter:
1753945
I've got a few things in mind before Twi actually gets to saving Spike, it'd be a little anti climactic to just have her turn up, slaughter everypony and then go home, cool as it would be
Though the idea of Roulette having some new toys to combat Twilight's pure primal might is cool but I definitely won't steal that idea (I'm kidding, i'm totally considering taking that)
I keep reading stories by other really talented authors on this site and I'm constantly in awe at the amount of quality that goes into their writing. Then I hold them up to this and I get a little sad
1754192
I actually haven't seen it
1758600 You should it's a great movie.
more gore pls?
it would be awesome to see some organs being ripped out bones turned to dust, embodied implosions, eyes ripped from the owner, skinned alive, just some ideas hehehe...
Update soon?
Not really sure how to reply on this new layout...
I'll try to, but I'm getting kinda swamped with work now. I'm in the UK and I have exams coming up in January, but I really want to continue with this too...
Damn.